Cresting The Hill

Hi Leanne, I believe women (and men) who support each other, are cheerleaders for each other, are one of the greatest gifts on our journey on this planet. Time and energy is limited for everyone. Finding a moment to connect and even make a future date, is always worth it when maintaining friendships. XX Erica

One of the reasons I moved to my island years ago was just this lack of affirmation and friendliness in the north where I lived at that time.. Here I value the recognition given to me and offered by me even if I do not know the person. I value my long term friendships and I continue to connect because of the pleasure it gives me. Perhaps the pandemic separated people even more in the north??

A very thoughtful post Leanne. And a reason why you and I remain connected...always something for share and comment about!! Thanks for that. My experience has been that "I" tend to lead and initiate things like catch ups. I used to think I could just wait for others, but in doing that, I was actually stopping MY social connections which are important.

Here's what I have learned....there are people who will take the initiative (and I understand that is me and accept it) and if a no-show or no hear back happens, then that's it. However, in coming back to Sydney, it's been great because I have found with those I am most interested in keeping and friendships rolling they tell me they are more than happy for me to contact and make plans.

I have accepted too, that this is my role in our (large) family and no longer "wait" but I plan, for a catch up every few months. I had "expectations" set by my growing up, and the demands that "when are we seeing you" etc can still emerge so my practice is based on "not wanting to make people feel they have to catch up"...It's hard! But I do it because I want better relationships with the family.

And do keep smiling on your walks...sometime people will realise it once you have walked by...it is a nice feeling to have at least shared!

Hi Leanne
I have noticed this. I thought it was just me. I think maybe Covid had something to do with this. We kind of lost the art of getting together as much because we weren’t able to( with close friends). Also, it’s much easier to just text someone, than call them up and have a real conversation. I had just kind of resigned myself to the fact maybe this is what happens at this point in our lives. Our kids are grown and some of the connections we had made through our children or work just fizz out sadly.
I just returned home from a trip to Spain however, and noticed people rarely there made eye contact or smiled or said ‘Ola’, and I realized going out for walks or to my neighbourhood mall, people in my city do this and I really missed it.
I do hope theres a light beginning with retirement, and I will be able to make some new connections.

I always say “good morning” to strangers who are out walking and if they are the eyes down type with the ear thingies stuck in their ears, I make a point of saying “hello” loud and clear just make them snap out of it. I get great satisfaction doing this just to see them have to make a reply. Works for me. I enjoy stirring the pot!

Hi Leanne I completely agree with you re friendships. I am always the person getting in touch with my friends and organising a meet up. It concerns me that perhaps they aren’t really interested in meeting me but we always have a good time when we do meet. I’ve started trying to put a date in the diary during a meet up for the next one even if it’s 6 months ahead. This has actually gone down well with my friends too so perhaps I’m just being too super sensitive….. I think a smile and a greeting is always good to give and receive. I love your blog by the way! There’s an affirmation for you coming from a sunny Ireland !

I have a few friends and even family members that I've stopped calling and checking in on and trying to make plans with because I too feel like I am always the one initiating. I wasn't angry about it or anything but genuinely feel like perhaps they aren't as interested in having a relationship with me and I should take the hint! We hike a lot and encounter lots of strangers on our hikes; most are pretty friendly and do at least say Hi or look up (but unlike a street we're usually on a pretty skinny trail!).

It seems to be getting harder (for me at least) to sustain relationships with people. I try to initiate contact with a few, only to find they're busy or overwhelmed, and I don't feel like intruding. However, quite recently, I spent a lovely afternoon with a friend - an author, blogger and trainer - and it was really good not just to connect at a deeper level but to affirm each other. If I don't say it often enough, Leanne, thank you for your words and your focus - which always inspire me. ♥

Hi Leanne - Though we are all caught up with our lives and various commitments, it is good to stay connected with our friends. All it takes is a call or even a short message that we remember them and enquiring how they are doing. Communication is so easy nowadays.

Leanne, Interesting about the morning walk. This past 10 days, I've been relegated to the dog walker role as hubby recovers from his surgery. I've had much different experience! I've had people I don't know stop me to ask how he's doing (they recognize the dog) and others ask if he's Ok (they didn't know about surgery but obviously he's not walking the dog!). I nod & smile to bikers or runners and they nod & smile back. Only person who didn't make eye contact was obviously a teenager!
I also have a few friends who have told me outright that they are horrible for being the instigator of anything, and asked me to please keep being the one to set things up. They are always (verbally) appreciative when I do as well. Sometimes it's just not in someone's skill set. If they started not being appreciative or I didn't really enjoy the time together, I might think differently!
I'm not sure about the blogging world. It does feel different than when I joined in (9 years ago!) and I'm sad so many seem to be moving on. But I'm also learning that things change...and I might be the one in a couple of years moving on as I struggle to find something new and interesting to write about.
But until then, I'll affirm those I see on my morning walk (another 2 weeks we estimate before he can take it back over), affirm all my friendships - close and occasional, and affirm my blogging buddies....so many make me think!
Have a great week.

There is so much that resonates with this post, Leanne. I have thought many similar things at times. I try to put my friends front and center in my life in terms of checking in, being supportive, and being sensitive to their feelings and struggles. It is not reciprocated by every friend -- I try to just show some grace, but it hurts a bit and makes me curious --is it really a friendship or are we merely acquaintances? Hmm.... I think being supportive of followers on IG and the blog is so important! I try to comment and like regularly, and show some extra love when IG friends post something very personal. I went through a tough time of not responding to comments on my blog, and have felt bad about that. I can do better!

I too have given up on contacting several friends. We only see each other when I initiate contact. Now, I am feeling like maybe they don't really care about keeping in touch . . . There's more than a few (that I was really close with at one time) that never initiate contact. I'm now too old (69) and too tired to keep the friendships going, when it seems like I'm the only one who actually cares. These are various people that I have known other places, but are now living within an hour from me. I cherish their memories, but even at my age, you can get a lot of self doubt in your life. So, I'm cutting it out.

I have certain friends I'm tired of always initiating the contact with. Hubby will say 'have you heard from x?' And I'll say no and he'll say, 'Why don't you call?' and I'll say 'because I'm tired of always being the one and I'm tired of then feeling bad because they make excuses.' The connections, however, are what make getting up at ohmygoditsstilldarkoclock to go walking worthwhile. The days we're missing, we're missed.

I feel badly because I am so hit or miss with blogging, reading blogs, commenting and replying to comments. It is just so very time consuming. I don't know what I am doing wrong with my 24 hours each day but I can't get it all done. In the last two weeks, I have had to babysit my grandbabies 6 days while my daughter and her husband went to Great Britain and then 4 days of the last 14, I was out of town for my brother's wedding. Now I am trying to catch up on a neglected house, laundry, grocery shopping. How do you get it all done and find the time to write as much as you do?

With PC's cancer diagnosis, I was going to the doctor with him about once a week but I am praying that we are about to close that chapter of life as he seems to be cancer-free. Praise God. I kitty sit and substitute teach and help with my grands and take 2 writing courses and there just isn't any time left. I try to catch up with about a half dozen friends once a season or so but everyday I feel like I am dancing as fast as I can.

One thing I love about El Paso and the Mexican/Tex-Mex culture is the practice of speaking to everyone when you walk into a room. When someone enters the waiting area at the doctor's office, they will speak a greeting in Spanish to everyone. I think that is so polite, so kind. I try to pay compliments to random strangers and it is amazing how most of the women respond. Almost as if they have never received a compliment before.

I like texting to check in on friends and try to add everyone's doctors appointments to my calendar so I can remember to check on them, to let them know I am thinking of them and praying for them but the older I get, the more of my friends are dealing with health issues. It's so sad.

Keep being your wonderful, warm, friendly self. Keep smiling at strangers and greeting them with eye contact. You are so genuine. And whether or not they respond, most people will appreciate your effort.

Hi Leanne, I'm back from my blogging break and trying to catch up on my regulars! Your post is interesting and maybe a sign of the times. I still enjoy the world of blogging but can see that changes have been happening over the past few years. Not as much engagement, chatter or time spent as in the past. It doesn't cost us anything to say hello, look people in the eye as we pass them by, or engage in some way. I love that side of things! Living in a small town we take forever to walk the main street. I loved it on Norfolk island as everyone is encouraged to wave at cars as they drive by, it's called the 'Norfolk Wave' and all the hire cars have instructions to do it! It was a lovely friendly gesture and that was followed up by friendly locals welcoming visitors to their homes and shops. You keep smiling girl!!