CHOOSING TO GROW ORGANICALLY
I mentioned in my July post about
finding my self-worth
in something other than productivity and busyness, that, as I venture into
being fully retired this time around, I won't be beating myself up and
desperately looking for a "Grand Passion", or for an "Ultimate Purpose"
- instead, I'm hoping to replace that driven approach with something
more fluid, more organic....
LOOKING FOR NEW INTERESTS
When I was launched into early retirement a few years ago,
I wasn't sure what I was doing. It hadn't been my decision to leave, I hadn't put in months (or years) of
thought and planning, I'd simply hit the wall and knew I had to leave or I'd
go crazy. I was cast adrift and felt that I needed to find a "new normal" and that would mean filling my days productively.
I've decided this time around that I'll go with what feels right for me -
rather than what I think other people would expect me to be doing. I'll be
steering away from
comparisons
and I'll be using my time in a more gentle way, I'd like to look for new
"interests" that engage my heart, soul, and mind. I'll be looking for ways
to enrich and be enriched - to invest in others without losing myself in the
process. I want to learn, and engage, and connect - not to prove
anything to myself or others - just to be truly alive in this second half of
life.
.jpg "Ask yourself what is really important, and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around your answer.")
WHAT WILL THAT LOOK LIKE?
I'm still trying to figure out what that will look like, I've spent the
first couple of months of this retirement decision caught up in
surgery
and recovery, mixed in with refreshing our kitchen and living areas. My
mind has been distracted by practicalities and the days have flown by.
But, that's not going to be the case for the years ahead. I know I'll
want to be doing different things, but I'm yet to decide what those
things are....I do know that they need to feel authentically "me" and to
reflect what I want to be and do, rather than just being busy for the
sake of it.
I'm calling this next phase of life "Intentional Retirement" and making
it about what feels right on the inside, rather than what looks right on
the outside. I'll be aiming towards
living simply - and simply living. I've discovered that I used to really enjoy being super busy, I used
to enjoy the challenge of juggling a lot of commitments, I used to enjoy
having my calendar full every week.....but not anymore.
INTENTIONAL RETIREMENT
This next foray into retirement is all about not rushing into anything.
I'm not jumping into volunteering - I'd like to volunteer somewhere, but
not right now, and not just for the sake of it - I want it to be
something I enjoy and feel like I'm making a useful contribution
towards. I'm also not taking up any new pastimes unless they really
intrigue me or challenge me to want to explore them. I want to be more
intentional in my choices and the reasons behind taking on something
new.
I think I'd like to learn new things - now I just need to figure out what
those new things are - I'm sure something will catch my eye before too
long. I'd like to allow myself time to create - whether it's through my
collaging, or through a new outlet. It doesn't have to set anyone else's
heart alight, but I'd like it to inspire me and keep the right side of my
brain engaged. And I'd like to invest in other people - to find like
minded souls to share conversations with.
FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE
All I have to do now is get the balance right. I'm not going to be busy
- I really enjoy a simple life,
an unbusy life. I love being home with my days stretching out in front of me with the
freedom to fill them however I choose. My husband is winding down his
work and we're enjoying seeing how that plays out with the extra time he
has available. I like that we enjoy spending time together and it never
feels like we're in each other's space too much.
I've always been a planner (it's the responsible oldest child in me), but
this time I intend to let life unfold organically. To not be hunting down
the next "thing", to not feel pressured into lots of commitments so it
feels like I always have something on the go. I've been there and done
that - it wasn't a joy for me. I'm finding that having less on my to-do
list works well for me - flexibility and the freedom to do things on a
whim really appeal to me now. At last I'm loosening up and letting life
happen - rather than trying to control every waking moment...... I think
I'm finally growing up!
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Is retirement a reality for you? Are you approaching it with a bucket
list and with lots of plans, or are you going to let it unfold over time?
Any suggestions on interests that might engage my seeking mind?
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So very interesting as I can retire in January age wise but my both of my pensions are more into age than service. This really makes me think.
ReplyDeleteHi Patrick - I think it's good to have a plan when you retire, it's good to slide into it gradually and intentionally - being tossed in unexpectedly makes things a lot harder. I'm sure you'll navigate it well with all your other interests. :)
DeleteThe problem Leanne is that we can feel lost when we retire especially if we have been defined by our career. I have a friend who was made redundant about a year ago. She isn't at retirement age but was completely floored by the redundancy. She has struggled and recently took a job because I think she felt guilty not working. My friend lasted about 3 months and last week resigned - it wasn't for her. I've now told her to do as you have suggested - take your time with what you want to do. Things will unfold. Happy Retirement, Leanne second time around. x
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - she sounds like she experienced exactly what I did the first time around. Feeling like the decision wasn't her own, feeling lost and unsure what to do next, and then getting another job to validate herself.....and then realizing that wasn't the solution! And yes, I think that things tend to work out if we trust the process and stop racing into new things to try to "fix" it. I'm realizing that interests appear when they're ready (and when we're ready) and also if things are quiet, to appreciate that down time because you never know what's around the corner!
DeleteThat sounds like a perfect non-plan.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo - I think a non-plan is way better than an over-thought plan that pushes me into doing things that I then have to back out of when I realize they're not the right fit! :)
DeleteI am one month into an early retirement. Still navigating. Thanks for your comments and ideas. I am certai ly feeling happier with some quieter days in my week.
ReplyDeleteHi Raine - welcome to a lovely new phase of life. I think retirement is a lot easier if you can ease into it gradually, and if you've prepared yourself. Regardless, it's definitely a change in "busyness" and it takes some adjustment to not feeling guilty for having extra leisure time. I'm still figuring that part out - but man I love not getting up in the morning to head off to work during the week!
DeleteI LOVED every word of this post! It spoke volumes to me and totally resonated. I love the concept of "intentional retirement"...but like all worthy pursuits that can inspire growth, I have some push/pull struggles with it. I will persevere and these wise and relatable posts of yours really help, Leanne.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda - it's definitely a push/pull for me too. I'm so used to validating myself based on how busy I am, how many balls I'm juggling etc. To have very little on my plate atm feels a little indulgent, but I also realized that this may be a quiet before the storm phase too - who knows if I'll be running around after an aging parent, or juggling other commitments in the years to come. I'm working on giving myself the grace to allow myself to relax and go with the flow - and to savour this lovely quiet time while I have it! I love watching your retirement unfold too.
DeleteHi Leanne, what a timely post as I have been mulling over what I would like my retirement to look like which has been prompted by your recent posts. I really like the 'ask yourself what is important' quote as I think determining what is important will help me start to outline what my future life will look like.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - it's tricky because we're not given much guidance as to how to retire without all the "fill your days and be super busy" hype. I don't want to be busier than I was when I was working, I want to have flexibility in my days - like today I joined my husband on a morning outing to buy something he needed. It took a few hours of driving, buying, having lunch, and then returning home. I could never have done that if I was booked solid with other commitments. It just felt lovely to go with the flow - and tomorrow will bring something different (or maybe not much at all) and both suit me just fine. :) I'm sure your retirement is going to be a lovely mix too.
DeleteHi Leanne, I have always liked the meaning behind the word “organic.” You elaborate more on the feelings behind the word. For me, life just flows better (your word “fluid” - perfect!) when I watch scenarios play out, instead of trying to control life.
ReplyDelete“…just to be truly alive…” shares your wonderful wisdom, Leanne. Your post reminds me how not every moment needs to be planned and accounted for. I have to be careful on this one, since almost every day in July and August is filled on my calendar. Sometimes necessary and sometimes a mistake. Back to the term ‘balance.’
I write my comments as I am reading…and then I see and realize we are on a similar wavelength again, Leanne. Thank you for clarifying this path in your wise and articulate words…once again. xx Erica
Hi Erica - my July was a bit swamped with my operation and all the house refreshing, then I realized August was pretty empty and I immediately thought "I need to make some plans..." but then I remembered that I don't "have" to do anything, I can let the days unfold in their own time and go with the flow. Today was full, tomorrow is half full, the next day is empty - and I love that freedom and flexibility. Being busy doing stuff you love is one thing, being busy just for the sake of it is no longer part of my world.
DeleteI always enjoy your 'stream of conscious' commenting - it makes me smile :)
Hi, Leannne - I like the idea of 'intentional retirement,' focussin on what feels right on the inside. I believe when you do that, everything else fails into place.
ReplyDeleteI SO agree with that Donna - if we're doing what feels right on the inside it's so much more 'real' and peaceful - and life just meshes together well. I love that some days are full and others are unscheduled and I just get to read and 'play' - it's all about balance and being grateful for what retirement has brought into my life.
DeleteHave been reading your blog since I was contemplating on early retirement and I did it at 54. Your blog makes me feel there's a friend backing me up, giving me ideas (not opinions) so thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm so glad you found me and that we can do this journey together. I am so grateful that I could retire early - and that I figured out that returning to work wasn't what I wanted to do after my last little job. It was nice to finish off my working life well, but I'm finding that this retirement gig is perfect for me at this age and stage. I'm young enough to have the energy to do what I like when I like (especially now my hip is back on track) and old enough to appreciate the gift that I've been given to not have to work for someone ever again.
DeleteI'm still figuring it all out - and probably will be for many months (years?) to come, but it's a fun process - and it's always grounded in loving having so much time to myself to do what I like, when I like - it's a blessing indeed. x
Hi Leanne. Sometimes I think we do things just for show, or for validation, whether it be through making a bucket list or putting ourselves out there on social media. It's made me re-think the reason that I want to make videos or do a blog. Like you, when I share about my life, I'm interested in making connections with like-minded people, rather than seeking approval or validation. Thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts. xx Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - I've been wondering about blogging for a while now....have I said all I need to say? What's my ongoing motivation? Has it run its course? etc I love the connections, but it's not the same as when I started. I think I'm looking at a lot of things in my life through a different lens and deciding whether to keep them or let them go. Blogging is in the mix of those things under the microscope....
DeleteI'm not sure if I can give up the planner in me. However, I do love a few days of the week where I have nothing planned. Where the "accomplishment" of the day is doing the daily crossword and I can dabble in writing, reading, crafting, cooking, gardening, or following a rabbit hole of exploration on-line. I do expect things to continue to unfold as well, and maybe something "bigger" might come into my life - travel, volunteer work, or something else. Right now, I am feeling the need to pick something to explore - it's been a while since I delved into a rabbit hole! Perhaps that might be something for you - what have you always wanted to learn more about?
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I think one of your strongest qualitites is that you are great at planning and then getting other people on board with your ideas. You're right about looking for the next thing to explore - I just haven't figured out yet what really interests me. There are lots of things I like to dabble in, but nothing that's rising to the top of the heap at this point. I guess the "bigger things" are still in the future rather than in the "now"....
DeleteYour last line "I think I'm finally growing up" means you're finding your groove. Contentedness is the goal. Most people don't realise that's the art of living well...I think, anyway. #WWandP
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I like the idea that finding my groove means living contentedly. Our world seems to push the idea that we need to be doing super interesting stuff to be in our groove. It can be a little disheartening when there's nothing calling out for my attention - but when you re-imagine life and look at how lovely small, contented living is, well, who could ask for more than that?
DeleteHi Leanne, I want to live simply and simply live too so agree with your approach this time around. Problem is that life through me a curveball I wasn't expecting which was - firstly losing my Dad 5 years ago (nearly 6 now) and now the fact that Mum needs caring for. I never planned for so much of my time spent caring for Mum and being swept up in the world of aged care. It's hard. But then again, it's a privilege. When the day comes that I lose Mum, I'll know I did all I can and I'll have lots of treasured memories. It's also given me so much empathy for the elderly and it's given me clarity as to when when the time comes for me to volunteer (no time for that right now). It will be to help the elderly in some way who are so vulnerable and deserving of time invested in them. Generally though - I think these years are about reducing stress where we can, slowing down, finding what brings us joy and what doesn't and designing a life that inspires and fulfils us. I hope you find just that Leanne. You deserve it! xo
ReplyDeleteHi Min - one of the things that came to mind during my time of figuring things out is that we need to appreciate the "now". My life is very calm and peaceful, and is all about me for the moment - but with an elderly MIL and my mum also getting older, I could easily spend several years in the future being busy with their care. To have missed out on not appreciating the time I have now would be something I think I'd look back on with regret......so to avoid that, I'm going to savour the quiet and the flow while I have it.
DeleteI love that the time you're spending with your mum has given you a great empathy for aged care, rather than frustrating you and pushing you away from that - it shows your caring nature, and your mum is very blessed to have you. I'm less good with that sort of thing, so the idea of caring for both mothers daunts me at times - you've been an inspiration for how to do it with grace and love.
Well done on your constant evolving to work on what "works for you now". I admit I have been doing quite a bit of this in the background, and at 74 later this year, with Dad still around, I want to be able to 'give time' as needed to him and via our close family. I needed to make space for that but I also needed to tell myself I could leave behind what had been so important for the last five + years in terms of head and neck cancer. My blog post will explain more next week. Also, we are now pleased to be comfy here (and hope we can renew the lease next year) and have fewer "have to" obligations on the calendar. It is NICE!! Big applause to you for your changes and considerations of change. Thank you for linking up this week for WWandPics on Denyse Whelan Blogs to Connect. Next week, I hope you join in again too, and be there to read my “C” for change & connection post! Warm wishes, Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - it's interesting how we evolve isn't it? What was such a big part of our life for a number of years starts to fade into the background as we move forward. I know my toxic job and its fallout really coloured my world for several years, and it's so lovely now to wake up and not give it a second thought. To be able to see the growth in our life from challenges and then to move onto what's next is very empowering.
DeleteI'm looking forward to seeing "what's next" in your world and the changes you plan - your big move has certainly set you on a new path....as does getting older - we start to see more clearly what we need to focus on and what to let go.
I'm glad you are taking this time of retirement as an intentional time Leanne. I also was jettisoned from a career I loved at age 56 and I definitely wasn't ready but I have made it work with some fine tuning. Some days I want to be busy and others I want to have the day stretch out in front of me with no plans. It's all about balance as you say and what works for you on any given day. Hope you enjoy your retirement this time round!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about getting thrust into retirement when it wasn't your plan Deb. I think it takes more adjustment than when you've had time to work towards it and put things into place. I think I started off with the idea that I had to be as busy and productive as I was before I stopped work - that I had to justify this new phase of life. I've discovered over the last few years that my family and friends are happy for me to have this lovely quiet life - they figured it out before I did! To know that I worked hard and diligently for many decades and now I get to enjoy the fruits of that....it makes it a lot sweeter.
DeleteThis post speaks to me, Leanne. After a year of retirement (a planned retirement), I am still trying to find that balance and shake off years of equating productivity with self-worth. I haven't for a moment regretted retiring, but sometimes I do have a feeling that I should be doing more...even though I don't know what that "more" is. When someone asks me what I've been doing since I retired, I always cringe a little. But now I'm thinking maybe I will respond, "Enjoying life. Taking time for myself and my family." and leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - it's really hard to get your head around it all isn't it? I thought I'd have a lot less trouble feeling okay about doing nothing "productive" anymore, but I really struggled with it - and with how I thought others would see it (I'm always so focused on other's opinions!) It's taken me until now to finally figure out that I've worked hard to get to this point of life, and we don't know how long we have, or how long this quieter phase will last - it's such a privilege to have this time where we're free to do things on our own timetable, and I'm not going to waste any more of it second guessing ways I could be doing it with a bigger bang - I'm just going to be grateful!
DeleteI love your approach Leanne. Like you, I've spent my whole life scheduling and planning, so I think for me retirement will be about going with the flow. I'm not quite ready for it yet, but I can see myself drifting towards it. I'm going to go with my gut instinct and call it a day, when it feels right.
ReplyDeleteHi Jenn - yes, you're living the working life much longer than I did, but eventually we all hit that time in life when we retire and have to figure out what to do with ourselves. I'm grateful that I had time to ease into it, but when my hip failed and threw me for a loop, it feels like I've had to start all over again. This time I want to do it more gently.
DeleteI read this last night and then we got sleepy and went to bed before I could comment. This has been a glorious weekend for me because it was the right mix of doing things around the house, exercising, and running around. PC like to be out and about on the weekends. I like to be home more than anything else. So we had a kind of compromised weekend and it was nice. My perfect weeks allow me to be home doing housework, chores but mixing that with exercise, reading, crafting, cooking. And having one day where I get out, see the grandbabies, run to the store. With PC's cancer diagnosis, we have had too many days of doctor appointments, procedures, testing, lab work. Exhausting. Hoping this week we can have a bit of a reprieve.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie - I hope things settle down for you and that the cancer diagnosis turns into a curable outcome - it's always a very scary time when huge health hurdles enter our life (another one of the battles that come with getting older!) I'm glad you're finding some balance in the other aspects of your week - being rested and refreshed helps immensely when you have to step up in other areas. Sending you a big hug. x
DeleteThat was a wonderful read, thank you Leanne.
ReplyDeleteI’ve yet to reach retirement age, but my parents are in the thick of it and my sister and I enjoy watching them constantly evolve as the years pass. Being open to what presents itself and grabbing every opportunity that arises seems to be a motto of theirs. Especially when it comes to family.
One thing they have enjoyed in the last year is finally having the time available to enjoy delving back into their past. As a family, we are on a journey to try and record important memories and information about our family. The idea of losing all these stories terrifies my sister and I, so I’m delighted they are enjoying the process. Just yesterday my mother commented how much she is enjoying researching into stories from her childhood. At the time, she took those moments for granted. In her adult years she was too busy, and now she finally has the time to reflect on it and explore parts of her past that interest her.
We still have a lot of family stories to explore and preserve for future generations, but we are savouring each one and learning a lot on the journey! Wishing you and everyone a delightful retirement.
Hi Andrew - recording family stories is so important and it's great that you're able to facilitate that for your family and for future generations. It's also good that your mum is enjoying the process so much and feeling so valued.
Delete