Friday, 19 June 2015

loving where I am - there's no looking back

"Some people want to see you on the top of the mountain and some people want you to keep them company down in the valley."

I noticed a strange phenomenon when I left my old job......nobody asked me why I wanted to leave and some even told me they envied me having the courage to let it go and move on. They wished they were brave enough to pull the pin and leave too. The strange part is that these people are now loud in their silence.

I emailed the workmate who was my manager (and who arranged my send-off lunch and rapid departure) to let her know that I had a job interview. She was my first referee and had previously offered her contact details for my resume. I got a brief return reply a day or so later telling me there'd been some bickering at work, and I that was lucky to get an interview these days. No good wishes, no hail-good-fellow, no "sending positive vibes your way"...... nothing.

I let her know that I'd been successful and was really pleased to have found a new job. I'm still waiting for a reply......three days later! What happened to congratulations! Well done! So happy for you! and all the other responses I've heard from friends and family?

Another workmate - the one caught up in the bicker-fest that had been mentioned - replied to my email with "I hope they appreciate you" and that was it. I tried phoning her to see if she was okay and got an answering machine and no return call. There is just a deathly pall of silence. Perhaps she feels like I deserted her and there's no point discussing it with me but it's still a strange feeling.

I can't believe that I spent 8+ years of my life with these people and it's like I never existed! I am now even more certain that leaving that workplace behind was a good decision. Toxic work environments breed toxic work relationships and I feel sorry for these two women trapped in jobs they choose not to leave due to their fear of the unknown. It still speaks strongly though of the need to take responsibility for your decisions. And not to begrudge others their happiness because you are mired in a misery of your own making. So my new slogan is going to be "no looking back and no regrets!"

#midlifeblog cresting the hill

22 comments:

  1. my mantra as of late has been: THE WINDSHIELD IS HUGE AND THE REARVIEW MIRROR SMALL FOR A **REASON**
    it has helped me tremendously.

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    1. I love that mantra Carla - I might add it to my list of favourites! :)

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  2. I also left a toxic workplace years ago. I love your last image of the woman on the hillside--free! Good post.
    Carol
    www.carolcassara.com

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    1. thanks Carol - I don't think you realize how toxic something is until you get away from it and breathe some fresh air again!

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  3. I love that quote, it is new to me. I had a better experience with former colleagues when I left my job, but some family and friends have been conspicuously absent. Things look so much better for me and I am happy with my decision and I am not looking back. I had a little sign made for my new home office: Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way

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    1. lovely idea about the sign (I liked Carla's quote about the windscreen too) and I love feeling positive about changing jobs rather than wishing I'd stayed put - so glad it worked out for you too

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  4. I know I've said this before, but: My Husby always says that leaving a job is like pulling your arm out of water. There is no lasting mark. Sounds like it was a very good decision to leave!
    And I believe very strongly in compliments and giving earned praise. I've even been known to thank McDonald's managers for a great salad (with hilarious results!)
    Keep blogging, Leanne. Your story inspires the rest of us! :)

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    1. Thanks Diane - I love your blog too and your husband's comment - it's good to put positive vibes out there - better a hilarious result than a sour faced one!

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  5. Often it is jealousy of a sort. You got out. You are free. They are still trapped, still miserable, and most likely missing you!

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    1. That's a lovely way to put it Haralee - I am so glad to be free of all the drama and the thought of being trapped there still gives me the shudders - I feel sorry for them and glad I'm out of it :)

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  6. Hi Leanne! Yes, isn't it funny how so many people have no difficulty commiserating with you but when it comes time to celebrate and congratulate they just don't know how to do it? I'm not sure if it is a thing about workmates or not (I've been self employed so long I can't remember!) but I do see it fairly often even in the writing community that people find it easy to pull together around drama than to celebrate the light. It sounds like you are so much better off discovering who your real friends and supporters are in such a "graphic" way. And as Helen Keller says, "Keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows." ~Kathy

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    1. I love your positive take on life Kathy! I so agree that we are good at commiserating and poor at celebrating - I'm using it as a reminder to be happy for others and tell them more. It costs nothing to share in other people's happiness.

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  7. Yeah Leanne, that is an awesome experience that has broadened your horizons. Keep looking forward. Thanks for letting us at Fridays #BlogBoosterParty that you are doing great and sharing a brave lesson.
    Kathleen

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    1. Thanks Kathleen & I'm still loving the Booster Parties and doing my bit to share the love :)

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  8. All I can say is I love reading about your journey because I've left similar unsatisfactory work places in the past, and the experience does leave you with emotions you never expected! You're doing so great xx

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    1. Thanks so much - I really feel like I'm gaining some self worth with all that has happened. I'm not the strongest person self-esteem wise but midlife seems to be my watershed and that's an unexpected bonus :)

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  9. Good for you for putting such a toxic place behind you! It's amazing how you can work with people for so long and you realize how little they actually meant to you!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Rosemond - I am surprised too at how work life can gradually deteriorate and you don't realize until you put it behind you and realize how awful it was.

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  10. It's great to get away from toxic work environments - seems to be far too many stories like this these days. Been there done, that and escaped, just like you. Well done. Thanks for sharing. #MidLifeLuv Linky Party

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement Gilson - it's always good to hear from others who have survived the journey!

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  11. I have seen that happen before when you are out of the day to day how quickly you are forgotten. It's rude that they are not supportive of you but you know that now so I say cut your losses move on and don't look back! Apparently they weren't that good of friends to begin with!

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  12. Hi Rena - yes, they were workmates and not 'friends' as such and I think they are just mired in the same old stuff - I haven't had a single regret about being brave and leaving!

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