SMALL ACTS OF COURAGE
Denyse (from Denyse Whelan Blogs) asked me to take part in her Women of Courage series, and to be honest I felt like a bit of a fraud. So many women deal with huge upheavals and trauma with immense bravery. I've never had to step up that high, and I'm hugely grateful to have been spared from deep heartache and hurt.I almost turned down the offer to participate, but then I realized that courage isn't always huge, it's often a normal part of life. Over the years we're constantly meeting challenges and those of us who push through and conquer them are brave in our own way. So, with that thought, I'm talking today about the courage it took to face financial scarcity, tackle it, and beat it; to have started with very little and to have ended up where I am today.
WHAT HAVE YOU FACED IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU HAVE HAD TO BE COURAGEOUS?
I feel like a bit of a fraud answering these questions because I’ve never faced a life threatening illness or event. Maybe the closest reference to living bravely for me would be in the area of our finances.We’ve been married for 37 years and for a lot of that time
we’ve had a pretty basic income. My husband tends to enjoy a more flexible work
style than your standard 9-5 and that has entailed a lot of times when we have
lived on a part-time income. He has worked for himself freelancing with the
resultant ups and downs, and also returned to study for 3 years to change
professions in his 50’s.
When you’re a planner and an orderly person, having an
uncertain and fluctuating (or non-existent) income when you’re raising a
family, paying a mortgage, covering bills, buying food etc can be very
stressful. It puts strain on your marriage, it puts pressure on the person who
pays those bills, and it means that you have to step up and do more than you
might have chosen to in different circumstances. For me it meant returning to
work earlier than I planned to after having both our children – but managing to
juggle time so that we never needed to use childcare (something I’m very proud
of as that was a real priority for me.
HOW DID THIS CHANGE YOU IN ANY WAY?
Having an uncertain income has changed me in a lot of ways. My visions of being married to a career driven person and staying home and being a housewife when my kids were younger got tossed out the window fairly early in our marriage. I had to come to terms with the fact that the husband isn’t always the primary breadwinner – sometimes it’s a shared responsibility. I’ve needed to step up and share the workload and income earning for all our married life, but the plus side is that in the process we’ve also shared the child raising, school parenting, housekeeping etc roles too. It meant that I kept my skills current and didn’t ever have problems finding a job or taking on the challenge of learning a new position due to being away from the workforce for any length of time.I’ve also needed to change my way of looking at what is
truly needed for a happy and satisfying life. We’ve learned to manage our
finances over the years and live frugally (but not in an impoverished way), to
prioritize paying the mortgage and other bills first and making sure we had
savings to fall back on when the leaner times arrived. Money is certainly not
as important as I thought it would be – you can get by on a lot less than you
imagine if you’re prepared to make compromises and be a little bit creative in
how you view the essentials of life.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU LEARNED FROM THIS TO HELP OTHERS WHO NEED COURAGE?
I’ve learned that our society focuses too much on material
wealth and the idea that you can’t live a fulfilled and happy life unless you
have it all. What my experience has proved is that you can live well by living
within your means. If you haven’t got the money then you don’t buy it on credit
– you wait until you have the money before you spend it, you don’t aspire to
keep up with the Joneses, and you don’t spend randomly and thoughtlessly.
Finding a second-hand bargain, or buying when something is on sale can be more
rewarding than instant gratification.
Often when finances are precarious it’s easy to panic, but
if you’re willing to make compromises – both of you going out to work, or both
working part-time, or doing a job you might not normally consider (I sold
Tupperware for a year when our kids were too little for me to have a 9-5 type
job) you can always make ends meet. You might not have a brand new car, or an
overseas trip, meals in expensive restaurants, or the most expensive clothes
and shoes, but you will have plenty of food to eat, the bills paid, a
roof over your head, and a sense of pride in what you’ve achieved.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ABLE TO BE MORE COURAGEOUS NOW IF THE LIFE SITUATION CALLS FOR IT?
I’m definitely less worried about what life will throw at me these days. I’ve seen our marriage weather the storms of financial strain (many marriages fail when money gets tight). We’ve learned to pull together and to adjust to each other’s differences. My husband has learned to be careful with money (he was more of a spender in his pre-marriage days) and I’ve learned to be more flexible in my expectations of who the breadwinner should be and how much money you need to be “well off”.I’ve also seen what you can achieve with discipline and care
– we were debt free by the time we reached our 50’s. We own our home, two cars,
enjoy modest holidays, have plenty in our savings, and are in line for a fairly
comfortable retirement. I used to joke that we’d be living under a bridge
eating catfood when we reached 65, but that’s far from the case (thank
goodness!) In fact, having managed things as well as we have means that I’ve
actually had the courage to leave my toxic workplace and not feel the pressure
to find another job – all that hard work has paid off!
IS THERE ANY MESSAGE YOU WOULD GIVE TO OTHERS FACING A SITUATION WHERE COURAGE COULD BE NEEDED?
As I said at the beginning, I can’t imagine giving advice to people who are facing cancer or the death of a loved one, or any other life changing event. All I can say is that life has no guarantees, we aren’t automatically dealt a hand of cards that gives us health, wealth and happiness. Instead, we take what life gives us and work with that to the best of our ability. We put ourselves out there and work hard, we don’t look for handouts, we don’t throw our hands in the air and give up, we don’t look to be rescued – we just get on with it and push through the barriers.Life is truly wonderful, we are so blessed to live in a country that is safe and where we have a standard of living (and health care) that other countries envy. We need to appreciate all that we’ve been given and make the most of it. Tough times are guaranteed – there’s no free ride for the majority of us – and it’s having the courage to look for a way through and then getting on with it that ultimately makes all the difference.
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It's such a tough one - everyday challenges take courage, albeit a different sort of courage. I really liked your story and could identify with it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo - it was tricky writing about courage when it wasn't a deep or dark issue - just a series of life choices :)
DeleteHI, Leanne - I just visited Denyse's site and left my comment there. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Donna - you're a gem x
DeleteThat is so true Leanne; courage comes in many shapes and sizes. I'm headed over to read your guest post now.
ReplyDeleteThanks Christie - I'm hoping it resonates with Denyse's readers x
DeleteI really enjoyed your guest post on Denyse's post Leanne!
ReplyDeleteAs Americans Not many of us are raised to use discipline with money- We are taught through advertisement to Buy Buy Buy & if you cant afford to, then Borrow. Not to start with what we can actually afford,( God forbid we live in a trailer or Small apartment!) but - out the gate - to chain ourselves to debt for most of our lives.
ReplyDeleteIt's very much the same in Australia too - being frugal and waiting to be able to afford something is much less "popular" than placing it on credit and having immediate gratification. I'm so glad I was a saver and not a spender :)
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