Tuesday, 19 January 2016

you don't have to eat your crusts

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

Being over 50 lends itself to the occasional epiphany - mine this week (as I ate my toast) was that I don't have to eat the stale crusts just because I was told to when I was a child. I don't really like the crusts all that much but I'm a good girl and I eat them 90% of the time, but you know what......I don't have to if I don't want to!

This got me thinking about some other things I don't have to do now that I'm a big girl and all grown up and in my second half of life:

#1 I don't have to put up with toxic people

I can let those people slide out of my life fairly painlessly. I don't need to stay in contact because they were my friends or because I worked with them, or for whatever other reason. I can gracefully move away and not have their influence in my life. No more apologizing for things they've done, or they don't approve of. I can just get on with enjoying the friends I have who are lovely people.

#2 I don't have to go to church every Sunday
I grew up in the era where regular church going was every Sunday - unless you were dying or giving birth. Today's church goers call themselves "regular" if they turn up once a month. I'm still a great believer in going on as many Sundays as possible, but if it's the Sunday School service (with 100 children who aren't my own) or the long winded missionary visitor, I can choose to stay home and let someone else have my seat that day.

#3 I don't have to wear a bra around the house
One of the blessings of small boobs is that they behave themselves - they only swing around when I run (and I avoid running as much as possible). In the privacy of my own home (now there's no children to embarrass) I can be au naturale under my shirt or jumper and nobody is any the wiser. The sheer pleasure of taking off my bra after a long day at work rates as one of life's blessings in my humble opinion!

#4 I don't have to go to everything I'm invited to
No more feeling guilty about not going to Tupperware parties, or makeup parties, or linen parties, or work parties or distant friend's parties. No, I won't suffer in silence anymore so I don't offend anyone. If the party invitation is just for numbers or for making a sale, I am quite happy to say "no thanks" with no excuses. My time is precious and it takes a fair amount of impetus to get me to go out nowadays - so I'll only go if it's something I'd like to be a part of.

#5 I don't have to justify my choices
I've finally taken ownership of my life - I don't have to explain why I choose to do something or not do it. I don't have to explain why I like to eat take-away sometimes, I don't have to explain why I only work part-time. I don't have to explain why I don't drink alcohol. I don't have to explain why I have pink tips in my hair. I don't have to explain anything to anybody because it's my business and not theirs.

So, along with not always eating my crusts, I've found that I can break some other rules too (mostly rules that I had somehow gotten bound up in). I can be my own person and have more freedom and make my own new boundaries. Life after 50 just keeps getting better!

This post was featured on Midlife Boulevard



26 comments:

  1. Just great points! I really like the toxic people one. As a people pleaser, I have spent my life trying to build bridges and apologize when I really don't have to. I'm finally coming to realize that other people have problems I don't need to fix and it's okay! Enjoy your unrestricted evenings. :)

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    1. thanks Kathryn - I think nice people always think that they can fix toxic relationships, but we can't and I'm finding it's healthier all round just to let them go and move on. It's a breath of fresh air!

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  2. Good for you. Realizing that I don't have to do something was an epiphany, realizing that I do things in order to make someone else's life easier and more enjoyable was too. I could choose what I want all the time, but I found I feel better when I choose others most and me sometimes. Getting older sure makes you look at things differently, doesn't it? No crusts for you!

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    1. I think it's just nice to wake up and realize that there is a choice and sometimes I get to choose what I want to do, over and above what I think I should do - there's such freedom in those small decisions! There will certainly be less crusts for me :)

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  3. There are definite perks to getting older. I have so many things that I do or don't do now than when I was younger. And I don't feel guilty about any of it.

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    1. I agree Carol - you just wake up to what's important in life - what's worth fighting for and what's worth letting slide - more is sliding for me now days!

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  4. I enjoyed reading this list of things you don't have to do - and the justification as to why not Leanne. Now it is time to come up with my own list and lose the guilt!

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    1. I think we often don't realize all the little things we "suck up" to keep everyone happy - I'm just crossing a few of them off my list and it's rather nice! Good luck with finding yours :)

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  5. LOVE the 'don't have to justify my choices'. Now if I could just do it... Great post and wonderful points.

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    1. thanks so much - as I get older and wiser, I'm trusting my own judgement more and not being swayed by the vocal minority who think they know best :)

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  6. Best part of getting older...you don't have to explain why. However, sometimes old habits die hard.

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    1. I am getting better at not justifying myself to other people Laurie - I did it for waaaay too many years!

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    1. It is indeed Di - and getting better every day!

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  8. That is a great way to live! I do all of these and I've never been happier:-)

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    1. I think you girls caught on faster than I did - I'm a bit slow on the uptake but getting there!

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  9. Great list Leanne. I especially like the third one. lol!!And it got me to thinking how we construct all these silly rules over the years and then at some point if we are smart enough we can smash them down.

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    1. I so agree Mary - most of those things I did to myself - now I'm getting smarter (and reaping the benefits!)

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  10. It seems like I've spent my whole life doing what I was supposed to instead of what I wanted to. I've felt that frustration for a while now...I just haven't decided what if anything I can do about it.

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    1. I think you might be a bit stuck at the time being Rena - we all have those times in our lives where we have to do the right thing, but your time will come when you can start taking pieces of yourself back - make sure you enjoy every little bit you reclaim :)

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  11. Hi Leanne! I think you and I must have been on the same wave-length again because my post this week is very similar! So true and so right of course. I think you and I would be dangerous if we ever got in the same room because we would think up all sorts of similar things together. Let me know if you ever head this way and I'll do the same. ~Kathy

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    1. There's a much bigger chance of you getting to Australia than me getting to you Kathy but I do love it when we think along the same lines. I read your post every Friday because you have such insight into the things that I think are important at this stage (and any stage really) of life.

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  12. Love this Leanne! Great article and words of wisdom. Although, I am not quite 'cresting the hill', it's coming and thanks for the encouragement to always walk in freedom!

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    1. Hi Michelle - lovely of you to stop by and I think seeing others who are a little bit further along the road (or up the hill) enjoying themselves, gives us the reassurance that life keeps getting better (and it does!)

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  13. Such a lovely post and great points. I think more people should have the courage to say "no" in life and just be happy with themselves and their own choices. x

    Ninz/ www.ninzbeauty.com

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    1. I think I'm getting braver as I get older Nina - I'm starting to realize that I can do (or not do) a lot more than I gave myself credit for. I'm getting much better at saying "no" :)

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