THE FERTILE VOID
As I've moved into retirement and this next phase of life, I've been
struggling with the "what's next?" question, and with how to move forward in
a meaningful way. It's a time of transition and I recognize that, but what
I've had difficulty with is
resting in this new space
and waiting for things to unfold.
Recently I read about the "Fertile Void" and it resonated with me. I'd
never heard of the term up until now, but there were a lot of correlations
with what I'm experiencing. Today on the blog I'm diving into what the
Fertile Void is and how all of us can embrace it....
SO WHAT IS THE FERTILE VOID?
The fertile void is a concept used first in Gestalt therapy, which was created by Fritz and Laura Perls, to describe a state of not knowing, a precursor to something new and generative, and perhaps even the state of feeling simultaneously empty and full at the same time.
https://www.jazminerussell.com
When I read that definition I thought - that's me! I have that feeling of being simultaneously empty and full, knowing that I'm really happy with my life and what's in it, but also having a sense that there's more to come and more I want to do.....but not knowing what that "more" involves. That sense of unsettledness and this period of transition now had a name.
TRANSITIONS AND THE FERTILE VOID
William Bridges,
an authority on transitions, says that all transitions are composed of an ending, a neutral zone and a
new beginning. Stepping into retirement is a big transition and ticks all
the boxes - the ending of a working life, the neutral "what's next phase"
(that I'm in!), and then the "new normal" of being fully settled into a
retired lifestyle - however that may look - because it's different for all
of us.
The neutral zone is where we create the foundation for our meaningful next
act. The neutral zone is the Fertile Void - a place where growth and change
are occurring, and where we're in the process of moving from one life stage
to a whole new "era". It's quite a big deal when you think about it - and
maybe, just maybe.... we shouldn't rush through it because we'll miss what
the process is trying to teach us.
DON'T TRY TO RUSH THROUGH THE FERTILE VOID
When we let go of our preconceived ideas, and the expectation that we can
jump straight from one major life stage to the next, we open ourselves up
to allowing time for something new and fresh to emerge. It takes the
pressure off, the past is finished, the future hasn't truly begun yet, we
have time to think and to "be". Clarity can take time - we need to wait
and swap out the busyness for some stillness and time to explore, and this
happens in the Fertile Void.
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Ultimately, the Fertile Void is an opportunity to reconnect with the
essence of who we are and how we want to be in the world, it's a time to re-examine aspects of our life and let go of what no longer
feels right so that there's room for whatever is coming next. It can be an
opportunity to open up to possibilities and to explore new interests.
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN THE FERTILE VOID
I read this interesting thought from
Phoenix Therapy Practice:
There’s often a letting go, a grief or mourning involved. A death of self or what once was. The ending of things that were once important. Relationships, jobs, identities, ways of being. The fertile void asks that we honor endings to begin again. It’s a crucial part of growth and new isn’t possible without it.
I understand that feeling of the death of who we used to be - I was never
defined by my career, but it was a huge part of my world and my day to day
life. To leave that behind and to move into a new stage that I'd always
associated with "old people" and rocking chairs has been a little daunting.
When people asked the "what do you do?" question and I replied "I'm retired"
it felt really strange - especially when I first retired in my late 50's -
because I felt too young to be in that demographic.
Now I'm in my 60's it's an easier assimilation and an easier title to own.
I'm also much better at how I define myself, and this time in the Fertile
Void has allowed me to separate my identity from
how productive I am. I'm finding my clarity, discovering and re-discovering interests that bring me joy, and leaning into this "between" time where I allow the
closure of one stage of life and the beginning of a new one.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
The Fertile Void doesn't just apply to leaving work and retiring. It's an
integral part of a lot of life transitions - from working to parenting, from
parenting to the empty nest, from perfect health to physical limitations,
and to so many more changes.
I don't know about you, but I like the idea that this is a time to grow and
thrive, that we don't need to rush through, but that we can immerse
ourselves in the transition and become more whole and more prepared for
whatever is coming next.
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I had forgotten all about this term and it's meaning. We're approaching that soon with one boy getting ready to go off to college next year and another who could really leave the nest at any time if he so chooses (though I think he'll stay put for another couple of years if I had to guess).
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - yes the Fertile Void happens for lots of different reasons - even if the nest isn't completely empty, you suddenly find yourself in a different life stage and trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do next - allowing yourself the time and space to do that is such a gift.
DeleteLeanne, I do think it is easier to relate to saying "I'm retired" now that I'm in my 60's. Although, it could also be that it's about time... I've been retired for 9 years! I know in the beginning , while I didn't call it the "fertile void", there was definitely a feeling of being in-between. And allowing the time to be there. I did a lot of exploring, "trying things on". Even the transition to Florida had some of the same feelings of being in-between. I wonder if I'm still in the in-between stage with the Florida move and that's my current funk? I want to be beyond it and I'm still in it! Interesting thought to ponder.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I feel a little the same way about wanting to be beyond it, but at the same time, if we lean into it and allow ourselves the grace to "languish" as another blogger called it, I think we can make it a really positive experience rather than beating ourselves up about it....
DeleteI am feeling this now too. I was always a stay at home mum and now have an empty nest. And my husband of 35 years has just decided that we should separate. So I am now, at the age of 59 looking for a place to live, trying to downsize from a family home to something I can afford, mourning my marriage and looking for a job. I am pretty darn terrified at this point, but know that, whether I like it or not a new me will find her way on the other side of the transition. Wish me luck!
ReplyDeleteOh I am so sorry for what you're going through and I can relate to the marriage upheaval in the empty nest (and wrote about it in Stage 6 of the Marriage stages in last week's post!) It helps to know that it's not uncommon, but is still so gut wrenching when you're in the middle of it all. I can't even begin to imagine the stress you're under and I just want to give you a hug. This too shall pass, but it's going to be a tough Void for you for a while to come. You will emerge as a new you with a lot of pride in yourself, but for now I hope you can take it one day at a time and give yourself grace and kindness and some space for rest. xxx
DeleteThank you Leanne. I needed that.
DeleteSorry to hear about your situation, Anne. Sounds tough going from family life to living alone in one foul swoop. There's a line between acknowledging that pain, being dismissive, encouraging and too positive. I have been through tough times myself and I frequently reminded that even in the toughest of times, there are still moments of joy, fun and people who love me. A few good friends could be just what the doctor ordered and maybe some volunteering. Take care and sending love and hugs. Best wishes,
DeleteRowena
Hi Leanne, it's Judi! I can't seem to adjust the anonymous!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. This time of void is difficult -- you're so right that we can't rush it even if we wanted to. As I see it, it is a time of becoming a beginner again, and I can't help sometimes than to be impatient with it. That said, I've found that it takes conviction too -- to be dedicated to building a meaningful life (just as we did at other phases of life) than to simply expect it to happen, to be willing to reflect, explore, try. But all in good time! You are the best at all of these things Leanne and already ahead of the game I think! But the other thing I've learned now nearly 6 years (!) out of my work career that we never really stop changing, and you know that's pretty good thing! Thanks for your great words.
Hi Judi (sorry about the Anonymous thing...) and you said it perfectly about becoming a beginner again. I think I've been through many micro-stages in this Fertile Void. It's been 4.5 years since I finished work (and a few months since re-resigning!) and there's been a lot of exploring punctuated with finding what I do (and don't) want for this next phase. I think part of me has been fighting the idea of not being constantly occupied, but when I stop that inner dialogue and just dwell in the peace and unbusyness, I find that I'm really happy. It's definitely an adjustment - and I think it's going to be an ongoing process for the years ahead. Then full-on aging will kick in and that will be a whole new set of adjustments!
DeleteHello Leanne - I've not heard of this phrase but I think I am working my way through a fertile void. Some days, I feel like I know what I want and where I am going and others, I feel a little lost and am left wondering what the future will look like. When I know which way I am heading, I feel so much more confident but when I begin to doubt myself, I start to wobble. Logically, I know the wobbles will pass and that they actually help me decide what I want my future to look like. Thanks for this post, it has provided a name and description to this phase of life I find myself in.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - you sound exactly like how I feel (we're definitely on a similar journey!) And yes, I get those wobbles regularly when I start over-thinking the whole process. I wonder if we assume we'll go from one very organized and regimented phase of life into another similarly structured retirement - only to find that it's so much more fluid and we have so much choice? I don't want to fall into the trap of creating busyness to fill my days, I'd like to be more intentional about how an unbusy retirement looks - and that's the Fertile Void for me - I guess it just takes time to find the right flow - and maybe the flow continues to change and we adjust to that too?
DeleteInteresting concept... and describes perfectly the inbetween-ness of things.
ReplyDeleteI've struggled with the in-between-ness of things Jo, so this has been like a warm hug that tells me it's okay to be "between" and it can be a growing space rather than just a void.
DeleteIt's not a term I've heard of before either Leanne but it's a great description of that time when we're looking for what is next or what we can do to move on. Thanks for sharing this and your experiences.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I thought it put a more thoughtful approach into the mix - rather than thinking it was dead space, it can actually be a time of growth and change - and also gives us time to breathe before we move onto whatever life has in store for us next.
DeleteHi Leanne. When Tim and I decided to retire early, everything happened so quickly, and the next thing I knew, we were living overseas and our lifestyle choices just sort of fell into place. I never had a chance to think about what retirement was supposed to look like and I'm really glad that I didn't. Tim and I have both always been independent thinkers and that's why this lifestyle has worked out so well for us. thank you for sharing your perspective. Christina Daggett xx
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - it sounds like you were lucky enough to escape the in-between stage.... and it takes a lot of courage to leap into a completely new life while leaving the old one behind. I don't have that kind of independence, but always admire those who do. I think you've led such and exciting and interesting retirement (as do all the expats) and maybe you don't need a fertile void when you're open to new transitions without having to mull things over for too long?
DeleteHi, Leanne - Another very thought -provoking post! Letting go of preconceived ideas is hard to do but can make an incredible difference!
ReplyDeleteDonna
Hi Donna - I think the fertile void is a great place to work through the preconceptions and figure out which aren't working any longer and what we want to do next. I like that it can be a positive time rather than an unsettling one.
DeleteThis is interesting Leanne. I had never heard of the fertile void. I always struggle to understand how some people can jump into something new without closing the door completely on the past. But fortunately, I suppose, we are all different. It seems to me that when you don't know what's next, then anything is possible. I love that idea.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer - I seem to have taken quite a while to figure out retirement - maybe because I didn't plan for it, maybe because covid jumped into the middle of it, maybe because I just felt too young at the time. Those few years of adjustment have taught me a lot about myself and what feels right for me. Now I see retirement as an absolute gift and a luxury that I don't have to deny myself - and the fertile void helped me get to this point - yay!
DeleteHi, Leanne. My husband is now taking his carpenter pension, was home for 4 months. He has since gone back to working. He wants to work for another 5 years and then retire for good. My plan is to retire in 5 years as well. I have never heard the term Fertile Void......Transitions, but knowing my personality, I will need to either work part time, volunteer or some other commitment. I need social interactions. So I have been trying to think of things I can do to involve my grand kids!
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my site. I look forward to following yours!
Take care and best wishes.
Hi Debra - I think retirement looks different for all of us and some jump in quickly and easily, whereas for others of us it takes a lot more time and thought. I didn't have the luxury of being able to think it through before I found myself leaping into the deep end. Like your husband, I returned to work for a while, but I find I don't want to work for anyone anymore - I love the freedom and flexibility of no longer working after 40 years. I'm grateful for retirement funds and savings - they make it all possible. :)
DeleteIt was a new expression for me and thank you for sharing this Leanne. You are very diligent in your research and I appreciate this factor too. I am mid preparation of my post for next week (and the end of the month for WBOYC) and I can see why I am being a bit of a procrastinator but I now know this for me, is the 'messy middle'. I always appreciate your linking up to #WWandPics this week and thanks for sharing your post. I hope to see you next Wednesday too. Warm wishes, Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I think transitions look different for all of us (and come at different life stages) - thinking of it as a space for growth and to allow change, rather than fighting the process or trying to rush it makes a lot of sense to me.
DeleteHi Leanne, I've never heard this term before but so interesting to hear about it! I find that I have ideas of things I'd like to do and achieve but can't do them because of time limitations due to my commitments to caring for Mum. I dare not think about when I have more time available to me. It's not a nice thought. I think instead, I need to find a way to carve out more time for myself and my aspirations within the time I have and get help to lighten the domestic chores that consume the time when I am at home. I find that I do say I'm 'retired' now but still feel uncomfortable with it. I generally add "but I do a bit of online writing and I do some art which I'd like to make something of when I get a bit more time". It's interesting to try and understand why we are like we are isn't it?! xo
ReplyDeleteHi Min - I think it's always a little bit harder when we're in a phase of life that wasn't what we expected. Making small changes to give ourselves some extra head room is definitely worthwhile. I find household chores and repetitive obligations really bothersome when I have a lot on my plate - if you can offload those and have some time for art and to just breathe, then I'd be doing that in a heartbeat!
DeleteI had never heard of this expression but I’m very aware of the concept of transitions and I’ve always found it very fascinating. Transitions in life can be so hard but I’m thinking perhaps it depends on whether it’s something we’ve chosen or it leads to something we’ve been looking forward to or have control over. I saw it as a life transition when I was diagnosed with osteoporosis because I felt “this is the end of the simple life, the end of being able to live life as I want”. Of course that wasn’t true because I haven’t had to make any big changes to life, but it was still like going into another phase of life, whether I wanted to or not. It certainly has taught me about myself and about finding ways to focus on what’s in my control.
ReplyDeleteHi Susanne - there's definitely a large element in a transition that depends on whether we chose it or got thrust into it before we were prepared. I know for me, I wasn't expecting to retire for another 10 years, so to find myself in a position where I didn't want to go back to work (then having the pandemic added to the mix) really threw me for a loop. It's taken me a long time to rearrange my thinking and to see this as a huge blessing - rather than an upsetting event. When we adjust our thinking, we really do find ourselves in a fertile void where there are so many new possibilities open to us.
DeleteI had not heard the term but I felt like that when I first retired. It was difficult as a lot of my social circle was formed through work. We went into two lockdowns which made it difficult to form new friendships and start new hobies. I am slowly emerging and forming a new self image. I think you have to allow time to adjust.
ReplyDeleteHi Anne - it sounds like you were navigating retirement at the same time I was. The pandemic certainly threw a spanner in the works, but it also meant that I had more time to think through my choices and to decide if I wanted to go back into the workforce, or accept that I was no longer a person who was defined by working. It's been quite an adjustment, but there are a lot of positives as we create that new self image - and I've become incredibly grateful for receiving the gift of retirement earlier than I'd expected.
DeleteFirstly, they aren't little interests, they're interests. Edit that diminishing word. Why can't those interests be the thing you're meant to be doing? In Singapore, I was there by myself and other than meeting a friend and going to the track, I had zero obligations. Everything was what I wanted to do with the ease of only having to please me. My days were super busy - I even only got to the pool once! It was such a luxury and so reviving after these lockdown years of having to be micromanaging everyone's mental health and enjoyment (and food, washing, blah, blah.blah). What if the next big step is happiness and enjoyment? Isn't that enough? That can encompass A LOT. That all said, I do like this concept of empty and full at the same time.
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I love it when you reprimand me for underselling myself :) And yes, I think your question "What if the next big step is happiness and enjoyment?" is really the key for me - and allowing myself to just be happy without having to earn that happiness. I think that's what I've been learning in this 'fertile void' - that it's okay to just be happy, to be busy and un-busy, to meander, and to not be living on the clock anymore. It's such a process of adjustment for me - and I wonder if it would have been easier if I'd been prepared and ready to launch into retirement - rather than being thrust into it at such a low point in regard to my mental and emotional wellbeing? It's never too late to embrace this lovely stage of life though!
DeleteHi Leanne, That is an interesting concept. I retired at 60, so at first I did try to fill the void - and did fill it. Now I have retired. I still keep busy, but it's comfortable. I have settled into who I am. It is a huge difference. Great post, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Marsha - I think that's what I did - tried to find lots of busy things to fill the void, rather than letting the void be what it needed to be.....a time of contemplating what's next and gradually sliding into a more relaxed way of living. It feels like I fought the process because I wasn't ready for it, but now (with hindsight) I can see that the void has brought me to a very pleasant place indeed.
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. I haven’t heard of the term Fertile void. It’s an interesting concept and sounds positive (i.e. time to thrive and grow). I think life is full of transitions and some transitions, especially the unexpected or unwelcome ones, take some time for the person to adjust, adapt and thrive.
ReplyDeleteYou said it perfectly Natalie - it's the unexpectedness that throws people like me for a loop. When I have time to plan for a change I handle it much better than when the change is thrust upon me. That being said, seeing the transition and the empty stage as a positive experience and allowing it to be what it will be (rather than fighting it) means that the transition is more gentle and more of a positive time of adjustment.
DeleteI love this concept! Thank you for the introduction to it! Hope you're having a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteHi Melis - I found it to be really interesting and such a proactive approach to the in-between time that marks transitions.
DeleteHi Leanne,
ReplyDeleteWhat a fascinating post' along with all the comments! I did two years of psychology at uni and remember a bit about Gestalt therapy and something about the whole being greater than the sum of it's parts but can't remember much else. This concept of the fertile void sounds very interesting and I'll be heading straight off to explore it further. I stopped paid work about 10 years ago when my health flared up and I haven't really cared too much about going back. It all felt quite trivial and our family had been through so much and it's been ongoing. People felt much more important and yet I spend so much time alone and probably by choice or due to my health. At the same time, I have been wanting to write at least a book and finish it and did a freelance journalism course before this latest setback and thought that was a viable option. I also researched WWI soldiers for three years during lockdown and have been working towards getting these published but it became rather overwhelming and everything stalled. It was too big a job to do alone and I felt rather intimidated contacting the War Memorial. Starting over isn't easy.
My occupational therapist introduced me to the KAWA Model which you might find interesting. It's a Japanese approach to OT where your life force is depicted as a river starting out in the mountains and ending when it meets the sea. There are boulders in the river that block the flow. There are branches that are our attributes. The river bank is our support structure and the idea is to reduce the boulders and increase the space inbetween to improve the flow. I have taken this a step further and am mind-mapping the boulders to try to improve things. I also read a very good book: Atomic Habits. Have you read it? It's very good at helping you be more intentional with your time and your thinking. It's helped me enormously. I have been working to clear out stuff at home and sometimes I feel like the house has fallen on top of me and it's quite a burden. Although Atomic Habits encourages you to take small steps, I find with sorting things out at home, I like to binge it to get rid of it instead of packing and unpacking things. Housework is relentless and neverending. I said last night that if I was relying on the house for my self-esteem I'd be done for. I'd have nothing to show for it, which isn't really true because the place is looking so much better but it's not like building a sculpture and having something permanent on show that stays put, is it?!! Thank you for getting me thinking and have a great week.
Best wishes,
Rowena
Hi Rowena - I always feel for those who have a lot on their plate. I seem to get hit by small bites of upsets and dramas, but for those of you who have huge health issues on top of it all, it must be so hard to keep getting up each day and doing life with a smile. I really liked the sound of KAWA and will have to have a look at it - the idea of life being partially set in place, but having the ability to remove some of the obstacles etc sounds really interesting.
DeleteI'm also grateful for the fact that we live in a very minimalist home, so less housework and overwhelm - also having no kids at home any more makes life a lot simpler! Good on you for getting on top of what you can and not letting the small stuff impact you too much. x
A good explanation of going from one place in our phase of life to the next. For several years now I've said that I'm semi-retired. I like to work 25 to 30 hours a week then do things I things I would do in retirement & not wait till I'm officially retired. A kind of way to get mentally & physically ready for retirement phase.
ReplyDeleteI worked part-time for the lead up to retirement - if I'd called it semi-retirement towards the end I might have been more prepared for the leap into full retirement - and not needed such a long adjustment period - food for thought :)
DeleteWhat an interesting concept. I'd never heard of this but it really makes a lot of sense. I'm so behind on commenting, and hoping I'll get a post done for this week...lol. Trying to catch up on a few favorite bloggers posts from last week.
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin - good on you for trying to visit everyone. I'm just not able to do that and feel like I've done them justice, so I tend to pick and choose. I'm also bowing out of linking up for a while (mainly for that reason). Thanks for stopping by :)
Delete