INTRO
I was asked a while ago about what turning 50 felt like now that I look back on it all. The person who asked me also gave me a few questions to answer. So here's what I think about in hindsight when it comes to turning 50.
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT TURNING 50 WAS LIKE?
So much water has passed under the bridge since I turned 50! When I look back, I can see that it was a time where I was stagnating and just treading water. Without noticing, I’d slipped into feeling quite disenchanted with my job, with my marriage, with my kids who’d flown the nest and never looked back (great for them, but a bit of a loss for me), and with my life in general. I just felt like I was becoming the token invisible, middle-aged woman.Then, a huge wake-up call came my way when my husband told me (after 30 years of marriage) that he didn’t feel like he loved me and didn’t want to be married anymore. I felt completely blindsided – I hadn’t seen that he was depressed, or that I was unhappy and not hiding it well, or that we’d been slowly sliding into separate lives. Things were a mess to say the very least. Anyway, long story short, after a few months of talking and being open and honest with each other, we found our way back to a much better place. In the process I changed jobs, he started some medication, I learnt to be more tolerant and less resentful, and we gained a deeper appreciation for what we had as a couple. I’m SO grateful we made it through. (If you’re interested I wrote more about it on my blog HERE.)
HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW IN RELATION TO THAT TIME?
Since that time, I’ve gained a much better understanding of who I am, and I’m more confident in my sense of “self” than I was back then. I’m working hard at not tying my self-worth so tightly to other people; I’m more able to be autonomous and to take responsibility for my own happiness. I used to place so much importance on how other people saw me – if they were happy then I was happy. I wanted to be the perfect wife, mother, nana, employee, friend, daughter, sister, etc etc (an impossible task that often set me up for disappointment).Now I’m learning that I can’t be all things to all people – I can’t keep everyone happy – I can only be responsible for myself, and if I work on being the best version of “me” then I have more to offer others – win/win.
WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF SINCE TURNING 50?
There are a lots of things I’m proud of – first and foremost, I have a strong and stable marriage again, two wonderful, successful, and independent children who are working in careers they love, married to people they love, and our son and his wife have given us two beautiful grandgirls who are the lights of my life. It doesn’t get much better than that.I also discovered blogging and it’s been a godsend for me. It’s given me a place re-discover myself, and it’s where I can write about what’s on my heart and mind. It’s also given me some wonderful online friends who have cheered me on as I found my voice, left my job, reinvented myself, and grew in so many ways. The invisible woman never manifested because my blog gave me the boost I needed to remind myself that I have value and something worthwhile to contribute to the world.
ANY OTHER BIG CHANGES SINCE TURNING 50?
My latest achievement is to quit working after 40+ years. I’ve never seen myself as a career woman, and I changed professions several times from dental therapist/hygienist, to dental receptionist, to call-centre operator, to personal assistant, and finally to medical receptionist. Then, after working for the last few years with a very difficult and demanding manager, I took my courage in both hands, put in my letter of resignation, and walked away before I had a nervous breakdown.It was the best decision I ever made and all the worries about how we’d manage without my wage have turned out to be groundless – we’re fine, I’m happier, my stress levels have plummeted, and that reflects positively on every other aspect of my life. I smile all day, every day!
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR SOMEONE TURNING 50?
Don’t see 50 as the beginning of the end, and don’t assume that you’ll just fade into the wallpaper and become invisible. Take the time to have a good look at your life and who you are as a person. Are you happy? Are you content? Are you living your best life? If you can’t answer “yes” to those questions, then maybe 50 is the time to start making some positive changes. You don’t have to do it in one fell swoop, you can take tiny steps towards being your best self.The second half of life can be so much better than you ever expected if you approach it with an upbeat attitude and a sense of anticipation for all that lies ahead. I’m loving my 50’s – the good and the bad times have led me to where I am now, and I wouldn’t swap that for the world. Life might not have gone to my original plan, but all the ups, downs and in-betweens have made it a really interesting ride.
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