WHAT DOES RESILIENCE MEAN TO YOU?
Today I'm writing about "R" in the List of More and the very first word that came to mind was Resilience, which in Latin means “to leap back” In other words, Resilience translates to being able to rebound after experiencing loss, or calamity, or hardship. The picture comes to mind of those children's toys called Weebles. They had a strong and steady foundation that allowed a Weeble to be tipped or knocked over and then recentre itself after each "hit".
BECOMING A WEEBLE
What would it be like to be as resilient as a Weeble? In the article Resentment, Resilience and Rebounding, Nilofer Merchant asks: "What would be the things that let us have a centre to return to?" and goes on to suggest - clearer priorities, a different or redefined sense of purpose, or identifying some values that become central to the way one’s life is lived. Putting those in place, can help each of us be more resilient — springing back to our centres, and evolving and growing in our truth.MY TOP 5 WAYS TO REBOUND
There are dozens of articles available on different characteristics of resilient people. There are similarities and differences in the lists because we all have our own innate strengths (our own weighted centres) that come into play when tough times hit us. After the work upheaval that I've bounced back from, I'd like to share five ways that have helped me bounce back and move forward without looking back.1) MOVE ON
Number 1 priority was to move on, to stop looking in the rearview mirror and over-analysing the situation. It is what it is, it was what it was - life deals us the occasional blow and we have to keep looking ahead towards the good things that will be coming our way. Rehashing is good for a while - it clears our heads and helps us make sense of what happened, but then it's time to put it behind us and move on.
2) LOOK FOR THE LESSONS
My Dad wasn't a great father (in fact he was pretty useless in the father department to be honest). When the time came to look for a man to fall in love with and to parent my future children, I took the lessons I learned from my childhood and used them to choose more wisely - someone completely different to my Dad, someone who wanted to partner me in marriage and parenthood. The past taught me what I didn't want, and from there I could make wiser decisions.3) MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR
This was a big one for me surviving those turbulent work years. Having a co-worker who knew the situation and who could laugh with me at the craziness was a godsend at times for my sanity. Sharing a meme, sharing a quote, sharing the unbelievable stories of what had happened on a particular day, and then sharing a laugh about it were all ways to help diffuse the build up and make it possible to go back the following week to do it all again.4) EMBRACE THE CHANGE
You can't fight change - no matter how much we want life to work out exactly as planned, it has a habit of turning around at times and biting us on the butt. Unexpected things happen - work drama, illness, unemployment, divorce, death, family fallouts, the list is endless. Being able to accept that something bad has happened, accept that fact and then look at how to manage the change and turn it into a positive is key to rebounding and not being beaten down and stuck.
5) CHOOSE YOUR ATTITUDE
This one is crucial - we often can't control what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it. We can choose to be bitter, broken and angry - or we can choose to take the higher ground. The calamity happened and can't be undone, but how much we allow it to influence our hearts and minds is completely up to us. I chose to live and learn, to become wiser and never allow my boundaries to be crossed so carelessly ever again. I also chose to see the other person as a damaged soul, and that allowed me to keep resentment to a minimum. I also look back on it now as a blessing - I'm choosing to see the good that has come from it and the fact that it forced me to make changes that have improved my life far beyond anything I could have expected at the time.
My aim in life these days is to not let the turkeys get me down. I've had my share of ups and downs and I've bounced back every time. As I've put those five traits into practice, I've seen myself recover, grow, and thrive - never once has a bad time ended up getting the better of me. As I embrace this Midlife journey, I'm doing so with the knowledge that I can face whatever comes my way with positivity and humour - and that's half the battle won before I even begin the recovery process. Rebounds are what make a basketball game exciting and they can do that for our lives too.
REGAINING OUR MOJO
When tough times hit, I often feel like Stella who lost her groove. Feeling a bit flat and not knowing what's coming next. The secret to regaining our mojo or getting our groove back rests entirely with us. It begins with us choosing our attitude and surrounding ourselves with others who are supportive, encouraging, and cheering us on.WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you rebounded well from life's challenges? Any other hints in regard to traits that have worked well for you in the recovery process? Life is short and we need to live it with joy - let's not let those pesky setbacks dictate how we move forward. I'm all for putting them behind me, shaking the dust off my feet and moving on and I hope you do too.RELATED POSTS
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Hi, Leanne - Once again, I am struck by the depth of your reflections, your unapologetic honesty and the sheer bravery of your writing. You are incredibly strong and resilient...and a wonderful model of practicing what you preach. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteDonna that was such a lovely compliment - thanks so much. I feel like we can do almost anything if our resilience is intact and healthy. When you lose your ability to bounce back life looks very grim indeed. I'm so thankful for my blogging community who help reinforce my ability to keep rebounding xx
DeleteI also look forward to reading what you have to say. I think what helps me be resilient is letting myself grieve, get angry or feel whatever I’m feeling when something isn’t happening the way I want, but always in the back of mind, I know without a doubt I will not feel bad forever and I will learn from it.
ReplyDeleteYou're completely right Laurel - I don't think that denial is healthy and squashing things down just means they fester and then implode when the build up is too much. I think we need to acknowledge that crappy things happen and remind ourselves that we're strong enough to get through them - we have before, and we will again. That's what makes life livable! And thanks so much for reading my posts - I love hearing from you x
DeleteI used to have that coffee mug! I'm not sure that I am resilient and am in danger of breaking rather than bending. I'm finding of late that I'm fearful or anxious about things that I never used to be and rather than acknowledge or deal with this I'm pushing through into other things instead. I don't know whether I bounce back, I assume that I do as I have done in the past...maybe I'm more resilient than I know...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was talking to Anne (the life coach) she mentioned that we default to "just push through" as our way of tackling stress and that it's not always a good thing. I'm coming to see that sometimes we need to let go of a few things to make room in our life for the stuff we love - it gives us wriggle room and helps our rebound ability too xx
DeleteThe other tip I would share Leanne is to build good connections with others through investment in meaningful relationships and community activities. Being connected to people and to one's community enables us to both receive and give support when needed.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a great point - one I just take for granted and would be lost without. Having supportive friends and family is where that rebound gets strengthened isn't it? I know my husband's support was invaluable during those miserable years of work drama.
DeleteI can relate to all of these 5 points but number 5 is my favourite. I know that I can't control what happens to me but knowing that I have a choice in how I respond makes me feel really empowered. Resilience is so important - just like those weebles, it's fine to have a wobble but so important to be able to "bounce back!"
ReplyDeleteYes Sam - I'm all about the wobble because life is far from perfect, but when we lose that ability to get back up again, we know that things are seriously out of kilter and something major needs to be done. I'd almost reached that point at the beginning of the year and it's so nice now to have my bounce back :)
DeleteDefinitely #5 for me - attitude can overcome so many things but at the same time a negative one can really kill any joy of what is objectively a life blessing or joy.
ReplyDeleteSSG xxx
That old saying "choose your attitude" has a lot of truth in it SSG. I see it so often - watching people become bitter or angry because they focus on the bad stuff instead of looking around them at all they have to be grateful for.
DeleteThanks for the good reminder. There is nothing worse than pondering falls. I agree that life is too short and you have to enjoy it
ReplyDeleteFocusing on failure is such a waste of time isn't it Ewa? I think we need to always be looking ahead, putting what works into action and discarding the things that don't.
DeleteA lot of wisdom borne of experience here Leanne. I also clicked through and read about your Dad. Sad for you of course, but sad that he could not make a relationship with his kids. Thanks for a linking up for Life This Week. Next week's optional prompt is 38/51 Your Go-To Easy Meal. 23/9/19 and I hope to see you there. Denyse.
ReplyDeleteYes it's a shame that Dad missed so much of family life Denyse. I'm not sure that he ever realized how much fuller his life could have been if he'd invested in others, but we learn from these things and hopefully make a difference by not repeating the mistakes that we had to deal with.
DeleteI always look forward to reading your wise and honest words Leanne. Resilience is a hard one these days and I taken on board your suggestions. On another note, we have that same mug, don't let the turkey's get you down - my husband was given it at school one year and he still uses it!
ReplyDeleteMy husband had the cup when he was working in advertising (there were a lot of crazy people in the office and it reminded him to let the craziness flow over and around him). Glad you enjoyed the post - resilience is one of the qualities I work on all the time - without it life gets very difficult!
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