Saturday, 26 September 2015

moving on from old friendships

It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do

It's sad but true - we all move on and sometimes it means leaving people behind. It can happen when people physically move away or it can be a change in their values where their world view and ours have diverged to a point where we need to part ways.
As we age we become more confident in what we believe and why we believe it. Our values become more entrenched and we take ownership of them instead of being blown this way and that by the loudest voices. Values are intrinsic to who we are, but they can be divisive too - I've seen people become dogmatic in their beliefs to the exclusion of remembering to love others. I've also seen people compromise their values to move ahead in a job or to become what they think is important.

Both types of people once had a place in my life at some time but not any more. Now days I need to surround myself with people who are positive and proactive and who take ownership of their feelings and who care about the people around them. I don't want to make excuses for the poor behaviour of friends - they should know better by now and if they choose to behave in a way that compromises my beliefs then it's time to move on. 

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

Time has a habit of weeding out the true friends from the Johnnie-come-latelies. I've been learning that I can keep the memories of past friendships, and then choose to move on. I need to be true to my own moral compass and values and the good friends that keep me honest and authentic. Surprisingly, there are still a lot of those people around if I keep my eyes and mind open.


29 comments:

  1. What you write in this post is very true. It can be hard to accept that you've grown out of an old friendship, but it's necessary to move on sometimes!

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    1. yes you learn to remember the good times and not repeat the bad times!

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  2. Every once in a while when I reconnect with old friends it's only a short time before I'm reminded why the friendship stopped being right for me.

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    1. that is so true Jodi! You forgive and forget and then remember again - that's definitely a sign it's time to move on :)

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  3. It's a hard thing to do that letting go, but ultimately your life will be much happier without them. Besides you have lots of cool friends now (like me hahahaha) you don't need those other losers!

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    1. It's funny to think that the friends I'm making blogging are often more real than the ones in my life Rena!

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  4. I was thinking, and talkng to my husband, about this last night! Our true friendships have narrowed down to very few, and they don't live near us, so there's no reason to fear retiring to a different location!

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    1. It's just something that I've been noticing too Jennifer - I've held onto a few because I didn't want to accept that it was time to move on, but the list of real friends has certainly narrowed! I'm glad it's not just me :)

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  5. Friends come and go but best friends remain for the long haul.

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    1. that is so true Pat - I think best friends have the same world view as we do.

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  6. I have nearly every friend I've ever made. The trick is keeping up with everyone so you don't become totally disconnected. I also agree with Jennifer that the dear, true friendships rise to the top like cream. xoxox, Brenda

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    1. I've held onto most of mine too Brenda but there are a few that I've taken a long hard look at and decided to allow a little distance to grow (I doubt they'll notice!) Meanwhile it gives me more to invest in keeping up with the others :)

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  7. I've lost a few friends and gained many more. It's all part of life, and I treasure the relationships that I have. Thanks for the perspective.

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    1. I agree Elaine - I think some friends move on and that makes room for new ones.

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  8. I've been blessed with friends all along life's route. Friends who shared my dreams and goals at that particular time. I've been grateful for each of them. Some, I've let go and some walk with me today. Wonderful article, Leanne!

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    1. thanks Diane - it's lovely to have old friends that have known us forever, but sometimes our paths diverge and that's when the memories are what we hold onto.

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  9. Great perspective, Leanne. Keep the memories and move on! I'll remember this....

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    1. thanks Corinne - I think moving on is something we get better at as we get older (and wiser)

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  10. You are so correct. Sometimes you realize the friendship was just a matter of convenience, work, neighborhood, kids, etc., but not of like minds and heart! I have moved on from some and really worked on bonding more with others.

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    1. Exactly Haralee! I think we worry too much about the ones we move on from, and maybe we should have done it sooner - but the ones that stick are gold and worth working on.

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  11. I feel it's difficult to make new friends as we grow older...And yes the best way is to cherish the memories and move ahead...There's no point trying to hold on to something against the tide...

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    1. We do have less opportunities to make new friends, but the ones who are true friends are worth so much more than the casual friendships of our youth

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  12. Those true friends will always be in your life even if you don't talk regularly. Others are just a part of the rich fabric of your life story and move on. Quality of friendship is important to me Leanne. Thanks for sharing this with us at #AnythingGoes

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    1. I agree Sue - it is definitely about quality and also being grateful for what some have added, but letting them go when they end up on a different path to the one we want to take

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  13. True. But some old friends stay with you and are there for life... and then some are meant to come and go, and thats ok too... Whatever is meant to be:-)

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    1. So true Eli - I think we learn as we get older that it's okay to let people go and to focus on the ones that are with us for the long haul

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  14. So very true. People move through our lives. Things change..and really nothing stays the same.

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    1. I think we learn that as we get older and wiser Kathy and it's a good lesson for our heads and hearts!

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  15. It can sure be difficult to come to terms with the fact that you and a good friend have grown apart, but sometimes it's necessary to say goodbye.

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