WHAT'S THE SOFT GIRL LIFE?
I saw a quote on Facebook recently that referred to moving into "my soft girl era" and something about the term resonated with me and my choice to live an Unbusy life. For so long we've had the "Girl Boss"/Fierce Fifty hustle culture sold to us as the lifestyle of choice, but when we all re-surfaced after the covid lockdowns, a new way of living slowly emerged where women were rejecting stress and choosing a more gentle way of living.After some research, I thought I'd share what "soft living" looks like in Midlife....
SOFT LIFE DEFINITION
The place to go to find a definition of a term like this is (of course)
Urban Dictionary and they define it as:
A soft life refers to a lifestyle or a period in your life where you're generally (but not entirely) stress-free and have minimal obligations to meet. It often involves engaging in healthy routines, hobbies and personal passions.
Well, I can certainly get onboard with this type of living in retirement -
these days I'm all about living with minimal stress, and no longer jumping
through hoops for other people. The hustle culture is far in my rearview
mirror, and I want to use my time to live in a way that brings me peace and
joy.
SOFT GIRL ERA FRIENDSHIPS
It's not just wanting a more
gentle way of life, soft era living also leans towards surrounding ourselves with
like-minded, supportive friends who aren't in competition with us. And don't we all want to have friends who bring out the best in us rather than those
who we're never completely sure about? Anybody in my life who makes me doubt
their motives is no longer welcome in my close circle of friends - if that's
soft era living, then I'm all for it.
SOFT GIRL STYLE
I think being a "soft girl" is going back a little in time - to when we
showed grace and kindness to each other. Where we were happy for the success
of others without feeling "less" in comparison. It was a gentler time and I
think trying to be all things to all people caused me to lose that ease of
living for many years.
As I've settled into retirement and chosen to do it slowly and simply, I
feel like my life is definitely softer and sweeter. I pause now and then
during the day and hug myself with quiet happiness - there is absolutely
nothing lacking in this life I have now - and because I'm content, I have
the capacity to
go with the flow
more and focus on the little joys of life. It's a very pleasant way to live
and I'm happy to steal a little "soft girl" style and re-purpose it into
this phase of my life.
SOFT GIRL LIVING ISN'T FOR EVERYONE
I totally understand that there are many women out there who don't want to
live an
Unbusy
or "soft" retirement, they want to seize every moment and milk life for all
its worth. I'm happy to cheer them on and to live a little vicariously
through them. It's such a blessing of this stage of life that we can each
choose how we want to live it, and for me....it's softness, peace, and a
desire to surround myself with a feeling of being in my own little
haven.
We live in unsettled times, and we each handle it in our own way. I'm
always coming back to "you do you, and I'll do me" these days. Nothing I
write here is set in stone, it's just what appeals to me at this time of life
I'm in - and isn't it lovely to be able to share our thoughts and know that
they'll be accepted with kindness and not criticism? That's soft living at
work right there....
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Does "soft living" sound remotely appealing, or are you busy living
life to the max? I think there's definitely room in this world for both
lifestyles and the opportunity to cheer each other's choices with kindness
and a generosity of spirit.
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Your words are often food for thought Leanne, and I thank you for that. I’m not quite the soft living woman but I’m also becoming less of a striver (which was actually very good for me back in my education career years, and probably helped me through my years of cancer recovered) as I am about to turn 74. It’s taken me a while but being unwell recently has taught me about appreciation for time for my body to heal from a nasty RSV virus and instead of pushing back, allowing healing to happen along with rest and meds. Take care, Denyse
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I think that soft girl living is more about listening to our bodies and minds and knowing what we need to do for our best selves. Not pushing through when we should be resting, and not resting when there's things we know we want to do. I'm glad you chose to listen and rest when your body asked you to - it would have made for a much faster and happier recovery I'm sure.
DeleteI often say my life is not my own. Even though I am not working (other than an occasional substitute teaching job or kitty sitting job), I seem to have 'stuff' going on several times a week that I would not necessarily choose to do. Maybe that's just life. But I look forward to when PC retires, and we can sleep in a bit and not jump out of bed at 6:30 every day. I would embrace softer mornings, and a slower pace, although things are slower now than they were when I worked.
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie - I LOVE starting my morning when I wake - rather than when an alarm tells me I have to. I have never once missed an early morning work wake up since I retired, I love the gentler start to the day - and going for a walk when the weather is best for it, rather than in the small window available before the work day. I think we will always have commitments and things to break up the week (otherwise it would be ground hog day every day), but having flexibility and choice is what I love the most.
DeleteHi, Leanne - I wholeheartedly agree with you. There is definitely room in this world for all lifestyles and the opportunity to cheer each other's choices with kindness and a generosity of spirit. If everyone adopted this attitude the world would be a much better place. :D
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - yes, we're not all the same, and it's not the same way of living each day for any of us (some days are gentler than others). But I do love that we get to choose how we spend our time, and the pace we want to live at, rather than marching to the beat of an employer's drum.....or even the super busy life of being a working mum (I don't miss those rushed days at all).
DeleteThank you for this post. I realize now that I've been subconsciously embracing this, not knowing it was a "thing", much less that there was a name for it. I still have busy, hectic aspects to my life, of course, but find myself actively seeking quiet moments, a gentler tempo to life, and others who bring me peace and not drama.
ReplyDeleteHi Laura - I think quieter, more contemplative living is highly underrated in our busy, busy world. We all have a range of activities that keep us on our toes, but balancing those with quieter pursuits is such a joy - I'm never going to apologize for advocating for a more intentional and gentler way of living - it's just good for the soul in my humble opinion. :)
DeleteA good thought-provoking post, Leanne. I just discussed the gist of what you have written with my wife (who incidentally has taken an early retirement.) I have also shared your post to her so that she can read it.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I agree with you, and I am looking forward to that in my retired life. I have already begun the process to switch to a soft life. For example, I have cut myself off from posts and messages that are negative.
Probably, a soft life is not just for the retired folks, but also for people who are having a full-time office work, if their career allows them that luxury.
Hi Pradeep - congrats to your wife for jumping on the early retirement bus! It's such a blessing to be able to enjoy a gentler way of life without having to fit a full-time working agenda into the mix. You're doing well to fit some quieter time into your busy life, and to know what you need to avoid for a healthier mindset - something a lot of people would benefit from - I think they have FOMO - but really they wouldn't be missing anything of value by tuning out a little.
Delete"softness, peace, and a desire to surround myself with a feeling of being in my own little haven." That's me. That's my retirement life. I have lots of friends who lead busy, busy lives even in retirement and long may they do so. I can live a busy life vicariously through th, or simply sit back and bask on my own soft living glow
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post! Trying to live a soft live but it's very difficult at times as my beloved passed away almost a year ago. I feel quite stressed but I tell myself that's a normal response to the grieving process. I try to find joyful moments every day and I am also letting go of people who are no longer supportive but were they ever if I am honest with myself. Life is too short! Thanks for sharing! Always relatable!
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - I think the greater the love, the longer the grieving process. Knowing you had such a love is a small consolation as you move forward. And yes, I know what it's like to let go of people who were never truly friends - recognising that and choosing to live life without their input can open up a whole new "normal". Thanks for your lovely comment. x
DeleteOH yes, I embraced a lifestyle like this years and years ago!
ReplyDeleteI like how you have your life so balanced Jo - it's definitely a case of being active and engaged, but not too busy or stressed. Your monthly round-up posts are always so interesting because you focus on family and home - not on the more trivial things.
DeleteI love the idea of this, but I also know myself well enough to know I could only duck in and out. I love how we can all live life differently & there's room in even one life for that.
ReplyDeleteI think some people are designed to juggle more balls in life than others. I look back on how much I had on my plate during the first 50 years of my life and wonder how I did it all (and did it well!) Now I'm happier to swim in the calmer waters - and duck in and out of the busier stuff. And yes, it's lovely that we can all be different and yet still relate to each other so well. x
DeleteHi Leanne, so many good points you've raised here and I think I'm sometimes soft and sometimes not! I agree with you 'there's definitely room in this world for both lifestyles and the opportunity to cheer each other's choices with kindness and a generosity of spirit.' That's what friends do isn't it?
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - yes, that's exactly what friends do - support, encourage, cheer, and generally build each other up. I always enjoy seeing what my friends are doing and it gives me such a buzz when I see them enjoying retirement (or working) and thriving at this wonderful stage of life. Who'd have thought our 60's would be so rewarding? x
DeleteI like how you said (my paraphrase) "I keep coming back to you-do-you". I find myself having to remind myself of this point often. And realize some of the questions I get are because that is what they would do in my shoes... but it's not what I'm going to do. I also find that, to be able to cheer on someone else who is doing life so differently than you is not always as easy as it sounds! Pushing away the thinking that I'm doing it wrong is a huge challenge for this girl who always wanted to be the one doing it right, meeting or exceeding expectations, being the "good girl". I might not be "living softly" myself (nor living life tho the max either!) , but you do you! I love hearing how content you are!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - this stage of life is all about transition and transformation for me. I spent so many decades comparing my journey to everyone else's and always feeling like I was falling short. Now I seem to care about that a lot less. I'm just really happy and content - and that seems to make all the difference. I really don't want "what she has" and I don't care whether someone else is scaling the heights while I'm in my deckchair enjoying the sunset. I love retirement and not having to keep up with all the do-ers - it's life at my pace and it's just so very pleasant. Letting go of the productivity self-worth thing was the key for me - maybe it's a sticking point for you too?? And don't get me started on the "good girl" oldest child thing....Man that was a trap!
Delete