Et Tu Brute" when it comes to back-stabbing and other "friendly" acts


Where do friends get off doing stuff to you that you would never do to them? Recently a "friend" of ours for the last 30 years or more has just casually mentioned that she has been given my husband's job. He is in marketing and advertising and she is a first grade teacher in the school where he was working. She knew that we'd struggled with our marriage in the previous year and that him holding that job was important to me as we moved on from the fallout......but still she happily stepped in and accepted a position she was completely unqualified for.


Apparently the administration thought it would be preferable having someone prettier and friendlier in the role and casually offered her his job, while he was pushed out the door with a pat on the back and a "thanks for setting things up" consolation prize. In my book "nice people" don't replace good employees with less qualified ones, and good friends don't take your job behind your back. "Nice people" would offer to share the job or discuss the situation before sailing blithely into it. In a word or two: "Nice people" don't shaft their friends.

My good husband says that I have an over developed sense of fairness and justice, he says that he expects people to act poorly so he is never surprised. But he did go so far as to say that she would be getting paid 20% more to do 80% less work than he did. Not sure how long she can ride on his coat tails before she comes unstuck, but man am I cheesed off by the whole process! (see my addendum at the end of the post).

#midlife blog
I loved this knife block!


Friends who use you up are par for the course and there are a million stories about people being stabbed in the back (as per Brutus and Julius Caesar) or let down by a friend (there's even the term "frenemy" coined to describe that sort of person) but it still hurts to be betrayed and I am just not up to the task of pretending it's okay. So, in this case I will be protecting myself by not spending time in this frenemy's space. Being too busy to catch up means I don't actually have to confront her and tell her what I think. This type of person wouldn't understand anyway because she's too caught up in her own life, so Ghosting is the easiest solution to an unsavoury problem like this.

The trouble with friends who out themselves as less than loyal is that they have friends in common with you - now I'll be watching what I say so I'm not making anyone take sides - it's all just way too messy in my opinion. Life would be easier if people were a little more sensitive to others and less quick to climb the ladder disregarding friendships on the way up.


Three years later our "friend" has quit the job because she couldn't handle the stress. Not surprising when you're trying to perform a job that you're not qualified for and when what was put in place for you has run its course. Time passes and I don't feel the same level of betrayal, but I also wonder if perhaps life does have its just desserts and consequences.

I'm happy to have distanced myself from it all long ago, being a casual observer is easier to handle than when you're in the direct line of fire. 

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1 comment

  1. Whew! That's a very unpleasant situation. I'm intrigued by her qualifications for the job.


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