I'm not sure why it is that I am so quick to criticize myself. I seem to have a program in my head that is all about judging myself and finding fault. When something goes wrong I can hear that little program/voice saying "I told you so, sooner or later you had to stuff it up!" Logically I know that this stems from a childhood of being the oldest child and always trying to be perfect, but it is so hard to shut that voice up!
Funnily enough, the hiccups in life are good for me - they stretch me and make me realize that I can't control everything. They open my eyes to the fallibility of myself and other people. I learn far more from my mistakes than I do from my successes.......BUT I still HATE it when I stuff up.
Midlife is teaching me to let go of some of my perfectionism. I'm learning to lighten up a little and to place less importance on what that little nagging voice has to say. I'm slowly gaining enough self confidence to know what my strengths are and to be able to celebrate them without apology. I am really good at a lot of things and I'm getting better at other stuff each day - and that is worth celebrating.
I think I've reached a point where the armchair critics can have an opinion and I can let that go through without having to explain myself or agree with them. I can can tell the little voice in my head to shut up (I'm allowed to do that because it is my little voice) and I can ignore the naysayers and keep moving forward.
Nobody needs to decide how I live my life or what my priorities should be. My reasons for doing what I'm doing are mine alone and my accountability is to myself first and foremost. The only person who gets any say in it at all is me (and maybe my husband if he is lucky! And supportive!) All I have to do now is keep the volume turned down on the inner critic and turn up the volume on the inner cheer squad and I'm on my way to having a pretty fabulous life.
I hope others are finding the same joy in trusting themselves more and having confidence in their decisions and choices. I think we've often squashed our inner cheerleader into a corner and listened to the wrong voices and missed out on the freedom that we are entitled to. Lets be brave enough to embrace who we really are and get on with living the vibrant life that's out there waiting for us.