OWNING MY NOTICING
I love Ullie-Kaye's poetry (as you'd know if you've read any of my posts over the last couple of years since I discovered her writing). She often says what I'm thinking, but in a beautiful way that I could never pull together. A little while ago I read one of her poems that was about "noticers" and I realized that I'm a noticer - and that it's a good thing to be.
So, today I thought I'd tease that out a little and take some ownership of a quality that seems to be lacking these days - being a noticer....
THE POEM
BEING A NOTICER
One of the key things I saw about my dysfunctional co-worker when we met again recently was that she was still oblivious to my facial expressions and my feelings. When this woman jumped straight into conversation with the opening comment "you look tired" and then proceeded to talk around and over me, I realized that she was completely oblivious to all the cues that she should have been picking up on.
I'd like to think that I care more than that, I want to engage with people in a way that makes them feel seen and to feel comfortable. To pick up on what lies beneath the superficial chit-chat that we're all so prone to these days. I want to ask questions, to be interested, and to not be constantly talking about myself.... I want to be a noticer.
FRIENDS VS ACQUAINTANCES
Maybe the difference between friends and acquaintances is the quality of noticing that happens? I've always valued reciprocity in my friendships - people who are as invested in our friendship as I am. You can't be invested if you're not noticing the other person and interested in how they tick, what they're saying, and how they're responding. The few deep friendships I value the most are with people who know me and can read me - they notice when I'm happy or sad, they ask questions, they dig deeper. That's so important to me because it's about..... being a noticer.AN EXCHANGE OF NOTICING
Noticing isn't being nosy, it isn't prying into other people's privacy, it isn't being a sticky beak - it's being genuinely interested in the person you're with. I like people (well, most people) and I want to know how their families are, I want to know what they've been doing lately, I want to know if they've read or seen anything that engaged their mind and caught their interest. I don't want to talk about myself endlessly - I'm really not that interesting - but I would like an exchange of noticing. That's what real connection feels like to me.
Have you ever been with someone who talks endlessly about themselves? I have - and I'm okay with it, but I love it so much more when the conversation goes back and forward. I want to be present enough in my world that I notice the small things, that I catch the hint and can dig deeper. Don't we all want to feel seen and heard? I think this might tie in with my Word of the Year - "Mindful" - where I want to pay attention to who and what's around me - to be fully present, to be aware, and to be invested....to be a noticer.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Do you feel seen by the people around you? Do you turn your inner dialogue off long enough to listen when you're with a friend? Do you pause to notice the little things?
RELATED POSTS
BEFORE YOU GO:
If you'd like to know when I write a new post, please click HERE for email updates.
If you'd like to comment but not here on the blog, feel free to email me at
leanne.crestingthehill@gmail.com - I'd love to hear from you.
And please share this post by clicking on a share button before you go.
No comments
Thanks so much for your comment - it's where the connection begins.