WHAT DOES LIVING GENTLY LOOK LIKE?

Living a gentle life includes trusting the journey, not competing to always win, allowing life to unfold and enjoying the process and flow.

WHAT DOES LIVING GENTLY LOOK LIKE?

This year I chose "Live Lightly" as my #WOTY and I mentioned several words that I associate with the idea of stepping lightly through the year. One of those words was "Gentle" and I thought I'd explore what that looks like in my life a little today on the blog.....

Gentle was the word I almost chose for my #WOTY for 2023 because it has such a lovely feel to it and encompasses the idea of being kind to ourselves, taking life as it comes without constantly striving for more, and going with the flow (more on that next week).

TRUST THE JOURNEY

The first and foremost step for living gently (or living lightly) is to trust the journey. I think we're told too often that we need to be out there slaying life like a dynamo - just Google "slay" and these images pop up:

Google images for "slay"

I feel exhausted just reading them. I don't want to "look like a beauty and slay like a beast" and I'm not sure I even want to be the "woman who decided to go for it". Right now I want to be the woman who trusted that life would unfold in its own time and way, and to be perfectly okay with that. 

I spent many years pushing through, doing what needed to be done, trying to be perfect, ticking all the boxes....now I just want to relax a little, I want to recover from a year of pain, and surgery, and recovery, and I want to let 2023 be what it wants to be without me trying to steer it in the direction I want it to go. 

WINNING ISN'T THE GOAL

We had the grandgirls here for a few days in January, and we played lots of little board games with them. It was interesting watching their reactions when they were winning and then when they were losing. There was the hype of being in the lead - complete with exhuberant celebrations, and the sorrow of being last - complete with downcast faces and the feeling that all had been lost with the final spin of the wheel.

I kept assuring them that ultimately it didn't really matter, it was just a game and the fun was playing it....that when it was finished and packed up it really wouldn't matter who won or who lost. I'm not sure they completely got the idea, but it made me think about life and those who are always competing to be first - eventually (after their 15 minutes of fame - if they're lucky enough to get them) they just fade back into the background and it all really doesn't matter. 

ENJOY THE GAME AND HAVE FUN

The more I thought about life being like those board games, the more sense it made to just enjoy the ride, to have fun along the way, to enjoy 'playing nicely' with others, and to accept that sometimes you'll win and sometimes you'll lose....but ultimately it's enjoying the game that counts. 

When you take competition, comparison, slaying, pushing through etc out of the mix, life becomes more gentle. If you allow yourself to participate on your own terms and take things one day at a time, you find a quieter rhythm that gives you space to breathe and settle (and you can always jump back into the rat race when you're ready again). I like this slower pace - I think it suits me better than a busy life did. 

She silently stepped out of the race that she never wanted to be in, found her own lane and proceeded to win.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

As I cruised through Pinterest (I still love scrolling through my Pinterest feed - even if it suggests lots of things I have no interest in!) I came across a quote that said "one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time" (original author unknown) and I thought it summed up gentle living really well. When I was recovering from my hip surgery I found that focusing on one step at a time, not rushing the process, not trying to out-do the progress of others, and allowing some days to be great and others to be less-great was the secret to getting back to full health.
"one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time"
So, for this year, I'm practicing what I learnt from my physical recovery and applying it to my mental, emotional, and spiritual journey. I can manage "one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time" without any trouble at all - and that sums up living gently for me - doing life without too much effort.....not letting life suck me dry, not feeling parched, over-committed, and stressed......just flowing gently along.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Are you a go-getter or is life bringing you to a gentler place? Have you noticed that Midlife has brought with it a change of pace - either faster or slower? I'd love to hear what you think in the comments.

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Living a gentle life includes trusting the journey, not competing to always win, allowing life to unfold and enjoying the process and flow.

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Cresting the Hill - a blog for Midlife (Middle Aged / 50+) women who want to thrive
Living a gentle life includes trusting the journey, not competing to always win, allowing life to unfold and enjoying the process and flow.

39 comments

  1. Gentle is a beautiful word, Leanne. The first thing I think about is how we treat an infant, a puppy, a kitten…all softly and with kindness. A common theme I also see in your recent posts is ‘trust’ along with going with the flow.

    It is interesting watching the grandchildren play and I learn a great deal from them. Yet, you remind me how they learn a great deal from us, too. Lately I have been gravitating to articles, books, podcasts written by monks or former monks. 1000s -year-old wisdom is shared and how it applies to living our life. Your posts on living life lightly segue perfectly. xx

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    1. Hi Erica - you're right about the softness and kindness approach. I just feel that our world is becoming a harsher and more competitive space.....and I don't want to be a part of that approach to living. Maybe that's why you're finding the older wisdom more helpful atm? It comes from a place of serenity and calm - something that's missing in today's world of hustle and bustle. I find the bible's book of Psalms speaks to my heart on many levels and no matter how many times I re-read my favourites, there's still something new for me to discover.

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  2. It is about being kind to yourself. As an aside, I detest board games - and card games... not because of the winning or losing thing, but the fact that I just don't have the focus required to keep going. Bored already. (no pun intended). As an aside, Monopoly was banned in my family home because my siblings took it so seriously (and Dad always cheated...) lol.

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    1. I HATE Monopoly and the horrible Aussie version - Squatter. We were invited to an adults' game night - complex board game type thing and I just gave up partway through and ate snacks instead. They were so intense and I just did.not.care. in the slightest! Which is why I found it so interesting watching the g/girls' spirits live and die by the spin of the wheel.

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  3. Hi, Leanne - I agree that the word 'gentle' has a lovely feel and is a perfect companion to your WOTY of 'living lightly'. I look forward to reading where these focus words will lead you in 2023.

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    1. Hi Donna - I think my #WOTY is reminding me almost daily to just take things as they come, to not over-extend myself, to give myself grace, and to let those who want to be out on the playing field enjoy the game - I'm happy to clap from the sidelines. :)

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  4. Hi Leanne. I spent years comparing myself to other people, who I thought were more successful, and accomplished. Now, in my 60's, I realize that I am enough, just as I am. Love this post! Sharing to FB. xx Christina Daggett

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    1. Hi Christina - you are more than enough - I so admire your courage with buying and renovating and settling into a new country so far from home. So many new things to learn, and you're thriving. Comparison is such a waste of time isn't it? That time is so much better spent on growing the areas of life we love and staying in our own lane. x

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  5. Oh I am definitely a gentler pace kind of person.. in fact years ago I wrote a post about it based on the song "give me the simple life" by Tony Bennett. It's something I've tried really hard to pass onto my boys too. Life is short so we need to slow down and enjoy the journey as much as we can.

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    1. Hi Joanne - I love reading all your posts where you're hiking and spending time with your family. You never get that time back again - and you seem to be flourishing in all that you do - and those boys of yours are too.

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  6. Leanne, after the year you have been through I think living lightly suites you. We all need a breather sometimes. Treating yourself gently is a great place to begin. We could all use that reminder.

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    1. Hi Suzanne - yes, that's exactly how I feel. I think I was in denial for a lot of last year about how impacted I was when my hip failed me so suddenly and so significantly. I feel like I need to re-centre myself this year and take back the parts of my life that I want to keep and let other parts go (a little like what emerging from isolation and the pandemic was like the year or so before that!)

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  7. Hi Leanne, this post really resonated with me! I retired last April and I'm still trying to 'deprogram' myself from the hustle & bustle of working/achieving every day. Now I let most of my days unfold without plans and do whatever my heart wants to do - that new found freedom is both exhilirating and frightening! I constantly have to squash that inner voice that says I 'should be' doing more.

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    1. Hi Sharon - I found this happening in my 50's - I finally figured out that I'd based a lot of my self-worth on how productive I was and how much I could fit into my week. Slowly I've untangled myself from that and the "what will people think?" tags too. I've written several posts on being Unbusy - you can find them in the Unbusy Living link at the top of my blog (just in case you want to reinforce how great your choices are!)

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  8. I love the pin of "one day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time." I definitely need that this week, and going forward as I reimagine the future.

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    1. Not sure why it came as anonymous.... it's me. :-)

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    2. Hi Pat - I can certainly understand why you'd be taking it one day at a time right now - it's the body, mind, and spirit's way of healing and recovery. The future is going to look a lot different without your mum in it, but slowly,slowly you'll get there. Thinking of you xx

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  9. Leanne, thank you for another lovely post. 'One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time' sums it up for me. Even an hour at a time as I am grieving the loss of the love of my life, as you well know. Sometimes I wonder how I will get through the day. Your blog is a blessing and I look forward to Monday morning. Sending you love and joyful, peaceful moments. 🧡

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    1. Hi Yvonne - I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through and it would certainly be 'one hour at a time' when the sadness is overwhelming. Be kind to yourself, let others help if they offer, and I truly hope that I bring a little bit of sunshine into your life as you grieve this huge loss. xx

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  10. Idon't know ifI think in terms of fast or slow but I think in terms of enjoyment or not...I'm probably cramming a bit more in at the moment because I was away for half of Jan and then I'm about to be away again....so I've sort of over commited myself in the weeks at home. But it all good stuff so I'm sort of rolling with it. But come April, I'll have it a little more normal. I do like that stepping out of the lane quote - do what makes you happy, not what people tell you that you should do....

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    1. Hi Lydia - I think seasons of life look different for each of us - you're in a busy season and will probably feel the need down the track to slow down a little for a while to re-group. I'm finding that as I get older I really enjoy being in my own space, doing what I enjoy, and not basing my self-worth on my productivity anymore. It's really nice to reach a point in life where I'm truly happy living a smaller life. It's very restful.

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    2. TBH, mine will get worse as I get older. I just had to write a haiku on my life and the last line was 'Existential party crisis' - I think that could be my memoir title. I booked a theatre show with 6 friends (all solo so 5 individuals) and they cancellled it, so I had to ring around, find a new date and rebook. Then they cancelled that so I found another date for everyone and then they just cancelled that. I have no other dates (because I've been super manic since getting back from Bali) and even with the hassle of rebooking and refunds, I'm feeling a bit of FOMO about missing out...Ha! (Everyone says existentialism is bad, I think it's actually good...tho possibly highly annoying for my friends)

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    3. Wow Lydia - I felt exhausted just reading that! You are certainly more focused than I am - I think I'd have taken the cancellation as a sign it wasn't going to happen...... you just took it as a challenge! I've swapped JOMO for FOMO these days :)

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  11. A lovely post Leanne and gentle is such a generous, gorgeous word. We could all do with making Gentle a word to live by :)

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    1. Hi Deb - it has a lovely feel to it doesn't it? I really like the idea of being kind to ourselves, living life at our own pace, and allowing others to be as busy or unbusy as they feel the need to be. It's different for each of us, but I feel like we need to tell ourselves more often that it's okay to pause, breathe and take a break now and then.

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  12. What a great description of gentle living, Leanne. I couldn't agree more, enjoying the process and playing well with others is so much more important than the end result...whether you are talking about a game or life. Thanks as always for sharing your nuggets of wisdom!

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    1. Hi Christie - it was such an eye opener watching how much the grandgirls invested in such an unimportant game, and a real reminder of how we can fall into the same trap with how much we invest in small issues in life. It's so much more pleasant to go with the flow.

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  13. Hi Leanne, Living Gently sounds wonderful to me! I love the quote towards the end of your post 'she silently stepped out of the race .... etc' as it really resonates to me and my life. Speaking of board games - they played a huge role in my childhood. We had so much family fun with board games, especially when away on holidays. I recall one particular holiday at Port Macquarie where it rained a lot so we spent many days stuck in our apartment playing board games ... but we loved it and it was great family bonding times. I think it taught us a lot about being 'good losers' too. xo

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    1. Hi Min - I didn't have that sort of family as a child (unfortunately) and maybe that's why board games never grabbed me all that much. We used to play them a lot in our young married days when friends came for dinner etc - and now we play occasionally if our kids are visiting. I really enjoy some - but the complex ones that go on forever don't float my boat. And yes, the stepping out of the race (that I was never going to win) was such a relief - living in your own lane is an absolute joy.

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  14. Words are very important to me, and I can be motivated by them, and even buoyed by them, and of course, defeated by them. I like that we can take words and make them how we would prefer to be/feel and it sounds like this is your journey now. I still like 'journey' sorry! Some don't. In the cancer world, I reject the warrior words/the win/loss words...because "cancer is cancer" and nothing in our will (other than following reasonable and scientific directions, i.e surgery etc) can make it different. It was so good seeing your blog post shared via the Wednesday’s Words and Pics link up. Thank you for being part of the community here and I hope to see you next week too. Denyse.

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    1. Hi Denyse - I'm not a fan of "naming it and claiming it" or being a "boss" etc. I'm much more comfortable these days with doing my best and being satisfied with that. There are a lot of things in life that are out of our control and we can shout about it or we can do our best with the cards we've been dealt. I've had many ups and downs, but the journey (I'm a fan of 'journey' too) progresses and those tough times often wake us up to what's important and make us stop wasting time on the trivialities.

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  15. Hi Leanne, Thank you for your weekend coffee share. After your hip pain and surgery, I think living gently or living lightly suits you. Have a wonderful week ahead!

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    1. Hi Natalie - it definitely feels right for me at this stage of life - after so many years of pushing forward and pushing through, it's nice to just take things one gentle step at a time.

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  16. Gentle is as gentle does. I love the gentle life. As I am past midlife now, gentle is definitely the way to go, and I'm loving it. It doesn't mean that I don't push myself to get my 10,000 steps each day or to write at least one blog post per week, or read a day in my Bible, but I am relaxed about it. When my husband says, "Would you boil some eggs for me?" I can stop blogging for a minute to do it. Life is good for me, and I hope it is for you as well, Leanne. :)

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    1. Hi Marsha - yes, life is very good these days. I think the gentle approach is all about flexibility and not trying to drive life in a particular direction to the exclusion of finding time to do all the little enjoyable things (for ourselves and for others). I don't even wear my Fitbit anymore - I walk as far as I have the time and energy for, appreciate that I can actually walk distances again, and then head home before I over-do things. That's being gentle with myself - and I love that I'm finally comfortable with that.

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  17. I love this post, Leanne! And I relate to it so very much. I was never a very competitive person, but always seem to laboring under the idea that I must be productive. 6 years after retirement and with a couple of autoimmune diseases, I have to fight the feeling that I must be doing something. It’s totally self-inflicted. My WOTY is “just be.”

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    1. Hi Michelle - lovely to meet you and I'm popping over to your blog to check it out. And yes, it's taken me a lot of time to separate my self-worth from my productivity. I don't owe anyone an explanation for how I spend my days (especially after the decades of working hard to arrive at this point). I also realized that I felt guilty because I expected so much from myself - now I'm kinder to "me" and I'm "being" more than "doing" these days. :)

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  18. So good Leanne. My grandson loves to win, to be ahead. He's 4 1/2. Sometimes it's a tough lesson to learn. I like the thought of a quieter rhythm.

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  19. Such a lovely post, and so good to hear your recovery inspired you to take one step at a time and enjoy each moment in all of your life journeys! So wonderful you're teaching your grand daughters that it's not about winning, rather the experience and moment! Hope you have an amazing summer!

    xoxo, Midori

    https://www.midorilinea.com/blogs/midori-linea/panda-village-koala-world

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