Saturday, 28 February 2015

judging others ~ why all the hate?

midlife blog ~ cresting the hill
Really??? I mean Really???

Okay, I couldn't let this go by without some sort of comment. A friend of mine sent me a link to the "Your Tattoos make you a Horrible Mother" facebook page. Really??? I mean Really??? It has over 17,000 likes - I'm not even sure how this kind of hating on people gets to be so popular.

Thursday, 26 February 2015

#4 learn to cope with criticism

a strong woman accepts both compliments and criticism graciously.... Mandy Hale

As much as I hate to admit it, in life I know have to expect some criticism. I take criticism VERY badly, I agonize over negative comments, I read criticism into comments that were not even intended to be that way. I know this is a reflection of poor self esteem and a childhood that was sadly lacking in positive reinforcement. I made extra sure that I gave my own children positive words and encouragement and taught them to be proud of themselves, but there is still the voice of my father in my head telling me I'm not good enough at whatever it is I'm doing.

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

#3 focus on your potential instead of your limitations

focus on your potential instead of your limitations

Apparently people with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as those without confidence, but they focus on their strengths instead of their weaknesses. As I get older I find that it is easy to rest on my laurels and think that I have achieved all that I am going to in this life and basically there is nothing left to do but accept where I am at. A friend of mine once said that she could be anything she wanted to be.....she just didn't know what she wanted to be (and that was the problem). I can certainly relate to that thought.

Sunday, 22 February 2015

#2 avoid comparing yourself with other women

The truth is, comparing ourselves to others doesn't just steal our joy, it robs those around us of the rare gift of a woman who has learned to offer her uniqueness to the world.

We are all individuals - unique in ourselves and in our view of the world, but oh....how quickly I compare myself to other women around me. I look at my friends and compare my life to theirs, I compare how I'm aging, how my family and children are going compared to theirs, how my fashion sense looks, whether my values are the same as theirs etc etc.

I won't even start thinking too hard about how I compare myself to women I don't even know and whose lives are a world away from my own.

Friday, 20 February 2015

#1 speak good things about yourself

Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up ~ Ann Bradford

It is so very easy to find negative things to think about myself. I am by far my own worse critic and I have a litany of things I criticize myself with - from my looks, to my personality, to my failures as a wife and mother, to how much I talk - and even how I sound when I talk (how ridiculous is that!)

Here's an example....

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

refining and defining

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.

I saw a prĂ©cis on a book called “Enjoying Who God Created You to Be” by Joyce Meyer and it seemed to reflect a lot of what midlife brings to the forefront. All the early years of trying to please my parents, then marriage and child rearing and in amongst it all, trying to find out who I am, is really behind me and I am at the point where I need to accept that who I am now is pretty close to being who I will always be. Most of my rough edges have been worn away by life’s ups and downs and it is really more of a refining process that lies ahead.

I think it's about accepting myself for the woman I am and then looking at ways to define that person. I know I could be kinder or more gracious or grateful or graceful at times but I still like me most of the time and it's just a matter of working out the kinks. There were four main areas that the summary covered and I thought I'd use my next few posts to flesh them out a bit for myself (and anyone else who might be remotely interested) and see if I can throw some light on the journey ahead.


Monday, 16 February 2015

where have all the compliments gone?

Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses

As time has passed I've noticed that I don't meet new people as often as I used to. One of the benefits of making conversation with people you don't know all that well is that you tend to say nice things to each other - like "that's a lovely outfit" or "you have great kids" because you are making connections and being complimentary is a great way to make a positive impact.

With old friends I tend to take a lot of that for granted and it is a rare event to hear someone drop a compliment on me.

Saturday, 14 February 2015

my midlife valentine

midlife blog cresting the hill
our wedding day
I married my lovely husband in February 1983 - a VERY long time ago! We were (and still are) complete opposites but that didn't phase us in the slightest - love conquers all and differences compliment each other and one's strengths offset the other's weaknesses......or so we thought.

Thursday, 12 February 2015

sweating is against my religion

sweating is against my religion

One of the bonuses of being a church goer is that it makes for good excuses. My complete lack of ability in the are of craft can be neatly pigeon holed under "The AntiCraft" no further explanation required - it is all summed up in a simple title. Them: "Would you like to join our quilting group?" Me: "no thanks, I'm the AntiCraft". Enough said....and it works every time.

Religion also comes in handy when it comes to my total lack of commitment in the area of exercise. I am unashamed to honestly and wholeheartedly admit that I would have to be one of the laziest people on God's earth whenever I get the chance. 

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

maintaining a happy life

Marcus Aurelius — 'Remember that very little is needed to make a happy life

We are currently going through a phase of life again where my husband is home more than I want him to be while he freelances and looks for an extra job. In years gone by I have let this become a thorn in my side and have been upset and resentful at I go off to earn the family's bread and butter. I have missed time with our children when they were younger and time to myself because "someone had to step up".

This time around I'm hoping it will be different.

Sunday, 8 February 2015

the invisible woman

the invisible midlife woman - is it a myth?

Along with "looking good for your age" comes another midlife phenomenon - becoming invisible. I've seen many comments about this in regard to men not seeing 50+ women, but it's not just men who don't see us, it's shop assistants, clothing manufacturers and employers.

Why are midlife women so undervalued by our society? When did the cult of youth take over from the wisdom of middle age?

Friday, 6 February 2015

"for her age" and other midlife disclaimers

Looking good "for her age" and other disclaimers

I was checking my new outfit in the mirror the other morning (not the soul destroying work mirror that shows every line and crinkle) and I thought "I'm looking pretty good for someone my age". Bang! there is was.....the dreaded midlife disclaimer "for my age".

I'm not sure when in life it sets in that judgments are based on how old someone is. I do it all the time when I see someone looking good and I hear it from others regularly too. No-one says about a 20 year old "gee she's looking good for her age" or "she's in great shape for her age", but when it comes to life after a certain date you become either invisible or "good for your age".

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

my face or my butt?? that is the question

choosing between your face and your butt when it comes time to lose weight

You know you are getting older when you start having to make choices that would never have crossed your mind in your younger days. As I look down dismally at the scales and see that little number creeping, creeping, creeping up I have to ask myself how far I'm going to let it go before I start taking some serious action?

Monday, 2 February 2015

"but it fits" and other midlife no - no's

just because it fits, it doesn't mean you should wear it

"Just because it comes in your size doesn't mean you should still wear it" is the headline on an old blog post I saw on Modern Day Midlife and it struck a real note for me. This is a pic of Ivana Trump looking "luscious" in a little pink play-suit and failing dismally (she even managed a thigh gap). 

It is so easy to see your daughter in an outfit and think to yourself that you could wear it too. Visions are conjured of years gone by and the tanned legs you used to have and the short shorts you used to wear or the singlet tops or even worse - the days of the mid-drift tops! But times change.