HOW DO YOU REACT TO UPHEAVALS?
I'm confessing right here and now that I'm not good with people throwing a
spanner in the works, or with unexpected changes that I have no control
over. I'm excellent at planning and preparing, I'm great at list making and
having Plan A, B, and C. But I'm not great with upheavals and life throwing
me curveballs.
The latest evidence of this came with my hip surgery date being
thrown into chaos a week before it was due to happen...... we all know the outcome, but this is what I learnt about myself in the process.....
WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING
For those not in the loop, I have hip dysplasia that suddenly escalated
into not being able to walk without pain and a limp - the solution was to
have a total left hip replacement. Due to the severity of my problem, they
scheduled me in for my operation 10 weeks after the decline really set in.
Having a light at the end of the pain tunnel made it a lot easier to cope
with the discomfort and limitations, it felt like a miraculous answer to
prayer, and gave me incentive to push on through the tough days.
Being a practical person, I tried not to put all my eggs in one basket - we
live in uncertain times, and operations regularly get cancelled. I kept the
date to myself and close friends and family, and got on with living my life
to the best of my ability.....holding that date as my comfort blanket
through it all. As the day drew closer and the lead-up appointments and
processes were getting ticked off, I really started to believe that it
would happen as planned.... But, life has the habit of rattling our cages
doesn't it?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE?
Two major glitches happened for me in the week leading up to my surgery
date. Glitch number 1 was that I tested positive for
MRSA, an antibiotic resistant bacteria that many people carry as part of their
natural flora - it's not a problem until you need a surgical procedure. It
then means a five day preparation prior to entering hospital - this includes
a special bodywash and hair wash each day and a nose cream and mouthwash
twice a day for the five days. It also means that I get scheduled towards the end of the
theatre list (not the beginning as I'd hoped for).
Glitch number 2 was that the nurses in our State decided to go on strike
on.the.day.of.my.operation - aggghhh! This was a glitch I had no control
over at all. I could do all the MRSA prep and accept being at the end of the
list, but I couldn't ask the nurses to wait to go on strike, or for the
government to agree to pay them more money. I could only sit and wait and
feel a little sick in my stomach about what would happen. Less staff means
more delays, which means people on the end of a theatre list miss out on
their operation......
DON'T WORRY - JUST GO WITH THE FLOW
It's so easy to preach the "don't worry" mantra when issues are small, but
when the big stuff hits you it's a different story - well it certainly was
for me. I swung between having faith that it would go ahead despite the
glitches, and then back to trying to be okay if it got cancelled at the last
moment. All I could do was wash, swab, and gargle each day and ask for those
who knew me to pray that things went ahead. I just had to put it into God's
hands and accept whatever outcome eventuated.
It's such a tough challenge for someone with my innate desire to want
everything to be cut and dried. I'm not good at sharing my struggles and asking for help, but I put that
behind me and asked my church friends to join my family and close friends in
praying for me. Praying for things to go ahead and for a good outcome - but
also that I'd be strong enough to cope if things didn't go according to
plan. And then I just had to wait - nobody knew what the day itself would
hold - I might get told not to come, I might get there and wait and then be
sent home, or I might get a new hip. So much uncertainty for my poor little
brain to process.
HOW I COPED IN THE INTERIM
The way that I managed to not drive myself insane in the final week leading
up to my surgery day was to try to stay in the present, to not churn through
the 'what ifs' and to trust that I'd be okay whatever the outcome. I allowed myself a little cry now and then but kept in mind that it wasn't
life or death - there would be another operation date if this one fell
through - I'd get over the disappointment. Despite my good intentions, there
were still many times when my mind would start playing out future scenarios.
To try to steer that tendancy into a more proactive course, I downloaded a
series of quotes from
a lovely website
and played them on a slideshow on my laptop background.
Just reading whichever quote happened to show up when I clicked onto my
desktop was such a reassurance. Hearing so many people say they were praying
for me (or sending me positive thoughts and vibes) also helped calm my
unsettledness. Care and prayer are huge comforts when life gets out of your
control, so thank you to everyone who sent goodwill my way.
A FEW MORE QUOTES FROM MY SLIDESHOW
THE OUTCOME - AND ITS IMPACT ON ME
What I learned through this upheaval was that we all need to have faith. It might not be faith in God (although that's a big one for me) but it soothes our soul to believe that higher powers have things in control. It also helps to be surrounded by a caring community - people who send you kind words and who let you know they care. The messages I received on Facebook, via text, or on Messenger were so reassuring.I'm beyond grateful that the nurses at my hospital didn't participate in the strike, I'm grateful for health professionals who go above and beyond, I'm grateful for friends and family, and most of all I'm grateful that God answered all those prayers for me. It's so lovely to have a wonderful outcome after a rather fraught few months. Things don't always work out for us, but it's such a boost and blessing when they do.
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As you can probably guess, I do not handle glitches and monkey wrenches thrown in the works well at all. Not at all. And like you, I don't ask for help and even feel guilty asking others to pray for me and even praying for something for myself. I dislike being told that everything is going to be okay. Most of the time it is eventually okay. I have survived even my worst day but not gracefully. But I certainly complain a lot when things don't go as planned.
ReplyDeleteThankful the nurses at your hospital did not strike. And that your surgery went off without a hitch. And you are now well on your way to being good as new. The MRSA could have been very dangerous...didn't realize we have it growing in our bodies naturally. I remember having to bathe in with a certain soap before my last surgery. Now I know why.
Hope to get back to writing posts like these for myself. I appreciate knowing that I am not the only one who struggles when LIFE interferes with plans.
Hi Leslie - isn't it weird how we get so thrown off by the curve balls of life? My daughter said that I was 'stoic' and that's why I don't like asking for help or admitting that I'm struggling - and she's probably right. It's so hard to admit that you aren't sailing as smoothly as you'd like to be (and yet we're more than happy to comfort others who are going through difficult times).
DeleteI'm just so grateful that it worked out and it's all behind me - but I'm sure there will be other life hiccups along the way - I'm told it builds character!
I'm a self-confessed control freak and a project manager by occupation, so I think you know my answer to the question - I don't deal well with curveballs... or at least those I haven't anticipated for and planned for and planned risk mitigation strategies for. I know I should have faith, I'm a firm believer in fate or karma or what have you, but I do like to give it a helping hand... if you know what I mean. Now to go catch up on the posts I missed while I was away.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - it's definitely a personality trait isn't it? So many people sail through life without a care in the world, and others (like us) want to have our ducks in a row and each tied nicely with a bow! I'm getting better at not worrying about the small potatoes in life, but when the bigger stuff happens, all my great intentions to be calm and zen tend to fly out the window!
DeleteHi, Leanne - You had so many people in your corner that that alone was a major blessing. I am delighted that you had such a positive outcome. I hope that your PT sessions are going well and that you are rocking your new hip!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - my MIL told me that having people pray/send good vibes etc is a way of connecting into community and feeling the care of others - it certainly was for me - and it made me appreciate how lovely it is to have kind people who care in my life.
DeleteThe physio is going well - another class tomorrow + my daily exercises and trying to walk a little bit further every day - slowly but surely I'll get there!
Leanne, I am with you. I don't deal well with unexpected changes. Last Thursday, I had to go for a Stress test for my heart and I was exhausted and in pain. When the nurse saw me, she suggested that I wait another time which would have meant waiting maybe another year and I said No Way, I am in pain daily due to osteoarthritis, so this day is just as good as any other day, and I got on that treadmill. Glad I did it! Done and over!
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I think life throws things at us regularly and we get rattled because we assume everything should be smoother than it is. Stepping up and doing something, believing that we can get through - that builds us up, makes us more resilient, and prepares us for the next hurdle. Good on you for pushing through and being able to tick something off the list instead of taking the easier way out.
DeleteOh I do not to well at all with responding to upheavals and changes in plans that are out of my control. I tend to go into panic mode and my thoughts spiral and build up in my head until I feel literally sick to my stomach. I keep hoping I'll get better at this with age but so far... not much luck at all.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm getting better with the small glitches Joanne, but the bigger stuff still does my head in. I waste too much time overthinking stuff and still have a long way to go when it comes to leaving things to be what they will be. Oh well.....there's still time to grow!
DeleteThis was a lovely and honest insight into your thinking prior to the operation Leanne. Thanks for sharing how you coped and what got your through it all. I'm so pleased you are recovering well and hope to see you up and walking soon! We can't control what happens only the way we respond. x
ReplyDeleteI think choosing our attitude plays such a big part in how we cope with things Deb. The situation doesn't change, but if we manage our stress levels and our expectations then we cope better with the curve balls - it's still tough, but less traumatic at the time.
DeleteHi Leanne, I think most of us who are organised and work to a plan can get thrown when changes happen. Leading up to an operation is very stressful so any changes would be unsettling. Staying in the moment, having your faith and friendship support would certainly help. Good to hear you are on the mend. xx
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - I was thinking that it's like selling a house - all great until something gets thrown out during the settlement period or in the moving process. One stress on top of another and our poor brains go into meltdown. It's such a relief when things get back on track again and yes, that faith and friendship were huge bolsters to my mood in the lead up!
DeleteDear Leanne, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteDon't you worry ... everything will turn out well, finally.
Yes, not everything is in our control. And it's pointless to worry about them.
Go with the flow, as you have rightly said, is the way to go.
Just keep those positive thoughts glowing ...
They will provide you more than enough light for the way forward.
That was lovely and poetic Pradeep - and going with the flow and being positive certainly reduce the power of the setbacks that befall us. It doesn't completely negate the impact, but it helps our resilience and our ability to deal with the curveballs and prepare for whatever happens next.
DeleteHi Leanne - I am not good when things are out of my control. I like order, but life doesn't always work that way does it? I can get anxiety and panic and can tend to catastrophise ... if the circumstances lend themselves to it. I'm glad the quotes you put on your laptop helped you. Also glad your surgery went ahead and you're on the other side now and doing so well! Hooray!
ReplyDeleteHi Min - the quotes are still there because they remind me of what it was like in those stressful days, and that I got through with the help of God and all those lovely people who were barracking for me. It's such a relief to have it all behind me and to be heading towards normality again after the last year of pain.
DeleteOh the so-called go with the flow people..who are they!!? I remember what you were going through at the time but didn't know till now of the MRSA..add another worry/challenge. I am currently doing my 'best' for me at living with some uncertainty as I come out of a virus that laid me low (diarrhoea, off my food, very tired etc) for over a week. I now am slowly getting back to speed but want to 'trust my gut' will behave when I am wanting to go out (needing to go out) and so, I am doing the "I can manage whatever happens" and "It will be OK, even if I can't do what I thought".... so yes human like you in some ways for sure. I need to tell you that to my embarrassment my lovely web guy found the IMAGES on the blog were, as you predicted, causing the problem. However, what I am now doing and it's kind of meant to be....is deleting posts (and who knew some of my earlier deleted posts, still had images on the site) and that includes Women of Courage. I sent you and others a message. I am having some ideas that will help de clutter the blog going forward! Thanks for joining in the link up. Denyse
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I think we can be works in progress. I know I don't worry and fret over things as much as I used to, but the bigger stuff will still trigger those old tendencies. I think when we're unwell or in pain we also tend to over-think and over-stress about changes in our plans. It's always fear of the unknown that sneaks in and sabotages us.
DeleteI had a feeling you'd find that all those lovely photos you share would impact on your blog storage - I compress all of mine and also don't share dozens of images. Deleting old stuff that's no longer relevant can be a good bandaid measure until you decide how much more space you need in the years ahead.
Upheavals and curveballs, I can do okay if it's just one or maybe two depending on how big and drastic they are. After that, I have to work not to start catastrophizing, re-shaping my thinking about everything going on. I agree that "roll with it" idea is lovely in theory, but wow does it take work to achieve which begs the question about whether a person is rolling with it. Haha. Great post, Leanne.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting so much better with controlling my worrying and over-thinking. I was even becoming quite proud of myself - but when the big stuff hits (and it's stuff you have absolutely no control over) the fear and worry leap back into action. Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss, then I wonder if it's better to be prepared. Rolling with it is the best strategy, but there's still a lot of under the surface stuff going on as I try to ride the waves!
DeleteI think it's a stress issue - the operation is big and you have associated pain. Chronic pain taints everything. I think to be managing anxiety about a big operation is one thing, and you were doing that really well - the sudden risk of the strike just pushed that into panic. Tbh, I think that's normal and ok. I'm glad it worked out for you but I think had it got moved, you would have got upset/disappointed but then dusted yourself off and refocused on the new date. It's good to analyse this stuff. We are such an interesting mix of triggers and reactions.
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I think everything you said was absolutely spot on. I thought I was doing really well with managing the pain, the uncertainties, and the hope for an end to it all. But throw in another couple of unexpected upheavals and I just reached my limit. You're also right that I would have gotten over it and started on the next operation lead-up, but man it was so good to have it all fall into place at the end!
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for sharing how you coped with the stressful uncertainty before your surgery with us at #weekendcoffeeshare. I'm glad you had a successful surgery and you're on the mend. I hope your recovery is going well and you're out and about enjoying spring.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - I think it's interesting sharing our reactions and discoveries - because they can be applied to so many different areas of life. I watched my unflappable mum get quite stressed when her new car she'd been waiting for was going to be a slightly different colour - it surprised me how much it rattled her. So, I guess we all have triggers and react when life hits us with too many changes at once.
DeleteI'm SO glad it all worked out and I'm sorry to hear about the angst it caused you. I'd have probably lost my mind. Praying my date stays put. Thank for for all the quotes, prayer is SO powerful.
ReplyDeleteHi Kathleen - you're definitely on the final countdown now and I sincerely hope you don't have any glitches. I'm beyond grateful that mine all worked out in the end. The sheer relief of not being in grinding pain anymore was worth the angst in the lead-up.
DeleteHi Leanne,
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear your surgery went ahead as scheduled and that everything lined up well in the end, and is indeed such an answer to prayer. I had a complicated situation last Saturday where a close friend was getting married at 1.00pm and I was due at my school reunion at 3.00pm and they were about 30 minutes drive apart. I was torn about whether I would actually be able to leave the wedding early as well as getting from A to B. The wedding was a good 1.5 hours drive away from home and my husband was also going. I was thinking about driving myself but was concerned I was concerned I would get too tired. A friend suggested a taxi, which initially seemed a bit indulgent but then seemed like the way to go. However, I couldn't get a taxi but friends could drop me off. A school friend offered me to stay at her place as well and was coming up this way early the next day. God really came through for me. Everything lined up so well. That was a good lesson for me.
How is your recovery going? I hope you're feeling okay.
Best wishes & God bless,
Rowena
Hi Rowena - isn't it lovely when things fall into place after what seems like impossible odds? It strengthens my faith when I see God at work in the small stuff as well as in the really big things. So glad you got to do both events. My recovery is still continuing well, I walk a bit further every day and my muscles are slowly healing. My hip is fantastic, but the surgery site is just taking a while to heal and get strong again. I'm beyond grateful to be up and about and almost back to normal again.
DeleteYES! This is so good and so true Leanne! Thank you for sharing. your heart and your struggle. I also like things cut and dry or at least the plan B, C and D. Unknowns or flying by the seata of my pants isn't easy
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin - sometimes I think it helps to share our struggles and how things evolve - it allows others to know they're not alone when things seem to be going out of their control. I was so grateful that it all worked out in the end, but it was also a good lesson in letting things be what they would be - I just can't control the uncontrollable.
Delete