RETIRING, UN-RETIRING, AND RE-RETIRING
A few weeks ago Lydia, a fellow blogger, left a comment on my monthly
wrap-up post that said "Winds of change? Do I detect a restlessness - or something else?" and it was very insightful because (although I didn't realize it at
the time) there was definitely change in the air and a sense of being ready
to move onto the next phase in my life.
I'm not sure if it was restlessness, but I was feeling weary and I had a need to prioritise
my freedom and flexibility again - my two top
core values. I was ready for change and a few weeks ago this is what I decided to
do......
PRIORITISING MYSELF
As a first-born child who always had a ridiculously over-developed sense of
responsibility, I've always put my own needs much further down the list than
I probably should have. I've soldiered on through thick and thin....and
prided myself on my ability to push through any obstacle. It seemed weak to
admit that I needed rest, or time to relax and breathe. There was always so
much to do, and I had the resources to do it - so why wouldn't I just keep
going?
These last few years have opened my eyes to the fact that I don't need to
push so hard anymore, that I can give myself permission to live life more lightly. I had a hip replacement last year and am now facing parathyroid surgery in a few weeks. I'm tired, and I'm ready to put myself first now,
and in the foreseeable future.
RETIRING AND UN-RETIRING
For those of you who've followed my story, you'll know that
I left a toxic job
behind four or so years ago, thought about returning to work, and then
decided to retire early at 57. The problem was that (once I recovered my
mental health and resilience) I felt that the whole disaster had pushed me
to make decisions that were more of a reaction and less of a conscious,
thought-out choice based on what I really wanted to do.
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| ullie-kaye |
So, three years later I found a lovely little job
that took up one day a week. It came during a time when I was more limited
in my activities due to my worn out hip, and it felt like the perfect opportunity to return to the workforce on my
own terms. I had a lovely boss, a great co-worker, good pay, good hours, and
couldn't ask for more. I've diligently worked each week (only taking two
weeks off after my hip replacement op) and have enjoyed the engagement and
super-busy work environment. But......
RE-ASSESSING
A few weeks ago I had an appointment with a surgeon to discuss my
hyper-parathyroidism
and scheduled surgery to have a tumour removed from one of my parathyroid
glands. That surgery is at the beginning of July. It's not life threatening, and only involves an overnight stay in hospital - and I booked it around not
needing time off work. But...... I found myself thinking that I didn't
really want to keep planning my life around my work days.
I feel like I've ticked all the boxes that were left with question marks
when I quit my old job, I've come back from it all, held down a very full-on
little job, proved to myself that I was still employable and still had lots
to bring to the table. Lately I've begun asking myself if this is what I
want to keep doing? Do I want to get up in the dark on a workday morning,
drive into my job, work so hard that I often ended up with a migraine, keep
learning new tasks, and continue to plan my holidays, family visits, and
social life around a work commitment?
RE-RETIRING
The answer to those questions has become "No" - I'm ready to completely
retire. The little bonus income can be replaced by beginning to access my
retirement fund if I need it, so there's no financial incentive to keep
working. I've mastered the job, so there's no skills challenge, and I'm
admitting to myself that I have nothing to prove to myself or to anyone
else. I'm leaving on on my own timetable, on my own terms, and with my head
held high. I feel like I'm leaving on a high note - I've achieved all I need
to, and I'm ready this time to say goodbye to working for someone
else.
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| ullie-kaye |
It's a strange feeling admitting that I'm now a retiree - I think I always
knew that I wasn't quite ready for that step when I first retired four or so
years ago. Now I am, now I want to focus on my health, on my availability,
on returning to a busy-ish life where I choose what I fill my days with. I'm
ready to embrace this next stage of life's journey. I'm realizing that life
is short, that none of us know how many years we have ahead of us, and I
want to fill mine with joy and contentment, and without obligation or
feeling like I 'should be' doing something when I really don't want to
anymore. It's such a liberating thought!
A NEW PHASE AND I'M FEELING LIGHTER
I think this change is all part of wanting to
live more lightly, to release anything that weighs me down, to be happy and free to embrace
each new day as it comes. I really feel that this time I'm ready to
re-define myself and to leave "working me" behind. My heart is happy and
that's what counts.....and my family is happy for me - and that's the icing
on the cake.
Linda from The Precious Days blog says it well:
The rite of passage into retirement is not a singular event. It is a series of steps to prepare for the last big phase of your life, which in turn will be filled with new adventures and joyful surprises.
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| Feeling the love from my boss and co-workers on my last day |
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Entering into retirement with a happy heart is a very good thing! Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteIt finally feels right - like a good fit instead of trying to make it fit :)
DeleteThank you for the quote "changed". It really resonated with me, and I pinned it to my Pinterest board "Spirit Strength" that I visit when I need a little boost of heart and spine strength! I'm sorry for what you went through at your previous job, but happily it seems you see it for what it was, and you don't allow it to seep into your current heart and life. Best of luck with your surgery; I look forward to hearing how it went, and how it is helping you feel better.
ReplyDeleteHi Kristine - I loved that quote too (and will be sharing some more of her work in a couple of weeks). It resonated with me because I am changing - I'm getting so much better at making my own decisions based on what feels right for me - rather than how I think other people will see it. I project far too much of myself into the perceived opinions of others, and it's nice to slowly loosen that part of me up and let it go. Thank you for your kind words and wishes. :)
DeleteHi Leanne. I'm so glad you have chosen to do what is right for you. This decision must be so freeing with your new attitude of living lightly. Bravo for taking care of yourself! You deserve every happiness. xx Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - it does feel lighter. I really liked the job, but it was SO full-on and the headache each week was an added weight. It's good to wake up with a clear head, to not be rushing off anywhere. Now I just need to slowly flow into what's next and make sure that it's on my terms - and not what I think I "should" be doing (in the eyes of others).
DeleteYour post made me realize it is much easier now to say I'm retired as I've finally reached the age most people do retire at. I believe that early retirement (whether at 53 or 57) is still challenging - the expectation to still be "productive" is strong. But I am so happy that this time, you were able to retire on your terms! Going out on a high note really does make a difference.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - you are absolutely right! I did feel it was a bit soon and that there was an expectation to be using my time productively to prove something to myself and to other people. I remember writing a post about not feeling 'worthy' of the life I was living - like I had to be working to justify myself. Now that I'm over 60 it feels more "normal" to say I'm retired - and I even updated my FB status to 'retired' - I didn't the first time around! And yes, leaving on a high note was a really good feeling.
DeleteHappy re-retirement Leanne, I am just a few years behind you !!! I bet it does feel pretty awesome knowing your worth and that you are in charge of it. Enjoy...
ReplyDeleteHi - yes, it's a great feeling. Made even more wonderful by it being on my terms this time, and not as a reaction to a set of circumstances that were completely out of my control. I feel ready to just "be" this time - instead of trying to fill my time to prove I was still being useful.... :)
DeleteI’ve reread some of your earlier posts on this subject Leanne. You’ve documented your journey to retirement and taking control of your life so well. There’s a lot of wisdom in your posts and I hope you thoroughly enjoy the retirement you’ve worked so hard for. Maria
ReplyDeleteHi Maria - thanks so much for your good wishes. It's certainly been a journey to reach this point and I've learnt a lot in the process (about myself and about the world around me). I'm hoping that I've got it right this time and that I'm ready to fully settle into being retired - it's certainly a very pleasant way to live. :)
DeleteThese transitions always reveal more than the simple act - in this case, retiring - itself. I, too have left toxic jobs and know the toll it takes. I understand how it would have been less than satisfactory to leave it as your last job. I am an only child, so I understand that incredible sense of responsibility. It wasn’t until I was 48 that I first was able to ask myself the question, “what do I want?” And the answer was that I didn’t know. How could I? I’d never had the opportunity to find out. I’m 59 now. I have learned some things in the intervening years, and life is pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI hope your surgery goes smoothly, and you can soon begin enjoying your re-retirement to the fullest.
Hi Michelle - we sound so similar! The sense of unfinished business when I left that horrible job, the inability to know what to do next, the layers of responsibility for everyone and everything (and the list goes on). I'm slowly releasing a lot of that stuff too - my 50's have been a steep learning curve, but I know I still have a way to go before I stop feeling guilty for putting myself and my needs first. It's ridiculous to still be fighting that feeling, but it is what it is.....I'll get there and yes, life is very good! :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I had a feeling that something was changing in you. Congratulations for going out on your terms this time around. That must be a very satisfying feeling. I remember weighing the decision to give up a standing volunteer responsibility just a few years ago. It too was only one day a week, but it seemed like I was always planning around the commitment, or trying to find a replacement worker. It feels good to be able to do whatever, whenever, without giving a thought to obligations. Good for you and good luck with the upcoming surgery.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - yes, that's it exactly. A one day a week commitments sounds really small, but it often dictates the week's (or month's) schedule. I found it impacted on lots of little things and was always in the back of my mind. Letting it go feels a bit like I'm being lazy, but I also have to let that feeling go too because it's a carry-over from caring about how others perceive me - and totally irrelevant to how I want to live my life. I'm in the middle of a very quiet week atm and it feels strange to not finish it off with an enormously busy day - but I'll be smiling on Friday instead of waiting for the headache to start! :)
DeleteThis is great news Leanne. Your gut feeling will always tell you what's the right thing to do. I've always believed that, and it sound like you have listened to your inner voice. I think it's really great that you went back to work, even if only for a short time. The positive experience you had has allowed you to retire and to feel good about it. Good luck and happy days
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer - I look at you working your tail off and all the travelling back and forth....and compare that to my quiet life. The funny thing is that I'm happy for you that you're doing something that you love, and I'm also happy for me that I've figured out that working doesn't bring me the same joy - I've finished, tied it with a bow, and I'm happy to see what's next on my horizon. :)
DeleteCongratulations on your re-retirement! It's great to be able to do it on your terms and feel confident that the timing is right! I'm not ready to retire yet, but I am not interested in being tied to a demanding, full-time job either. I'm looking for something that will give me the kind of balance I want, and hoping to be patient in finding that. Visiting from Denise's WW&P today
ReplyDeleteHi Kym - I worked part-time for a few years before retiring (the first and second time!) I think it makes the transition to retired life much easier if you've found ways to fill your time before having a LOT of extra time to fill. I'm sure you'll find something somewhere between full on and full off to give you the balance you need for the next step of your working life. Part-time is a great way to combine both.
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog about a year ago and it so resonates with me! I retired last year ( in the states is 67 for me) and took. Part time job. That little job slowly sucked my joy no matter how I tried to be retired around “it”. You inspired me to just stop and look at what I really wanted in life. It wasn’t to be concerned with an outside source and difficult people. So dropped to 5 hours a week out of my house and if it doesn’t work will ditch it! I have another friend who adores your writing and posters. Today, I may listen to the birds all day and watch my dog play in the grass because I am retired! Thank you Leanne!
Hi!! I'm so glad you found me. I can totally relate to what you've written (we're obviously on a very similar journey). The retirement age in Australia is 67 too, and I honestly believed I'd work up til at least 65. Then I hit the toxic job that drained me dry and something clicked inside my head. I think I realized that I'd been coming from a scarcity mindset where I was constantly thinking we'd be starving to death under a bridge if I wasn't working. Once I looked at our retirement funds, a future aged pension, and the fact that we don't spend a lot of money, I just went with my gut and jumped. This job I've just left was supposed to bring me variety and keep my brain active, but it was stressful and had a lot of responsibility - I finally decided that I really don't need that in my life - none of us know how much time we have left, and I don't want to spend my weeks planning around a work day that I don't love. 5 hours from home sounds nice - but it would also probably wear thin for me after a while (unless it was really fluid).
DeleteSay hello to your friend from me and thank you both for reading my little blog - I love the connections it brings into my world, and the knowledge that others are walking a similar path to me. xx
Congratulations on your re-retirement, Leanne. I'm glad that you were able to do so intentionally and joyfully this time. Also, good luck with your upcoming surgery.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I loved your post today - so much of it resonated with me and my retirement journey - the freedom retirement brings, but also the questions - because we're so used to basing our self-worth on productivity and employment. I'm reminding myself that this is the best time of my life and to enjoy every moment. And yes, the surgery date is creeping up - but I'm not thinking about it until a few days before (the new me worries about things a lot less these days - must be retirement!) :)
DeleteHi Leanne, this is such a good post to read! I love your quotes and this bit - I'm leaving on on my own timetable, on my own terms, and with my head held high. I feel like I'm leaving on a high note - you are so lucky to have found this right moment to retire! Life is full of ups and downs but we have to make it our own and that's exactly what you are doing. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - you know all about what it's like to leave a job that was perfect and turned sour. This time around I thought I'd leave when it felt like I wanted to ease out, rather than feeling forced out by circumstances. It's such a good feeling - nothing to recover from, just a sense that it's the right time and now I can let my week days flow together (I had to ask what day it was today!)
DeleteI'm trying to remember what I was refering to...ha! Thanks for the shout out. I like that last quote. And I'm glad you are ready and embracing it. We are forever a work in progress, and as Denyse said this week, constantly becoming (though we trick ourselves into thinking 'we are').
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the new status!
Hi Lydia - I think it was my end of month post from April. I hadn't consciously decided at that point, but there was definitely a restlessness happening (you must have excellent intuition!) And yes, I'm still "becoming" - I've often thought of that as a #WOTY choice because it's a battle for me to swap 'doing' for 'being' and still feel validated. So much childhood baggage that I'm yet to unpack! I'm learning to trust my gut more - and that's a good start. :)
DeleteWhen you know, you know. And you did and honoured that. I know how it was to finish because of issues that were not yours specifically but related to the 'why' of leaving under circumstances you did not choose. I have re-lived my job situation many times, and what I did and know, that at the time, I chose what was right for my health then and my future self would deal with whatever came next. Congratulations Leanne, for working it out yourself to stop working. I love retirement mornings in particular..we both enjoy our slow starts!! Great to see you sharing a post from your blog on this week’s Wednesday’s Words and Pics Link Up. I hope to see you next week too. Warm wishes, Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - yes, it felt right this time. Still earlier than I expected, but why work if you don't have to (unless you love what you do). I figured I can make much better use of my time if it's not scheduled around work commitments. I think I'm also really tired atm with my parathyroid stuff - and I'm ready to kick back and take things easy (live more lightly like my #WOTY reminds me to do).
DeleteEnjoy the new phase, Leanne. It's going to be great.
ReplyDeleteThanks Shari - I really feel that the timing is right this time - onwards and upwards!
DeleteThis time YOU are choosing. That has a different feel entirely. I left my full time job in 2012 and almost immediately took on a part-time job from home that took more hours that I could have imagined even though I was part of the executive branch of the non-profit. After a few months of frustration, I found another colleague who wanted the job, and mid-year she took over. It left tons of hard feelings with the existing Executive officers, but it was what the two of us both wanted, and it worked out. We had both retired from similar positions in different County Offices of Education. Soon, she wanted to retire from the position, and another retired consultant took on the challenge. Guess what happened? Yep, he wanted to retire, too. I think there comes a point when full retirement is the most healthy option for us. I don't know how I would have dealt with the health issues I've faced since retirement if I had a job to feel responsible for. Sometimes it's tempting, but the volunteer jobs that I do keep me hopping as does blogging. I'm much happier being fully retired and able to take life's tasks as they come, not in addition to someone else's tasks. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Marsha - you're so right. I've been feeling that I didn't give myself enough time and headspace to recover from my hip replacement last year because I was so worried about not being at work to support the other staff. I was back there 2 weeks later - still with crutches - very noble, but not necessarily what was right for me. With my next op looming I like the idea of taking my recovery more slowly and allowing my body time to adjust and regroup. Not having to juggle it around work commitments is such a relief. And yes you're right also about knowing when it's time to leave - the busyness and stress of my little job was never ending - the resulting headaches were not worth the $$ I earnt. I love waking up on the weekend with a clear head and no thoughts about work or any lingering after effects. Retirement is a joy that I feel so privileged to be able to access early - I need to celebrate it rather than questioning whether I've earned the right! Shutting down the voice in my head, and enjoying the freedom!
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comment on my weight loss...It has not been easy but s worth it...So glad that you are getting to chose retirement this time around on your own....Good for you!! I hope you have a great weekend!!
Hugs,
Deb
Hi Debbie - it was a huge achievement on your part and I'm so happy for you. I feel like this is my little goal ticked off - time to allow myself the freedom to have this next op without feeling the need to rush back to work. Time to allow myself to just kick back and have a vacation for a while - a 'staycation' at home with my husband and cats and a good book - bliss!
DeleteThere is so much to relate to in this post. I imagine a lot of us "re-retire." Following your journey allowed to to think even more deeply about some aspects of my own process I think I still may be pushing off to the side...hmmm. Thank you SO MUCH for the shout out to my blog! I am both grateful and honored.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda - I really appreciated what you wrote about your retirement process - and the idea that it is a "process" and not necessarily a "one and done" scenario. I definitely left before I felt ready, and this time around I've given it thought, weighed up what I really want, and chosen 'me' over 'obligation'. Learning to separate my self-worth from productivity is still a big one that I'm working through - but I'll get there eventually.
DeleteCongrats on your re-retirement, Leanne. I'm glad you ended your job on a high note. Enjoy this phase of life. Thank you for your weekend coffee share.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - it feels really good to do it on my terms this time, to have the headspace to make a clear and considered decision and to know what I'm heading into. I'm ready this time to claim the next phase of life and to own it as mine - viva la retirement!
DeleteCongrats on you re retirement.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much - I'm looking forward to having a very pleasant rest of my life :)
DeleteEverything in this post makes so much sense, and I'm so glad that you're making this decision for yourself. I'm glad for you that you're allowing yourself to think of YOU. It's so easy to prioritise others and the sense of who/what we think we should be or what we should do. The shoulds can be toxic too! Enjoy the re-retirement!
ReplyDeleteHi Susanne - I thought about it carefully because it was a great job with good people, but the timing feels right for me now and it's good to end on a pleasant note. I'm not even thinking about what's next - I'm giving myself some long service leave to rest and relax before re-filling my days. :)
DeleteI enjoyed reading about your thoughts on retirement. In less than a year, I can retire with MRA (minimum retirement age) I think I'm ready. Karen
ReplyDeleteHi Karen - you know when you're ready (I know I wasn't the first time and it felt rushed). This time for me feels much more right.....and for you, there's always the opportunity to do something else if retirement doesn't "stick" the first time around :)
DeleteI'm so glad you've had the opportunity to come full circle on this decision and are approaching it with intention and peace in your heart! What a wonderful place to be! I hope your surgery goes smoothly and that you enjoy every minute of this brand new chapter!
ReplyDeleteHi Melis - yes it feels more authentic this time - more me centred, and less of a reaction to circumstances that were way beyond what I'd expected. I'm looking forward to having more time to recover from my op this time and not needing to rush back to work to make everything easier for everyone else.
DeleteI love the idea of living lightly and releasing what holds you down. Such a lovely image! And if you're like most people, you've been held down plenty throughout your working years. I hope retirement is everything you dream it can be and more.
ReplyDeleteHi Janet - I'm actually writing a bit more in the next few weeks about letting go of the weight we carry. I've always had such a strong sense of responsibility - rarely took sick leave, always gave at least 110%, and just committed wholeheartedly. It's nice to feel like I've done my bit and I can see what's in store down the track.
DeleteHi Leanne - When we say we have retired, it's only in the formal sense. Our life and our activities, and engagements go on. We need to be occupied always. So, in a sense, there is no retirement. Probably, a rearrangement of our schedules, it I can put it that way.
ReplyDelete