Monday, 5 October 2015

speaking life into my marriage

#midlife blog crestingthehill.com.au

When you've been married for a very long time you come to realize how important it is to invest in the person who you have made a life long vow to. It's so easy to take each other for granted and to not show appreciation. It's also easy to make "funny" comments about the other person that can be hurtful or unhelpful.

I've read a few blog posts lately that take a shot at husbands and their little quirks. I think anyone who has been around a marriage for a long time knows that there are small things that can drive us crazy and it is easy to focus on these and make fun of them. It's easy to "take the mickey" out of someone you know so well. It gives us a smile at the time but doesn't do anything to build up the man we love.

My husband never reads my blog - well, he may have once or twice when I suggested he have a look! He's not particularly bothered about what I put in here because he knows that I wouldn't be using it as a tool to slag off at him or at our marriage. In the past there would have been times when we made jokes at the other's expense, but as time goes on, we are finding that we are kinder to each other and we don't need that aspect of humour in our lives. Mocking other people just isn't as funny as I used to think it was.

If you don't have your husband's back and he doesn't have yours, then there is no safe place to fall. There is nowhere to go when your feelings are hurt or when someone is mean spirited or using you as comic relief. I'm sure other couples can use this type of humour and bounce off each other and not have any problem with it at all, but I am just finding that it is too negative and I really need to be built up and not torn down at this stage of life - and the least I can do is show the same courtesy to my husband who I love more than anyone else.


My aim for the years ahead is to speak life (and light) into my marriage. There will be times when I forget and slip back into old habits, but those moments are getting fewer and farther apart. I don't want to be poisoning the life I share with the one person who has stuck by me through thick and thin. I don't want to respond in kind if he slips up and says something that I feel is hurtful. I want us to be each other's cheer squad and know that we have each other's backs.

On a final note, here is a song from Toby Mac that resonates with me on this subject:




32 comments:

  1. So true! I have my husband's back and I want to cheer him on too. Sometimes, he feels neglected because of my blogging efforts, but he understands my love of writing. I try to balance it out.

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    1. I agree Mary, we can certainly get caught up in our writing, but I think that making sure that the time we spend together is positive is what it's all about.

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  2. All. Of. This. I'm living it right now.
    xo

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  3. If you don't have your husband's back and he doesn't have yours, then there is no safe place to fall.

    Well said.

    This is spot on!

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    1. thanks so much - it becomes more true with every passing year!

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  4. "In the past there would have been times when we made jokes at the other's expense, but as time goes on, we are finding that we are kinder to each other..."

    Leanne, well said. I appreciate that others can "source" issues or flaws kindly, gently and even with the full appreciation and humor of their husbands, but I'm not sure I'd want those tables turned so I steer clear.

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    1. I'm just getting more "fragile" when it comes to being mocked and if I don't like it then I have to assume my husband doesn't either - we're good with being kinder now we're older :)

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  5. So true! My husband rarely reads my blog either, but again, I would never publicly make a joke or say anything unkind about him.

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    1. If my husband had a blog I'd read it to see what was going on in his head - obviously he doesn't need the extra help to know what I'm thinking Joy!

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  6. My husband has only read a post or two as well. He doesn't even get on the computer period. I've been married for many years as well and we do make fun of each other at times. We never try to tear each other down though. We love each other completely and are each other's best friends, but that doesn't mean I won't laugh at him for doing something stupid! Some things work for some and some don't Each couple has to figure out what works for them. I've been absent for a while glad to be back! I've missed you!

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    1. I wondered if you were having a little rest Rena - glad you're back on deck! I keep waiting for another Rena's World update :) Nice to find another husband who isn't a blog reader - we can join up with Joy (above)!

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  7. So true, thank you for these encouraging words today.

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    1. my pleasure Terri - I just wanted to put across the other side of the story for those of us who are getting past the mocking stage :)

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  8. A lot of truth here. Personally, my husband not only doesn't read my blog he seems to feel threatened by it and isn't supportive at all. He never has been. Without it, I probably would be insane. To him it is a waste of time.

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    1. I don't think a lot of men appreciate what a blog offers to someone who likes to write and engage. I try to get my husband to read an occasional post so he understands it a bit better :)

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  9. What a perfect post Leanne! I couldn't agree more. While my husband and I definitely tease each other, we would never purposely be hurtful or mean. And I would never write anything bad about him on my blog. By the way, he doesn't read mine either. If he had a blog, I would be so curious about what he was writing every day! But he figures it's my thing, and he just stays out of it!

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    1. Hi Lana - teasing and mocking are completely different and you get to know the difference after awhile :) It looks like there are quite a few husbands who leave their wives to their blogging worlds - I think I like it better that way!

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  10. My hubby and I definitely tease each other, but we have begun to learn where the limit lines are for each other after all of our years together. We try not to cross them. But I definitely need to feed my marriage more! Thanks for the food for thought.

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    1. I think we all overstep the line occasionally Jamie but doing our best to build into our marriage, rather than taking the other person down is what we're all aiming for.

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  11. Leanne such truth to this post. I see too many couples who tear each other down and then I wonder why they are even together. This was a big eye opener for me years ago when I saw a lovely young wife totally discredit her husband and I thought if she dislikes him so much what does that say about her? And I vowed back then (25 years ago) to not be that wife. Thanks for putting into words what I have always felt.

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    1. You learnt a lot quicker than I did Mary - but I've listened to many "jokes" at husbands expenses to think that it's okay now. I'd rather say something nice (or nothing at all!)

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  12. My husband reads my blog from time to time and sometimes I'll ask him to give me an opinion on something I've written before I publish it. If I mention him, then he gets to say whether it's okay for me to publish that.
    I've learned too that sometimes those 'harmless' jokes are not so harmless especially when you use them in public. I hate to be the audience when a husband or wife is running down their spouse. It makes me cringe!

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    1. Me too Corinne - if you are each other's favourite person then you need to behave like that and be kind to each other.

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  13. I don't think my boyfriend reads (much) my blog. But I'm not sure. We rarely talk about it (except when I asked him to share his recipe).
    I think indeed that some people can have fun of things, but I also don't feel comfortable with this overexposure.
    I prefer my private life "private".
    Thanks for joining #tiptuesday.

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    1. It's funny how most men don't read their partner's blogs - nice that they trust us isn't it Debbie - and thanks again for hosting :)

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  14. Yes, I quit making little jabs about my husband to others. Because overtime I've come to realize that we are a team. It's not us against each other, but a team. And he has always had my back and I appreciate him so much. Great article, I wish more people would speak about this type of thing.

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    1. I hate those little "jabs" and snarky comments that are masked as humour and I'm so glad you're in the same boat :)

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  15. My husband subscribes to my blog so if I was so inclined, which thankfully I am not, I would have little chance of berating him there :-). Today, the online life seems fraught with negativity and vitriol. I see it often that people tear each other down. It makes sense to me to not tear down the one person in this world I can turn to in times of strife. Plus I love him :-)

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    1. yes - why would we tear down the one person we love the most!

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  16. Leanne, thank you very much for joining Tip Tuesday Link Party.

    It is a pleasure for me to inform you that your blog was the most clicked last week and that you will be featured next time!

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  17. Thank you so much for sharing your post with us at the #AnythingGoes Link Party! See you next week.

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