Friday, 6 November 2015

what brings a tear to your eyes?

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

This week's #Friday Reflection question was: "what brings a tear to your eyes?"

I wracked my brains a bit over this one because I don't cry very much at all nowadays. Then I thought back to my life a few years ago where I was crying all.the.time. I was having a big hiccup in my marriage, I felt irrelevant as a mother because my children were independent and living away from home, I hated my job, and so the list went on. Then things changed.....

I took a long hard look at myself and realized I based so much of my self worth on my circumstances and on other people. I was happy if things were going well, and sad if they weren't. I seemed to live under a cloud of disappointment that was mainly my own making from the expectations I had of how life should be. Once I opened some of those expectations up to the light and took a good hard look at them, I knew I had to make some changes - not of other people or things, but of myself.

If I kept telling myself the same sad story over and over then I was trapped and helpless. If I took ownership of my life and made some decisions then I could change that story and start living a new chapter that was more to my liking. I hate change, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet, kick some of your preconceived ideas to the kerb, and start afresh.

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

There are enough miserable middle aged women out there without me adding to their number. Life is what you make it and crying all the time over things that didn't go the way I thought they should is not the answer to the problem. The answer is choosing to be grateful for the good stuff that my life is full of. Taking responsibility for my own happiness, leaving the horrible job, disconnecting from unhealthy friendships, and starting a new story. I wanted a midlife that was more about sunshine and light and less about tears and disappointment.

The amazing thing is that I've found it - my marriage survived its crisis, I've found the balance with how involved I want to be with my children, I have a new job that takes up less time and is more rewarding, I volunteer, I have some great friends, I have a grandbaby on the way, and I started blogging - which I love! The tears dried up and the positive, proactive me re-emerged and now my life is about celebrating the good and creating an excellent second half of life that is full of fun and laughter and embracing friends and family. 

So, what brings a tear to my eyes nowadays? Empathy with another person's pain, sad stories - (and funny ones!) and not much else - it is SO good to not be that sad, teary, disappointed woman any more!


30 comments:

  1. What a beautifully crafted story of your life Leanne. How awesome that you found your way out of the jungle of sadness into the sunshine. Even when things disappoint I am sure you are now in a better place to deal with it.
    Thanks for bringing this positive post to Fridays Blog Booster Party #31
    Kathleen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's been a week of bloggers writing about gratitude and blessings and finding their way through things - so I feel like I'm in good company Kathleen - thanks for the party :)

      Delete
  2. I love it when you say that "life is what you make it". It's so true!
    We are so fixed in standards and in what it should/ought to be that we forget about living.
    There's tons one can do independently of their age.
    Thanks for the great sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's something we're all learning Deb - life has it's setbacks but we can move through them and find a better life at the end of the tunnel (you are a great example of that!)

      Delete
  3. I agree that we choose our happiness and we are responsible for how we choose to live our lives. I have had a similar story and come out happier and more in control of my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there's a lot of us out there Michele who have come through the wringer and survived and ultimately thrived - good for us! :)

      Delete
  4. I say this to you so frequently but I adore your writing and so often what you choose to write about resonates with me on a way I didn't think it would. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks so much Carla - and I hope your Saturday event went spectacularly!

      Delete
  5. I agree-always look for the gratitude, look for what we can control, not what's beyond our control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that's it Jennifer - I tried controlling the circumstances or the people and that usually fails - choosing my attitude was definitely the smarter move!

      Delete
  6. It's never a bad decision to choose happiness! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I'm selfishly very glad that you took up blogging as an outlet. You have so much to offer to all of us! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that was such a lovely compliment Mithra - thanks so much for sharing the journey with me :)

      Delete
  8. Ah... the power of choice. It's so amazing when we realize that power and use it for good. Nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. once you figure out that it's about making those choices life gets a lot sweeter!

      Delete
  9. You're so right. Ending the "i have always...so always will..." trap is a very good thing!
    Carol Cassara

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep - and it makes the years ahead something to look forward to rather than just more of the same slog.

      Delete
  10. OMG I just realised you are in WA!!! Have I been asleep!

    Thanks for opening up and sharing your thoughts and snippets of painful times. Im glad its changed for you. I know I used to be incredibly sensitive and cry at the drop of a hat, but have definitely been able to flick the switch in my brain and look at the more positive so much so that I laugh too much these days :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Janine - I only realized you were a Perth girl a few weeks ago - it's funny because I assume everyone is in the US but there are a lot of Aussies that I've connected with. Several posts this week have been about moving from sadness to happiness and I've enjoyed them all immensely.

      Delete
  11. I'm on shaky ground, but think it's because my mother died recently. Feeling helpless has never been my problem, but I'm just not on top of my game right now. I know that will change. Thanks for your insight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all have those times in our lives where we are allowed to be sad Brenda - otherwise we don't honour the lives of those who have left us. I think time heals and it's really good to be able to see that you have moved through the pain and found life is still good. Take your time and mourn your mum - losing my mum will be a really sad time for me in future days I know. xx

      Delete
  12. oh this made me smile! So proud of you, you turned things around and you fought for yourself and for happiness. I love this post! I always love your posts though, you are fab! And I truly thank you for your continued support with #Fridayreflections

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Mackenzie - that was lovely of you to say! #Fridayreflections is one of my favourite days of the week :)

      Delete
  13. I love this post Leanne. It is like hope in a bottle, and a reminder to all of us that we shape our own destiny and happiness. You provide a wonderful example of how mid-life should be lived!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Sue - I don't think I was a very good example a few years back, but taking some ownership of my life has certainly opened my eyes to how much there is left to be happy about!

      Delete
  14. I really love your blog. I am 48 & I am finding so much wisdom in your words. It's giving me food for thought. Thanks!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Diana that is such a kind thing to say! I'm finally coming to realize what a great time of life this is and we need to embrace it and celebrate it (and not let regret for our "lost youth" stop us!) Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment x

      Delete
  15. I love this so much, Leanne. I'm really making a conscious effort to change my mindset with the boys leaving next year. It's going to happen no matter what - as it should - and how I deal with it is going to make a huge difference. Thanks for such a lovely reminder!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you'll be fine when it happens Lana - there is always some sadness and a feeling of not being needed anymore, then new boundaries get set and a new way of relating happens. The amazing thing through it all is that you are still their mum and they always come back to that safe haven!

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...