WHEN NOBODY UNDERSTANDS
Do you notice that when you tell people you know in real life that you blog, they tend to look at you quizzically and not really know how to respond? How many times have you mentioned blogging and all you get back is......*crickets*? All your enthusiasm just dries up on the spot and the conversations gets steered away onto more generic topics.Non-bloggers just don't seem to get why we do this crazy thing where we put ourselves and our lives on public display. They have no idea why someone would want to write about their thoughts and their life and what's going on in their world. They have a basic grasp of why someone keeps a diary/journal but often no understanding whatsoever about why you'd want to do it online.
SOME HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS
If you're one of the poor souls who discovers their friend writes a blog and has no idea what that entails, or what to say in response to the "I write a blog!" comment, I thought I'd put together a few replies you can come up with to acknowledge this weird and wonderful world your friend has stepped into.So, your friend has just thrown into the conversation over coffee that they have been sucked down the rabbit hole of writing a blog. You're probably struggling to come up with something to say to make them feel valued in regard to this new endeavour, so I thought I'd help you out a little. I've put a few suggestions together below to get you started, and you might even find that their answers are actually quite thought provoking.
A FEW THOUGHTFUL RESPONSES
That's really interesting.What made you start blogging?
What do you write about?
Where can I find your blog?
How do you come up with so many ideas?
I'll have to tell my friends.
I can really relate to what you write.
You are so clever (just being hopeful with this one)
WARNING!
You may even find yourself wanting to start a blog too by the end of the discussion. So the final question you ask might be: How can I start a blog too? I've had a few friends launch blogs, but none of them seem to have maintained the momentum. It's actually more of a challenge than it looks to come up with different posts two or three times a week. New things come along and their blogs fall by the wayside - but who knows where a blogging conversation will lead once you dive into one?WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you been lost for words when the topic of blogging comes up in a conversation? Are you a blogger whose friends just don't get it? Are you a friend who wonders what on earth this blogging stuff is all about? Maybe it's time to try out some of those responses over your next catch-up.
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Absolutely. Most of my friends don't get it. Most of my friends don't get that I'm a writer though either - I think they think that it's something I play at, like a hobby. That's where it's so good to have an online community that does - get it, that is.
ReplyDeleteYou have it doubly hard Jo - I can just imagine what goes through your head when someone refers to your "little hobby" :) I find it really strange when a friend comments that she reads my blog because they never discuss any of the posts or ask about it. You're right about having blogging buddies who "get" us.
DeleteI confess, I don't even tell people I blog, anymore. I think it's because no one has take me seriously when I have in the past. I love your suggested responses. If people responded in that way when i told them I was a blogger, I might not be so private about it.
ReplyDeleteI mention it every now and then Heather and it just goes into dead air. I know people might not understand what blogging is, but they often don't even ask. I guess I'm too much of a People Person to not ask about something a person says they enjoy doing. At least we have all our other blogging friends...
DeleteYou hit the nail on the head, Leanne. Many of my real life friends subscribed to my blog but they don't read it. They ask me about what I'm doing and it's all I can do to not grit my teeth. Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially annoyed, I'll respond with "All the stuff I've been talking about on my blog." That leads to excuses about how busy they are and then I end up telling them not to worry about it. But it remains a frustration, especially since those same friends are never too busy to repost stupid memes on their Facebook accounts. Whew - I didn't realize I was quite this annoyed. Thanks for providing the prompt that allowed me to vent. I feel better already :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband says he's not doing a eulogy for my funeral Karen - he's just going to hand out a link to my blog because my whole life is captured in it! I have an occasional friend who says they read a post or two but most just don't seem to care. I must be a bit of a nosy Parker because if I knew a friend was writing about their life, I'd love to read it and what their thoughts about things are. Maybe it's a trait that only belongs to bloggers? Lucky we have each other!
DeleteHahahaha Leanne - thank you for this post. I'm now wondering how to share it with friends who don't know what to say about my blog. Will it be too pointed to send it to them? Can't email it. I'll try and share it on WhatsApp.
ReplyDeleteVery few of my friends read my blog. Nor does my family - apart from my daughters. In a way I'm glad family doesn't read it because my mother was horrified at the idea of all this public sharing and specifically told me to take down a post about my brother's ill health. I've made my peace with friends who don't read it and enjoy my virtual friends' comments and the interactions with them.
Post it on your Facebook page Kalpanaa - that way they'll think they discovered it by themselves and might take a few of the tips to heart! My family mostly ignores my blogging - although my mum is a big fan (despite having her feelings hurt by a couple of my earlier posts - she's recovered though!)
DeleteWhat a great talking point Leanne. I don't even mention it anymore. Most people just think it's an online diary. eg Went to work, came home. But I really do love the network of online bloggers that I'm meeting. It's great to be understood
ReplyDeleteI don't get how friends aren't interested in friend's lives and thoughts Jennifer - I'm starting to think that bloggers are in a world of their own where we want to engage on a different level than friends do over a cup of coffee.
DeleteWhat a wonderful post, Leanne. I'm with Heather, I seldom mention blogging to my IRL friends. The dead silence or pained looks are simply too much for me to bear. I once made the mistake of mentioning my blog to a friend who was visiting. She immediately gave me all possible body language that she wanted to change the subject. She then went on to talk about her grandchildren, in tiny detail, for 2.5 hours. I am not exaggerating. Richard can confirm, he was there.
ReplyDeleteWhen a friend does ask about my blogging, and engages in a meaningful conversation about it, I know that that is one amazing friend and that we will be able to talk about anything and everything!
That made me laugh (a little sadly) Donna - How friends can think we're so interested in the minuatae of their lives and yet don't give a single moment to hear about something that engages so much of our thoughts and energy. I love it when someone shows real interest in what I write about or comments on a post they read - I'm just not sure why they have so little interest? My DIL has just started a blog and her interest level has increased proportionally to how much she's learning about what goes into the creation of an attractive, readable blog!
DeleteSuch a great read Leanne!! I love your suggested comments, particularly ‘aren’t you clever?’ I get a mixed response when I mention that I blog and most of my friends are supportive. I like to think they see the enthusiasm in me when I talk about it and can’t help help but get drawn into it it - well that’s how I see it from my side anyway!! �� we can all dream but I agree, our community of bloggers are super supportive and I love that connection we all have. I also laughed at the handing out a link at your eulogy - I’ll mention that to the Mathematician!!
ReplyDeleteI think the eulogy link would save everyone a lot of time at the funeral Deb - then they could get straight on to the sandwiches, cake and coffee at the end :) Maybe I need to sound more enthusiastic when I mention my blog and see what happens then?
DeleteI have read this again Leanne and it really resonates with me which is why I shared it on my Facebook page!! I also love the comments from others, always so interesting. #mlstl
DeleteHari OM
ReplyDeleteGood evening (a bit behind the eight ball today - still 'in recovery'!)
I love your mention in comment... "I'm starting to think that bloggers are in a world of their own where we want to engage on a different level than friends do over a cup of coffee." This echoes thoughts I have had for some time now. Apart from my the one sister, none of my near and dear read my blogs. Dad does go to the photo blog, I think...
It is possible that there is a certain abstraction of thinking which is required to blog continually and enthusiastically and it is that same abstraction which can cause us to be somewhat misunderstood in 'flesh life' as well. Due to not necessarily being a conformist at any stage of my life, even at school I was told I was 'eccentric' and would 'die an old hermit'. HAHAAHHAHA little did they understand that hermits live deep, rich, intellectual and spiritual lives and solitude is heaven for them!!!
When asked what I do with my time, the response is meditation, research, writing**, with necessary life-preserving things in between. That gets them thinking. If they're curious, questions then develop. Most, it turns out, are not, so it moves along to 'Neighbours' or 'Coronation Street' and I make a tactical withdrawal!!!
**NB- I consider blogging part of my writing discipline and do not see it separately at all. It requires the same efforts and thought processes. YAM xx
I end up telling people what I do for my day job (which isn't who I am at all) because that seems to make sense to them. Writing about stuff and putting me life and thoughts online just doesn't compute for them. I can't imagine trying to explain all the stuff that goes on in the background of a blog!
DeleteInteresting post. Not sure all my friends 'get blogging' but they have been very supportive in terms of sharing and pats on the back. You are so right - it takes a lot of time and effort to keep up blogging. Jill from https://www.midlifesmarts.com
ReplyDeleteWell your friends certainly cheer you on more than most bloggers' friends seem to Jill - maybe you're more enthusiastic about it? Or maybe it's your main profession and they respect it more? Let me know your secret!
DeleteThis was a great post. Many people don't get why their friends blog. I typically tell people it's just my online journal.
ReplyDeleteThat made me smile Tiffy - it's kind of dumbing down what we do, but I guess you have to do what works for you don't you? Thanks so much for stopping by :)
DeleteI posted this on my FB page... (I think) .... a new skill for me!
ReplyDeleteI do have some IRL friends who read my blog because they will mention things I've said in there. They never comment though. And a few (close) friends I thought would read it never do.
I have a card printed with my blog URL that I give out if any acquaintance expresses interest.... rarely do they become a follower (wordpress tells me when I have new followers.) I guess that's a bit too pushy?
I would read a blog if a friend of mine wrote one...a few folks started one and I followed immediately. And they lasted 2-4 posts. I also look at blogs of acquaintances (if they tell me) and then decide if interesting enough to follow. Sorry, I just am not that interested in cooking or quilting/knitting.
Hubby won't read my blog as he's not an on-line reader - he's not even on FB. But now he proofs all my posts since he found a typo in an early one, when he did look (he was supportive when I started). My mom and my sister do read my blog ... and will send me direct emails with comments. LOL.
I guess I've learned that my blogging buddies are a different circle of friends. And that's OK. But I'm going to use the "you're so clever" for any new blogger I meet!
You summed it up beautifully Pat - I have friends who say they've read a post, others who say "I haven't looked at your blog" and others who don't even know that I have one. I don't understand why you wouldn't be interested in taking a look at what someone you care about does? It gives such an insight into that person and I love that.
DeleteI totally get why someone wouldn't want to read a post every day (AtoZ!!) but a post a week would be interesting IMHO - I jump at the chance to read any blogs written by people I know - it fascinates me to see what they write and how they put their blog together.
I would never expect an IRL friend to leave a comment - that's pretty scary stuff for non-bloggers, and I have had a couple of friends FB message me to say they enjoyed a post - but other than that we're back to *crickets* I'm afraid.
My husband reads mine fairly regularly - I think to check I'm not writing anything he needs to put a stop to!
And BTW I think you're very clever xx
Hi Leanne,
ReplyDeleteI have been asked many times, how one can start blogging. And, I am glad to say that I have given tips to quite a few people, and actually hand-held at least five people while they took baby steps into blogging.
When I began blogging, social media wasn't big. Facebook was just a few months old; and not many people even knew about it. Today, the sort of blogs one used to see some 10 or 15 years ago, are very few. Now, there are more of niche, subject-specific blogs. Though there are also personal diary-type blogs.
But still today, you are right, there are many people who know only Facebook, Instagram Snapchat etc; and are not familiar with blogs.
For me, blogging is an expression of my thoughts, on anything that I get to see or hear about. If you look through my labels, you will get an idea of those topics. There is also one called "Personal", under which there are posts that are of my personal experiences.
Take care,
Pradeep
http://bpradeepnair.blogspot.in
I can remember when we didn't have the internet at all Pradeep, and I remember when my daughter showed me how to set up a Facebook account. Things have definitely progressed haven't they? It also shows that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks because here we are in our little corner of the internet, playing around with HTML, using social media, creating our little personalized space and meeting people from all over the world - we're rocking it!
DeleteI know a few friends that thought of starting a blog after seeing mine. The problem is all the WRITING involved! That's when you know you're a writer, which you clearly are, Leanne. You write... a lot. And even like it.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about the writing Laurie, but I find all the background stuff is what takes the time and if you don't do it then your blog looks pretty ordinary and nobody can find you. I've come SO far in the journey from a basic Blogger blog to what I have now - and sometimes I look back and really can't believe that I figured it all out!
DeleteHi Leanne, when I first read the title I thought you were referring to other bloggers. I know what you mean, we have discussed this before about family or friends not really getting why we blog or taking us seriously. I do have a couple of friends who are pretty supportive which validates me in some ways. thanks for writing this as I'm going to post it to my personal FB page and give the hint to those friends and family who 'indulge' me with my 'hobby'.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how it affects all of us Sue - you'd think that some bloggers would be saying "oh no, all my friends are fascinated and can't wait for my next post to publish" Wouldn't that be a blast? Thanks for sharing the post and for being my moral support through all this crazy blogging business xx
DeleteI think I may have been fortunate - haven't been blogging for long, but of the people I have told, most have been interested and asked to see it. Having said that, after the initial conversation there hasn't really been any follow up questions! Strange really, because as you say, reading someone's blog will often give you an insight into what sorts of things are important to them, so why wouldn't a friend take an interest?
ReplyDeleteAt least you have your mum hey Leanne (your number one fan) hehe :-)
And you have her too + your MIL - so you have double the fan club already! It's an interesting conundrum where you don't want to be blowing your trumpet about what you do and how much it takes to do it well, but you do want some engagement. I don't think friends IRL get how much is involved and how much it takes over a chunk of who you are.
DeleteOh how I love this, so much that I am going to share it on my personal FB page. Hopefully my friends will take the hint and tell me how clever I am ;-) xx
ReplyDeleteEven if they don't take the hint Jan, I think you're VERY clever :) I don't think they realize how clever we all are managing all the stuff that goes with "throwing" a blog post together.
DeleteI'm not yet at the stage of advertising my blog to all and sundry Leanne, so I'm grateful for the comments I do get (thank you for your many comments, much appreciated)! I actually find it's not that easy to just "drop it" into a conversation, especially with people I've known for a long time - "Hey, I'm writing a blog"!!! - we tend to have our usual topics of conversation and it's rare for someone to ask "Have you been doing anything DIFFERENT lately??" Maybe I should ask that question first, lol.
ReplyDeleteI don't tend to mention it either Sue - it's more when people ask what I do when I'm not working - when I say that I blog they haven't got a reply - the conversation just jumps to the next topic. It surprises me that there is so little interest - once you get into blogging it tends to become a big part of you.
DeleteI have been blogging for over 7 years now and as a 68 year old now, the look comes before the comment when I tell someone new people of all ages I have a blog. The look (and the comments) is about this: an old lady like you...and you are on social media too...wow. I get this a LOT.
ReplyDeleteHowever it is true family may never read much nor comment - but a couple of times an older granddaughter has commented.
I find that people who follow the blog via the updates on the facebook page for the blog, usually only like and sometimes comment - but only over at FB.
However, why I blog is to connect. Simple reason. I left all my teaching roles including principal by 2010 and in the absence of a good social network (people from teaching were still teaching) I found blogging. I have made attempts at growing my blog. But it is just fine as it is.
Leanne, did you know my Prompt coming up for 28 May is "How Did Your Blog Start?" Hope you join in! Denyse x
I like my blog the way it is too Denyse - it's such a great way to connect to like minded souls who want to interact and who enjoy writing - penpals with a plus! I completely admire the fact that you started at an even later stage of life than I did and still manage to do it all so well!
Deletegoodness so much of this echoed for me- I can relate to the dead air - indeed I didnt really mention that I was a writer or that I blogged for years as no one seemed interested family or friends.. lately I have thought blow that and started saying oh by the way I blog - a friend of my daughters who loves to chat 'philosophy' with me actually snorted ( was that derisively) tho I hear he posts raves on fb all the time. I mentioned the other day to a friend and she came back to me loved it said all the sweetest things and wanted to know how to set up a blog. my father my sister my niece etc all yawn if I say I write ... no interest at all ..it is weird I feel and so if it comes my way I pay attention follow a friend who is blogging say encouraging things - how hard is it ? what is it??? I dont get it and from the comments no one else does either..
ReplyDeleteIt certainly is something that we all seem to question Sandra. I think bloggers are intrinsically people oriented - we're interested in how people think, what is going on in their heads, and how to engage with that. Maybe non-bloggers don't feel the same need to interact? It still surprises me how little interest there is IRL.
DeleteReally liked your thoughts on this topic.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ria - how do you go with people discussing your blogging?
DeleteHaha! Great post! Yes, people think I'm weird or worse when they find out I blog. I'm just too old to care anymore what other people think. These are good responses. I wish people would just these questions instead of getting the blank stare response.
ReplyDeleteI'm the same Amy - it doesn't affect my love of blogging, or deter me in any way - it just surprises me that people aren't interested in this whole world that is open to them. The connections, conversations, support and encouragement is something I haven't found anywhere else in my life. They're missing out aren't they?
DeleteYou are so right that people don't get it. I rarely talk about my blog to the people in my life. Those who care and will read it are already on my list. I sometimes wish I could just unscubscribe many friends and family members from list because I know they don't read it. It isn't for everyone anyway.
ReplyDeleteI have almost nobody from my friends and family who subscribe to my blog Michele. I think they just aren't interested as a whole. Occasionally one will say that they read a post (one post) but none ever comment that they read a lot of my stuff - and I guess that lack of interest stops me talking about my blog with friends and certainly with family for the most part.
DeleteI could write a blog post about this! Actually, that's why my blog is anonymous. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I had a blog and told family and friends about it. (This was before the days of facebook.) Very few ever left a comment, and 1 or 2 told me separately that they had visited, but that was it. Then one time when I was visiting my parents, I suggested they check it out, and my mom confessed that she had, one time, and read something about me drinking, or being drunk, or partying, and decided she didn't want to know things like that about me.
ReplyDeleteSo, to protect my friends and family from learning things they might not want to know, I haven't told any of them about my current blog. Also, I never refer to any of them by their actual names, since I'm not giving them the opportunity to refute me.
I don't talk about my blog either Red - the few times it gets mentioned there is no response from the receiver - they just don't seem to know what to say (it's really not that hard to be encouraging!) So now I just talk about my boring life and leave the blog discussions for my online friends.
DeleteGrinning over the humor and the longing captured in this post. It does sort of feel like a secret identity, doesn't it? My friends are mostly disinterested or completely turned off by on-line anything. And I have one friend who prints out my posts and reads them on paper. OH, well . . .
ReplyDeleteThat last friend made me smile Michele - my dad used to write emails, print them out and then post them to the person - that used to just bewilder me! I'm now thinking that I might consider blogging to be a superpower and I have to maintain my secret identity when out and about IRL :D
DeleteI don't seem to run into this issue much...fortunately. Maybe because our friends are used to us being a little unconventional. Heck, our old dog had her own blog. Our current dogs have a Facebook page and an Instagram account. LOL!
ReplyDeleteMaybe your friends just think bloggers are all a bit crazy and humour you Donna? I love that your dogs have a FB page! My friends are more dismissive - they just don't seem to muster any concept of why I do it so the conversation just skims over it and moves on.
DeleteIt's a strange phenomenon that 'strangers' are far more likely to be interested in your blog than your friends, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteChris @BoomingOn
Exactly Chris! I would be more open to telling a stranger that I blogged than talking about it with my friends these days.
DeleteA little tongue in cheek but oh so truthful! It's amazing to me how many people have never heard of a blog and that includes younger people who've known computers all of their lives.
ReplyDeleteI know! They think that it's like an online diary - or the other end of the spectrum where I'd be sharing all manner of minuatae about my life - neither is the case and their interest doesn't stretch to finding out - I guess they're less curious than I am??
DeleteWhat a great post Leanne! Many people's eyes glaze over when I tell them I blog. They don't get it or understand it and probably think I'm mad. Many more friends and relatives have discovered via Facebook that I blog but none of them comment on my blog posts. I'm not sure if they read the posts or not but they see what I post on the Blog's FB page and some are following me on Instagram too. I'm thankful to have found like-minded women who blog (like yourself) who get me so I don't feel so crazy!! xo
ReplyDeleteI'm exactly the same Min - I have my blogging friends that are so in tune with the whole concept, several friends who know I blog through my blog's FB page - and one who occasionally comments there, and the rest just ignore this whole area of my life (which seems to be growing and taking over more of my spare time). I'm not sure where the lack of interest arises from, so now I just don't mention my blog in conversation anymore.
DeleteA fun list of suggestions, Leanne. I don't expect anyone but bloggers to be interested in blogging :) I think it's more about how curious the person is to ask more questions.
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely about curiosity Natalie - I think I'm always curious about my friends, so if they were putting their thoughts down online I'd want to check it out regularly - I guess it must be something bloggers have in common that is missing in the general population.
DeleteLeanne, I love this! I am sharing it on my personal Facebook page. I think my friends need to read it. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny Christie - a few people have shared it for that reason - I didn't bother because my friends know I blog and would just scroll past it! Maybe I should take up macrame and they'd be more interested in chatting about it?
DeleteWell done you with all your comments Leanne. Your post has certainly resonated with all our blogging friends and more. Thanks for being by BBB and also cohosting #MLSTL we certainly have a quality link up which I'm very proud of. Have a great week and I'm sharing again on social media. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Sue - it's because you're my BBB that I've managed to keep pursuing this weird and wonderful hobby - you're my number 1 cheerleader and it keeps me going at times when there are *crickets* happening IRL xxx
DeleteI started my blog to stay connected to people I left behind in the States, at THEIR recommendation. But, they are rarely the ones that read the blog. I do not mention it much in real life, because everyone here speak s German. I have had a few friends ask if I blog because I am attention seeking. Well, friend is a loose term. Nope, not attention seeking. Just sharing my thoughts and life with other like minded people.
ReplyDeleteI actually don't talk much about my blogging to my IRL friends. It turns out that many read it, but I don't actively discuss it. It's kind of like a completely separate part of me. Which is weird
ReplyDeleteLeanne I have friends that when I mention our blog I can see their eyes glaze over. lol They then change the subject. My family is fairly supportive though they don't comment much. I wish some of my friends where interested enough to ask any one of your questions.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny because I started out focused on sharing bits and pieces about my life with my children and grandchildren and now I've moved beyond that to include anyone who shares in these common experiences. I blog for me first and then to connect with whoever stops by. My children, grandchildren, family and friends all know that I blog. Some are probably reading, a few comment and I'm OK with that. :) #MLSTL
ReplyDeletewww.meinthemiddlewrites.com
Hahaha! I pinned this because I loved your answers :) When I say I blog the most common response is - "How do you make money from it?" If they are not that bold they probably just ask, "Why?"
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, yes - to your post and every single comment here! I think the only one who understands from my RL (Real Life) family and friends is my dad, who at 84 has been blogging for several years. We can have some good conversations about it, but otherwise its the online community that I've gotten connected with. As for everyone else - even though links post on FB - family and friends would rather watch cat videos or get immersed in political dramas on FB. (Not that I have anything against cat videos, being a cat-rescue mama of many, many cats LOL)
ReplyDeleteGreat questions Leanne - I think I need to share this post!!!! PS can you tell I am catching up on some long overdue blog reading today ;-)
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne! I'm just getting around to finally reading this and I so agree with nearly all of the bloggers who have commented. So-so-SO true! As a person who doesn't have children but considers her blog to be her "creation" I can't tell you how many times I have to sit and listen to other women talk about their children, their grandchildren or even their dogs without once asking me about something that is vitally important to me. And I agree with Karen Hume, I have so many IRL friends who say they subscribe to my blog but then clearly don't read it. What's with that? Do they think we don't know if they don't say anything. Thank goodness that there are readers out there that I don't know who read my blog and every now and then will send me an email or even comment--but mostly it is only other bloggers that really seem to understand. ~Kathy
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne, I was poking about on Pinterest and this post resonated with me. I am still new to blogging, yet I am surprised that good friends will not even mention or ask what I am up to lately, especially anything to do with blogging. Thank you for validating my feelings. I do find it a very supportive, inspiring community. I learn something new every day. Now I will figure out how I want to set up Pinterest:) Erica
ReplyDelete