Wednesday, 1 July 2015

beginnings are always the hardest

don't give up, the beginning is often the hardest

I'm a couple of weeks into my new job and being a perfectionist (and a wee bit OCD) I'm struggling with the fact that I still have a long way to go before I truly get my head around all there is to learn.


One of the women who works for another specialist at the hospital told me that wearing "L" plates is the hardest part of a job. Learning all the new stuff and trying to remember it all and not messing too much up in the process is the biggest challenge in a new job. She told me give it six months and I'd be fine. All I heard was SIX MONTHS!! I thought it would take me six weeks to be an expert! Seeing in total I've been there for six days and I'm expecting wonderful outcomes, maybe (just maybe?) I'm being a tad hard on myself.

Self talk is a strange phenomenon - I know I'm doing well, I know that I'm catching on fairly quickly and the few mistakes I've made are to be expected, but that little perfectionist voice in the back of my head harps on about not being good enough. I am getting sick and tired of being my own worst critic. Who made me judge, jury and executioner of my own self esteem? Why do I feel the need to point out all my faults to myself without giving the same amount of time to the positives? From now on I am going to make it my goal to shut that little voice up and replace it with something more positive - or at least ignore it and not give it the power that I have been over the years.

I loved the quote above - of course the beginning is the hardest! I wouldn't expect someone to walk into a brand new job and know it all, so why would I expect it of myself? I wouldn't expect someone to be perfect at everything and remember everything and not make any mistakes, so why don't I allow that in myself? I think it's time that I stepped up to the challenge of being kinder to myself and a little gentler with my soul. Beating myself up over things achieves nothing and only makes me want to give up - and that would be a big mistake. 

#midlifeblog cresting the hill

Future Me with thank Present Me for putting in the effort and cutting myself some slack. One day Future Me will be sitting in a job that is comfortable and straightforward and pretty easy and will be really glad that Present Me did not talk myself into throwing in the towel because of the little voice rabbiting on in my head.

So note to self: be kind and be gentle - to everyone you meet - including yourself!


16 comments:

  1. I am struggling with the change of schedule. To lead the same life for years and then shake up the times to do thinks like work out and laundry has been a challenge. I hope to have the struggles of a new full time job like you soon...but I know perseverance will see you through.

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    1. I am so impressed with all you are managing at the time being Pam - you are still tackling a new job plus a popular blog + all the rest. My job is only a few days a week and I am still drowning half the time!

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  2. I hear you! Time is sometimes not in sync with the brain and desires and goals.

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    1. Exactly Haralee! I expect to be an expert overnight and my brain is not getting with the program!

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  3. I'm glad you are giving yourself a break! It sounds like you are doing terrific let that be enough for a while! We all need to take your advice!

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    1. I know Rena - I'm off to work again today and I am going to be chanting "be gentle" to myself all day!

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  4. Congratulations Leanne on making it through your first six weeks with only a few minor mishaps. And I always say, there are NO mistakes as long as you've learned what you needed to along the way. Being gentle with yourself and not letting your perfectionist self drive you is GREAT progress!

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    1. thanks Kathy - I'm figuring that the mistakes are a reinforcement and unlikely to happen once I know my way around more - and I've done no major damage (yet) so that's a good thing too!

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  5. It might help (while you're waiting for the six months to pass) to remember how you feel right now and realize how much you've learned since. Good luck!

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    1. Good point Susan - I'll keep that in mind and focus on the progress rather than the scary parts :)

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  6. It is always intimidating to start something new, no matter what it is ... Pretty soon it will all be old hat to you!

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    1. thanks Carol - I think "intimidating" sums it up nicely - I'm hoping the old hat part comes soon or I may be getting a few more grey hairs!

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  7. I'm sure you're doing a great job. I always found it takes six months before I feel like I've really got my feet under the table at a new job. You're very wise to notice those inner voices and to correct them with more loving replacements.

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    1. Maybe I'll use 6 months as my benchmark! I felt a bit more on top of things today so I should be fine in another few months :)

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  8. Congrats on your new job! I'm always very hard on myself too - I'm sure you're doing a great job!

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    1. Thanks Lana - it was a much better day today so I am cutting myself a little slack and hoping that it will all be a walk in the park in a few months time :)

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