Midlife Monday ~ Pleasing Myself

People pleasing is no longer an option. Because I’m adopting the radical belief that my ideas, my thoughts as well as my feelings matter too.

BEING SECOND BEST

Words cannot explain how much I love the quote above! Fifty years of having a 'first born' mentality of trying to please all the people in my life and putting my thoughts and preferences second have now gone out the window! I think it's been a generational thing for women of my age to have put themselves last when it came to trying to keep everyone happy and smooth the waters.

TIMES CHANGE

One of the benefits of an empty nest is that there are less feathers to ruffle. Even the poor old dog is now in dog heaven, so the only person I have to keep on the right side of is my husband - and even that is on a needs only basis! Running around after everybody has finally stopped and I don't have to worry about whether I have hurt someone's feelings or upset someone's apple cart.

We are all adults and in charge of our own lives. We can each take ownership of our own beliefs and feelings and I don't have to be the responsible one anymore - what a sense of relief and release! I completely understand that people may feel hurt or overlooked or misunderstood, but ultimately, it's their choice. I would never deliberately set out to offend someone or to cause hurt, so if that is perceived then it needs to be addressed, but not at the expense of my thoughts or feelings.

IT'S MY TIME TO BLOOM

It feels selfish sometimes to put myself and my feelings first, but I think I deserve to have my time in the sun. I think I need to have a high enough opinion of myself that I can take my stand and not bow to the pressure of keeping other people happy at my own expense. Sometimes it's easier to give in and to know I made someone else happy in the process, but there needs to be balance and an acknowledgement of my own value too. I've reached the point where I'm a little tired of always taking the back seat in life rather than making my needs a priority.

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.

SETTING SOME BOUNDARIES

This second half of my life is going to be about self-respect and self-worth. I refuse to pander to other people who seem to get their own way by being loud or arrogant. I will just quietly and firmly hold my position and get on with my life. Finding peace in amongst the drama is one of the side benefits - no more trying to keep everyone happy - they can fend for themselves and leave me out of it.

The youth and young adults of today are much better at maintaining their boundaries - I think we taught them well. Now I'm putting a few of those hard learned lessons to practice in my own life and reaping the benefits. Self-care is mighty powerful!

I Am Who I Am, Your Approval Is Not Needed

When People Pleasing is no longer an option - you know you've found your self worth

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22 comments

  1. I'm also learning it's okay to put myself first - and to lose the people in my life who make it worse, not better. Or even worse, seem to get off on creating drama and hurting me. I know who genuinely cares about my family, friends and myself, and they are the ones who deserve my love, time, and energy.

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    1. I completely agree Bronnie - it's the people who add to your life who you want to keep - investing in others and having them return that investment is such a blessing. The drama lovers can go elsewhere.

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  2. Oh yes! I have waited long enough too...and I am MUCH older than you. It MUST be a first-born and female thing. I tick both boxes!! Learning to put me first is my current homework..I am getting there! Thank you for linking up for Life This Week 5/52. Next week's prompt is "How Much Money is Enough".

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    1. We could start a first born daughters' club Denyse - I'm sure we all manifest the same personality traits (not sure if that's a good thing or not!) At least we're all working on doing better for ourselves in midlife :)

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  3. I took a walk with a friend over the weekend and was sharing with her how much I've been thinking lately about the notion of: I used to walk into a room and wonder if people like to me now I enter and wonder if I like the people in there.
    Typing it out it reads arrogant – – that's not my intent :-) I just know I already like me and that's what matters

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    1. "Liking Me" is what it all boils down to isn't it Carla? It's not swapping that from liking other people, it's incorporating that into our mindset so we are kind to ourselves as well as being kind to others.

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  4. Good for you Leanne! It is an adjustment for everyone but a needed one. I often can be the person that asks personal questions, not what did you have for breakfast but more what are your views on abortion. I know I can be intense on first meeting but I realized around 15 years ago that I would rather have a meaningful conversation with a friend than one about the weather. I am who I am and friends can easily change the subject!

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    1. I love that Haralee - it's so great when someone actually talks about something meaningful. My husband bemoans the fact that men talk about work and sport and not much else - he really likes it when someone goes beyond the superficial too.

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  5. I love this Leanne. It is our time in the sun. We've raised families, we worked, and now it's time to sit back and think about what we want the other half of our lives to look like and then follow through. No explanations or apologies.

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    1. Spot on Rena! It's really our time in the sun isn't it? There are so many little not-so-fabulous parts of getting older, but finding yourself and liking that person is one of the really good parts.

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  6. The next generation have learned to put themselves first that is for sure. The years I put everyone before me and pushed down what I really wanted are now a thing of the past. Unfortunately it took 50 years to achieve that. But hey, Leanne, we have a second life now as you say and we can live the way we choose. Inspiring post as always.

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    1. Yes Sue - we're going to make the next few decades really rock aren't we? I love that we may have started our run a bit late, but we definitely appreciate the discoveries we make and the life we're leading now!

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  7. Age does bring knowledge (hopefully). I have eliminated negative people in my life, if I don't want or have the time to do something I am honest about why. Thanks for linking up with Blogging Grandmothers.

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    1. I do think the knowledge that life is getting shorter helps us to stop wasting time on people or things that are more trouble than they're worth. My life is now about people who share the investment in our friendship - and they make it all worthwhile.

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  8. Love the quote about people pleasing. Over the last few years, I have decided to live by my own code and standards and only please the "Man in the Mirror"

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    1. You just caught on a lot quicker than me! It took me until I was 50 to cut down on the need to please everyone and the perfectionism that eats your soul. I'm much more chilled these days :)

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  9. I looooovvveee the quote at the top of this post :-)

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    1. Me too Janet - it's such an affirmation of where we are at midlife isn't it?

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  10. Oh my, love them all! "People pleasing is no longer an option! I am who I am, your approval is not needed!" I might have to make a quote with those 2 sentences. I feel the same way you do. Once you get to a certain point in your life you have to choose yourself as you've spent years caring about and worrying about others. Thank you Leanne for sharing at #BloggingGrandmothers #LinkUp #BlogParty. I shared on social media.

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    1. I love how you connected the two quotes together Dee - it makes even more sense when you read them like that. We are certainly at a point in life where we can channel some of the focus onto our own needs and our own happiness.

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  11. Learning to take care of me has been one of the hardest life lessons I have had to learn and learning it is perpetual. This was such a great reminder that "we" people pleasers have needs and desires as well. Thank you for sharing with Blogging Grandmothers. I am sharing on my social media.

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    1. It's really hard to let go of the idea of trying to be all things to all people. It comes down to getting your self esteem from other people and I'm learning that it's more important to find myself and approval from myself - it lets everyone off the hook.

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