Wednesday, 6 January 2016

casting aside my fictitious self

#midlife blog ~ crestingthehill.com.au

My daughter is one of the few family members or friends that actually read my blog (and here I was being all worried about what they'd think about my writing!) Because she knows what I like to write about, she sent me this quote and thought it suited my blog - and she was right.

I'm now thinking that I should read "The Awakening" to see more about where it has come from and what the back story is, but in the meantime I just want to savour the words themselves and the picture they conjure in my mind.

Midlife has been a time of re-evaluation for me. I have looked hard at the person I was and what I thought was important and all the things I did in my life to keep all the balls I was juggling up in the air. What I saw was a woman who had assumed a persona that fitted in with what she thought other people wanted - and that wasn't necessarily who I truly was in my heart.

I feel like I dumbed myself down and made myself more "beige" to keep from causing ripples. I apologized more than I needed to and I tried really hard to not offend anyone or expect to have things my way. Those closest to me may not agree with that statement, but that's because my mask/garment was firmly in place and I don't think they knew who I truly was either.

It comes down to authenticity and being prepared to accept the fallout that occurs when I stop trying to fit myself into what I imagine others want me to be. I even had to correct that last sentence - I had written it in the third person (with 'you' and 'yourself' instead of 'me' and 'myself') because I am so used to not being brave enough to be open about who I really am and what I really want.

Be fearlessly authentic

Being fearlessly authentic is my aim for midlife - to not apologize for being the woman I am. Being prepared to tread on some toes if needed. Being honest and open. Being confident enough to claim what's mine in time, friendships, love and all the other little aspects that make up my life. No more hiding behind my "fictitious self" and that doesn't mean that I have to be "loud and proud" - just that I take ownership of my needs and that I'm prepared to take up the gauntlet of what that might mean for the years to come.


#midlife blog ~ crestingthehill.com.au

30 comments:

  1. Fearlessly authentic. Unapologetically ourselves.
    We've. Gots. This.<3

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    1. I'm certainly working on it Carla - every day is a new chance to not take the safe route. I'm aiming to be as brave as possible this year!

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  2. I have been in the same boat all last year. I have reached a point in my life where I am still training myself to make less apologies, particularly with who I am and what I want out of life. I love the quote. I never looked at it as being a fictitious self but rather, that I was showing a surface self. My surface self is still me but not the deepest and most profound me. I often find myself "dumbing myself down" to appease others, even if I don't realize that's what I'm doing at the time. Love this post! It really made me think and I'm glad I'm not the only one working towards showing others who I really am. #waywow

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    1. I think we try to be what others want us to be so that we feel loved Michelle. I think it becomes such a huge part of who we are that we don't realize it's not authentic. I've been stripping off bits here and there and taking ownership of myself (warts and all) and I'm reaching the point where I care a lot less about other people's opinions. I'm still a work in progress with this one though!

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  3. It's funny really how we both came to the same conclusion in our today's posts. Being true to ourselves is in reality the best (free) gift we can offer ourselves. xx Abby

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    1. It's taken me a long time to figure that out Abby - and to realize that the people worth keeping in your life will love you for who you are - not who you think they want you to be.

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  4. Love this quote! Away with the masks. Out with the real (and glorious!)

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    1. I like the sound of real and glorious Diane - what a way to head into 2016!

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  5. What a beautiful quote your daughter sent to you. You're doing something right!! I've honestly never given a rat's ass about other people's opinions of me, and I can tell you it is VERY liberating. I have plenty of issues (trust me) but this isn't one of them for me. I'm probably offensively authentic!

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    1. I love that! I'm not sure how you managed to not give a stuff about other's opinions (I must be a slow learner) but I'm definitely aiming to make that my goal for midlife - to be real and glorious (to quote Diane above!)

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  6. Love the quote that your daughter sent, can absolutely relate to this and will be "trying" to use this during 2016.

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    1. thanks Jean - it just touched something in me - about covering ourselves and being prepared to take that covering off and be brave enough to let our true selves show.

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  7. I am there too, or got there after I got sick and realized that if I didn't take my world by the tail I was missing out. I hate to hurt people's feelings and I try to find a way that will work so we both get what we need, but so that I'm not always the one comprising, it's a hard balance, isn't it? As I get more comfortable in my skin and I examine my motives it becomes easier, but after tamping yourself down or making yourself small for your entire life it's difficult to find the balance, I think I'm getting there, and I hope that you find your sweet spot too!!!

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    1. I so totally get that Nikki - I'm so tired of being less than I'm capable of being so that I keep safe. As I start to put my own wants first I'm finding a whole new side of myself that has been hidden under that garment - and I'm ready to "let it all hang out" :)

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  8. makes me want to read this book too, what an awesome quote! And I LOVE the "Being fearlessly authentic is my aim for midlife - to not apologize for being the woman I am." It's perfect. I turn 40 this year and I think I want to put this quote on my wall! You are brilliant xx

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    1. thanks Mackenzie - I think you'll enjoy being fearlessly authentic and I just loved the quote too xx

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  9. Great quote and I love your quote about being fearlessly authentic. We are now at the time of life when we know what this means. Always love reading your posts and have a great 2016! #OvertheMoon

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    1. thanks Sue - I read somewhere that you shouldn't swap authenticity for playing safe and I really liked that too :)

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  10. I love that quote. It's one of my goals this year to be more 'me' and less a compromise version of someone I think people will like. x #overthemoon

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    1. thanks Jessica - I think it's a common thing for women to compromise themselves - I love that more of us are wanting to be more authentic.

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  11. It's so true but hard to do. I know I present a different person to people I don't know well but those who have known me for a while I think they get the "real" me. I wrote "I think" because I'm not really sure.

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    1. I wonder that too - I don't think my husband even realizes how much I modify myself to make our lives smoother. I'm doing it less now days, but there is still that need to keep everyone happy!

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  12. i totally agree with being authentic and thats the one thing i try to be as a blogger and whilst i am not to everyones taste i am honest about all i write and thats how i plan to stay.#alittlebitofeverything
    Angela from Daysinbed.com x

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    1. I think honesty is the first port of call in being authentic Angela - it just took me a while to realize that it's okay to be true to yourself. I'm glad you're ahead of me there :)

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  13. Hi Leanne, I love that you used to worry about what your friends and family would think of your writing, how many of us do that for it only to be proven to be a needless concern? Funny that!

    I think so many of us have the dumbed down side of us that we show to the world, which is in stark contrast to the people we really see our self.

    And I say "Good on you!"

    #abitofeverything

    xx

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    1. thanks Debbie - I find it really interesting how few of my friends and family "get" the blogging idea. They are just not interested. I guess it frees me up to have my voice without worrying about what they think :)

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  14. This is a great inspiring post! Fearlessly authentic! That is so true! I am actually happy to be at a age I am in when I am looking back as well and doing a lot of reflection and looking ahead. But with any change, even with "coming out" to be who you really are, still takes a lot of courage. And I am trying to find that courage. I love reading posts like yours as if it reaffirms what I need to do - thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything

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    1. thanks so much - I think we women have so much more of ourselves that we keep hidden. I love the fact that so many of us want to open up more and be true to ourselves. We'll do it together :)

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  15. Hi Leanne! Congratulations! Your post was in my Top 2 Picks for this Week's Over the Moon Link Up. Have a great weekend!

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