LIVING WITH AND MANAGING CHRONIC PAIN
It's strange how you take so much in your life for granted....until
something is taken away from you. I read somewhere a long time ago
that it's not until we're in pain that we realize how much we take pain-free living for granted.....and I can certainly attest to
that! I look back to how I'd stride out each day for my morning walk, and
all the bending and twisting I could do without giving it a second thought, and I
miss it every.single.day.
It's been a year now since
my hip pain flared up, and as the pain settles into becoming my "new normal" and limits so much
of my life, I can see that weathering this storm depends on several different approaches - including taking the medication I'm prescribed, doing what I can to maintain my physical strength, and also on my
attitude and my perception of life. You can let pain and discomfort steal from you, and beat you down, or you
can choose to rise above it and learn from it - I'm choosing the
latter.
ADVICE FROM A BLOGGING FRIEND
My friend Donna from Retirement Reflections wrote an update on her #WOTY "Peace" and how it helped her handle the difficult situation of her mother suffering a severe injury (she fell and broke her hip). She wrote that those two months were very challenging, but a silver lining was finding that much of the work she'd done on inner peace proved to be helpful during that time. These are some of the things that worked for her:- taking one step at a time
- connecting to the present moment
- recognizing what she could do (and starting there)
- focusing on the positive
- patience
- gratitude
- maintaining (even just minimally) constructive routines, e.g. exercise
- limiting time on social media (and other tasks that could be delayed or did not serve)
- surrounding herself with true friends (even when she was ‘out of touch,’ she knew that they were there)
- Accepting what she couldn't control was a difficult challenge, but she continued to work on it.
IT WORKS BOTH WAYS
I realized that all the coping mechanisms that Donna put into place to
help her meet the challenge of caring for her mum, also applied to how
I've been trying to manage the constant gnawing and jabbing pain that goes on inside my
hip. Accepting that I'm not in control is a big one for me - there is no
easy fix, the pain is always there,
the limitations are obvious, and it's a waiting game for now. Hopefully for me it will all go back
to normal next year after my hip replacement, but in the meantime I need
to learn to manage rather than fight my circumstances. I need to do what
I'm capable of and let the rest go through to the keeper.
Patience is also a big one - knowing that there's no magic wand, and that
I need to ride this out is teaching me to be more tolerant. I still get
frustrated at times, but railing against it doesn't fix anything and often makes things worse. Staying "in the moment" and living one day at a time
works better for me too. Well meaning people who tell me that "the time
will fly by" don't understand that time seems to slow down and drag when
you're plodding through the mud.
POSITIVITY AND GRATITUDE
The biggest take away I've had from living with pain is that there's
still a LOT of good stuff in my life. I choose to remember how blessed I
am that this has happened at a time in my life where I'm still healthy -
I'm not overweight, I'm reasonably mobile (in a diminished way but not bed
or chair bound), and I'm still relatively young in the grand scheme of
things. I have a very good chance of a great outcome and a few more
decades of living well.
I'm also fortunate to be able to pace my life - I'm not working full-time
in a job that would be impacting on my pain levels. I have the ability to
sit when I need to, to walk in small increments, and to adjust my life to these limitations without it impinging on my family or finances. I'm so
incredibly grateful that the rest of my life is so pleasant - dealing with
one big issue on it's own is so much easier if there aren't a dozen
smaller problems competing for attention.
SO HOW DO I LIVE WITH CHRONIC PAIN?
I remind myself every day that "this too shall pass" it's not a life
sentence like some people have to bear, it's not a degenerative disease, it's not terminal. If I keep my perspective, it's an 18 month glitch in my
matrix. I have so much more respect and admiration for those who live their lives knowing that the pain they deal with will be with them forever. I'm learning to approach my shorter term chronic pain realistically and not to
catastrophize it
- yes it hurts, but I'm not dying, and I still function reasonably well.
I'm learning to give myself grace and to appreciate my husband's offers of
help. He's stepped up big time and it's lovely to feel supported. He could
so easily be annoyed at all the things I can't do at the moment, but he
chooses to be kind and to care - and that's such a reassurance.
The months ahead will pass - and in the meantime I'm going to remember Donna's
advice, and keep following it until the day comes when I'm out walking
around the neighbourhood again with a big smile on my face and a spring in
my step.
RELATED POSTS
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and this post should not be taken as specific health advice, it relates only to my own health. I advise you to speak to your own Doctor or health professional if you have a similar problem.
JUST A FINAL NOTE:
If you'd like to know when I write a new post, please
click HERE for email updates.
If you'd like to comment but not here on the blog, feel free to
email me at
leanne.crestingthehill@gmail.com - I'd love to hear from
you.
And please share this post by clicking on a share button before
you go.
I am cheering for you and can sympathize. You write so well and share to benefit others. Admire you so.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words Judith - I'm determined to keep looking on the bright side as I work my way through this - and I like sharing what I'm being taught through this tough time. Donna's wise words were very timely for me :)
DeleteI'm sorry you have to wait so long for your surgery, but it sounds like you have great outlook. I think Donna's list is good for all of us to keep in mind. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThere's a small light at the end of my tunnel that might mean I can have my surgery sooner - I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a "best case scenario" and will see how it goes. Circumstances don't always change, but the attitude you have towards them is something you get to choose - I'm choosing to be positive :)
DeleteI can really relate to this as I was in chronic pain for over a year as I was waiting surgery in 2020.. it was hard not to let my pain levels dictate my mood and I'm sure there were times I was just awful to deal with but I tried really hard to focus on what was good in my life and work around the pain when I could. Attitude really does make a difference and you sound like you have a great one!!
ReplyDeleteHi Joanne - it's always good to hear that someone else has found that a positive mindset helps when things are hard, and I'm soooo glad your's is behind you now. I'm hoping to be able to write something similar down the track when the pain is in the rearview mirror and I'm out striding around the world again :)
DeleteLeanne, I would like to think that I would have your attitude, but I'm not so sure. I guess you really don't know what you can handle until it is handed to you. Great advice to not make pain the central focus of your daily life and to pay attention to all that is good. Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteThanks Suzanne - I'm someone who can throw a good pity party, but I've found that it just makes things worse. If I look on the brighter side and don't let the nagging pain win, then life is a lot more manageable (especially for my poor husband who has to live with me!) I'm also aware of the fact that "old people" always go on and on about their aches and pains - and I'm trying hard not to fall into that trap too....
DeleteYour attitude is very inspiring, Leanne. I've found that gratitude for what we have can certainly help us see beyond pain. Also, learning to ask for help is very important.
ReplyDeleteHi Corinne, I'm getting better at admitting what I can't do anymore (although I still get frustrated) and my husband has been amazing in his patience and support. Putting a smile on and focusing on what's still do-able is working for me, and it helps when life gets stressful in other areas too.
DeleteKnow that you help so many people, Leanne, with your positive attitude, and generous spirit. xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words Christina, I really do try to see the sunny side - being a "poor me" person really doesn't help the situation - and I personally feel that for me it makes it worse. So onwards and upwards my friend!
DeleteHi, Leanne - I am so sorry about you chronic pain. I do greatly admire your positive attitude. Wishing you pain-free days ahead soon. Thank you so much for the shout-out! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - your words summed things up so well - and not just for living with pain, but for coping with stress, tough times, and the other not-so-great stuff life can throw at us. One day at a time, gratitude, patience, and the knowledge that "this too shall pass" is definitely the way to go. :)
DeleteYour perspective on this situation is wonderful. I know who I'd turn to for advice if I am ever in a similar situation.
ReplyDeleteThanks Pat - I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but I also appreciate that my problems are quite small in the grand scheme of things - and in comparison to what a lot of other people are dealing with. I'd rather be grateful for that, than allow the pain to win. :)
DeleteHi Leanne - It always helps to have a positive attitude, living in the present and counting our blessings. They help us to overcome our difficulties with ease. I am sure you will get better. Wishing you the best.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advice! I live with back, neck and arthritis pain and never know what each day brings. But you have to roll with it and do what you can. Thank goodness for retirement! So glad you have a light at the end of your tunnel!
ReplyDeleteI ended up with a really sore lower back this week due to some physiotherapy that I overdid - it made me appreciate how awful it would be to live with back pain indefinitely - so you have my absolute sympathy. And yes, thank goodness for retirement and being more in control of your day and what it holds. :)
DeleteI am sorry that you are going through this, Leanne, but glad to hear that you have good support and the skills to cope with the situation. Thank you for the reminder to appreciate a healthy body and not get bogged down in the small things that don't function as optimally as they used to. Donna's tips for getting through the challenging times is sound advice for many of life's circumstances. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - when I read Donna's tips I couldn't believe how they fitted my situation so well.There's a lot to be said for approaching a series of events realistically but also with a can-do attitude. You can't always have a perfect life, so when things go a little bit pear shaped, the best approach is some optimism and realism mixed with a dollop of positivity.
DeleteThanks for these wise words. I went through some rough times over the last 15 years or so (better now, finally), and that experience taught me to live in the moment. Before then, I was always ruminating about the past or anticipating the future. Crises taught me to appreciate each minute, each breath. I hope I can hold onto that lesson.
ReplyDeleteTake care, and I hope you find meaning and joy in this time of waiting as well as recovery on the other side.
Hi Janet - I've been reminding myself of the quote about "being okay if something happens and okay if it doesn't" because, really, life is pretty much out of our control and all we have is our response to it. So I'm choosing to be "okay" about everything and letting time run its course - and I'll get to the finish line eventually!
DeleteI think chronic pain is an extroadinarily difficult thing to deal with, as it's overwhelming and affects everything you do (or can't do because of it.) So I have nothing to offer but it sounds like your mindset is good for trying to battle it. I am working on my gratitude as my resillence eroded in lockdown and I seem to get disproportinately down about minor disappointments. So we shall see if that changes. That's why I started the gratitude linky on Thursdays (the #OneSmallThing that made me happy). Even if no one joins in, I'll keep it going for me. Hope something works for you to manage the pain soon. But be kind to yourself. It's okay to not be okay too (I'm guessing that's not helpful...but as you say, it's heavy stuff!) #WeekendCoffeeShare
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I think your advice is very helpful. And you're right about it being okay to not be okay sometimes. On the bad days I feel like an old woman, and that's so defeating....but other days are better, and I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel (it had better NOT be a train!) and that really helps me keep a positive spin on things. I like the idea behind your linky - it's good to focus on the small joys in life isn't it?
DeleteI actually think about how easy it is to take feeling well for granted and try to make each day count. I see my dad in pain every day and I realize how it affects his enjoyment of most everything. Maybe that will be me someday so I have to appreciate the present. Hang in there and keep your wonderful attitude!!
ReplyDeleteHi Linda - I think until you live with it, or someone you love is living with it, you forget about things like pain. We're so busy getting on with life that we forget to pause now and then and just appreciate how fortunate we are. I know I'll be a lot more conscious of being pain free when I finally get there again! And I'm sorry to hear that your dad has to live with it every day - a sad way to finish the race of life isn't it?
DeleteSo good Leanne. I have a few little nagging things, not major but annoying. I remember in 2017, I took my youngest daughter to NYC. I had thought I had broken in a pair of birkenstocks enough, and on the very first day, wore then and developed blisters that went all the way around both feet and even on the bottom of my feet. They were uncomfortable and painful, but it was our first day...I wasn't going to let her and her friend meander the streets alone nor was I going to miss out. So I armed myself with lots of bandaids, bought more socks and lived in my tennis shoes the remaining 6 days...they were painful but I wasn't going to complain. It really put in perspective what those who live with chronic pain must feel and experience. It gave me a new level of compassion and also allowed me to have grace for myself when I experience something that lasts longer than I Think it should. I recently did something to one of my arm muscles. It took 4+ months to finally feel mostly normal. I had to give myself a lot of grace during that time because I was frustrated with going backwards on my exercise and muscle tone. Now I feel like I'm starting at the beginning again with things but at least I can do things again.
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin - it's amazing how even small, nagging pain can debilitate us and affect our mood and how well we cope isn't it? I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to live with a degenerative disorder where you knew that it would just get worse as time goes on. I'm holding onto the light at the end of the tunnel - and all the reading I've done says that hip surgery gives immediate benefits + good painkillers while the healing happens - bring it on! Glad your arm's on the mend at last xx
DeleteLeanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. Your positive mindset is an important tool to manage chronic pain and recovery. Wishing you pain-free days ahead asap. Natalie
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - being positive makes me a lot easier to live with and to be around. Some days I slip down a bit, but on the whole I'm hanging in there :)
Delete