STOP WALLOWING IN THE PAST
It's so easy to look back at where we've come from and use that as an excuse for why we're stuck where we are today. Everyone has baggage they drag along behind them because they refuse to let it go and lose the excuse for why they aren't happy with where they're at, or why they don't make changes and keep repeating the same miserable life steps over and over again.
So much of my dissatisfaction with my life came from all the unfair things I could cite from my childhood or from things that happened that I felt were undeserved. I would compare my "lack" with the "plenty" of others, my lost opportunities with those others had been given on a plate, and my "scarcity" with the "abundance" others seemed to take for granted.
My childhood and teenage days were pretty cruisy really, but there were lots of things I didn't get given to me, education choices that I missed out on, financial help that never materialized, and so the list goes on. Some people seemed to be served all these good things on a plate with a side dressing of abundant love and affirmation - how lucky were they? Poor me, I missed out.....and so my internal monologue continued.
LIFE ISN'T FAIR
Something we all need to learn is that life isn't fair. We probably do deserve more than we've been given, but that doesn't mean it's coming our way. Life fluctuates madly all over the place and A + B quite often will not equal C. Focusing on all the things we've missed out on and all the missed opportunities will only drag us down.
I wasted too many years thinking my life should have been fairer and more perfect, and that changed nothing. All it did was give me an excuse to wallow and stay treading water in the same place. Now I can acknowledge "you know what, life isn't fair, in fact is can be downright sucky at times - but that doesn't define who I am now".
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
What I've learned is if there is an injustice from the past that really niggles, do something about it. If you didn't get as much education as you deserved - go back to school. If you weren't overtly shown love - start showing it to others and find people who love you and can show it back. If you had a miserable relationship with your parents - try to mend it, or at the very least, try to be a better parent to your own children.
If you can't get past the past on your own - get some counselling. Learn the lessons the past taught you but don't dwell on them, use them to make today a better stage of life. Why would you want to keep re-living the same sad story over and over again?
GET ON WITH IT!
It's easy to use the past as an excuse for your lack of progress in the present. I've found that it's way past time to STOP doing that and START living in the "now". You can't go back and change anything, you can't make those experiences un-happen. The most you can do is see them from the perspective of a mature and balanced adult viewpoint and put them into context.
I can't compare my dad's lack of fathering ability with the great dads out there now - times have changed. I can't insist I should have been given more opportunities back then - times have changed. I can't view all that happened in the 60's and 70's and presume it should be the same as it is today - no, because times have changed.
All I can do is put the past where it belongs - in the past - and live in the here and now. There is so much to appreciate in my life and to be happy about, why drag all that baggage out and add it into the equation? So, I've put the baggage in the back of the hall cupboard (where I keep all those things I've forgotten I own) and I plan to enjoy life unburdened - I'm looking forward rather than backward, because that's where I'm heading......with a big smile on my face!