3 WAYS TO RECLAIM A NORMAL NON-TOXIC LIFE

3 ways to learn from and then recover from when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery

WHEN LIFE BECOMES TOXIC

When I was looking at what to write about for "N" in my List of More, I came across "Non-Toxic" and realized it fitted perfectly with the journey I'd been on over the last few months. A journey of recovery and re-grouping after leaving my very difficult work situation and all it entailed.

So, today I thought I'd talk about getting to a point where life is normal and non-toxic and how to get from drowning in drama to being content and at peace with what's gone before.

3 WAYS TO RECOVER FROM A TOXIC SITUATION

If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your present & future through that same dirty lens. MarcandAngel #quotes

1) CHOOSE TO LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE

Don't sit there dwelling on the negatives. Don't think about the unfairness or the injustice of it all. Choose to learn from it and to let it go. Holding onto the toxic remains just makes the whole process last longer and infect you more deeply. Talk about it, clear your head, but don't dwell there. Look for ways to put it behind you and to not allow yourself to be placed in that same situation again.

I know I'll be more careful in how I read people after my work experience. I'll remind myself that face value isn't always all it seems. I'll also remember that other people don't necessarily respond or behave in the same way I would. That not everyone has a healthy and balanced outlook on life - so assume nothing. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt, but I won't be as naive again when encountering a difficult person.

2) DON'T RESPOND IN KIND

Choose to take the high ground and not sink to reacting on their level. It's so easy to slander someone or to want to get back at them for the hurt/harm they caused, but choose to be the better person. When you know you could have been nasty or negative and instead you chose positivity and moving on, you grow and become wiser from the experience.

I've learned that I can talk about what happened but I don't have to go into specific details. I don't have to lower my own standards to defend myself. It's so important to know that I made a difficult decision and in the process, I left with dignity and decorum. To have responded with emotional upheaval, tears or anger would have reduced me as a person. Instead, I can hold my head high and know that my self-respect is intact and I acted honourably as I exited a difficult situation.

3) USE THE LESSONS TO MOVE FORWARD

To avoid ending up in a similar environment again, it's worth taking the time to look back and identify what was toxic, how that impacted on you, and why it pressed certain buttons in your own character. If we don't learn and don't gain insight from the experience, then the suffering was all for nothing. If we learn more about ourselves and our weak spots, if we take advice and apply it, then we gain the self-confidence that allows us to know that we won't be repeating the same patterns again.

I learned a lot from my experience. I learned that it wasn't about being more compassionate (toxic people feed off sympathy), what I needed to learn was how to create and maintain boundaries, and when to admit that I had reached my limits and to let go. I also learned that it's not about dollars and cents, or about pushing on until I reached breaking point, rather it's about self-worth and knowing what's acceptable and what I needed to distance myself from.

Too often you don't even realize you're blocking your own present blessings by holding onto the past.  Do your best to let go. MarcandAngel #quotes

NOTHING IN LIFE IS IN VAIN

All that we experience in life is a teaching tool. We grow the most during the tough times, and as much as we'd like to avoid them, they are the situations that determine how our character develops. Living through it, being courageous, knowing when to step away, honouring our own values and recognizing that we survived, these are what makes it worthwhile and not pointless or defeating. This is what allows us to reclaim our normal life again and live without toxicity.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

What have you done to reclaim your life after a toxic experience? Any suggestions to add to my list? Do you agree that these trials are often where we grow the most?

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3 ways to learn from and then recover from when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery
3 ways to learn from and then recover from when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery

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3 ways to learn from and then recover from those times when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery
3 ways to learn from and then recover from those times when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery 
3 ways to learn from and then recover from those times when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery 
3 ways to learn from and then recover from those times when you've been through a difficult situation or relationship. #relationships #midlife #recovery

15 comments

  1. All good points, Leanne. Sometimes there's a fine line between analyzing an experience so you can learn from it and tipping into the obsessing about it mode. At least for me. I've gotten much better about it though. I agree 100 percent that all of life is a learning experience and no one gets through unscathed. The difficult times mold us as much or more than the smooth sailing portions. Have a wonderful (non-toxic) day! :-)

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    1. Hi Christie - you're so right, we need to work our way through the fallout from toxic relationships, but we don't need to dwell in that place indefinitely. The more we churn over stuff, the more power we give it. I think the best thing is to look at it, learn from it, and then put it behind us. Life always has more to offer - and there's a lot of good stuff still to come xx

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  2. I do like the tip of "be the better person" as it can be the knee-jerk reaction to fire back with similar behaviour. In my experience with toxic relationships I've walked away from those friendships and just got on with my life. It can be very difficult but you eventually feel better for it.

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    1. It's so tempting to give some of it back, or to talk disparagingly about the perpertrator Kathy, and we all do it to some degree. I think a sign that we're moving on is that the person isn't on our mind and we don't give them the importance of being talked about or reacted to - just leaving them in our dust is the best result all round.

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  3. Hi, Leanne - I agree with all of your points here. The most profound lessons that I have learned have come from challenging situations.

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    1. Me too Donna - it certainly builds character - and teaches you what you don't want to be like in your own life!

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  4. I agree wholeheartedly Leanne, nothing in life is in vain! All great tips and your experience in dealing with these issues has given you the authority to address them, to our benefit!

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    1. Thanks Deb - I honestly believe that nothing happens without a good reason. In this case it taught me a lot of lessons and I think my blog gives me somewhere to share them x

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  5. aaaah life lessons. I've been finding lately that I'm actually stopping to think about what buttons of mine are being pressed and why. I came across someone who I clashed with in the work environment recently and upon reflection decided that the behaviour of hers that I didn't like reminded me of myself. It was an interesting lesson to learn - to see my projection of the not so great side of my personality...and a wake-up call of sorts too.

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    1. I've read that recently too Jo - that someone's behaviour might be a problem because it pushes a button that you have and maybe not for someone else. This was definitely the case with my ex co-worker, she hit so many of my buttons that I must have looked like a neon light show!

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  6. 'Don't respond in kind'. Leanne, you've nailed it. Thank for sharing about this topic because I needed to hear some commonsense, positive ways to deal with it in my own life.

    SSG xxx

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    1. It's so tempting to give back a little of what we've been taking SSG but it drags us down to their level and nobody needs that. I'm choosing to take the higher ground and that feels like a win after all the losses.

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  7. Excellent advice and life lessons. Thank you! This week I have been part of some challenging people-situations where I needed to take care of what I might say or do and be more wary of getting caught up in negativity and it worked. But I admit I am tired. Maybe I am over this kind of stuff!!

    Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week's optional prompt is 30/51 Share Your Snaps #6. 29/7/19. Hope to see you there too. Denyse.

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    1. I'm definitely over it Denyse - and yes, it's extremely draining when you're watching your words, double thinking everything, and trying to stay a step ahead to avoid things imploding. My head is a lot clearer and freer these days!

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  8. Leanne, your very wise post has been chosen by our Menaka to be featured on the next Blogger's Pit Stop. Thanks for continuing to inspire and encourage us all.
    Kathleen

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