I'm a couple of weeks into my new job and being a perfectionist (and a wee bit OCD) I'm struggling with the fact that I still have a long way to go before I truly get my head around all there is to learn.
One of the women who works for another specialist at the hospital told me that wearing "L" plates is the hardest part of a job. Learning all the new stuff and trying to remember it all and not messing too much up in the process is the biggest challenge in a new job. She told me give it six months and I'd be fine. All I heard was SIX MONTHS!! I thought it would take me six weeks to be an expert! Seeing in total I've been there for six days and I'm expecting wonderful outcomes, maybe (just maybe?) I'm being a tad hard on myself.
Self talk is a strange phenomenon - I know I'm doing well, I know that I'm catching on fairly quickly and the few mistakes I've made are to be expected, but that little perfectionist voice in the back of my head harps on about not being good enough. I am getting sick and tired of being my own worst critic. Who made me judge, jury and executioner of my own self esteem? Why do I feel the need to point out all my faults to myself without giving the same amount of time to the positives? From now on I am going to make it my goal to shut that little voice up and replace it with something more positive - or at least ignore it and not give it the power that I have been over the years.
I loved the quote above - of course the beginning is the hardest! I wouldn't expect someone to walk into a brand new job and know it all, so why would I expect it of myself? I wouldn't expect someone to be perfect at everything and remember everything and not make any mistakes, so why don't I allow that in myself? I think it's time that I stepped up to the challenge of being kinder to myself and a little gentler with my soul. Beating myself up over things achieves nothing and only makes me want to give up - and that would be a big mistake.
So note to self: be kind and be gentle - to everyone you meet - including yourself!