Friday, 18 March 2016

"damn you Steve" and the blame game


learning how we play the blame game - and changing that into not needing to be in control of everything

This week's #FridayReflection is: "Share your favourite TED video / talk and tell us why you love it so much". What I'm sharing isn't actually a Ted talk, but it is from Brene Brown who has some amazing insights into why we do the same small destructive things over and over again.

This clip is about blaming - it goes for less than 4 minutes and I originally came across it because my husband (the family counsellor) sent it to me - I think he may have seen some small similarities in my behaviour (fortunately his name isn't Steve or I'd really be in trouble!)

In another short video I watched recently Brene talked about boundaries and empathy and giving people the benefit of the doubt. A lot of what she has to say is about taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings. Not trying to blame or sugar coat - just letting things be as they are and dealing with them in an adult and intelligent manner.

I've got a long way to go with this (hence the video being shared by my beloved!) but it has given us a catch-cry to use whenever the blame game starts - DAMN YOU STEVE!

Here's the video if you want to have a quiet smile to yourself and you might even find it helpful too!


whenever you start to play the blame game I hope Brene Brown's "damn you Steve" reminds you to stop!

34 comments:

  1. Oh isn't the blame game Fun LOL:) although I can't see you in that role Leanne. Thanks for making me smile with the video. #FridayReflections

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    1. I do it all the time Sue - it's part of my control freak nature to want to have an explanation for everything (ie: someone to blame!)

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  2. Love Brene - her books and her talks. Love this clip too!

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    1. she's amazing - and quietly profound (my alter-ego!)

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  3. It's really hard when the kids leave home and the dog dies and it's just you and the hubby and you run out of people to blame.

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    1. that explains a lot Suzi - he would definitely agree that he now wears the brunt of things :)

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  4. Hilarious...probably because it's so true! I think once we start to take responsibility for our own actions---we tend to be more forgiving of others (at least in my case)! jodie
    www.jtouchofstyle.com
    midlifeblogger

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    1. I think taking ownership of your actions and their consequences is a big step in reducing the need to blame Jodie - I still have a bit of work to do in that area :)

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  5. That is too funny! We just went to a series of workshops on forgiveness. They really helped.

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    1. My husband says "there always has to be someone to blame" as if that's a bad thing :) but forgiveness and taking responsibility are huge steps in reducing that Damn You Steve moment

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  6. Funny! I hadn't heard of Brene' Brown, but I'll have to look for more of her.

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    1. She is amazing Lori - there is another one on empathy (something else I need to work on!) and a 5 min chat on boundaries that I put up on my fb page because it was so on the knocker correct.

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    1. She's very down to earth isn't she Liz - I love that it's not all fluff and bubbles, but good solid advice.

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  8. I started off laughing, and then cringing as it became more and more relatable. Yep, the blame game is never short on players. Thanks for sharing this, Leanne! Now to

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    1. I know Wendy - it's a snapshot of our house at times (my poor husband!)

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  9. Love this and love her. I'm guilty of the blame game way more than I want to admit!

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    1. me too Liz - I'm working on it, but it's still my default response way too often x

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  10. Loved this video. I'm more of a root-cause-analysis sort of person, asking Why? at least five times. If I can figure out why it can happen, I can prevent it from happening again. Much more controlling than blaming!

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    1. I'll have to add "root-cause-analysis" to my midlife dictionary Adela! Anything to control a situation is a bonus for me and if it means not blaming someone else then it's win/win x

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  11. Brene is amazing! I've been a fan before she was well known. She spoke at a breast cancer retreat I attended in Austin. Funny, poignant, the read deal.

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    1. I just love her Brenda - she's becoming my new best friend and mentor (I hope she doesn't mind!) I'm quite envious that you've heard her speak in person x

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  12. What an awesome clip! This is the first time I listened to Brene and what s sensible piece this is. Many thanks for sharing!

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    1. I just love her - so practical and down to earth and yet so relevant!

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  13. I love games but as we are learning here the Blame game is so destructive. What an awesome little video, so simple and easy to watch with a powerful message. How intuitive of your husband to send that to you, so thank him from us too 'cause we are all enjoying the nudge to better relationships.
    The Blogger's Pit Stop

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    1. It was a great little summing up of what we do without even thinking about it (and how toxic it is to relationships) I think my husband was on to something!

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  14. Oh I loved this video clip, made me giggle and makes so much sense too, one of my fav posts all week! #Fridayreflections

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    1. Thanks Mackenzie - it was a real truth wrapped up with a smile (they're the best kind!)

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  15. Wow! I love TED Talks. They are small dosis of truth that opens our eyes. It took me ages to realize I was a blamer and even though I still go back to the bad habit sometimes, I'm now aware of it. It doesn't control me anymore.
    Loved your choice, Leanne! It was a new video for me. Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. Hi Debbie - I think being a blamer is something a lot of us revert to when our world gets out of order and we want a reason for it. I'm working on it!

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  16. This is a great one. Thanks for sharing on #FridayFrivolity. I hope you join us again next week.

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  17. You have a double banger this week Leanne. This will be two features on Friday. Wooot

    Blogger's Pit Stop

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  18. Ummmm my husband's name IS Steve. Damn you!

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  19. Just gotta love Brene Brown! Watched her interview yesterday on Creative Live. She is awesome and I enjoyed your post!

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