BEING A WORRIER
Worrying and over-thinking are two of the biggest bugbears I have had to deal with in the pursuit of finding happiness again. All of my life I have been a worrier (I'd prefer to be able to say I've been a wArrior but no, it's wOrrier). I've held the belief that if you plan out every possible contingency then it will make sure things can't possibly go wrong.
Really? Really? I cannot believe I honestly think worrying is going to stop bad stuff happening......but something inside me clings tightly to that very belief. I worry about my kids, about my husband, about life in general and about all the little things that can go wrong during the day. And you know what? It changes absolutely nothing!
All it does is keep me in a constant state of low level anxiety and stress. Needing a plan for every possible outcome is ridiculous. My mother says she never worries about anything - her theory is "worry about it when it happens". That makes perfect sense, but 50+ years down the track and I'm only just starting to grasp how to do this one simple thing.
I don't think I've made a single decision in my life that hasn't been overthought to death and back again. I had a list of what I wanted in a husband (I made that list when I was NINETEEN!) I planned when I wanted to have my children - down to the month I wanted them born in (although I did allow a window of a month or so either way!) I research and plan even small decisions like the daith piercing - I even belong to a daith piercing group on facebook so I could stay super-up-to-date with it all.
I seem to be totally incapable of leaving anything up to chance - because you never know, it might go wrong, or not how I thought it should go, or it may even be better than I thought but then I could be pleasantly surprised instead of just surprised. I feel like I should be in OPA (Over Planners Anonymous)......my name is Leanne and I plan EVERYTHING to death! (btw I have my funeral already planned in my head too *sigh*)
LEARNING TO LET GO
I know myself well enough to understand that I am never going to be that casual, laid back, bohemian, peace, love and vegetables kind of gal who goes with the flow and never thinks of tomorrow. I will always need to have some sense of "control" over my life. What I am coming to see though, is I can let go of a lot of things and let them take care of themselves.
My children are adults and are quite capable of running their own lives without me worrying about them, my husband has managed to get through life despite my concerns for his health, work, social life and whatever else comes to mind at the time. All the storms of life have been weathered and we've come out the other side in one piece. Putting a little thought into it is one thing, worrying it to death is another whole different story.
WORRY IS IMAGINATION
Things are going to go right or wrong regardless of how much thinking and worrying I do beforehand. I read somewhere that "worry is just imagination" and when you come to think about it, I have much better things I could be doing with my imagination than wasting it on worrying about stuff that will probably never happen. Taking away the fretting and the over-analysing leaves a lot more room in my head for happy thoughts and positive stuff - and that's what I'm focusing on now days - so far so good!