tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post7666741949488640947..comments2024-03-28T08:54:28.654+08:00Comments on Cresting The Hill: DE-BUNKING THE MIDLIFE MARRIAGE FAIRYTALELeannehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-31436002048515843792017-02-18T15:14:01.824+08:002017-02-18T15:14:01.824+08:00I think all marriages have their good days and bad...I think all marriages have their good days and bad days Janet - the secret is to put the bad behind us as quickly as possible and focus on the stretches of time where we are in sync and all is going well. Sometimes I could strangle my husband (and vice versa) but we're in it for the long haul and love covers a multitude of annoyances :)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-42471944212825774622017-02-18T15:12:16.776+08:002017-02-18T15:12:16.776+08:00I like the idea of renewing your vows Leanne (and ...I like the idea of renewing your vows Leanne (and it would be a great excuse to buy a new dress for the occasion - how shallow am I?) but you're right about it being an investment in the long term and the pain that would go with ending it all - it's a scary thought.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-30457942837220577852017-02-18T15:11:01.521+08:002017-02-18T15:11:01.521+08:00I read your post this morning Deb and it resonated...I read your post this morning Deb and it resonated with me too - I remember reading Mills and Boon when I was single and coming to the realization that they were giving me a totally wrong impression of what love was really about. They were such a trite rendition of something that is so much deeper and more complex.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-25266120173107899312017-02-17T16:18:29.074+08:002017-02-17T16:18:29.074+08:00This is beautiful Leanne. Anybody (like you!) that...This is beautiful Leanne. Anybody (like you!) that reads my blog or follows along on social media would know that I love the hubster to bits - we've been together 30 years this year, married for 27 in May. BUT. We still have our moments! Truth be told he was driving me mad just last week - he gets very stressed and grumpy from work. There are days I don't love that but fortunately the good days outweigh the bad.Janet Camillerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14040750107420193756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-31420595357717885692017-02-17T08:21:41.122+08:002017-02-17T08:21:41.122+08:00IT's definitely an investment. Any marriage. ...IT's definitely an investment. Any marriage. I find the longer we are together the more we are investing and the more we've got to lose if we choose to gamble with it. We renewed our wedding vows at 10 years. 20 years is not too far off (next year in fact) and I think we'll renew our vows again ... just to solidify that investment even more. <br />#teamlovinlifeLeanne @ Deep Fried Fruithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00886017636780724635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-10012610701180740012017-02-17T06:56:33.089+08:002017-02-17T06:56:33.089+08:00I'm not married but it fits in very well with ...I'm not married but it fits in very well with my post today about romance novels and fairytales and the like. I ponder (albeit with my tongue planted in my cheek) if my singledom (overly high expectations of love, romance and partners) is caused by my earlier love of Mills & Boon novels. I mention that I now don't read ANY romance novels because they feel like they're taunting me. <br /><br />I also mention that most stories / fairytales end with the wedding / partnering up and don't show what comes after. Debbishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06305239848096384084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-71099092051031914062017-02-16T21:48:45.816+08:002017-02-16T21:48:45.816+08:00You might end up being the norm for the new midlif...You might end up being the norm for the new midlifers Kathy. I look at all the millenials who are putting off motherhood until their mid to late 30's and I think they'll be finding the same challenges as you. I guess midlife will just have to start in your 60's - better late than never :)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-34274641715454031002017-02-16T21:47:12.853+08:002017-02-16T21:47:12.853+08:00It's a big ask for our poor husbands to always...It's a big ask for our poor husbands to always be doing the hearts and flowers while we sit back fanning ourselves and waiting for them to peel our grapes isn't it Lyndall? I agree that it's a two way street if you want a really good marriage.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-48348069113103078782017-02-16T21:46:04.866+08:002017-02-16T21:46:04.866+08:00It's amazing to think that we've done more...It's amazing to think that we've done more than 30 years with the same person isn't it Min? To have gone all that time without any hiccups would be pretty unusual I would think. It's nice to know we weathered them!Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-88810544196698052912017-02-16T21:45:01.420+08:002017-02-16T21:45:01.420+08:00I'm hanging on to my husband too Kathy - just ...I'm hanging on to my husband too Kathy - just the thought of getting back into the dating scene is enough to have me holding on tight! Luckily for me he's also a good catch (most of the time) :)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-81814882431049373182017-02-16T18:01:03.378+08:002017-02-16T18:01:03.378+08:00We are 21 years married but through a long journey...We are 21 years married but through a long journey of infertility and adoption we still have the kids fully on our hands (13.5 and 7). So sometimes I feel really caught in this limbo between going into middle-age and still having young kids, especially with our son still little. So I wouldn't call ours a typical mid-life marriage but we muddle through the busyness with the kids and life. One day it might get easier right! Kathy - yinyangmotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11438958678336755752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-82634415618072586012017-02-16T17:30:27.548+08:002017-02-16T17:30:27.548+08:00You're so right Leanne - life is NOT a fairy t...You're so right Leanne - life is NOT a fairy tale. We need to have realistic expectations of what marriage is meant to be ... and it's up to both partners to create romance, not just the husband! #TeamLovinLifeLyndall @SeizeTheDayProjecthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10601645461162905413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-40445456670880180712017-02-16T16:43:17.136+08:002017-02-16T16:43:17.136+08:00Woah - some excellent writing here Leanne! Reality...Woah - some excellent writing here Leanne! Reality for sure. Too many cut and run at the first little hiccup. I've been married for 32 years so I can totally relate to your words. #TeamLovinLife Min - Write of the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11880899126465316282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-53273193059171995932017-02-16T12:49:55.346+08:002017-02-16T12:49:55.346+08:00Very nicely said Leanne. I think a lot of people r...Very nicely said Leanne. I think a lot of people romanticise their relationships too much and expect to be treated like princesses forever. Once we slumber into midlife marriage it can be droll and boring at times, but our expectations are probably a lot less than they were in those initial heady days of our relationship. I am very comfortable with my husband and would find trading him in for someone different too scary to contemplate! :) #TeamLovinLifeKathy Marrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01096591807957091449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-30975278035567332482017-02-16T09:51:56.128+08:002017-02-16T09:51:56.128+08:00I love reading about other women who have marriage...I love reading about other women who have marriages that have weathered the storm and who appreciate all that involves. Midlife love is all the deeper and sweeter for having been through the mill and surviving (and thriving) afterwards.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-5192824295549772472017-02-14T13:32:32.136+08:002017-02-14T13:32:32.136+08:00Such a healthy dose of reality here Leanne! Glad y...Such a healthy dose of reality here Leanne! Glad you wrote it with both experience and conviction. There aint no such thing as perfection. Oh my I agree that in the earlier years of marriage I 'expected' more. What I don't know. However, nothing like a huge illness in one (and a very early medical retirement from his career aged 30) to determine what is most important in a marriage. For us, it was staying together ...through all the times..and for the first time in the past 46 years we are 'just us two' and enjoying the ease of it very much. Loved that saying too. Thanks for linking up for #lifethisweek 7/52. Next week: A Pet Story.Denyse Whelan.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16888810644186418559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-83005748929236773112017-02-14T12:52:47.640+08:002017-02-14T12:52:47.640+08:00Hi Jacq - I'm so glad you can see what I was g...Hi Jacq - I'm so glad you can see what I was getting at in this post - life happens and there are good times, great times, and quite a few sucky times too. We need to work on what we have now and not compare it to those dim, glossy times of the past (that perhaps weren't quite as glossy as remember them!) Have a great day xLeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-37456688028148198872017-02-14T12:51:03.239+08:002017-02-14T12:51:03.239+08:0044 years is a LONG time to spend together and I th...44 years is a LONG time to spend together and I think anyone who makes it past the first few years without a serious hiccup or two is the exception to the rule Debbie. I have huge admiration for those of us who have survived the battles and the hurdles and come out the other end still committed and still wanting to do life together - it's an achievement in itself isn't it?Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-85439388084151334722017-02-14T12:49:26.364+08:002017-02-14T12:49:26.364+08:00Knights in shining armour and Prince Charmings are...Knights in shining armour and Prince Charmings are about as real as fairy tales Bren. We all want to believe in them, but the whole concept sets the other person up to trying to meet unreal expectations and it sets us up for disappointment. I'll settle for reality (and maybe a couple of your dreams!)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-17577269730343109552017-02-14T10:02:10.783+08:002017-02-14T10:02:10.783+08:00I love the truths you wrote here. Sometimes I find...I love the truths you wrote here. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming on how we were before we were married and had kids. And yes I looked back with rose-tinted glasses, never remembering the problems we had then. I realised that we had challenges then as we do have now and it is truly about nourishing the relationship we have now. Thanks for this post. I had some realisations to inspire me throughout the day. xx<br /><br />Jacq<br />jacqwritesworld.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09563998383782110774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-1207051988511677592017-02-14T08:00:57.888+08:002017-02-14T08:00:57.888+08:00We're about to hit 34 years Laurie and it'...We're about to hit 34 years Laurie and it's really a summation of our lives to this point. I'm so glad we hung in there through the tough times because the good times are really great.Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-22494818691213763542017-02-14T08:00:11.234+08:002017-02-14T08:00:11.234+08:00Fairy tales all have their dark side and aren'...Fairy tales all have their dark side and aren't as pretty as they're made out to be aren't they Jennifer? Give me a good dose of reality with conversation, connection and love and support any day!Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05623420015695351280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-68141083396848500592017-02-14T07:48:32.425+08:002017-02-14T07:48:32.425+08:00Bravo, Leanne! You totally capture the essence of ...Bravo, Leanne! You totally capture the essence of long-term, mid-life marriage. Hubby and I will be celebrating our 44th anniversary this year. Neither one of us believes in fairy tales and our union has been more rocky than not over the years, (both "Alpha" types). We suffered several periods of financial hardship as well, leading to major stress; each blaming the other, etc. The turning point for us was a series of prolonged separations between 2010 and 2012 (brought about by circumstance, not design), which gave us a new appreciation for each other. People in long-term relationships sometimes take each other for granted and this is where we were at the time. It's true that you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone, I think it's a great idea for people in stagnant relationships to spend some time apart. We are closer than ever these days. ☺ Debbie D. https://www.blogger.com/profile/13153118405565035071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-49393415099265294462017-02-14T07:08:18.639+08:002017-02-14T07:08:18.639+08:00Oh Leanne, you nailed this girl! I was one who bel...Oh Leanne, you nailed this girl! I was one who believed in the fairy tale marriage. My knight in shining armor was also in the military. How "Knight" can you get there. However, when the honeymoon is over and reality steps in, it's not all that we dreamed of. I wish I went into it with no other expectations other than a life partner who loved me and was faithful to me. Yes, my knight failed there too. It happens, but I like you, married for better or worse. Now my fairy tale is something that visits me while I sleep. And sorry, I'm not sharing this deets. 😁<br /><br />Great reminder! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722898771124083282.post-83302853429876208502017-02-14T05:10:11.161+08:002017-02-14T05:10:11.161+08:00Love this, Leanne. After being married 36 years, ...Love this, Leanne. After being married 36 years, I can only say "amen" to everything you said.Laurie Stonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09065425057896134350noreply@blogger.com