Friday, 22 January 2016

when you are let down - rise above it

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

I'm sure we all have "that friend" who turned out to be not quite the person we had hoped they would be. To have a good friend let you down, or betray your trust, or just not be there when you expected they would be, is one of life's biggest disappointments. Investing in friendships is what humanity is all about and when they go pear shaped it kills us a little bit inside.

I think we all expect our friends to behave as we would (or perhaps behave even better than we would) in any given situation and it is so disappointing when they don't. We can let that colour our thinking about friendship and that person, or we can choose to put it aside and move on with our lives.

I loved the quote above - because it's about not just moving on, but moving on well and making your life rich enough that you can leave the memories behind because you have so many other things to focus on. Why waste brain power and emotional energy feeling down about something that can't be changed - holding a grudge or holding on to anger just grows a seed of bitterness. Bitterness ages us and dries us out and makes us unattractive people - nobody wants to be the old misery guts who keeps harking back to that "terrible time when....."

Focus on the true friendships - ones that have weathered storms and grown stronger. One of the many blessings of being a midlife woman is having friendships that go back 20, 30 or even 40 years - what an investment that is! I read the other day that there are three types of people to have as friends:

Surround yourself with three types of people: 1) The inspired, 2) The excited and 3) The grateful

I would like to be all three of these - inspired, excited and grateful - every day. I'll be focusing on building up those areas of my life and moving forward, rather than dwelling on let downs or disappointments. We all know that life serves us up some less than satisfactory experiences at times, but there are a multitude more that are really great, and those are the ones to look at and grow from.


26 comments:

  1. It is what I try to consistantly do. Thank you for the reminder

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    1. my pleasure Carol - I will be reminding myself regularly to focus on these three areas.

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  2. What a great post!! I so agree with that quote and find it very satisfying at this age. I think had I been younger I would not have been able to appreciate it as much. We grow into these atitudes which make us feel better and not bitter and vendictive.

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    1. that's so true Mary - I think when we were younger we got more bent out of shape when life didn't go the way we expected it to. Now we take it with a pinch of salt and move on rather than let it dry us out.

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  3. It's a smart way to think about that---every person is different and responds to events with the perspective of their life--and we need to do the same including getting over disappointment when it's not how we expected it to be. jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #midlifeblogger

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    1. that's so true Jodie - expectations are killers for me. I have all these bright and shiny ideas of how I think everyone should be and it is a constant battle just to let people be human and make mistakes and move on!

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  4. I've learned through tough experience that it is important to move on. I think we tend to take personally bad behavior, when it's really the other person's issue, not ours.
    Carol Cassara

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    1. I totally agree Carol - so often we take other people's issues to heart - some people are just walking a different path to us - I'm getting better at waving goodbye and heading in my own direction.

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  5. As I lost my best friend of 53 years last year (cancer), I know how true what you say in this post is. My friend was all three. Now, I treasure my couple of remaining "really good friends" that much more. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    1. Good friends are worth their weight in gold and when you lose other friends along the way (by choice or by circumstances) it makes us value the ones we have dearly. I'm really sorry for your friend's passing - 53 years is not long enough.

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  6. Thanks for sharing this. It is interesting how the longer I live, the fewer yet higher quality friends I have. I love the quote at the top of your page. Rise above and forget. :-)

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    1. I'm the same Rev - my friends are fewer but they are such good value - I make sure I use my energy to invest in them rather than the ones who have moved on.

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  7. I love this, Leanne! A couple of months ago I ran a series about betrayal. It reminds me a lot of this post! Each kind of betrayal hurts deeply. When those we think are friends turn on us, it is brutal to the soul. But revenge and staying stuck in the hurt is not the answer. Moving on, looking for the positive -for the blessings and believing God has a plan to use that yuck for good has helped me over the years! I'll join you in the hope and prayer to be inspired, excited, and grateful!
    Hugs,
    Lori

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    1. I remember that series Lori and it really spoke to me at a time when a very good friend had behaved very poorly! It took me a long time to move on from it, but now I look back and I can see that it wasn't as big a loss as I thought it would be - we just redirect our energies into the people who are worthwhile.

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  8. This is so true! I have one gal pal that I've known for almost 30 years. She moved away about 10 years ago but we still talk almost daily.

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    1. I'm the same - I have friends that I've known since childhood and we may live hours away from each other but facebook and the phone keep us in touch - they're the friendships worth hanging onto!

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  9. I think we could all use a little work on that. It's hard to let go of some things, but when you do its so free-ing.

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    1. Hanging on is something that I'm learning is not good for me Rena - I stew in my own juices with "what if" scenarios, it's much better for me to move forward and stop looking back - work in progress!

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  10. It is really tough "breaking up" with a friend. It doesn't happen very often for me, but it happened a few years ago, and it still bothers me sometimes. I know that she is so draining and negative that it just isn't worth trying to work on it at all. Your quote makes me feel better because she was none of those three things! xx

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    1. I have the same thing - a friend who proved to be a lot less loyal and caring than I expected. I still have times when I think back to what could have been, but it's not good for me and moving on is the best thing I've done for myself (I doubt she's really noticed!)

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  11. It is hard to remember in the moment, but I find I am happier when I do. Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity. Please join us again next week.

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    1. thanks for stopping by Audrey :)

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  12. Hi Leanne, I think I sometimes feel I betrayed my friends when I moved away and went through a rough period in life. I cut them off because I didn't think they would understand. How wrong I was, but I am so fortunate that those friends are now back in my life. 3 good points to strive for here. Thanks for sharing at #OvertheMoon

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    1. thanks Sue - good friends will always come through in the end - it's the ones who disappear without a word that we have to let go on their merry way.

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  13. I've had to let go of several friendships over the past few years, because they were becoming toxic. So hard to do. Through blogging I've made some wonderful new friends however, which has been both surprise and a blessing!

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    1. I'm exactly the same Lana - I'm surprised how connected I feel to people who I've never met, and how disconnected I've become from some people I knew for years - life has many strange and tangled ways to it!

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