THERE'S VALUE IN PRACTICING THE PAUSE
A pause can be for a moment where we stop, take a breath, and think before
we respond to a situation....or it can be for much longer, when life tells
us we need to rest and recalibrate. There are no rules when it comes to
taking a positive pause in your life and I don't think we give it the value
it deserves in our busy, fast paced world.
There's a big difference between dithering and taking a strategic pause.
Dithering means our minds are running like a hamster on a wheel trying to
avoid making a decision, whereas taking a pause allows our mind, emotions,
or body the grace and time needed to respond healthily to the
situation we find ourselves in.
WHY WE FIND IT HARD TO PRACTICE THE PAUSE
I saw this great little infographic on Facebook a while ago from
mytherapytribe
that explained perfectly why we find it so hard to pause and slow down a
little. I know I've always based my self-worth on my productivity and I
certainly felt that I needed to earn rest rather than including it as a
healthy part of my life. For decades I rushed through my days because there
was so much to do, and I was very poorly equipped in
the art of saying "No"
to other people.
Instead of constant busy-ness, we need to see the value in practicing the
pause - to let our mind, emotions, and body breathe and take a moment of
calm - that moment may only last for a minute, or it may last for a lifetime
- it all depends on the person and their situation. But, for all of us,
rest is vital.
PAUSE WHEN YOUR MIND NEEDS REST
There are so many voices competing for our attention - and we can often
react too quickly and regret it afterwards. The desire to be heard, to have
our opinion validated, or to tick something off and move onto the next
pressing issue, all seem to have merit at the time.....but they often lead
to regret or a wish that we'd just stopped for a moment to think things
through. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but practicing the pause before we
say what's running around in our head can save a lot of wishing we could
take our words back.
PAUSE WHEN YOUR EMOTIONS NEED REST
I know I'm very prone to being hurt or defensive when I think someone has
said or done something that I interpret as
criticism or judgement. Getting defensive, feeling hurt, stressed, or put-upon, all mess with our
equilibrium and our emotional wellbeing. It's so easy to assume the worst
and to over-react. Taking a moment to pause, think it through, work out why
it's triggering something inside us, can make the difference between feeling
drained and upset or being able to let it go and move on with grace and
peace.
PAUSE WHEN YOUR BODY NEEDS REST
We live in a busy, fast-paced world where there is always something to do
or somewhere to be. We get pulled in so many directions and it's tiring -
mentally, emotionally, but also physically. I'm 60 now and I know I can't
juggle as many balls as I did at 30. I can pretend I'm still that capable,
but I know my body is slower and more prone to feeling weary than it used to
be. Rushing from one 'important' thing to the next without pause saps our
energy and affects our stamina, our sleep, and our enjoyment of life. We
need to give our body the rest it deserves so it can perform at its peak
when we need it to.
PRIORITIZE THE PAUSE
Learning to prioritize taking a moment (or two) to stop and think things
through, to decide what's important and worth
our time and energy, and what can be allowed to go through to the keeper, makes all the
difference in the world. Self-care often starts with practicing the pause
and figuring out what is the best response in any given situation.
Sometimes we need to close our mouth, slow down our over-thinking mind,
and say "no" to over-commitment, so that we can say 'yes' to what's best
for our mind, heart, and body.
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I struggle with pausing when my body needs rest the most because I tend to think if I just cross one more thing off my to do list then I can rest... only that one more thing sort of snowballs into another!
ReplyDeleteThat was my life for many, many years Joanne - and it has to be for a period of time when you have a lot on your plate. It's been nice to have a few less things on my to-do list these days - and that allows for some breathing time and much more rest - bliss!
DeletePAUSE WHEN EMOTIONS NEED REST! I am very much like you Leanne but I don't react as much nowadays but I can still get triggered by unfairness and injustice. Last week I had a situation at a boutique that I frequented for many years .I was treated unfairly and didn't let it go until I got satisfaction. It was a lot of time and energy but I felt it was worth it and needless to say I will never patronize that store again and I told them so. It felt very empowering as I feel that sometimes we give up too easily and other times, it's best to let things go. As far as taking time to slow down, CHRONIC PAIN unfortunately takes care of that. I like to sit in nature and observe birds and animals but unfortunately I see most people on their mobile phones not even looking where they're going. SAD!l Leanne, thank you so much for another relevant and interesting post. I can relate so much to what you're saying. Your blog is my much needed break! xox
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - thank you again for cheering me on :) And yes, pain definitely makes you pause and rest doesn't it? I used to walk every morning (and will again!) and was always bemused by people looking at their phones when they could just be bathing in the beauty of a lovely morning in nature. Our world has become so 'tech' and it's a shame. Good on you for standing up for what you deserved in that boutique - I'm sure you thought it through and you were prepared for any fallout. I think It's the women who leap in, and get strident and demanding over tiny things who are the ones who need to pause, breathe, and consider if it's worth it before they launch.
DeleteLove this. Practising the Pause continues to be a challenge for me, but I am getting better at it. The very first time I ever learned about it was years ago when my boss introduced me to the concept. I was speaking with her about a choice of action I needed to take. She listened very carefully to the details of the 2 options I felt pressured to consider. Then she said, “Judith, there is a third option, and that is, to do nothing, at least for now. Take a break from the problem, and come back to it when you have given your mind a rest”.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - that's one very smart boss (and probably why she got to be boss!) I know I've done knee-jerk responses many times, and when hindsight kicks in, I realize that if I'd just left it and given it a little bit of thought, I probably wouldn't have even given it the time and energy that it took. Pausing allows us to see it from different angles and that can make all the difference in the world.
DeleteHi, Leanne - Back in my work days where I received rapid-fire (and sometime heated) emails, the best advice that I ever received was to "just close the lid". It was a great way to PAUSE and give myself permission to breath, think and not take bait. Our Middle School later included a "Lids Down Thursdays" where teachers and students took a break from digital learning and digital recess and learned and played "the old fashioned way". It was a positive experience for most, and made me a life long believer in the appropriate pause~!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic concept Donna - "lid down" is perfect for all those stupid FB arguments and for the click bait that tempts us to go down the rabbit hole. I'm trying to focus my energy and emotions on things that I can actually have some influence over - the rest is really just noisy. Some of it needs to be addressed, but a considered response is so much more helpful than jumping in with both guns blazing.
DeleteI do try to pause and not react when I think I hear criticism or perceive judgment. For me the longer pause also helps stop the negative spirals. I like the phrase "practice the pause"... a good easy phrase to keep in mind.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I've been so guilty of trying to justify myself to others and to fend off what I saw as judgement etc. I still feel the need to do that, but pausing and taking a breath helps me see that it's often their issue and not mine - or if worse comes to worse, I just slide away into the sunset and leave them to it.
DeleteSuch great advice here Leanne and that first graphic about what we were taught is very true. I was brought up that taking a rest was being lazy so kept myself busily running on that hamster wheel. Very relevant post for all of us regardless of our age but maybe more so to our age group.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - that info graphic was my life purpose for many decades.It's only been in the last few years that I've finally slowed down and allowed myself the grace of being "enough" without having to prove my worth through what I do. It's such a relief!
DeleteJust what I needed to hear this week, Leanne. There are no deadlines and there is no pressure, except that which I put on myself and it's often counter-productive. I'm working on finding balance between doing and being.
ReplyDeleteCorinne I think a lot of us wake up sometime in our 50's or 60's and realize that we've been living super busy lives and now's the time to get the balance in place and allow ourselves the grace of rest and contemplation. Thinking before we speak, taking time out to let our minds and bodies rest - are all so very important.
DeleteTHANK YOU!!! Oh my goodness! I just did this! Until I read this post, I couldn’t really put into words what I was doing other than “burnout”. I own a small retail store and the last two weeks of August I just locked the doors and walked away for the first time in 6 years. The very thought of even coming back was too much. My emotions and my brain just shut down.
ReplyDeleteThose two weeks, I cared for my husband (post surgery) who is retired and started a reconnection with him. I reorganized and cleaned my home and worked in the yard. I was able to visit with friends and we took in some of the sights and events I’m never able to see or attend because I’m working all the time. It was all magical! Not once did I think about the store.
Since those two weeks, I’ve continued to reconnect with my husband; redefined my definition of “success”; and wrote a list of what was really important to me. As a result, the business is up for sale (I believe I already have a buyer-fingers crossed) and I’m going to plan a trip for hubby and I to take very soon.
I have no idea what I’m going to do next (if anything) and I couldn’t be happier about it! So, I agree…..practice the pause before it becomes a screeching halt.
Babs
Oh Babs that is amazing! I'm so happy for you and your husband. I think we're just not designed to live life at full speed forever. We can do it for years if we need to, but there's only so much time and energy that we have to invest (I wrote about that several weeks ago) and if we put all our eggs in one basket then we have nothing left over for anyone or anything else.
DeleteI've come to see that my relationships, my time to myself, my creative side - all needed nurturing and I'd been too focused on finances and security. Once I had to stop (because of my toxic job) I found that I'd been operating from a mindset that didn't fit my reality anymore - and it was time to breathe and invest my energy into what's really important. That job (and your shop) served their purpose - but it's time for freedom and joy and a lot less stress!
I hope your buyer comes through and you can close that chapter and begin a new one filled with sunshine, connection, and happiness. Don't worry about what you'll do next (I wrote about that when I was figuring out this retirement stuff too!) life has a tendency to work out just beautifully if we allow it to unfold. Keep me posted - I'm so excited for you. :)
Hi Leanne - I can totally relate to this post. I do make time for rest but struggle with it because I have this need to be productive each day and feel ashamed and disappointed in myself if I'm not. I do feel like I have to earn rest before I allow myself to. It's always - I'll do art or lie down and read AFTER I've done X, Y and Z. Story of my life. Great topic! xo
ReplyDeleteI have that same need to prove myself through productivity and always feel a little bit of guilt when I take a day to myself. But I'm getting better at acknowledging that I've worked hard to get to this point in life and rest, leisure, self-care are all part of a balanced life that I'm worthy of. We can be our own worst enemies at times :)
DeleteGreat advice here Leanne. Even though my life is quite busy, these days, I know when I need to take a moment. I’m one of those who, especially when upset, tends to rush in and say what I think, which I usually regret later. Thankfully these days I’m aware of this and take a pause.
ReplyDeleteThere have been a lot of times when I've jumped to the wrong conclusion about someone's motives behind a hurtful comment - now I tend to let it slide or give them the benefit of the doubt, rather than jumping in and wishing later that I'd held my tongue. Life is far too short to get embroiled in other people's issues isn't it?
DeleteHi Leanne - Coincidentally, this is something that has been on my mind over the past few days. I have slowed down quite a bit over the past few years. But there are occasions when I tend to hop from one task to another without giving myself that much-needed break. This post serves as a reminder that I must not forget that essential pause in my daily routine.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - when you're fully engaged in the working world and juggling a number of commitments, it's easy to find that days (or weeks) have passed without having a rest or some quiet leisure time. Getting older gives us more space to pursue rest, and hopefully you'll find more time for it in the days ahead.
DeleteYou have so many important points in this post, Leanne! It reminds me of a Christian poem I have on a card somewhere... it starts with "I had so much to accomplish that I didn't have time to pray" and it ends with "I had so much to accomplish that I had to take time to pray". It says everything about the need to take a pause!
ReplyDelete"Self-care often starts with practicing the pause.." is spot on. The events that triggered me to make important changes in life were usually when I took time away from the usual "schedule". Our trip to Donegal this summer was such an event. It made me realise more than ever what is most important to me and that I had to quit doing certain things to make more time for what gives the most joy and quality of life. Throughout my adult life I've always been this person saying yes to everything without thinking of myself and what I really want or whether I have the time/energy to do all those things I've said yes to... but those days are over now.
Hi Susanne - I was the person who said Yes to everything too - it gave me a sense of self-worth to be juggling a multitude of balls - and to do it well. Now I don't have that same drive, I want to invest my energy into things that enrich my life and make me a better person. When I'm calm and settled, I have more time to process things and choose where to focus and how much time I want to put into each activity. It's a good stage to reach where you finally feel a sense of balance and peace isn't it?
DeleteI am impressed that I pressed "pause" today and did not leave home, and mooched around, on this wet day and did physical and emotional self care well. Go me. I also need to practise the pause before "opening my mouth to respond" I am aware of it being too fast, will be making changes there too. Thank you for joining in this new weekly link up of mine. Looking forward to catching up with you when you next do so, for Wednesday’s Words & Pics. Warm wishes,
ReplyDeleteDenyse. The logo is ready for you to use on your blog post if you choose too!!
Hi Denyse - I have a whole day "home alone" on Saturday and I'm actually really looking forward to a bit of 'mooching around'. I find it rests my brain to be in my own head for a day - not for too many days, but 24 hours here and there are very pleasant. And I'm also learning the benefits of pausing before shooting off a reply (especially to the passive aggressive comments IRL and online).
DeleteLeanne, I wrote a comment...do you manage them before going here..unsure these days!!
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - yes all comments go through for moderation after 24 hours - I find it works well for keeping up with later comments (and deleting spam on older posts!)
DeleteThank you kindly Leanne for letting me know. Denyse
ReplyDeleteI really related to this post, especially about viewing rest as laziness, feeling guilty about it, and feeling like I'll just fall further behind. I've slowed down a good bit in the last 10 years or so. I need more rest, and I get frustrated about that, which keeps me from enjoying my rest. I'm working on it.
ReplyDeleteHi Janet - I've spent most of my life feeling guilty if I paused for too long. The last few years have seen a change in my thinking. I guess I just got tired enough mentally, physically, and emotionally to finally allow myself to stop and begin the process of figuring out where I wanted to put my time and energy. It's been such a relief to let go of some of the commitments that used to 'own' me.
DeleteI couldn't agree more, Leanne: prioritize the pause. Pausing for your mind, your body, and your emotions are all critical to your own well-being and also to your relationships with others. I love the quotes you chose. Thank you for this important reminder.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - after chasing my tail for several decades, I'm finally getting wiser in my old age and realizing that I can do it all still - but I don't want to anymore. I want to slow down a little and smell those roses rather than keep running in the rat race.
DeleteInteresting - esp the info graphic on why we might avoid rest. I do sometimes say I need to think about this before I can answer (as I often think both arguments at the same time...yes, confusing being in my head somedays). Late commenting from Denyse's link up. Which I was also late for!!
ReplyDeleteThe info graphic pretty much summed up a lot of my thought processes Lydia - it's been nice to take a sensible look at it at last and realize how I was my own worst enemy at times. I'm trying to be more of a friend to myself these days (and to others) by slowing my days and slowing my mouth!
DeleteYour words ALWAYS hit a chord, Leanne. I love “no rules” “rest and calibrate” “positive pause….” 💕
ReplyDeleteYou remind me how being ‘calm’ is a superpower, something we have discussed in the past. I am always a work in progress and I may appear calm on the outside…😀You remind me how pausing helps me gain perspective. I also love your words “best response”…for me, this means versus “reacting.” A great article again, Leanne. We just arrived home from our adventure and I am late ‘responding.’ I will post a few photos, soon.xx
Hi Erica - I loved seeing your FB photos of your wine marathon finally taking place. You all looked so joyful. In regard my post, think I'm learning to pause long enough to think about what my reply would be - so it's a response and not a reaction. I've also discovered that slowing down and taking time to rest allows me to be more productive these days - I don't want to keep juggling so many balls!
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. Great advice on practicing the pause. When we take a pause to think things through, we usually come up with a better response to a situation, or give our mind and body a break to come back refreshed.
ReplyDeleteExactly Natalie - firing off a quick response without thinking about why the other person said what they said often causes me to regret my words later. Running slower on a full tank also benefits me more than trying to go full steam ahead without a break.
DeleteAhh this was so good! I needed this reminder! It's okay to rest, to pause, to not "do". It's important to pause our thoughts, emotions, etc...before we react in a way we wouldn't want to. Thanks Leanne.
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin - I've always been quick to react and super busy in my life choices....until the last few years where I'm finally appreciating what a difference it makes to just take a moment before launching - it saves so much stress!
DeleteI moved my kid's dance classes from a Saturday morning to a Sunday afternoon because I thought the Saturday morning classes were too early for both of us. The way I see it, she already wakes up early Monday to Friday for daycare and it would be good for her to appreciate that weekends are meant for rest like sleeping in. Plus I felt like my weekends were rushed because I only wake up on Saturday just to rush to her dance class.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it Julie. It's not about NOT doing stuff, it's about finding balance and what works to make life smoother and less rushed. You can still fit in the important stuff, but it's on your own terms instead of feeling the need to race around. I think you made the perfect choice for yourself and your daughter.
Delete