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WHAT ARE GLIMMERS? AND HOW DO THEY WORK?

What are Glimmers? They're the opposite to triggers and can be used to change our brain's response to remembered trauma.

WHAT IS A GLIMMER?

My blogging friend Pat from Retirement Transition wrote a series of posts recently about understanding abandonment and its resultant trauma and triggers. There were a lot of interesting outcomes that she described that strongly resonated with me - especially these five behaviours below. 

  • Overly sensitive to any criticism
  • Seeking external validation 
  • Discomfort/stress in social situations - especially new social situations 
  • Perfectionism, trying to meet expectations, and being productive
  • Excessive planning, over-thinking, and a desire to control the situation

In an email conversation I had with Pat, she mentioned that a friend had told her about Glimmers and how they can be used to counteract some of the triggers that we experience....

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW ON THE HORIZON IF WE'RE READY

Life gives and takes away. If you're open and ready for a challenge, then something new will come along to fill a gap and keep you balanced.

LIFE IS A SERIES OF UPS AND DOWNS

Life is in a constant state of flux isn't it? I feel like the last few years have been a bit of a roller coaster ride - from my job becoming less and less bearable, to finally resigning, to wondering what to do next, then covid throwing a spanner in the works, and  finally settling into a new routine where I expected to stay comfortably forever. 

I had my days nicely balanced with plenty of activities for my body, mind and soul and was feeling pretty settled and content....but then my hip gave out on me and life changed again.

ADULT HIP DYSPLASIA, OSTEOARTHRITIS, AND LIVING WITH A LIMP

Living with adult hip dysplasia and osteoarthritis when you're not "old". How that impacts daily life and what can be done about the pain.

WHAT IS ADULT HIP DYSPLASIA?

I used to have a life without hip pain. I had that life for 35 years or so and then one day I started to get a nagging pain in my left hip. I put up with it for a while but eventually headed off to the physiotherapist to get it worked on and to get some home exercises. It helped and it settled.

But over the following years it happened again.....and again.....and again....

A FABULOUS APRIL AND EASTER RECAP

Living life fabulously - looking back at all the fun little happenings during April.

MY FABULOUS APRIL

I can't believe April has come and gone already! Easter flashed past and Autumn has settled in with its cooler days and evenings (so much better for my sleeping than those hot, muggy nights). Quite a bit has happened over the last few weeks, including our first family covid experiences - which we all knew had to happen because we couldn't stay locked away from the world forever. But there have also been some lovely times as well, so on that note....here's what's been Fabulous throughout the very pleasant month of April....

6 VITAL QUALITIES I VALUE IN MY CLOSEST FRIENDS

The 6 qualities I value in my close friendships are: consistency, inspiration, encouragement, cheerleading, spiritual guidance and reciprocation.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD PEOPLE

Zina Harrington the author of Becoming Unbusy shared a thought recently on Facebook about the type of women she wants to be surrounded by. It resonated with me on a lot of levels because, as I've gotten older, there are certain qualities I look for in my friends too. 

I definitely steer clear of criticism, negativity, sabotage, or doom and gloom. I also don't need super sunshine-y, perfect Pollyannas either. I'm tending to seek out real, authentic, down to earth women with common sense and the ability to sift through all the dross to find the little nuggets of truth and joy that still abound in our lives. These are my tribe and today I'm sharing six qualities that speak to my heart when I'm with these types of women...

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR - YOU MIGHT JUST GET IT!

Sometimes we feel that we need a change or a challenge. If life chooses to offer you one, be brave enough to take a risk and see where it takes you.

NEVER GET TOO SETTLED

Just over three years ago, I finally walked away from my toxic job. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it. I'd been pushed to the end of my tether, and when that last straw broke this camel's back, I gave two weeks' notice, packed my bag and left. I was mentally exhausted and it took me a long time to recover my resilience. The ending was sudden and abrupt, and it left me feeling quite lost and unsure of what to do next.

By the time I felt like I had something to offer a new employer, covid arrived in all its "glory" and the world locked down. We all retreated and it became easier to stay at home than to worry about putting myself out there again. But life can sometimes surprise you....

MAKE ROOM FOR FORGIVENESS AND IT WILL HEAL YOUR HEART

Don't allow unresolved bitterness & hurt from the past to affect your life - choose to forgive, let go, and move on to create a new and better legacy

UNRESOLVED HURT

I was talking to a 90 year old woman recently, she was sharing some incidents from her late teens where her father's attitude had caused her pain. She felt that her needs and choices had been minimalized and overlooked (and from what she said, they had been). The saddest part of the conversation was that she still carried the same degree of anger and upset that she felt from when she was 20. 

She couldn't see that he was a product of his generation and, even though he'd passed away many years ago, she still carries so much bitterness and lack of forgiveness in her heart - 70 years of wasted anger and hurt. Those unresolved feelings and lack of being able to move on from earlier issues have left an ongoing legacy of pain in her life and have carried over into her relationships with others.

FINALLY FREEING MYSELF FROM STINGINESS AND SCARCITY AT 60

It's finally okay to lighten up on myself a bit and enjoy the little pleasures of life more. I'm kicking guilt and feeling unworth to the kerb.

WHEN FRUGALITY BECOMES STINGINESS

This is kind of a weird post about an issue I have that others may not have a problem with...but lately I've finally twigged to the fact that there's a fine line between being frugal and being stingy. I often muddle the two up and find myself happily spending time, energy, or money on others - while refusing to do the same for myself. I tell myself that it doesn't matter and I don't need non-essential things, but living a life of denying myself any little treats is not the way I want to live out the rest of my days.

I think it's time to stop being so stingy and to let myself enjoy a few small indulgences here and there - I'm finally allowing my tightly held fist to open a little - and it feels good.

MARCH IN ALL ITS FABULOSITY

Here's what's made March fabulous for me - family, friends, fun, and fabulosity at its best.

MY FABULOUS MARCH

March marks the beginning of Autumn here in Australa and we're still waiting for those cooler days and nights to arrive in full, and see an end to a very long, hot Summer. I think it's been the hottest and driest Summer I can remember - with very little rain and many days of temperatures in the 40°C range - and that's VERY hot! It's been Fabulous to have an occasional cooler day here and there though, and on that note of celebration, here's what's also been Fabulous throughout the lovely month of March....

NOW I'M 60 IT'S TIME TO LET MY LIGHT SHINE

Self-acceptace is the beginning of a journey out of uncertainty and hiding your light. You get to say "Here I am, this is me, take me or leave me."

HOW IT LOOKS WHEN WE ACCEPT WHO WE ARE

I spent many, many years working really hard to try to be someone I'm not. I always felt like I needed to be smaller, quieter, gentler, sweeter..... someone who didn't make too much noise or take up too much space. I thought I should be dimming my light so that I didn't overwhelm those around me. 

I thought I needed to be a gentle soul who quietly wafted through life - because that's what lovely women did - especially lovely Christian women. But no matter how hard I tried, I just never seemed to master the art of serene womanhood. 

It's taken me 60 years to realize that I don't need to be that woman and I don't actually want to be her either ....