While I've been mulling things over I came across the top five regrets of the dying and thought to myself that if I don't move my tushie (is that how you spell it??) and do something with my life I'm at risk of all five. I started to think of them all individually from where I am at this moment and things could do with a great deal of improvement!
#1 I spend way too much of my time doing what other people expect me to do - not because I am forced to, but because it is what I think I should be doing. I work because "someone has to" - well maybe that someone is not going to be me for a while. Maybe I'll kick back and be a lady of leisure for a time and see what life brings along.
#2 I wish I hadn't worked so hard - 33 years of working (except for a short time off with each of my children - going back before I was ready because we had bills to pay) and I think I am at a place in life where I can work a little less - or maybe not at all. Maybe my good husband can be the sole provider for a while until I find where I'm supposed to be. We aren't big spenders and the wolf isn't anywhere near the door, so now is as good a time as any to take the leap.
#3 Expressing my true feelings is always tricky - I'm constantly doing my best to put a good face on things and soldier on, I tell myself and everyone else that it's all fine, but you know what? It's not. I was secretary for our church for the last six years (and for another church for six years before that - all in a voluntary capacity), then I realized that I was just doing stuff because "someone had to do it" and I resigned at the beginning of the year - no more putting on a pleasant smile and sucking it up - I might do it again in the future, but at present I need to not do something I am unhappy doing - especially in a church environment. I also don't want to pretend anymore that I love working at the same job day in and day out - I want to admit I'm tired of it and have a break.
#4 I want to invest more in friendships - have more time to sit and chat and drink coffee (I'm not a wine drinker - unfortunately - I've been told it would make my life a lot more bearable - but it tastes like vinegar to me.....) Anyway, I don't want to squeeze catch-ups into my lunch break or try to co-ordinate a weekend when we're all free, I plan on "getting my girl on" and being more involved in my female friends' lives and find more time for deepening those long term friendships - and maybe making a few new ones along the way.
#5 Most importantly of all - I want to be happier! Not just a bit happy here and there, or surprised when I'm happy, but to have a spirit of joy again......it got lost somewhere along the way and I am ready to claim it back. I'm going to find my Mojo again and hopefully a new direction in life.
Change is scary for a person like me - I always pick the safe choices, but I don't want to die with those five regrets (or live with any of them now). I want to live happy and then die happy - knowing that I made other people happy too and that I left this world having lived a worthwhile life of joy and doing good..........not just getting through the daily grind until retirement.