RETIREMENT IS NOT A COMPETITION
I wrote a post a while back about
not competing, or comparing
your life with other people's highlight reels on social media. There will
always be someone living a bigger and better retirement life. My Facebook
feed is full of people I know who are super busy chasing their dreams and
ticking things off their bucket lists. Sometimes I feel exhausted just
reading what they're up to lately, and I wonder if I should be doing more
now I have the extra free time?
I look at other bloggers when they write their end of month wrap up posts
and include all that they've fitted into 4 weeks - mine looks very minimal
in comparison. At first I thought that I must be missing out, but it comes
back to asking myself if being busier would make me happier - and the answer
is always a resounding "No!" I'm happy to cheer on those who are living
large, without the need to be doing it too. I've become such a fan of
simple, un-busy living and below are 3 lessons I've been learning in the process...
1. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO WHAT OTHERS ARE DOING
On a similar note, I've realized that there are a lot of activities that
other retirees thrive on that just aren't on my radar at the time being
(they may be in the future, but for now they're not enticing me). Some of
these include:
Travel - now covid is in the rearview mirror, everyone is travelling the world. I
love seeing their pictures on Facebook or on their blogs, I love how much
they're enjoying themselves....but I just don't feel the need right now.
I've travelled plenty of times
over the years and now I'm content at home - not spending days at airports
and on long haul flights, not getting jet lag, not catching whatever bug is
going around, not cramming in an itinerary - maybe later, but not now.
Study - many Midlifers go back to further study - including my husband who
did several years of full-time study to change careers in his 50's. I deeply
admire the commitment and the idea of having a challenge....but there's
nothing that appeals to me right now. Maybe something will pop up in the
future, but I'm quite happy not completing assignments or jumping through
hoops to earn another certificate to hang on the wall (or put in a
folder).
Second careers - Been there, done that! I tried the
un-retirement
thing and it was good to go back and finish well....but now I'm done. I
don't need a career to define myself, I don't need to work for someone else,
I love having my days to myself and all the free time that gives me.
Bucket lists - Everyone seems to have a bucket list.....but not me. I've never
really had one, and I find them a little daunting. I try to protect myself
from the 'fear of failure' and not being able to tick things off a list
equates to a fail for me. Bucket lists work for a lot of people, but I see
them as a cattle prod to keep doing "more" and that doesn't fit well with my
simple, unbusy life.
2. FIND YOUR IDENTITY WITHOUT A JOB TITLE
Who am I?
My friend reminds me that I'm a child of God - and that's pretty special in
itself. I'm also a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, and so many other
titles. My working life was never about having a career - it was always
about contributing towards paying the bills and becoming debt free. I didn't
define myself by the job I was doing, so why would I think I'm "less"
because I no longer work?
When you step away from the 9-5 working world it requires some re-defining
of yourself. Saying "I'm retired" when asked "what do you do?" by others
made me feel old and even a little bit lazy. After all, who could possibly
want to be
retired in their 50's
or sitting at home without a job? The answer to that was - Me! And as time
has gone on and I've adjusted to the idea of being a retiree (and maybe
being in my 60's has helped with that?) I'm finding that life without a job
title gets easier and easier, and other people's job titles don't impress or
intimidate me at all.
3. IT'S OKAY TO LIVE SIMPLY AND SLOWLY
Home is where my heart is. I love living a simple and slow life. I find that I'm good at doing "nothing" or very little. I can spend days reading, walking, drinking coffee with friends, or creating crafts that nobody else sees or cares about. I like who I'm becoming in this new phase of life. Another friend said that I've changed, and I think it's because I'm softening, I don't feel the need to prove myself to anyone, I'm not stressed or under pressure, I'm not on a timetable where I feel rushed. Life is gentler, and so am I.
Simple, slow living in retirement
suits me. I know it's not for everyone, but that's okay. What I've come to
see is that the uncertainty I'd been dealing with about "what's next?" was
coming from a self-created sense of feeling pressured to have a retirement
that looked full of exciting and interesting things. I'm not sure where that
idea came from, but I'm letting it go. I don't want to compete, I have no
desire to be keeping up with the Joneses. Life is really good - and I like
that I have no envy of others, I'm full of contentment and gratitude for
this lovely life I'm living - and I really can't ask for more than
that.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you living your best life? Are you content or are you still figuring it
all out? Do you get swayed by the highlight reel of other people's
lives?
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I totally agree. Just yesterday my sister and I were talking about what we want in life now that we are on the other side of 55. The kids have flown the nest and all we really want is to be happy and do nothing! Maybe just potter around savouring everymoment and enjoying the freedom - the fact that you can choose not to do anything if you want to.
ReplyDeleteHi Sunita - I think that what I love the most is that we have choices now. We're less caught up in all the responsibilities and there's the freedom to decide how busy we want to be (or not to be) and that's such a joy for me. I'm so glad you're enjoying it too.
DeleteHi Leanne - In about one a half years I will hit 60, and I have already started looking forward to it. With plans to lead a relaxed but well-engaged routine, I am thinking of setting a timetable for myself. I will stick it on the wall where I can see well, and will try my best to follow it.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - I think I had more of a schedule when I first hit retirement, but when I had to give most of that up last year when my hip failed, I've been less quick to re-fill my days. I'm enjoying just letting the weeks fill themselves with most days ending up having something on the calendar - but with lots of free hours in the mix. It's such a lovely time of life - you're going to really enjoy it.
DeleteWhile I am not retired I definitely get bit by the travel bug more than ever. There is so much I want to see and do but at this stage in life it is definitely not a time to plan anything big so I'm contenting myself with smaller local trips. I do write up short, seasonal bucket lists of fun things I'd like to try and do each season but something it is simple things like read some good books, work on a puzzle, etc. Since I like to balance all that travel out with quiet things to do around the house.
ReplyDeleteHi Joanne - I did quite a bit of travelling in my 40's and 50's, but then slowed down and covid took things back even further. Australia is so far away from everywhere and travel time is SO long - I just don't feel the desire atm to spend 14+ hours on a plane to go somewhere - and a lot of places in the world seem less attractive these days - natural disasters, political unrest etc. I'm sure the travel bug will strike again, but I'm happy being home right now and travelling vicariously through other people's FB posts!
DeleteThank you so much for this post! When people ask me what I'm doing in retirement my answer is simple: "Whatever I damn feel like." It always catches them off guard! For me, this time is gift and I'm spending it unwrapping and unpacking work life baggage, questioning what I need and want, recovering and discovering myself, my spirit, relationships. It's intentional and it's plenty and good enough for me for right now.
ReplyDeleteHi Jocelyn - you sound exactly like me - and like the post I wrote a couple of weeks ago about letting retirement be an organic process. I really like that I'm finally okay with doing things on my own terms and with my own timetable - and not feeling the need to prove myself by filling all my time up. I just don't care about how other people view my choices these days, my quiet and content life just feels so right - and that's good enough for me too. :)
DeleteHello Leanne - I can relate to everything you wrote. After forced retirement (health issues) and the terrible losses in my life, I want to live a slow, quiet life just like the description via Imperfectly simple and the quote by Jann Arden. I have limited energy and I like to savor each moment reading, having a nice cup of tea or coffee, going for a walk and reading your wonderful blog. Comparison is an exercise in futility. Live and let live! Thank you for sharing! xox
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I'm so glad you're being kind to yourself and enjoying life at a slower pace. I think we can do ourselves a great disservice if we're always rushing off to the next thing and missing all the little joyful moments like a cuppa in the sunshine, or strolling on a lovely day. I'm reading too - nothing deep (I keep downloading deeper books and not getting around to reading them because I'm immersed in a fun novel instead!) Life is very good and I'm happy to cheer on the busy people while I sit back and smell the roses.
DeleteHi Leanne. I think social media tends to perpetuate this need some people have to compete. I'm with you, I don't need anyone's approval about how I'm living my life. Like you, I was never defined by my job of teaching young children, although I enjoyed it. That phase of my life ended a long time ago. I am enough right now. Also, you must know how truly inspiring your blog posts are to other people. I would think that the positive feed-back that you receive in the comments, would be so rewarding. Thank you for sharing, dear friend! Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - I really hope that I inspire others to allow themselves to step away from the need to prove how busy they are - when all they want to do is let life unfold at its own pace. There are so many people online who encourage us to be busy and productive - and that's great - but for those of us who want less, I hope I can be a voice that says it's okay to slow down a little and enjoy smelling the roses more. It's so nice to have to prove ourselves to anyone anymore isn't it?
DeleteHi Leanne, I’m sort of semi-retired (I take the odd temp job) and often feel guilty that I should be doing more with my time. I hadn’t planned to give up full time work early, but after 5 yrs in a horrible job it was time to leave for the sake of my health. I feel much happier now that I can pick and choose what I do and my blood pressure is now normal. Your post is a reminder that it’s okay to just be and not worry about feeling the need to meet the expectations of others. I loved Jocelyn’s comment. Maria
ReplyDeleteHi Maria - your retirement story sounds so similar to mine - working in a toxic job that undermined our mental and physical health, and being tossed into retirement unprepared. It's been a journey of figuring things out for me, but I'm finally feeling settled and at peace with the fact that all retirements look different - and if we're content with the lifestyle we've chosen (busy or unbusy) then we're doing it right. PS: I loved Jocelyn's comment too.
DeleteIt has taken me awhile to accept I really don't like to travel much. It is a "should" I still fight internally, especially as so many of my friends are avid travelers. I also know I need structure in my days, so I do keep a calendar (and a possibilities list), and often jot a "to-do" list in the morning... usually so I don't forget something I want or need to do! Today if had "paint the golf balls", which is the next step in a crafting project and I forgot to do that 3 days in a row now as I got caught up in other things - garden work, blog writing, reading, crosswords, visiting a friend for coffee and pool time...but today, I did that craft step (I'm sure they will show up in a post!). I never think of my days as busy.... full, yes. Fun, usually. And that fits me!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - full and fun sounds perfect to me. My days are full too - but not busy. I often have an activity or outing somewhere in my day, but I also have plenty of time at home to do most of those things you listed. I just love that I fill my days with little things I love, rather than running around working for other people or trying to keep up with a fully scheduled calendar.
DeleteI'm also fine with not travelling atm - I really enjoy seeing other people being happy in their travels and they're so glad to be able to again after covid. I think I'm less thrilled about it because Australia is so far away from everywhere else, and sitting on a plane for endless hours just doesn't thrill me right now - maybe later...
I'm contemplating some massive changes at the moment - but nothing I can speak about on blogs or socials just yet (too many colleagues are on my socials so any comments etc would get out quickly) - so this resonates. I don't intend retiring just yet, but maybe stepping back a tad. Who knows...
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I think you know when it's time to make a change (big or small). It took a massive meltdown for me to know it was time to step back - it was step back or spend my days weeping! I'm glad you're making changes before you get to that stage, and I'll be excited to see where you go from here - there'd better be a blog post about it when the time comes! xx
DeleteHi, Leanne - You are so right about choices and about what works for one person can be totally diffferent from what works for another. We all have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We have more control in how we fill them than we sometimes think (and it took me a very long time to realize this)! :D
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - I completely agree. I also like that we don't have to be frantically filling those 24 hours - we can mix them up with activity and rest. I also like that we can cheer on those who are doing it differently, while still respecting our own likes and needs. Variety is the spice of life - and I'm happy dabbling in my little world. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I remember asking myself some of these questions when I was 'made to retire' and the one about who am I without a job title was the one that took me the longest to get used to. I'm now fine with it and quite happily say I'm retired or I'm a blogger when someone asks me what I do. Lots of adjustments and really as you say, what suits one doesn't suit everyone. I'm feeling a little lost at times now that I'm back from my exciting travels and sometimes crave something more but other days I'm quite happy with my days. It's all relative and we just have to make the most of what we can. I'm not one to compare my life with others either and get joy out of seeing how others fill their days, whether they're busy or not :). You seem to be finding your own rhythm which is what it's all about! Enjoy :)
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I know that feeling of being a bit lost at times, I'm feeling it less as the rhythm of life settles into a slower pace. It took me a long time to let go of that feeling that I should be busy and the need to justify my time since I wasn't working. Now I'm just happy in my own little world... busy some days and quiet on others. It's a nice pace, but it took me a long time to find the balance. I'm happy to cheer on those who are filling every moment of their days, and not wanting that type of life makes it easier to be happy for them and not jealous or wanting to emulate them.
DeleteYou'll be drowning in family before you know it, so enjoy these peaceful days before the Christmas onslaught :)
Hello Leanne, a lot of what you have written is what I am aiming for and I have found reading your blog has helped me start to think about the life I want when I retire. At the moment, I am still at a busy stage but I am starting to take time for myself and silence the little voice that whispers that I should be doing x. y or z,
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - I wish I'd had time to give some thought to retirement and what I'd like it to look like before I jumped in. We get bombarded with the "look at me and all I'm doing" type retirements - but those aren't for everyone. I hope I'm giving others incentive to enjoy a quieter and more peaceful retirement lifestyle if that is what resonates with them. And you're definitely doing the right thing by gradually preparing (and not leaping in unaware!)
DeleteHi Leanne, I'm retired too and want a simple and quiet life with a bit of travel here and there. I love nature and love visiting places I've never been before and learning new things. BUT I'm not really a fan of hanging around airports and flying on planes (I get more nervous on them as I get older) ... and I'm very much a homebody so I'll never been one of those people constantly travelling. There's a couple of big ticket places I'd like to go to before I get too old though. A lot of how I spend my time now though is out of my control since we need to care for Mum these days but I try and do things that bring me joy when I can. Have a great week! xo
ReplyDeleteHi Min - I think we all benefit from a change of scenery now and then (whether it's nearby or futher away). I'm not ready for long haul flying atm, but I do love a little getaway now and then - even if it's just a drive in the countryside or a visit to our kids in the city. I'm just so grateful that this gentler approach to being retired works for me because it makes me so much more content with the life I have.
DeleteI think you're doing a great job of finding moments for yourself in amongst all the other commitments you're juggling right now. And investing in family is always a priority - and one we never regret.
Hello, Leanne: I retired two months ago after a LONG career of working. I spent a career of traveling throughout the country, Canada, and Mexico, living out of suitcases, catching flights, and thousands and thousands of miles driving to various destinations. Consequently, I have no plans to travel in my retirement years. In my final drive home, I heard the song, "Time for Living" by The Association. How appropriate! This far I have restored two vintage bicycles that I purchased back in the late 1970s. Two weeks ago, I took a week-long bicycling trip, camping and riding the roads less traveled, taking in the sights and sounds of freedom! I bicycle every day, shedding the pounds of "working weight," or that which one acquires from not enough exercise time and too much working time. And I am not going to miss those treacherous winter drives!
ReplyDeleteYour retirement sounds divine! I love that you're combining an interest with exercise and getting away into nature. Your job would have been hugely stressful with all that travelling and responsibility, so retirement will be a joy for you. Getting the balance right is always tricky, but once we find what makes our hearts happy and what feels right for us (not necessarily what others think is right!) it becomes a time of feeling like we're being rewarded for all those years of hard slog and toil.
DeletePS: I'm off to Google that song!
Hi Leanne, I've come to realise that competition is something we impose on ourselves rather than others. I can look at women on social media and admire them for what they do but also know that I won't try to be like them. They inspire me but I have to find what's right for me. No pressure only the pressure we place on ourselves. xx
ReplyDeleteYou're exactly right Sue - I know that I'm 100% responsible for how I feel when I read something and start to do the "compare and despair" thing. What I'm finding though, is the happier we are with our own lives, the more we're able to cheer others on and be be happy for them and their choices. Goodness and kindness are contagious - and I just love that.
DeleteI haven't found that unbusy stage. I think it might be somewhere up ahead but it certainly isn't in my near future. I love the business that I have now -- lots of Nan time with my grandchildren, tons of creative time, some travel and a small amount of work committments. But we each need to do our own path. I nixed FB a while ago (like 4 or 5 years) as such a time waster and I feel it leads us down a negative pathway. Bernie
ReplyDeleteHi Bernie - I think you sound like you have the perfect retirement. Busyness is relative - being busy with things you love almost feels like relaxation - being busy trying to produce a lifestyle that you think others will admire is the opposite to that. I'm slowly learning that we need to fill our days with things and people that bring joy to our hearts, and then retirement feels like such a blessing.
DeleteI also understand about you giving up FB - I stay away from IG and Twitter for similar reasons - and I unfollow a lot of people ("friends") on FB if their lives are too full on for my comfort levels. I'm getting very good at curating what comes into my world these days - positivity and peace are high priorities! :)
Here is the trick to life, you don't need to compete now - but you never did. The earlier you realise that, the happier you are. For some reason, we set up all these random rules on success & importance for ourselves, half of them are cultural and if you talk to someone from another country you realise their set rules are different to ours and they think ours are strange and vice versa. But they are just our normal.
ReplyDeleteTho I will argue with you on the learning - it's not about the assignments, it's about the joy of learning. I did a course in lockdown with University of Iceland and once a week I spent 3 hours doing the course - I was by far the dumbest person in the group but that just meant I learnt from everyone (all these people around the globe would apologise for their bad English and then use words I had to look up!) but I LOVED it. I looked forward to that day in all the sameness of lockdown and I felt energised by the end of it. Of course, it's not for everyone, but don't think there has to be a purpose to learning and study. It can just be fore pleasure and enjoyment. I'd quite like to go back to uni for a bit (or even high school because that's cheaper and they now do psychology and women in stem and all sorts of interesting subjects....;)
Hi Lydia - it's definitely all about what floats our boat isn't it? My husband thrived on his years of study in his 50's because it really interested him (he was a terrible student in his teens). I'm still waiting for a subject to engage me enough that I'd want to study it - but I'm always open to new things if they come along.
DeleteThis comparison thing for me has always been a problem - low self-esteem, parents who never complimented etc. Childhood baggage takes SO long to discard. The last decade has been a revelation to me and I'm slowly learning to discard all that stuff and to just be me (and discarding those who don't encourage me in that as I go along). Sometimes I think I wore a mask every day for 50+ years and it's really tricky figuring out who I am without it, and what I use to define myself if I discard all the unhealthy measurements I've used all my life. It's very strange still being a work in progress....
Just pat yourself on the back for figuring it out now. I do wonder about childhood baggage because we are ALL carting it around. Is there ever a way to raise a child without some sort of issue??
DeleteIn answer to the the children and baggage question - probably not.....but I like that my kids seem to have less of it to lug around than I do - and better coping skills to handle it :) x
DeleteI think it sounds lovely to enjoy a quiet, unbusy retirement. I'm a bit surprised that it's even a thing studying and planning a second career in retirement - those people aren't really retired then, they're just changing careers! To me it would be a total YES about learning something new in retirement, but not to make a career, just for the enjoyment of learning something new (plus it keeps the brain young and fresh). I think your way of living as a retiree sounds very appealing. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Susanne - it's a balance isn't it? Learning and growing - but doing it at our own pace - and with things that engage our hearts and minds....rather than things we think we should be doing. I love that it's a wide, wide world that's opened to me now, and there are so few constraints on my time. I can take things at my own pace and get there when I'm ready - with no responsibilities to other people - it's a quiet joy.
DeleteLeanne, what took me so long to come to your blog? This post resonates with me. Ten years into retirement, I'm still not over the slow mornings. The week is often grounded with "to-dos" on the calendar interspersed with whatever comes to me. The seasons often dictate activities. Love your reference to Jann Arden; she's from my province of Alberta, Canada. Have you read any of her books? When retirement was imminent, a common question was, "What will you do when you retire?" My response: Those things I did before 8 & after 5, I'll do between 8 & 5. After retirement, people often asked: What do you do now that you're retired? I came to realize that people aren't that interested in what I do; they wonder what they would do without a job to go to. I was never a fan of the word "busy" preferring the word full. Life is full. I still get a kick out of the look on people's face now when I reply "no" to their question "Busy?" I've always enjoyed homemaking. In retirement I get to spend time in the house I rushed away from to the job that paid for it all. I'm grateful for that nursing career that was more than a job but never completely defined me. I've become more of who I am in retirement.
ReplyDeleteHi Mona - I love your last sentence - "I've become more of who I am in retirement." because that sums up exactly how I feel. It's like the life that lead up to now was what I needed to do to put in the preparation for what I get to enjoy now. All the hard work, all the years of parenting, all the saving and being careful with our finances....they all led up to this lovely life where I'm doing exactly what I like, when I like.
DeleteI wake up to slow mornings (like you) and love that there's no alarm waking me, that I'm not rushing around preparing for a busy work day. The commitments I have are ones I've chosen and that bring interest and variety into my week. I have no understanding of the concept of being constantly stressed and busy - there's time for everything and it flows so pleasantly - I feel blessed every day.
I'm so glad you found me and I hope you'll keep coming back to visit. x
Hi Leanne: You really spoke to my heart with this post and put into words how I feel in retirement. I enjoy being home and doing things I want to do. It seems each time I do a small
ReplyDelete"job" either at my church or with tutoring, etc, I feel stressed by the other people involved. I'm debating with myself whether I want to give up my church job at the end of this year. While It is nice to keep using my skills, it's also nice to just not have to worry about other people anymore! Thanks for sharing a great post.
Hi Debbie - I gave up my church jobs a few years ago when things were imploding in my life. I haven't felt the need to take anything back up again yet. I'm always open to suggestions from others, but I weigh things up carefully, and I'm much better at saying "no" if it doesn't feel like a good fit - or if I think it's being passed on to my by someone who's shirking their own responsibilities. I really like the freedom I have now, and that I have less need to prove myself to others. It's very liberating.
DeleteDear Leanne, have you ever considered some of your great skills and talents are as a sharer of words with others...like this blog, and look at the number of people you interact with each week who share views too. Congratulations, a lot of people are very interested in interactions with you and you enjoy the conversations too. I have always had a title. Wife, Mum, grandma, teacher, principal, cancer patient. blogger, ambassador and more....and those are still within me but no longer determine me or what I stand for. I use them as needed for indentification but no longer for "who I am". I am Denyse. That's it. Loving my changes with social media as they bring me closer to me. Thank you so much for sharing your blog post for the first link up of Denyse’s Words and Pics. I hope too, that you will be back next Wednesday. Warm wishes and appreciation from Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I think you have been on a similar journey to me as we figure out who we are in amongst the various titles we've given ourselves over the years. I do know that I'm finding 'retired Leanne' to be a very nice fit. Today my husband and I went out for a beautiful day of walking through nature and then coffee and cake at a funky little cafe - previously I would have been working my heart out in an office and juggling several responsibilities at the same time - it made me appreciate how much more I enjoy this stage of life and the joy it brings me.
DeleteWell, I am 25 years from retiring with a full pay check. (I'll probably retire earlier.) I am very grateful that I have travelled a lot earlier in life, and even though I am not retired I can relate to your post. I usually have one longer (5-6 weeks) week vacation in the summer, and a couple weeks in the winter. My younger self would have want to maximise the vacation in any way I could. Nowadays I am perfectly happy and content doing a little gardening, go to one of the local beaches, and perhaps make some day trips within the region I live. Many of my colleagues spend almost all their vacation abroad, and I am happy for them, but don't feel any desire to join them. It is a very good feeling, being happy with what you have.
ReplyDeleteHi Maria - it's soooo good to be happy with what you have. I heard a counsellor say the other day that jealousy is based on desire - if we don't desire something, then we won't be jealous/envious of others who do. I really like that I have no feelings at all of envy - I'm just happy for people doing lots in their retirement. If something comes up that tweaks an interest in me, then I take that as inspiration and a chance to check it out to see if I want to go down that path too.
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteagain, I love this post....I am doing exactly what i want to do in retirement...I have no desire to travel, take courses unless it is craft classes, or get a part time job....I do feel I am living my best life...Thanks so much for stopping by!! I actually live in a small 1325 sq. ft. townhouse...Here is a post I wrote on where I store everything: https://debbie-dabbleblog.blogspot.com/2023/08/new-buys-gifts-and-setting-record.html
Hugs,
Deb
Hi Deb - it's lovely to be content with our lives isn't it? I feel like every day is a good day (rather than waiting for the weekend or a day off work). I just feel relaxed and peaceful and happy - and I can't ask for more than that. I'm going to check out your link because it's something I wonder every time I visit your blog. :) x
DeleteLeanne,
ReplyDeleteNot offended by your comment at all..It is the ones that ask with the bit of sarcasm like How on earth do you clean this house? or Don't you think you should get rid of something first before you buy more? , etc....Those are the ones that get me because you can just hear the judgement in their voices!! I think organization is one of my super powers and I learned it from my neighbor Elly....She had a place for everything and everything was labeled and she knew exactly where everything was...I hope you have a gret weekend, my friend!!!
HUgs,
Deb
Thanks for these lovely reminders, Leanne. The social media highlight reel is *such a thing*. I'm far from retirement but have shifted gears at mid-life from outside-the-home career mode to being a work at home farmer & homeschool mama so my rhythms, perspectives, and approach to life have shifted massively in the last few years. I am learning slowly, steadily, that my worth is not determined by my productivity (wild concept, I know) and that life is so very full and so very good (even in the harder times) even if it's not captured for social media or validated by any external sources.
ReplyDeleteHope you're enjoying a mellow weekend and have a lovely week ahead!
Hi Melis - I think that your shift was a different version than mine, but with a similar outcome - where you're doing exactly what you love, but it doesn't fit into a neat social media box. I love not being so "productive" as the world defines it, I feel like my life is full but it just moves at a slower and more gentle pace - which is such a delight - and I'm also working on surrounding myself with people who understand that, rather than those who think they need to "help" me find more to do!
DeleteHi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. The best thing about retirement is the freedom to choose what to do with your time, from little to a lot. There is no one size fits all. I’m glad you found what works for you. Except for blogging, I am not on social media. I’ve been selective with how I spend my time and I am enjoying life with gratitude.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - I love that retirement isn't a one size fits all concept - how awful would it be to find out you had to live someone else's idea of the "perfect" after-work life? I'm really enjoying the balance of having interests and also being home in my own space enjoying all the little things that pop up during the day. It's a glorious stage of life.
DeleteI so love this. Thanks for sharing this primer with us. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteHi Patrick - I'm glad you enjoyed it - and I hope it inspires you to keep on enjoying all your leisure activities when the time comes to leave the workforce - you'll just have extra time to devote to them :)
DeleteA simple, unbusy life sounds lovely. I still have awhile to go till retirement, but I'm already thinking about what I'd like those years to look like, and the main theme is, Slow. No rushing to cram as much as possible into a day/week/month/lifetime. I want to be able to slow down enough to be present, to truly live in each moment, because it's the everyday moments that make a life far more than the exceptional ones.
ReplyDeleteYou said it beautifully Janet - and it sums up how I'm feeling about retirement. I wish I'd had some advance notice that retirement was on my horizon when I first quit my job. I think giving it some forethought and knowing what you'd like retirement to look like makes the transition so much smoother.
DeleteThis is so good and so true Leanne. I sometimes find myself thinking, how does so and so manage their time to do all these things, but I can't seem to, or maybe I should be doing something other than blogging and reading peoples blogs and doing puzzles. I don't really have a bucket list either. I loved your #3 best.
ReplyDeleteHi Kirstin - I think sometimes we analyse things to death and it's better to just get on with doing what feels right for us personally. I've decided I don't want to be super busy, I don't enjoy living life under stress anymore, I don't want to work for someone else, or try to prove that I'm just as busy now as I was at 30. I'm very content doing little things in my own time and for my own enjoyment - I'm glad you're figuring that out too. x
DeleteLeanne, a lovely post. It has taken me a while but after having to take a complete break from everything last year I realised that I don't need to compare what I am NOT doing with what others are doing if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteHi Noil - it makes complete sense to me. I spent the first couple of years of retirement feeling like I had to justify myself to the busy people - and feeling judged or a little demeaned by their well-intentioned (?) comments about my life compared to the lifestyle they'd chosen. Now I just don't care - they're welcome to be bustling around - I just prefer to be calmer and quieter - and I love being at home more than I expected.
DeleteI haven't quite thought of what my retirement would look like. I am actually looking into retiring early. Maybe I'll become work optional when my kid graduates from high school which would make it 15-16 years from now. By then I would be barely in my early 50s but hopefully I have other stream of income. I think I see myself doing more travel in retirement, but I get to travel slower.
ReplyDeleteHi Julie - I think it's great that you're already thinking about what your future will look like and how you'd like to do retirement. I was thrust into it completely unprepared and it took me quite a long time to get my head around how it would work for me. I would have loved to have had an idea beforehand of how I'd handle it, and the idea of an early retirement - rather than it being such a surprise.
DeleteHi Leanne. It was such a surprising and - relieveing post about somewhat praise of idleness among a race of to do lists. I have been retired for four years. Most of my friends disapproved me of being retired in my early fifties and at the top of my profession teaching my experiences to the resident doctors. But I was really overwhelmed of the steadily increasing workload due to the countries health services policy. I was also aware of the thing that I cannot cope with the enourmous pace of improvement in my specification some of which are related with digitalisation. That meant someone younger would be more useful than me because I am no good at computers. Besides I have been painting since childhood and became a quite well known artist by working too hard over it during my professional years. I spend my days painting, reading, crafting; I have adopted a blind and very aggressive cat since four years, also I have a husband and an old mom to care for. Though not lasy, I still feel doing nothing. Maybe teaching painting ( not for earning money) would be a purpose, but the market is stuck because I live in a big city full of good artists. I feel like doing nothing though I do things. Besides after years of health service what I do know seems redundant. Your point of view is interesting, soothing, I am happy I came across your blog, but still I have to think more about it. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with us.
ReplyDeleteHi Tulay - I think that retirement is a process and it's different for each one of us. When I first retired it was as a necessity from being so stressed by a co-worker. Once I got myself back together again I was feeling (a little like you do) that I needed something more in my life and perhaps I'd been too quick to leave working life behind.
DeleteI restarted a little part-time job and really enjoyed that for a year or so, but then one day it occured to me that it was more of an annoyance than a joy and I was ready to have my week all to myself. I think you may find something that catches your attention and gives you a boost for a while - change is always good for us and keeps us engaged. I'm quite envious of you being so intellectually clever and also being artistic - such a fantastic combination. There would be many, many people who would jump at art lessons/advice from someone like yourself. Keep me posted, but also try to remember that productivity and a job title aren't what truly define us. x
I realize this is an older post, but I've just discovered your blog today.
ReplyDeleteJust the encouragement/reminder I needed. I never had a career to retire from, lol, but I chose to stay home to raise and homeschool my kids. Now they're either adults, or almost adults, . Still it was hard not to join those around us who seemed to competitive parent! We wanted a slow, relaxed simple family life and often felt at odds with those around us. We needed the occasional reminder that we chose what suited our family. Now that they're older, I constantly get asked what I'll do next, and if I look forward to getting back to other things. But I don't, ha!
Anyway, thank you for the encouraging post, it applies to so much more than retirement.
Hi Melissa - I think the Unbusy movement has become popular with a lot of us because there's something intrinsically within us that doesn't want to be absorbed by the "more is more" culture and the competitiveness that is pushed at us everywhere online. I've been busy, I've multi-tasked, I've juggled lots of balls.....and now I don't have to - and I LOVE this way of living.
DeleteDon't feel compelled to jump into something to justify your time - just keep doing what feels right and the days will fill with interesting pastimes - maybe paid, maybe unpaid, but wholly satisfying. Life isn't a competition and it's such a joy when you don't step into a race you don't want to participate in! :)