This quote sums up my life journey at the time being. So much has changed in the last few years, the last few months and even the last few days - time doesn't stand still. Life is about moving forward through the changes and becoming richer in character as I navigate towards who I am becoming.
Fortunately, I have a very perceptive friend who was brave enough to ask if my husband's depression had returned and that was a light bulb moment for me. It took the focus away from his unhappiness being about me/us and refocused it on what the true cause was - he had slipped slowly and silently down the slope into depression again and his ability to generate the emotional energy to sustain a relationship had dwindled to almost nothing. Addressing this and moving on from the hurt and damage that it caused has brought about a much needed reassessment of our empty nest lives and over the last couple of years we have renegotiated our marriage and found a really good place to settle and move forward.
A few months ago I was in a job that I had come to hate, working with people I didn't really like and I was too scared to do anything about it. Being brave enough to leave and risk never finding another job was the most freeing thing I have ever done. A month or so ago I was at home applying for jobs and enjoying having time off but also worrying that maybe this would be the end of my working life. All that changed with one of those job applications leading me to where I am now and all the stresses and challenges of mastering a new career.
There have even been changes in the last few weeks, I have signed up to volunteer at my local primary school - I haven't done any community volunteer work for years and it's nice to have the time to do it again. I've moved from employment to unemployment to re-employment with the emotional roller coaster ride that goes with those changes. I'm coming to terms with the idea that my husband will probably work part-time too (rather than the 9-5 that I had assumed) and I've realized that I don't really mind how he works as long as he brings in some income and is happy. I'm letting go of the tight fist I had on life and I'm okay with not thinking I'm in control of everything that happens (well...most of the time).
Life is a journey and midlife is a chance to stop, breathe and re-evaluate where I've been and where I'm going. The view ahead is hazy but that's okay for now. So many changes have taken place in the last short while, so why worry about the decades to come? I think I'll just sit on the crest of the hill and enjoy my moment in the sun....
This post is part of the #1word challenge - this week's word was "change"