STARTING LIFE AS AN ESTJ
I've always been a big fan of the Meyers Briggs Personality Test because it does quite an accurate job of summing up the characteristics of the people I know who've taken it. For years my result always came out as ESTJ and I was fine with that. My husband (the eternal introvert) always strongly agreed with my assessment and the fact that I was an extrovert (the "E" of ESTJ) and I continued to believe this until I recently redid the test.MORPHING IN MIDLIFE
To my surprise, the "E" had changed to an "I" and lately I seem to be ticking a lot more introverted boxes. This threw me a bit - and rattled my husband's cage a little too! He was still insistent that I was the extrovert in the family because I liked spending time with friends and chatting.What I've come to see though, is that as much as I enjoy the company of others, I also really enjoy time by myself. I'm just not a party person any more and if there is an excuse not to attend then I'll find it. I find large groups of people quite exhausting these days and much prefer catching up with one or two people at a time. Too much noise and too many conversations all going at once just seem to drain the life out of me and I end up with a headache and a sense that I didn't really connect with anyone on more than a superficial level.
CHANGING MY LABEL
Recently I found an article on the term "Ambivert" - which defines a different subset of people (apparently it covers two thirds of the population) who aren't really extroverted or introverted - they float somewhere in the middle. I felt like I'd found a definition for the person I've become in midlife - the woman who loves company but also loves being alone. I also found a great quote from Sylvester McNutt III (great name!) who describes the term in the quote below:
9 SIGNS OF AN AMBIVERT
Another article I read entitled 9 Signs That You're An Ambivert by Travis Bradberry lists nine statements that apply to Ambiverts:
1. I can perform tasks alone or in a group. I don’t have much preference either way.
2. Social settings don’t make me uncomfortable, but I tire of being around people too much.
3. Being the center of attention is fun for me, but I don’t like it to last.
4. Some people think I’m quiet, while others think I’m highly social.
5. I don’t always need to be moving, but too much down time leaves me feeling bored.
6. I can get lost in my own thoughts just as easily as I can lose myself in a conversation.
7. Small talk doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but it does get boring.
8. When it comes to trusting other people, sometimes I’m skeptical, and other times, I dive right in.
9. If I spend too much time alone, I get bored, yet too much time around other people leaves me feeling drained.
I can tick every one of those boxes! So now I'm going to say I'm an ASTJ if people ask - I still have a lot of the ESTJ traits, but I think I might be mellowing in midlife!
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This makes sense to me...I think I may be one too! I love people and being around them. However I do love being alone. I am also not into parties or large groups like I was in my younger days...
ReplyDeleteI think that just about sums up midlife for me Renee - and I quite like it! It's a good balance isn't it?
DeleteI think that throughout life we are constantly evolving and changing. I have always been an introvert, but I am becoming a bit(granted just a little bit) more extroverted as time goes by.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea that we are constantly evolving - what works for us in our 20's doesn't necessarily work in our 50's and that's okay :)
DeleteI only realized a few years ago this is precisely what I am. For me the biggest biggest part of it is I can do a lot of socializing and interacting but I absolutely positively must recharge alone.
ReplyDeleteI just find socializing quite hard work these days Carla - I can do it, but it's certainly not my favourite thing!
DeleteOh, my goodness! This is me!!!
ReplyDeletewelcome to my Ambivert support group Di :)
DeleteThis is me. I tire quickly of small superficial talk like the weather. I understand it is a ground breaker for many people to warm up their conversational skills but in my dotage I want to say "get on with it"!
ReplyDeleteMe too Haralee - cut to the chase, tell me what is interesting and lets skip the drivel that is just fill (looks like my dotage has arrived too!)
DeleteI am definitely an introvert. I hate social settings and prefer my alone time...although I haven't seen any for a long time Lol!
ReplyDeleteYour alone time is almost non-existent Rena - I think big social settings would be an overload with all you deal with day to day :)
DeleteAmbivert is a new one for me. I have never quite fit into either being an extrovert or an introvert. Many of the characteristics of an ambivert resonate with me, too.
ReplyDeleteLooks like we could set up an Ambivert midlife social group Ellen - pop in have a cuppa and head off as soon as you feel tired of it all :)
DeleteI'm a Certified Practitioner of the MBTI, and MB tells us that as we get older we use our other functions more and more. As we gain experience in life, we call upon all of our functions.
ReplyDeleteI like that Tam - it's like we get even more balanced as we get older an wiser - we pick and choose what works best for us :)
DeleteIt is really so interesting because I read an article that said that it is in our brain wiring to be either from birth but of course I am sure even that changes as we get older. I took the test too and I am 80% Introvert and looking back I've been such my whole life.
ReplyDeleteThe test is pretty accurate for me too Heidi but it changed over time because I think I am getting less tolerant of large groups and the effort involved in being part of all the social palaver.
DeleteLeanne, I think I'm also an ambivert, but lean more toward introvert. I also get bored without socializing, but like you, tire quickly. At a dinner party, I'm done at the 2 hour mark, when the extroverts are just getting started. Sometimes I wish there was a graceful way to slip away, but haven't found it yet.
ReplyDeleteI haven't found the "get out of jail free" card yet either Laurie - sometimes I just quietly ooze out the door when nobody is looking and then get asked where I was by someone a few weeks later - my answer "home in bed!"
DeleteI am an Ambivert Leanne and have completed Myers Briggs several times but always came out as ISTJ. Some people would say I'm an extrovert but sometimes I really have to try to be social. Other times it is easy. I guess being on the cusp of Leo and Virgo doesn't help either! Anyway Ambiverts unite!
ReplyDeleteISTJ is my score too now days Sue - no wonder we get each other! I think we need an Ambivert party - one where you come and go when it suits you and talk as much or as little as you feel lead to on the day :)
DeleteI can never remember what I am in the inventory and have taken so many different inventories over the years... but I do have a good sense that I am an extroverted introvert.
ReplyDeleteCarol
I guess that means you're an Ambivert too Carol - you can join our midlife Ambivert club - there will be very few rules because none of us like them!
DeleteThat pretty much describes me to a T! I am definitely choosing my social friends and the time I spend with them more carefully.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like a bit of a midlife phenomenon Doreen - I could write a thesis on it if I actually had the desire to do more than blog :)
DeleteInteresting post, I took the test about 16 years ago and I was an Introvert, but not as introverted as my then new boyfriend and now hubby. Most people see me as more extroverted, but I need alone time or I get overwhelmed. I need to recharge. I can tick all those A boxes though. #candidcuddles
ReplyDeleteHi Mackenzie! Maybe by the time you're a midlifer like me you'll find you've gained enough extrovert qualities to become an Ambivert too x
DeleteI'm absolutely an ambivert. For years, I've been an extrovert, which is unusual for a writer, but the older I get, the more I'm ambivertish. Yes, I just made up a new word, as if ambivert wasn't new enough. I really enjoy being with people, but now I need my downtime to recover. I think that's the biggest change. It bothered me at first, because I think people thought I was being unsociable when I was frequently the center of the action. But I've accepted this, and am much happier.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean Kimberly - it's strange to gradually morph into a different personality type, but maybe we're just settling into the next stage of life and what fit naturally with that - and I love Ambivertish as an adjective.
DeleteHow utterly fascinating! I teach personality tests in my university classes and I am a True Colors trainer (uses concepts of Keirsey and MBTI). I started out as an ISTJ and in my mid-40s, coinciding with going back to school for my master's, I morphed into an ESTJ! Ambivert really describes me much better, as I still need my alone time to recharge. Perhaps I can borrow this when I lead my class through True Colors next semester. Here is link to a True Colors post you might like https://secondwindleisure.com/2014/01/02/true-colors-of-star-trek-cast-2013/
ReplyDeletefeel free to borrow it Terri - we Ambiverts need to stick together! I'm off to read your true colours post :)
DeleteReally interesting! I always felt like a real introvert, but since having my children have sort of moved a little the other way. Reading this post, I do wonder if I'm more of an ambivert these days! x #CandidCuddles
ReplyDeleteI think life gradually takes us on a journey where we learn to develop new aspects of ourselves Madeline - it's a good thing isn't it? :)
DeleteOMG!! I'm an ambivert too!!! Now I know it has a name. This excites me ...
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the Lovin' Life Linky
Hope to see you again next week.
#TeamLovinLife
Welcome to the Ambivert club Leanne - I think there are a lot of us out there - happily caught somewhere in the middle!
DeleteOoo how interesting that you changed! I'm off to take the test now.. wondering what I will get! Thank you for sharing with #candidcuddles
ReplyDeleteI wonder what you got too - it's quite revealing and ticked a lot of my boxes - strange to be so easily diagnosed!
DeleteIt must be an age thing as I'm a definite ambivert. I think we have less tolerance of people and bullshite! #teamlovinlife
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more Kathy - I have so little time in my life for making an effort with people who I don't really want in my life- it certainly makes things more relaxing!
DeleteAn interesting post and one on a topic I've never heard of before. I think i must be this as I'm a bit of both in different situations.
ReplyDeleteI guess that makes you an Ambivert too Angela - welcome to the club!
DeleteI think most of us move toward ambivert in midlife. I was always an introvert, but the friends that I've made in the last two years don't believe me when I say so!
ReplyDeleteI think I am the same! I have been ESTJ too...and now I am more likely to enjoy my own company too. Interesting isnt it? I am finding the ageing thing very interesting in both a good and a 'bad' way as I seem to continue to need to adjust from 'how I used to be' to 'how it is for me now'. Thanks so much for linking up for #lifethisweek 1/52 Denyse
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that bloggers are a group tend towards being ambiverts - I think it's something about sharing some of yourself online that does it. Ambiverts unite!
ReplyDeleteGreat Post Leanne! I so agree with the idea of being a Ambivert! All of those characteristics apply to me as well. I think it probably applies to be a writer. We need down time but also appreciate stimulation from others at times. I've always just thought of it as being a "Gemini" where I can do both/and...now I have a new word. Thanks! ~Kathy
ReplyDelete