I KISSED JOB HUNTING GOODBYE

Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting

DATING AND JOB HUNTING

There was a book that did the rounds of Christian youth groups back in the 90's called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris, it was based on the concept that Josh no longer wanted to go through the rigmarole of dating countless women in the hope of finding his one true love and offered an alternative. Twenty years later he changed his mind and wrote a retraction because the book was rather over the top in what it was advocating.

Despite that, the title was super catchy and made me think that dating and job hunting were a lot more similar than I'd realized. They're often preceded by a traumatic break-up, then a lot of soul searching, a desire to hook up with the "perfect" partner, the awkward interactions, the failed attempts, and then (hopefully) the ulitmate successful match that lasts a lifetime. Josh kissed dating goodbye and this is why I'm kissing job hunting goodbye...

THE TRAUMATIC BREAK-UP

We all know what it's like to have our heart broken by someone we thought loved us, appreciated us, and was committed to a relationship with us. We're left questioning what went wrong with our dream relationship that we thought had so much potential. This is followed by a whole lot of soul searching, sadness, introspection, and (eventually) recovery and deciding to brave the waters again by jumping into the dating pool. Do we want to open our heart to another person? Do we want to stay single? Do we dive in and hope for the best?

Breaking up with a job can be so similar, it started so well, promised so much, and then failed to deliver. There can be misunderstandings, personality clashes, mis-matched expectations, broken promises, and so much more. Ultimately we walk away from all those disappointments and wonder if we really want to do it all again. Do we want to jump back in and start the hunt for the elusive "perfect" job? Do we want to put our hearts and competencies on the line again? Do we need to? Do we believe there's a job out there that won't implode like the last one?

LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT PARTNER

The whole point of dating is the hope of finding our perfect partner. We have to decide whether we even want a partner any more - being single can be a very pleasant state where life is lived on our own terms and we don't have to compromise to make room for someone else. Still, for a lot of us, we live with the hope that there's someone out there who will add another layer to our life and make all the adjustments and settling in together worth taking on.

When we leave a job and start thinking about what's next, there's that same desire for a perfect match. We often jot down a list of what our ideal job looks like - location, pay rate, benefits, workmates, boss, etc. We wonder whether it's all going to be worth it, or should we stay home and be comfortable in our own company and not have to go through the learning curve and adapting that a new job would require? Is there a perfect job out there - or even a job that would tick most of the items on our list?

We often jot down a list of what our ideal job looks like - location, pay rate, benefits, workmates, boss, etc.

INTERACTIONS AND ATTEMPTS

I can see why Josh wanted to kiss dating goodbye, there was all the awkwardness and unmet expectations that come with hunting for a new partner. There's the hope that the person you're meeting will be all they've promised to be - especially if they had a dating profile that sounds exactly right. How many dates are needed with Mr Wrongs before we find the elusive Mr Right, or give up completely and settle for our own company and a cat? How many letdowns are we willing to endure in the process before we decide that we've met Mr Close-Enough rather than Mr Perfect?

This is why I want to kiss job hunting goodbye. I've applied for many jobs over the last few decades, some successes, many failures; many promises that turned out to be pie in the sky. There's always the perfect job ad/dating profile that left out the bits that weren't so appealing (like the extra unpaid hours, or the horrible office politics). Still I've pushed on in the hope of finding my Perfect Job. I've even been approached by an employer or two who promised the world and then slowly let the work relationship dwindle into dullness. Still, the job ads appear and lure me into "swiping right" and trying my luck, and still, I regret it every time - do I want to settle for Close-Enough? Is that really enough for me now I'm older and wiser?

THE PERFECT MATCH?

The whole purpose of dating is to ultimately find our Perfect Match - that one person who we can live with happily for the foreseeable future until 'death do us part'. We put up with all the trials and failures of dating in the hope that it will pay off in the end. For many it does and they can leave dating behind them - kiss it off and settle into a life that dating's no longer a part of. How sweet that is!

they can leave dating behind them - kiss it off and settle into a life that dating's no longer a part of. How sweet that is!

Others just get tired of all the dating disasters and settle into a happy single life that is satisfying in itself and doesn't require them putting their heart and soul on the line for the sake of an elusive dream. Who knows what might come along in the future - but they're not going to play the dating game anymore, instead they'll leave it all in the hands of God.

I've reached that stage with job hunting - I no longer want to sell myself to the highest bidder. I don't want to keep putting myself out there and being disappointed - either by what the job actually turns out to be, or by missing out on what looked promising in the ad. I think I've had enough jobs/'relationships' to be able to put the whole 'dating'/job hunting game behind me now. I'm surprisingly happy in my 'single'/retired state and I don't want to play the 'dating'/job hunting game anymore. Despite that, there's still the little glimmer of hope in the back of my mind that it might not be over yet, the fat lady may not have sung her final song. I still have my Perfect Job list/'dating profile' and I don't know what the future holds - so maybe I'll leave my fate in the hands of God too.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Are you in the perfect job? Are you hunting for that elusive dream of a perfect job match made in heaven? Have you decided that being single/retired is the best choice - suiting yourself instead of compromising with a good-enough job?


RELATED POSTS


Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting
Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting

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Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting
Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting
Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting
Some people kiss dating goodbye, I decided to kiss job hunting goodbye. If there's really a Perfect Job out there then I'm letting it come to me. #midlife #jobs #jobhunting

41 comments

  1. Hi Leanne,
    I have thought about this subject before. But in a slightly different manner.
    The two -- getting a partner/spouse and getting a job -- are very similar.
    How much ever we try, we get one when it is time for it.
    Sometimes, it all goes in a predictable manner, and we get what we love.
    Sometimes, it doesn't go the way thought, and in a surprising turn of events, we love what we get.
    Sometimes, it's not that cheerful, and we neither get what we love nor are we able to love what we get.
    Like you rightly said, it is in the hands of God, finally.
    I am in a job that I like; a job that I chose.
    Since I have put in more than 30 years in this profession, I am quite naturally, looking forward to that time when I would have retired and I would have lot more of time to do stuff that I am not able to do now.
    I don't know if once I am retired I might long for a steady work again. Too early to tell.

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    1. Pradeep you said it very well - there's definitely a relationship involved with having a job isn't there? Probably because of how much time we spend enmeshed in our employment! I'm amazed that you've been in the same profession for 30 years - that's a long time in this day and age of swapping around all over the place. I'm sure you'll miss it at first, but retirement definitely grows on you as you settle into it!

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  2. Hi Leanne! Hmmm...it still feels a bit like you haven't given up on the who "job hunting" thing completely. Hopefully you've just readjusted your thoughts to "attracting the right purpose and passion" rather than just looking for another job. And while I haven't dated in a very long time so can't even relate, I do feel like I am at an age where I want to stop chasing anything--be they lovers, friends, jobs, fame, fortune--you name it. Learning to wake up optimistically and accept the good in the moment ahead is more than enough for me these days. ~Kathy

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    1. You're so right Kathy - I think I've reached the point where it would take something pretty amazing to lure me away from home. I like the idea of it being a purpose or passion rather than going back to 'working for the man' ever again. I love that I don't have to sell myself to whoever's bidding at the local slave market and I really don't see me ever going back - the scary thing is as soon as you say "never" life tends to bite you on the bottom and throw another curve ball, so I'm going with - supremely doubtful about ever working again :)

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  3. I had never thought of the similarities between job hunting and dating....but you are totally right. I sincerely hope that both of these are long behind me! :D

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    1. Me too Donna - they both involve a lot of pressure, angst and (often) disappointment - so I want to live blissfully as I am for the rest of my days and leave all that behind me in the dim and distant past :)

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    2. That sounds like a very wise plan, Leanne. I have shared this on my Social Media. #MLSTL

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  4. Love this. Can you imagine what recruitment would be like if we could just swipe right? (or is it left?)

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    1. I think it'd save everyone an awful lot of time and emotional stress Jo - it's all so involved now and I just can't be bothered playing the game!

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  5. Hi Leanne,
    I know you are ready for this transition...I loved the connections you made between choosing not to continue the search for the perfect job and the book.
    I'm lovin' retirement...know you will too!

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    1. Every month that goes by shows me how much better it is to be out of the working world and safe and happy in my own little corner of retirement. I didn't realize how "over" it all I was until I started thinking about looking for another job - I just keep coming back to a big "No" when I see anything advertised. And I think loving retirement is definitely where it's at!

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  6. Interesting view (and probably helpful, cos it takes that pressure off). I've not heard of that book but off to read the links on it - how fascinating (and imagine - no longer thinking what we did as a 20 year old - ha!)

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    1. He had a great idea that turned out to be a bit of an extreme approach that messed with a lot of other people's heads Lydia - you can't program romance and attraction and turn it into a logical formula - it works much better when you apply it to job hunting though!

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  7. Hi Leanne that’s a great connection you’ve made between dating and job hunting. As for my job, it may not be the perfect job but it’s the perfect job for me st the moment. I love going to work every day. #MLSTL Will share

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    1. That's the key Jennifer - "loving" going to work. Until I see something that I'd "love" to do more than being at home on my own schedule, I'm staying away from the job hunting /dating world. I must say I'm a little bit envious that you found "love" :)

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  8. Hi Leanne
    Great analogy! I've never thought about it before, but yes-I can see the similarities! I'm glad you are done with dating:) and job hunting. Who needs it! #MLSTL

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    1. It might be worth the pain and pressure for those who still want a relationship with a job (or a person) but for me, I'm very happy with where I'm at - I'll keep the husband and I'll keep the retirement and the rest is just bye bye baby for me :)

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  9. The similarities between job hunting and dating are so true, and your post made me think. In fact I'd never considered the similarities before. However, I'm super grateful that I don't have to do either any more, and there is much to be said for getting older (as long as we have our health). #MLSTL and Shared on SM

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    1. You're right Jo - when you're caught up in the middle of either dating or job hunting it's all consuming, but when you step back and find your happy place it makes you wonder how you ever coped with it all. I love that Midlife is giving me the opportunity to be happy with where I'm at and to not have to hunt for a job or a partner!

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  10. I love the analogy, Leanne! I'd never thought about the similarities between the two before, but there are many. For me, it's working for myself and living by myself at this point in life. And I'm okay with both. #MLSTL

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    1. I'm very okay with where I'm at too Candi - life can bring unexpected changes and I don't believe we should ever say "never" but knowing that we're content with where we're at - it takes a lot of pressure off us and allows us to just appreciate where we are at this moment in time without hunting for the next new thing.

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  11. I love not working. My days are full and this traveling lifestyle is all I hoped it would be. I hope you find retirement life to be fulfilling, Leanne. If you don't need the extra household income, then just enjoy.

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    1. That's my plan these days Christina - the extra income is always welcome, but to sell my soul for it isn't! I love that we are managing fine without me having to door knock for a job and to have left behind the toxic mess of the last one still brings a sigh of relief!

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  12. Good morning, Leanne:

    I just loved your take on job hunting and it gave me a few giggles. I’ve got two friends who are currently looking for jobs and both are more than a little frustrated so I’m going to share your two posts and hopefully brighten their days too. pp xx

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    1. I'd love you to share it with them Pamela - job hunting can be soul destroying when you're past the "ideal" age. I'm so grateful that I've been able to step away from it and not have to jump through the hoops again. I saw the other day that employers are using online algorithms to sift through applicants so if you don't use the right keywords you don't even get looked at - horrible stuff and I'm glad to be out of it!

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  13. I enjoyed your analogy of dating being like job hunting. I am not job hunting either, and doubt that I ever will, but you never know. It would have to be the right job and the right passion and the right salary and that seems like a unicorn at this point.

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    1. I'm with you on the whole unicorn thing Michele - we never say "never" but we also need to know what's best for us. Competing for something that isn't all that appealing just leaves me cold atm. I'll wait for my unicorn to knock on my front door and then I'll write a new post on miracles! :D

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  14. I have read this several times and still never thought this would be the same as dating/job hunting. The only problem that I have in the mix is that I live with my daughter and her family and this sometimes now is causing me issues. I am at this time am not sure where or what I need to do next. Any suggestions from anyone??

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    1. Hi Dianne I know what you mean about circumstances affecting how we approach stuff like jobs and partners. If I was on my own it'd be a different story because it'd mean I didn't have my husband's (part time) income to help bolster me and keep the roof over my head. I wish there was an easy answer as far as living expenses goes - if it was me, I'd be buying a tiny house, finding a little spot to park it, and enjoying the small cost, the privacy, and the independence - good luck! xx

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  15. Good post Leanne and neither I would love to experience again. Having said that I have had interviews and training with my volunteer work which I love doing. When it suits with no pressure. Best of all I'm out in the community and meeting new people. #MSTL

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    1. I think volunteering is a great way to have some of the "feel" of working but without the obligation to jump through someone else's hoops Suzanne. I'm going to change what I do as a volunteer next year - finishing up with the little girl I mentor when she goes to high school next year and I think I might do something with babies for a change (I love babies!)

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  16. What a great connection you've made here Leanne. I enjoyed reading your take on things and wonder what you would do if a job came along now?? Pinned for #mlstl

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    1. I wonder that too Deb - but as Michele said above, it would have to be the unicorn of perfect hours, perfect pay, perfect people - and that's highly unlikely - and I'd add in that it would have to come looking for me! So I guess I'll be home with my cats drinking coffee and blogging for many years to come :)

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  17. Hi Leanne, Think blogging is amazing and creates such a wonderful venue for self-expression. Sure you'll notice you have extreme abundance in your life as it's already there. Will pin and reshare. Thanks for hosting #MLSTL.

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    1. Blogging is a wonderful outlet isn't it Nancy? I think it's made all the difference for me as I progress through leaving the horrible job behind and deciding not to chase after another one. It's given me the self confidence to say "enough is enough" and no more dancing to someone else's tune - I'm just loving it!

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  18. Sounds like you had some fun writing this too. Go Leanne.

    Denyse #mlstl

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    1. I'm so glad you could see that Denyse - I loved every moment of writing this post!

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  19. Great analogy Leanne. I hope to never be dating or job hunting again--at least that's my viewpoint in the present moment, being happily married and nearing the end of a 20+ career with my current employer. And by nearing the end, I mean I do have a few years left! While I'm not looking to seek employment after I retire, I am still trying to figure out what I want to do, which is a little like dating as well. I've tried a few things and imagine I'll try a few more before I decide. #MLSTL

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    1. I envy you having an employer who you've enjoyed working with for such a long time Christie. I had great visions of long term employment with my last job until I drowned in the drama and misery that was hidden in the background. I'm happy giving up the job chase - if a unicorn of the perfect job knocked on my door, I may answer....but then again I might pretend I'm not home!

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  20. I hadn't thought of the similarities between dating and job hunting. They're hard work. I hope not to be doing either again. #mlstl

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    1. Me either Natalie - I couldn't believe how similar they were when I started writing this and the correlations kept sync-ing together. It gives me nightmares contemplating either scenario these days!

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