tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post3578835403257016093..comments2024-03-28T08:54:28.654+08:00Comments on Cresting The Hill: MAKE ROOM FOR FORGIVENESS AND IT WILL HEAL YOUR HEARTLeannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-21964482846584946802022-04-20T08:44:26.569+08:002022-04-20T08:44:26.569+08:00Thanks so much for sharing my post Kirstin - and y...Thanks so much for sharing my post Kirstin - and yes, I've seen the bitterness and lack of growth that comes when people hold onto past hurts and grudges. It's not a happy way to live and seems like such a wasted life - you're so busy looking back at things that can't be changed, and in the process you miss so many opportunities to experience the little joys of living in the present. It's a valuable reminder for me to let go of any old memories that aren't enriching my life now. xLeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-26932721845201898652022-04-20T00:26:25.162+08:002022-04-20T00:26:25.162+08:00Leanne, I absolutely love this. I have been readin...Leanne, I absolutely love this. I have been reading and listening to a few things along the same lines this week (I love when that happens...it's a nudge to me to pay attention). This is so good and something I have experienced in my own life, the differences in the way people handle past hurts, etc...and the way the outcomes were for myself and the other person who chose to hold on to it all. I saved this and shared it. Kirstinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17792132554787453551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-44462877164742385052022-04-17T11:40:21.526+08:002022-04-17T11:40:21.526+08:00Hi Janet - I don't remember any specific incid...Hi Janet - I don't remember any specific incident where I chose to let bygones be bygones either. It was a gradual process of realizing that I didn't want his lack of love/care/affirmation define how I saw myself, or how I approached my own family life. I look at old, bitter women and feel such sadness for them - there is so much to life if we choose to be the bigger person and leave the hurt behind. I'm glad you chose to do the same - it's such a release and joy isn't it?Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-59735577782096706972022-04-17T11:37:50.043+08:002022-04-17T11:37:50.043+08:00I completely agree about people doing the best wit...I completely agree about people doing the best with what they knew at the time Christie. What we see as selfish parenting was quite normal back in the 'good old days' and an involved parent was the exception to the rule. Prior to that, boys were always favoured over girls and that was another can of worms. <br />Holding onto hurt and anger for so long just builds a world of bitterness that carries over into so many different areas of our life - and I don't want to be the miserable, bitter old woman who nobody wants to spend time with!Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-81418051236867822302022-04-17T11:35:34.934+08:002022-04-17T11:35:34.934+08:00Hi Marsha - I think our parents are products of th...Hi Marsha - I think our parents are products of their generations. I know that we understood the importance of valuing our children more than my parents did. Our adult children are even more aware of the affect their parenting has on their children - it's good to see such positive progression in this area. <br />I'd like to think though, that we can move on from damage done to us as children - to carry that baggage with us for our entire life seems such an absolute waste and so self-destructive. I'm grateful for my husband's input (and hopefully I've helped him deal with some of the baggage he carried from his own childhood too!)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-41831311571818110282022-04-17T11:32:41.806+08:002022-04-17T11:32:41.806+08:00I completely agree about forgiveness being tied to...I completely agree about forgiveness being tied to compassion Natalie - when we can let go of hurt and grudges we have room to allow better things into our lives.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-33024493833966649402022-04-17T09:04:08.630+08:002022-04-17T09:04:08.630+08:00I had a rough relationship with my father too. Not...I had a rough relationship with my father too. Not long after he died (I was 19), I realized I could choose how I moved forward. I could stay bitter and angry, or I could do my best to have the life I wanted. I don't remember any moment of forgiveness, and I don't think forgiveness is even necessary. What is necessary is to let go, to let the past be in the past and to take responsibility for your own future. I'm glad I could do that, and it sounds like you did too. Janet Alcornhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09175655692094831262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-24185279439852159052022-04-17T05:18:43.214+08:002022-04-17T05:18:43.214+08:00Wise words indeed, Leanne. The thing about carryin...Wise words indeed, Leanne. The thing about carrying around resentment is that it only hurts the one carrying it around. We don't forgive so much for the other person, but for ourselves. Like you pointed out, you do not need an apology to offer forgiveness. You don't even need to continue the relationship, though you may. None of us are perfect, and I believe most people are doing the best they can with the skills they have at any given time.Christie Hawkeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14897036282962474586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-73661219979769359532022-04-17T03:14:05.412+08:002022-04-17T03:14:05.412+08:00Leanne, this is such a poignant post. I see my lif...Leanne, this is such a poignant post. I see my life reflected in yours. It's been a long journey to overcome the damage my father caused. One thing I remember and share with people is that He was 25 when I was born. What 25-year-old knows anything? LOL. I am grateful that he did not every hurt me physically but just had no idea how to nurture kids or support a wife, for that matter. I was lucky to have a mother who dedicated her life to raising her children - even through difficult circumstances. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I'm glad your husband has been so supportive. I, too, am a better, more confident person because of the men I married. :)tchistorygalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12155007239178930442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-17434143117091938892022-04-16T07:49:09.084+08:002022-04-16T07:49:09.084+08:00Wise words, Leanne. I think forgiveness is a form ...Wise words, Leanne. I think forgiveness is a form of self-compassion and compassion for others. Thank you for linking up with #weekendcoffeeshare.Nataliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05151221243588416460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-84458561268554500712022-04-14T16:43:23.400+08:002022-04-14T16:43:23.400+08:00Hi Deb - I'm so grateful that each generation ...Hi Deb - I'm so grateful that each generation has the opportunity to build on what has come before - and to improve on it in the process. I love seeing that my children are so much more confident and more "balanced" than I ever will be - it means that the work I've put in has been worth it (not just for me, but for them too).Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-61679887266277806422022-04-14T16:42:02.056+08:002022-04-14T16:42:02.056+08:00Hi Denyse - I think it's such a gift to have t...Hi Denyse - I think it's such a gift to have those moments where you get to share your heart with a parent who has been distant all your life. It takes a lot of maturity and forgiveness to offer such wise words to your dad and to have mended fences along the way to get to that point. It's a big regret I have with my dad that he never opened up or understood the need for relationship - and then it was too late because he lost the ability to be present. <br /><br />I hope we all say what needs to be said, create legacies that are lasting, and move on from past hurts before we lose the time to do so. xLeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-6405136301533906362022-04-13T19:56:01.174+08:002022-04-13T19:56:01.174+08:00This was a lovely post Leanne, personal, vulnerabl...This was a lovely post Leanne, personal, vulnerable and insightful. Thanks for sharing your story alongside the 90 year old woman and showing how things can improve for future generations. All the comments make for great reading too which is always a sign of a good post!Deb's Worldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12706654888846671781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-4346418180800611062022-04-13T14:50:41.063+08:002022-04-13T14:50:41.063+08:00What an interesting post Leanne, written by you in...What an interesting post Leanne, written by you in such a thoughtful manner that many here chose to share more with you as you have with us.<br />My father and I have a SOFTENED and MUTUALLY respectful relationship now...and it took him getting (MUCH) older, and me getting cancer and (MUCH) bolder to have difficult conversations.<br />I was on my way to see him (now 98 and very much isolated from the life he loved because of ill health and covid) on Monday and I decided to tell Dad about what his legacies are for me. He stopped talking (ha!) and listened and it was a close moment or two. I might write more another time. The thing I am grateful for is that I get to have the conversations (as appopriate) that I can before he dies. Thank you so much for linking your blog post up for Life’s Stories my fortnightly blogging link up at Denyse Whelan Blogs.<br /><br />I appreciate your support and continuing blogging connections and friendships.<br /><br />I will be back with the next #LifesStories link up on Monday 25 April 2022.<br /><br />Denyse.Denyse Whelan.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16888810644186418559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-57586388115986520382022-04-13T08:37:51.483+08:002022-04-13T08:37:51.483+08:00Listening to her made me sad too Lydia - and tryin...Listening to her made me sad too Lydia - and trying to reason with her isn't an option because the beliefs are so ingrained. I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to let stuff go before it's a part of who I am.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-26851055442382729162022-04-13T08:35:55.234+08:002022-04-13T08:35:55.234+08:00Hi Suzanne - yes, Pat's abandonment posts cert...Hi Suzanne - yes, Pat's abandonment posts certainly resonated with me too because there were a lot of issues from my childhood that have shaped how I respond to situations too. I'm very susceptible to second guessing myself, feeling left out, perfectionism etc etc. Knowing this comes from my childhood really helps me realize that I'm a big girl now and can slowly put all that behind me.<br /><br />I also work on the theory that family legacies can be changed and we can do better than our parents - they were a product of a different generation, and previous to that I'm sure parents were even more disconnected from their children. Allowing that to sit in our hearts as resentment and bitterness is such a waste. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it and choose to do better.<br /><br />I really hope my kids carry less baggage than I do (they seem to be pretty awesome adults, so that's a big relief!) and I try to also leave space to talk about stuff that they saw differently to how I saw it (kids interpret things differently to adults don't they?) <br /><br />It was a good post for me to write as a reminder of where I could be if I don't proactively choose to forgive and move forward with an open mind and an understanding heart. xLeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-56162401165505919192022-04-13T08:29:17.304+08:002022-04-13T08:29:17.304+08:00Hi Sue - yes, people will always disappoint us at ...Hi Sue - yes, people will always disappoint us at times because that's part of life isn't it? Sometimes the hurt is huge or unresolved and that's when we have to make a conscious decision about what we're going to do (move on or resolve it within ourselves) because it's up to us to stop any ongoing damage to our heart before it ruins us.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-15753891964271863182022-04-13T08:00:10.415+08:002022-04-13T08:00:10.415+08:00That's quit a sad post. Worthwhile tho. A lot ...That's quit a sad post. Worthwhile tho. A lot to think about. #LifeStoriesLydia C. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13911667428856165902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-48736480352963879342022-04-12T21:09:07.252+08:002022-04-12T21:09:07.252+08:00Hi Leanne, I think you and Pat at retirementtransi...Hi Leanne, I think you and Pat at retirementtransition.blog are on the same thread these days. That 90 year old woman likely had some unresolved abandonment isues that she had never learned to deal with. It seems that generation chose to bury disappointment and suffer in silence until 'triggered.'<br /><br />What I take away from each of you is to take responsibility for myself, forgive freely and be the best person I can be, regardless of what might have happend in the past, even when much of it is entirely from my own point of view. I say that because if we were able to have an honest conversation with the person(s) who wronged us, they would likely have a very different side of the story, or they would offer excuses for their behavior as 'being who they are'. I think part of our misunderstandings with our parents comes from us wanting them to be who they were not or could not be based on their own baggage, personality, etc. <br /><br />I think the most important thing a parent can do is to allow their children to have a voice, initiate conversation and negotiate,(through love, support and trust) rather than demand behaviors. Security is more than just food on the table and a roof over head. Thanks for another thought provoking post. Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03902618824470167859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-78541279399326794752022-04-12T09:48:19.334+08:002022-04-12T09:48:19.334+08:00Hi Leanne, I agree that we need to let go of what ...Hi Leanne, I agree that we need to let go of what is holding us back and that sometimes means forgiving and moving on. I'm sure we have all had circumstances in our life where we've been hurt or aggrieved, but life is too short. For me, I have either removed the person from my life and moved on, or we have come to terms with each other. Women Living Well After 50https://www.blogger.com/profile/06163481519650226026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-46167185050509207492022-04-12T09:23:19.422+08:002022-04-12T09:23:19.422+08:00It's definitely an ongoing process Jennifer - ...It's definitely an ongoing process Jennifer - holding grudges and replaying grievances turn us into really bitter people - and I don't want to be a bitter old woman who people don't want to be around. Give me joy and sunshine any day!Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-26972827027637430872022-04-12T09:22:21.809+08:002022-04-12T09:22:21.809+08:00Hi Joanne - I've chosen to distance myself fro...Hi Joanne - I've chosen to distance myself from hurtful people too at times - it's easier than continually confronting a problem that may never have a resolution. I've also had to learn to get it out of my head and stop replaying the things that I felt were upsetting our unjust - it's a pointless exercise and my brain has much healthier things to focus on these days :)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-5644261036202657002022-04-12T09:20:21.358+08:002022-04-12T09:20:21.358+08:00Hi Pradeep, you're so right about the sense of...Hi Pradeep, you're so right about the sense of calmness that comes from letting things go. When we churn things over and replay past hurts it really stresses us and the only person who is damaged is ourselves. I'm grateful that I was able to create some distance and some perspective and not rehash past "injustices" over for decades - because, really...what's the point in the end? We're only letting it continue to hurt us.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-34783907351735064082022-04-12T09:17:54.394+08:002022-04-12T09:17:54.394+08:00Boundaries are something I didn't learn until ...Boundaries are something I didn't learn until I was at the end of my toxic job Pat. And I also learnt that people who continue to deliberately step over your boundaries do not deserve to be in a close relationship with us. I don't think they are even "friends" in the true sense of the word - because they just don't care enough to be empathetic and respectful. It's also hard when there are very few positives to outweigh the negatives, but being generous in letting things go has such a huge payoff for our own hearts and souls.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-32900728972504223742022-04-12T09:15:19.031+08:002022-04-12T09:15:19.031+08:00Hi Christina - you're a perfect example of thi...Hi Christina - you're a perfect example of this at work and how it doesn't have to be a weight you carry around your neck for life. I didn't forgive my dad overnight either, and I still carry the dregs of disappointment in what could have been.....but I haven't used his lack of parenting as an excuse to do the same - that would be a very sad way to live wouldn't it?Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.com