FRIDAY'S THOUGHT ~ CHANGES AND CHOICES

Friday's Thought - have you noticed that you've changed and so have the choices you make?

CHANGES AND CHOICES

One of the many gifts of Midlife is realizing you're changing and that the changes aren't all about growing older physically. The wrinkles and the little aches and pains are par for the course, but with them comes the realization that you don't have to put up with all the crud that gets tossed your way.

You can choose who and what you want in your world and discard some of the dross that has been collected along the way. All that minimizing of self to keep the peace and to smooth the waters becomes less important. You start to claim your voice and the right to have your own beliefs and opinions without having to justify them to others.

CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES

I used to feel that I had to justify my belief system to the other people in my life. I felt like I was constantly explaining myself and my choices - now I just let it go. I don't have to explain myself to anyone - least of all, to those who have no intrinsic value in my world. I don't even have to prove my worth to those I do value, if they love me then they accept me and what comes with me - I can't not be "me" anymore.

I don't fight battles, I don't engage in pointless Facebook "discussions" or political rants. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, but I also don't feel the need to justify why I don't agree with their opinions either. There is a large part of me that just wants to live and let live, to exist in peace, and to hold fast to my values in a world that seems to fluctuate its beliefs and ideals at the drop of a hat.


THE NEW "ME"

The new Midlife Me doesn't care about fitting in as much as I used to. This new person has moved on from having to prove any points, or having to answer to the loudest voices. Quiet confidence and knowing what really matters to me is what's important now, I won't apologize anymore for who I am. Now I choose to take ownership of the things I love and to enjoy them despite the opinions of others. I won't be sorry for liking or disliking something that speaks to my heart - I'll just own it and let others find their way around that. It's not peace at any price, it's peace that I've earned and I'm entitled to.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Have you found your voice? Do you find that it's not worth getting embroiled in stuff that has no depth or value? Do you hold fast to your values without feeling the need to defend them on every front? Getting older certainly has its good points when it comes to choosing who and what's important to us.

Friday's Thought - have you noticed that you've changed and so have the choices you make?

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29 comments

  1. Hi, Leanne - I definitely find that I no longer get 'embroiled' in issues like I once did. I am sure that age is a big factor in this. For me, retirement is a significant factor as well. I no longer need to represent the organization that I worked for. I now only represent myself... which is so much easier!

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    1. I like the idea of only having to represent yourself Donna - not feeling the need to have to defend any beliefs other than your own is so liberating isn't it?

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  2. As I have gotten older, the choices I make have definitely changed. With age the way you see things is effected by wisdom and experience. This is an important and wonderful thing.

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    1. I definitely think getting older (and wiser) plays a big part in this Elise - we learn to trust our own opinions and values and not engage with things that go against what we value.

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  3. I can definitely relate to things. I do on occasion get stucked in, but I can see a change. At the end of the day who has the time for all the drama.

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    1. I know what you mean Lorraine - sometimes we still get sucked down the rabbit hole of other people's issues but noticing that and climbing back out is a sign we're slowly getting there isn't it?

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  4. choosing your battles is a lesson that I wish more people would learn, and much earlier in life

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    1. I'm not sure why it takes some of us so long to figure this out Jeremy, I wish 30 year old me had been a bit wiser in this area!

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  5. I agree. The freedom to pick your battles is real! Thanks for this great article.

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    1. It's interesting that the battles never completely go away do they Shari? But you're right about being able to choose which ones we decide to engage in.

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  6. It's taken me awhile to get this ..... and better late than never! Thanks, Leanne!! I'd love to share the David J. Conway meme if it's alright with you?
    www.meinthemiddlewrites.com

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    1. It took me a long time too Mary Lou - it's only been since 50-ish that I've had the confidence to stand my ground and not try to explain myself to everyone. And yes you are more than welcome to share my meme x

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  7. I'm finally understanding that embracing change and MY new voice is so important to internal growth and ongoing happiness. You hit it on the mark, Leanne!

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    1. Isn't it wonderful when you discover your voice and realize that it's perfectly okay to have your own opinions and not keep buckling to other people's louder voices?

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  8. Choosing your battles is something I constantly aimed for when I had three little people in my home. If I hadn't chosen wisely, I would have gone off my rocker. But I'd never thought of it applying to my adult life. You're so right. I need to learn this. Thank you! Facts or Fiction? Build a Better Blog

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    1. You're right too Shirley about the whole parenting balance - and it does apply to our adult relationships too (with our kids and with other people!)

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  9. My dad always said (And I've probably quoted this before!): Don't sweat the small potatoes. And it's all small potatoes.
    I'm learning. Slowly!

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    1. I'd love to see someone actually sweating small potatoes Diane! But I definitely get what he's saying and it is 99% small potatoes isn't it?

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  10. I'm reading a book right now and I've been asking myself which of the characters, in their situation, I would have acted like. I came to the conclusion that my younger self would have been the one who tried to get along and make the best of a bad situation, but my older self would have been more like the character willing to take risky chances for something she felt strongly about. With years comes a shift in perspective and a realization of what is really worth the risk. Or the pleasure - we also learn it's okay to allow ourselves the time and space to enjoy things we like!

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    1. That's an interesting comparison Wendy - I certainly spent way too many years being the person trying to make the best of a situation - now I'm more likely to put my foot down and say "enough" because life is getting too short for all that stress.

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  11. "There is a large part of me that just wants to live and let live, to exist in peace, and to hold fast to my values in a world that seems to fluctuate its beliefs and ideals at the drop of a hat." Yes, this is me, all the time. It didn't happen over night, certainly, but in my decade leading up to 50, it became more and more the norm. Getting over that desperate desire to be liked by everybody was the toughest, but I persevered haha! I am not everybody's cup of tea, of that I know, but to those that matter I am! I'll be back - I've been trying to find some midlife bloggers to connect with. In the foodie/dietitian blogger world, 98% of them have littles at home, and perfect smoothie bowls. They're wonderful colleagues, but they don't get me :)

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    1. Julia I certainly hope you'll be back for another visit - and you're right, not everyone has to like us anymore for it to be okay. I find the people who are around me now are happy to accept me with all my flaws and it takes the pressure off big time! (and I'd never have a perfect smoothie bowl!)

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  12. After raising two children, I am finally FINALLY putting myself first. When the kids lived at home, I used to think frist about what they needed or wanted and not be able to think about my needs until everyone else was settled. Now I have moved up the chain to number one.

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    1. I know what you mean - it was always about keeping the peace and making sure everyone was happy - now we can kick back a bit and have our voice again and I love that part of being in Midlife!

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  13. I find myself not getting too engaged on issues. Like you I find I have my beliefs and I stick with them. Life seems too short to argue with everyone. Tired of arguing.

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    1. I know what you mean Carrie - the thought of engaging with pigheaded people just isn't in my realm anymore. I just want to have peace and pleasantness at this stage of life.

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  14. This is something we all need to read Leanne - I always pick which battles I fight as it is too easy to get involved sometimes. I find i stay quieter these days and listen more before talking at all. It's a new me in some ways :) Thanks fer your thoughtful take on life issues.

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  15. I found more wisdom comes with the experience of life that age gives us. I am more comfortable with who I've become, more confident in my ideals, I no longer need to know all the details of my friend's lives, their problems cam make mine seem trivial, I need to deal with my issues before taking on theirs as well, so I too choose my battles. Good article, thanks.

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  16. Choosing your battles was my mantra as a retail manager. These were kids, this was not their career choice, and this was not their passion. I wanted them to find a passion in a job, find an educational experience of growth, but to do that I had to choose my battles. Some battles that weren't chosen I might regret, some battles that were chosen were perhaps less essential, and more a lack of stock in nerves. In the end though, I believe choosing my battles was truly one of the major keys to my career success.

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