DO WE ALWAYS NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S NEXT?
I have a confession to make....I like to have a plan (I like to have lots
of plans), I like to know what lies ahead and to be ready for it. That's
been my modus operandi all my life.
But, now I find myself at a crossroads in the journey of life, where I don't
know what's next, I have no plans! Normally this would be doing my head in,
but this time around I'm approaching it from a different
perspective.....
LIFE IS MADE UP OF SEASONS
It's no secret that there are seasons in life - big ones that we look back
on, or that we look forward to.....but I think there are smaller seasons in
there too. Transitions in life are the little seasons where we shift from one way of living
to a new normal, and they bring changes that we need to settle into and
adapt to.
I feel like the big seasons of working, parenting, house buying, moving,
settling, etc are behind me and it's time to look ahead to the new seasons
that will come with growing older. I have no idea what those seasons will look
like, and I think that's where the uncertainty and unsettledness starts to
kick in.
DWELL IN YOUR CURRENT SEASON
This current season for me is one of transition, it's a time where all that
I've worked towards has come to fruition, but I know there are still many more
years ahead. I pause and think about how my kids are adults now and settled
into their lives, living independently and happily, my working days are now
behind me and I don't need to revisit that phase again, our home is paid for
and we love where we live, life is very settled.....but is that
enough?
My mind often jumps to the "what's next?" question, and I have to keep
reminding myself that the season I'm in right now is a good one, an
easy one, and one I don't need to rush through. The future will be always be
just ahead and waiting for me when I'm ready - I don't have to make big
plans or have grand designs, or put pressure on myself to devise new
challenges - they'll unfold when the time is right.
STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE FUTURE
I think the key is to stop guessing and stop wondering about the future -
to be present and to live in the moment....to let life unfold as it chooses
to. This is such a strange concept for me - to not have the days ahead
mapped out, to not have anything that has to be accomplished. I feel like
I'm treading water, and I'm not sure if that's "good enough".
My inner critic just loves it when the "good enough" button gets pushed -
it starts telling me that I "should" have it all figured out, that I
"should" have a bucket list, that I "should" know what's ahead and have a
big picture of what's next. And I just don't.....I don't even know what's
happening next month, let alone next year, or in the next decade......but maybe I can give myself the grace of being okay with that.
MAKE THE MOST OF NOW AND LET LIFE UNFOLD
After two operations in the last 12 months, I've been reminded that life
is short, that we don't know how long we have, or what quality of life
we'll maintain. We may still think we're 40, but the reality is that 40
was a long time ago. I'm closer to 80 than to 40 (and that blows my mind a
little!) so why am I in such a rush to know what's next? Maybe life is
teaching me to be in the moment, to enjoy the peace, to savour the days,
and to let everything unfold in its own time.
So, that's where I'm at.....caught between what was and what is yet to
come. I'm in transition, I'm a work in progress, I'm uncertain, and at the
same time I'm grateful for where life has brought me. I wake up with a light
heart every morning, the day is mine to do as I please, I have enough, I am
enough, and that is good enough. I really can't ask for more than that, so I
will live in this season and wait for life to unfold and show me what's
ahead when the time is right. I'm learning patience, and I'm learning to
enjoy the journey - the destination will appear when the time is
right.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you in transition? Or are you aware of your next destination and have
it all in hand? Are you able to live in the moment and let the future unfold
or do you struggle with the idea?
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I am a grand planner, too. High five, sister!! But it does bring me much anxiety to not be able to plan or to have my plans cast aside because LIFE got in the way. My PC is rather a planner, too. He will say every weekend, 'what are we doing tomorrow?' and then when we wake up, 'what are we doing today?' He is a creature of habit. And I am in some ways. I like routine. Monday - laundry, Tuesday - ironing, Wednesday - play, Thursday and Friday - clean house. It is kind of sad for me these days to not have something big and exciting to look forward to. We have had a lot of negative things to anticipate and be anxious over in the last couple of years. Now I would like to have something exciting to look forward to. A trip, I think.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie - it's so easy to get locked into a mindset where we need to have our days planned out in advance - it comes from all those decades of fitting things in around family commitments and work. I'm doing my best to let that way of thinking go, to let life come to me rather than rushing at it head-on. I'm definitely still trying to figure it out, but I'm coming to the conclusion that having quiet times is a blessing and who knows how long that will last....so I'm doing my best to lean into them and enjoy this time of flowing rather than rushing....I hope you find some peace too.
DeleteThis is so amazing. Wow, so very perfect for the new school year. Very nice. Thanks for your great words and wisdom.
ReplyDeleteHi Patrick - we all have different seasons that we're transitioning through - I hope the new school year brings interesting challenges and some fun too. :)
DeleteOne day at a time, as the song goes, works for me. Just let the new day unfold and enjoy the sunshine when it is there and snuggle down with a book when it isn’t. Don’t worry just be happy. 🥰
ReplyDeleteI think that sums it all up beautifully - life is so lovely atm - why rush into the next season without pausing to savour the moments in the season we're in the midst of. Change is unsettling, but there are a lot of lovely peaceful moments in the mix.
DeleteHi Leanne - I too need everything planned out. I am more comfortable that way. Of course, I know that I can be taken by surprises. When that happens I try my best to adjust to the new situation as best as possible.
ReplyDeleteLive in the present, and not to worry too much about the future, is a very good suggestion. I try to practise that.
I am not right now in a transition phase. I will soon be. In about a year and a half I will retire from office work. All the days and nights will then be at my disposal. I will have to figure out how best to use my energy and time.
Hi Pradeep - it's a big leap from working full-time to being retired and I hope you navigate it all smoothly. I was only working part-time in the lead up to leaving work, but it still means restructuring my time and deciding what I think is authentically interesting to me - and not just doing stuff so I look "busy" to prove myself to other people. I'm learning that it can be about me and what I want this time around.
DeleteIt's an interesting time of our lives Leanne and you're working your way through it with wisdom and grace. take your time, some days it's good to have plans and other days jest let then flow. I'm at the stage of retirement life that I need a bit of both in my weeks, whatever works for you!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I think we all need a mix of things in our life - we can't sit around all day, every day...but we also don't need to be rushing from one busy activity to the next without giving ourselves time to rest - as you said, it's all in the balance. A little busyness, and plenty of time to do what feels refreshing is what works the best for me. I'm sure things will change again, but in the meantime I plan to enjoy this pleasant phase.
DeleteI am definitely a planner and like to have back up plans for my back up plans but I'm trying to get better at embracing the unknown and going with the flow. I feel like I'm in that season of life where things are always changing since my boys still need me at times but are also independent at times and I just never know when a change in their schedules is going to impact mine.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I'm starting to realize that there are a myriad of "micro" seasons in life - little shifts where our normal changes and is in the process of becoming something completely different. We can fight the changes or we can flow with them and live with the anticipation of what's next - holding space I guess? It's a lovely time if you allow it to be. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I loved your piece and your perspective. There is an acceptance to where we are, but more too — to appreciate it, soak it in too. That can be hard. You seem to have the right idea about it. I’ve been that “what’s next” kind of person since retiring 5+ years ago, and it’s hard for me sometimes to wait and see. I will add this — you write with such a calmness and your blog is your voice. I wouldn’t disregard that a part of your what’s next!
ReplyDeleteHi Leann. Sorry to post anonymously! I did it on the fly but it’s Judi Nadratowski
DeleteHi Judith - thanks for your very encouraging and lovely words. I feel like this time of waiting can be frustrating if we approach it that way, or we can flip it and be at peace with the process. I think our world expects us always to be doing something "big" and busy - and it's hard to reach a stage where it's calm and quiet - and to see that as a positive, rather than something we need to justify. Sometimes I wonder if this is all there is.....and then I realize that even if there's nothing "bigger" I'm okay with that.
DeleteLeanne, You know I am a planner. This spring was unsettling to me as I struggled to plan anything! I have found I like a couple of days in the week with nothing planned...days to read, write, do crosswords, craft, play in the garden...or even take an afternoon nap. Even though I like routine and structure, I don't have any big plans at the moment - planning is still a bit of a challenge for me. I'm doing some planning on local activities - theater tickets, museum visit, shell walks - but no big project, no big travel plan, no big anything. Maybe that's the "season" I'm in.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I just said to Judith (above you) that I feel like we're almost pressured by the world to always have something "bigger" in the works - maybe because social media is always showing us other people's "big" moments. I have no desire to travel atm, no need to take on a big project, just nothing "big" is calling to me.....but I think that's okay - maybe this stage of life is about rest and balance and learning to be in the moment - without the need to justify to ourselves or others?
DeleteHi Leanne - I am a planner too. I also find it difficult to sit down and do something for myself as there is always a job that that needs doing. I have been trying to change how I am so that I take some time for myself but this is proving to be quite difficult but I feel determined to make some lasting changes and make more time for sitting and watching the world go by.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - I think (for me) that part of the change has been that there's no jobs that need doing atm. I have no need to be working, no need to be running after grandchildren or elderly parents on a stressful level, no travel plans, no big commitments. It's a strange feeling to open my calendar and to see white space everywhere.....That being said, the weeks seem to flow by and days fill with spontaneous plans, or with little activities - it's a new way of living, and I'm learning to adjust to it slowly...
DeleteHi, Leanne - I'm a planner as well. Currently, I love the balance of all of the things that I get to plan for, and accepting that despite my best planning there are no guarantees as to what lies ahead. Once again, you have given great advice here!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - once a planner, always a planner....but I think we planners can learn to be a little bit flexible when we reach retirement. Knowing that we can't predict the future (no matter how many plans we make) helps us loosen our grip a little doesn't it?
DeleteYou should watch Dispatches from Elsewhere. It's all about not everything being a big life decision. You can try things for a bit and then try something else. And you only need to think about the very nexty step. You don't need to plan it all out, you just need to decide what to do right now in the next few moments....I think a lot of it might resonate with you (in the sense of give you permission just to enjoy it as it comes) #WWandPics
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I just went looking for Dispatches from Elsewhere and it's on Amazon Prime (which we don't have) but the shorts looked fascinating. I like the idea of what you're saying - that we don't need to full big picture to move forward, we can just dabble here and there (something I'm putting together for a new blog post soon). I think I get sucked into the idea of needing something to validate my existance, when in fact I can just enjoy being alive in the moment and relishing the little joys.
DeleteHi Leanne. I'm trying to just be satisfied with finishing this apartment project, before thinking about moving on to the next project, possibly in another country. We're not sure, but we think we might want to buy a property in Italy, eventually. We still have work to do here, and we're trying not to get ahead of ourselves. I think the reason we tend to start thinking about moving is because we're not completely satisfied with the city we're living in. I do love my home, though and have a lot of pride in the work we've done on it. Maybe when it's all done, I'll like it enough to stay. Thank you for sharing your post. It's always a pleasure to visit your blog. xx Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - I'm surprised you're thinking of moving after all the time and effort you've gone to making your apartment so beautiful. I can also see that you're not attached to a physical home like a lot of us are, and that gives you more freedom to pull up roots and try something new and exciting. I'll be following along with your adventures!
DeleteI love your reminder to be present. I am much younger than you are, but I do feel the rush of time pressure as I find myself suffering with worsening physical and mental health. I just watched a video a few days ago titled something like "10 warning signs that you're already having dementia". Though really the doctor in the video walked us through the stages of dementia, from completely healthy to end-stage dementia, rather than rattling off a list of symptoms, I did tick of several boxes in the "early dementia" stage. For the record, I am only 37 so unlikely to have Alzheimer's and young-onset dementia doesn't run in my family, but I do have a reason to believe I'm at significantly increased risk for vascular dementia. Anyway, I'm trying to tell myself that, while there is still something I can do about my brain health (this was one of the doctor's messages too), whether I'm truly declining cognitively or not, the main thing to do is be present and embrace life.
ReplyDeleteHi Astrid - your last sentence really sums it up doesn't it? You certainly have a lot more health issues than most of us - and I admire how well you manage them, but none of us know what's around the corner, and how long we'll have quality of life for. As I get older and have more health issues, I've come to see that pushing forward and not enjoying the moment I'm in, means that I'm not fully appreciating all the little moments that I have right now. I choose to embrace the moment and to be present too. x
DeleteHi Leanne, I'm a planner and a list girl and that is the way I roll. I live in the moment when I go walking or doing something I enjoy but I also feel that sparkle of looking forward to things. It's a happy balance that works for me. I'm sure you will work out your next step but enjoy the thoughts unfolding. x
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - I think I was a compulsive planner - my planning was to keep control of everything and to not be surprised by any plot twists. That just doesn't work for me anymore - I still like to have a plan, but I'm learning to be more flexible and to not feel like I have to know exactly what lies ahead. You're right about it being a balance - a little bit of busy and a little bit of rest, and a lot of being kind to ourselves and others. x
DeleteAm I in transition?? Oh yes and my husband tells me that is our constant state and that makes sense. I used to think a lot like you with planning ahead and giving myself a pat on the back via achievements. Now, I am slowly but surely winding down that kind of need in me and relaxing into an uncertain time..because we know nothing certain. I did a quiz today about change is was me spot on. I am asking the author if I can produce it on the blog... Thank you so much for linking you post to WWandPics this week. Next week, the link up continues beginning at 5.00 am WEDNESDAY Australian Eastern time and finishes at 5.00 am FRIDAY allowing an additional 12 hours for the blog linkers from the northern hemisphere. See you next week, on Denyse’s Words and Pics! And yes, I will be doing a “D” post!! Warm wishes, Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - we're fellow previous-planners, works in progress who are finally realizing that it's okay to be in the moment and to allow life to come to us. It certainly beats the stress of trying to line all those ducks up - and having to have a back-up plan for when they decide to wander off! I hope you get permission to share the quiz - it'd be fun to see how I score. :)
DeleteOnce again you hit the nail on the head, Leanne. You could have written this about me...and I'm sure many others at this time of life. I love the idea that we should be enjoying this easier season. There will surely be challenges enough in the future. I can imagine looking back and saying, "Why didn't I appreciate the quiet calm of that period more?" I don't want to do that, so now I am going to make a mindful effort to appreciate this transitional period and the rest and ease that it affords me.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - that hits the nail on the head. I too have that sense that I need to appreciate this lovely quiet time while I have it - and that I'll look back and kick myself if I don't. I've been so busy thinking I need to be doing something bigger and better - but small and serene is a very pleasant phase to be in. I'm trying to savour this time more.
DeleteThis post really resonated with me. I've always been a planner, so much so that I sometimes feel like I live in the future. I think living in the moment is an act of faith--faith that you'll have what you need, that life will bring you fulfillment without you having to chase after it like a teenager with a crush. I'm not there yet, but your posts are making me think about the changes I could make even before retirement to start living in the here and now. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi Janet - I was a huge planner - probably because my husband wasn't. He is far more spontaneous than me and he changed jobs a lot during the first couple of decades of our marriage. It made me a worrier (actually it just increased my worrying - I was already a worrier) but if I'd known then what I know now, I'd have realized that if you put the work in, and your steward your finances and spending well, you'll end up in a good place. I'm in that good place now - not rich, but comfortable and happy.
Delete