I think we all expect to live to a ripe old age - the older we get, the older that "ripe old age" seems to be! But I was thinking the other day about what regrets or wishes I'd have if life was to end much sooner than than I expected.
As that bus bears down on me will I be thinking about the fact that I haven't visited my dad at the care facility he's in for quite a while. Would the fact that he doesn't recognize me make it alright that I haven't been, or would I wish I'd gone there one last time?
As the plane stalls and begins its inevitable descent, will I regret that I hadn't taken to the skies more often over the years (before this particular flight) and done more travelling. Or played it safer and gone on the cruise of a lifetime (hopefully without a Titanic ending)? Would all the places I'd meant to travel to flash before my eyes like a technicolour travelog?
When the last trumpet sounds will I be wishing I'd monetized my blog and poured more time into it so that I could reach the million page view mark? Would I be asking for a bit more time to finish that last post that I'd been mulling over in the back of my mind?
Or as I lie breathing my last few breaths, will I be thinking about all times I should have told the people that are special to me that I love them? Will I be thinking of the times I could have put myself out more to visit, or to help, or to make that casserole for someone? Will I wonder if I invested enough of myself in others? Did I leave any kind of legacy?
The interesting thing for me is that only one of these questions really holds sway in my life - and that is am I leaving a legacy of love? Am I investing in my family and friends? Work and travel and blogging and having money and all the other luxuries of life are lovely, but it always comes down to relationships for me. So I will be remembering to say what is on my heart more often so that when my time comes (whether it's sooner or later) I'll be able to smile and know that there's nothing I would change.