My first expectation relates to family – I have this absurd
notion (that my family refers to as my “Brady Bunch Mentality”) that families
want to spend time together sharing happily in each others’ lives - because
they have been parented that way.
My husband told me that one of our prime aims in raising our children was to create independent adults who didn’t need to be tied to our apron strings and I should be happy we succeeded. And I am happy that we have parented two well adjusted, self sufficient young people, but at the same time I miss being an integral part of their lives and having them orbiting around me.
The other factor that adds into this unmet expectation is
that other friends talk about their children in an edited version (a bit like
the Christmas newsletters of old) where they only discuss the acceptable and
interesting aspects of their adult children’s lives, the facebook version of
life where everyone is successful or happy or coming home for a visit…the rest
is conveniently left out of the conversation. No-one actually lies, they just
omit the parts that don’t reflect well on their family.
I truly believe we need to be more honest and open – not
putting our families down or comparing who has the best or worst child, but by being
willing to share the ups and downs and disappointments - as well as the accomplishments and successes. I need to admit I had
ideals that were maybe a little unrealistic (after all the Brady’s were
fictional AND they had Alice !)
I need to cut myself a little slack and see the wonderful human beings I
created and enjoy them for who they are and relish the fact that they aren’t
Mini-Me-s (thank goodness for that).
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