Thursday, 22 October 2015

never apologize.....

Never apologize for your age, your body, your opinion, or your past.

I have spent way too many years saying "I'm sorry" for way too many things! At times it feels like I've used it as a punctuation mark or a way to excuse having an opinion on something that might be different or less acceptable.

Part of this is the baggage that comes from being a woman who grew up in a conservative, male dominated home. Part of it comes from being a people pleaser. Part of it comes from lack of confidence in myself. Part of it is feeling that my opinion doesn't really count in the grand scheme of things.

But midlife comes with a few bonuses - one of those is that I don't have to apologize as much any more. I can accept myself and my opinions - I know I have worth, I've put in the hard yards and I'm entitled to speak up. I also know that I am more aware of when to keep my mouth shut - so if I think I have something worthwhile to say, then I don't want to have to feel apologetic for speaking out. A considered opinion has value - and so does the person giving it - and that would be me!

19 comments:

  1. Leanne, I find it amazing that we live in two different continents but your posts resonate with me so much, because our choices seem to be moving in similar directions.
    Just the other day when my mother spoke of someone, I responded with my opinion, which she said was 'bitter', but I thought was just the truth. I told her that if you want to mention certain people and incidents to me, you better get ready for my opinion! ;)

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    1. Yay for us Corinne! I'm the same - there's a responsibility to be kind but not to lie or fake how we feel. I love that we are finding who we really are and what is important to us!

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  2. I'm exactly the same, coming from the same background. It's only at 40 that I started to open my mouth to the dismay of many people who were used to me keeping quiet and my mouth shot. xx

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    1. I think there will be a lot of surprised and dismayed people out there who find all these midlife women who aren't apologizing anymore :)

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  3. You are the voice of reason and courage in my head!

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    1. what a lovely compliment - we'll challenge our worlds together Diane :)

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  4. As a group, we have to stop doing this, but we have to be prepared for the blowback that will come. Our culture wants women to say "I'm sorry, but this is my opinion" and other things like that. I'm ready to stop and I don't want my daughter to ever start. Let's all stop together now! I'm sorry - does that sound too harsh? :)

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    1. did you just apologize for something Katy? I'm with you about stopping the "I'm sorry" disclaimer - my husband hates it because he sees it as passive aggressive woman-speak. I agree that we should all stop together - now :)

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  5. Why the hell do we apologize so much?!? I recently realized how I have been spending 40 years almost apologizing for breathing.
    Short and powerful. Awesome post, Leanne.
    Have a fabulous weekend!

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    1. it's definitely a woman thing Deb - you don't hear men saying "I'm sorry" as a punctuation mark! We'll all be working on this I think!

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  6. I think you're exactly right...there is a right time to say I'm sorry, but many of us do it too often (i'm at fault for that also)....I retweeted and said stop saying I'm sorry---not saying it to you, but to all of us!!! jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com

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    1. thanks Jodie - I think we use it as a disclaimer far too often and we can own what we believe and not feel like we have to apologize for it (as long as it's not hurtful of course!)

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  7. So many women do this! Thanks for the reminder. It becomes such a habit that I think any women don't even hear themselves.

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    1. We are all guilty of it Debbie but I think we're getting better :)

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  8. Hi Leanne! Isn't it crazy how easily the words, "I'm sorry!" come out of our mouths. I am really working on this too. I do it for all the reasons you say and another one--it's a habit! I have been saying it for so long it just pops out! But as you say, I'm learning too, one day at a time! ~Kathy

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    1. It's a bit of a habit for me too Kathy - years of ingrained apologizing is hard to get rid of it - but we'll get there!

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  9. Another awesome post Leanne. Like you mentioned in your post, I have to learn that I can have an opinion on everything, the trick is knowing when to share it. I have a bad habit, sorry included, of putting myself down to make others feel better. In some circumstances that may have merit, but not how often I do it. Another point on sorry, if we are really in the wrong (it happens sometimes LOL) to say sorry, gives such freedom. The offended party has nowhere to go. You are so right in this, self worth is not a pride thing, it is a recognition of who we are, a being created with a purpose.
    I was going to apologize here for going on so much :) .
    Thanks for bringing quality to our party for us all.
    Fridays Blog Booster Party #29
    Kathleen

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    1. I love a thoughtful comment Kathleen and you are right that we say sorry as part of a bad habit - and it takes away some of the value of a genuine sorry when we are in the wrong (occasionally!)

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  10. Dear Leanne, this post is in the TOP SEVEN of Fridays Blog Booster Party #29. Congratulations on a great post. It will be featured on Friday.
    Kathleen

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