Tuesday, 27 October 2015

going with the flow versus micro-managing

You are trying too hard!! Abraham Hicks

One of my biggest faults is my need to micro-manage every detail of my life. This includes what I'm doing at any given time and also the people who are around me. It kicks in big time when I'm facing a new situation or something a bit scary - its seems to be my go-to method for dealing with stress.

The only problem is that I know Dr Phil would ask me "How's that working for you?" and I'd have to answer with "not great!" Trying to have a plan in place for every contingency is exhausting to say the least and pretty much a waste of time because most of what I think may go wrong never does. In the meantime I've missed out on a lot of the pleasure I could have had if I'd just gone with the flow.

I'm learning with age (so many lessons come with age!) that:
1) I can relax more and let things take their course. I don't need to work out who will travel with who when the family goes out for lunch (the last time I did that I ended up regretting it because it would have turned out so much better if I'd just left everyone to work it out for themselves - funny that!)

2) I don't need to pre-plan every work day to try to avoid making a mistake - it's a lot less stressful to wait and see if a mistake even occurs - then fix it and enjoy the rest of the day!

3) Life happens when you're busy making other plans (thank you John Lennon!) - life will go on it's merry way no matter how much I try to steer it the direction I want it to go. I'm better off going with the flow most of the time and not trying to engineer everything.

Turning simple into complex is a "gift" that keeps on giving and it's time I took it back to the store and got a refund. Life is short - half of it is gone already and I want to think less and feel more. I want to appreciate all the good things around me, the little things and the pretty things and the kind things and the lovely things.......and leave the worry behind. 

"It's not about controlling. It's about being present, being open, being aware, and allowing it to come."

Micro-managing is about trying to keep control of a world that I really don't have any control over. Admitting this and letting go has been (and continues to be) a huge learning curve for me, but one that I think has tremendous rewards in the process. Trusting the fact that other people can manage their own lives and that the world still turns without me telling it how to is all quite freeing really!


19 comments:

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    1. I think we are birds of a feather Diane :)

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  2. So true Leanne! Letting go of the need to control things is a big one for me- and the hardest one to do:) xx Abby

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    1. it's definitely a personality thing isn't it Abby?

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  3. I haven't really thought of this but it's a great point and I do tend to do it too. I try and control what is uncontrollable. Great tips!

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    1. I just want a+b to equal c Tricia and it often doesn't want to - that's when I need to learn to shrug and let it go!

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  4. You're becoming very smart in your old age hahahaha!

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    1. wisdom is one of the many bonuses of "old age" I'm working on that aspect to balance the added weight and wrinkles :)

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  5. I agree with Rena! But I feel the same about myself too. I love that question from Dr Phil and often ask that to myself!

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    1. I ask it quite often too - along with "is it better to be right or happy" because that impacts some of my decisions at times.

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  6. I have to admit that planning is my means of survival. What everything that happened to me helped me realize is that I just can't control everything.
    Even when one plans every single minute of their life, things happen and we have to adapt. I do need the organization, but I have been able to let it flow as flow as well.
    Have a fabulous week and thanks for joining #tiptuesday, Leanne!

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    1. I think organized personalities need to plan or they get too stressed Debbie - it's just getting the balance right and not going into over-kill mode (which I have been guilty of many times!)

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  7. I think a lot of us are this way, trying to micro-manage our lives. STOP! I'm trying to stop it. Not so easy. I go over situations a zillion times in my head. How much time do I totally waste doing that? Then there are the stories in my head that I make up and believe, and later on turn out to never happen. They are just stories!

    We are learning as we age. Yup. We certainly are, Leanne!

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    1. that's so true Cathy - I create whole scenarios in my head that are blown out of proportion and then realize i am my own worst enemy! Learning not to worry is a freeing experience - I'm getting there slowly :)

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  8. YES! The sooner you can begin to trust in the UNIVERSE, the sooner you will enjoy your life. Let go of the illusion of control....

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    1. my mum used to always say "worry about it if it happens" and that is such a great character trait to have - I'm working on taking her advice :)

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  9. I'm a bit of a micro manager but I think writing about midlife has certainly changed my views. I am trying to be more relaxed and not worry about every little detail. Thanks for sharing with us at #WednesdaysWisdom

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  10. I've had to learn to micro manage less. One, my other half hates being bossed around and two I find that stuff generally doesn't need to perfect, it can be 'good enough', so no need to micro manage. I can just manage. I definitely think it's a trait for women though. Don't mean to sound sexist, but none of my male friends or family members are like this and everyone I know who is like this is a woman. We need to chill out more!

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #LifeLovingLinkie

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    1. I totally agree Sally - it does seem to be something that we women fall into without even noticing - until we realize that we are nagging or killing ourselves. It's good to let some of it go and relax a little! thanks for stopping by :)

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