WHERE DID 40 YEARS GO?
This week my husband and I will pause for a moment and celebrate 40 years
of being married. It messes with my head to think that we've been together
for so long......maybe it's because most of the time I don't even feel like
I'm 40 years old, let alone the idea of having been married for FOUR
decades!
I could use this anniversary date to write "40 Tips For A Great 40 Years Of
Marriage" - but I won't..... because - a) I think it's a little pretentious
to assume I know any more than the next person about how to have a long term
relationship, and b) because it would be a ridiculously long blog post! So,
instead I'm sharing this today....
OUR 40 YEARS IN 4 BRIEF SNAPSHOTS
DECADE 1 ~ 1983 - 1993
Ahhhh that first decade of wedded bliss......all the adjusting, all the
dreams, all the settling in, all the plans for the future. So much seems to
happen - first the wedding, then the honeymoon, buying a house, and deciding
to have babies. It all passes in a bit of a blur and before you know it
you're ten years older and life is all about becoming a family.
DECADE 2 ~ 1993 - 2003
The Primary School and early High School years - I like to think of them as
the eye of the cyclone - where the kids aren't babies needing your attention
every moment of the day, and they haven't reached the scary older teenage
years - they're just young people who live simply and are fairly easy to
please. These were the years of juggling work and kids, taking cheap family
holidays (that was all we could afford - and the kids didn't mind), gaining
a pet or two, and trying to find time for each other in all the busy-ness of
life.
DECADE 3 ~ 2003 - 2013
This third decade was when our family changed again. Both our kids finished High School, turned our hair a bit greyer by getting their driver's licences, and eventually headed off to university in the city. Then, before we knew it, they'd become adults - finished studying, found jobs, met their life partners, got engaged, got married......and bought homes in the city. The nest was well and truly empty and living on 2 acres seemed a bit much - so time for a new house by downsizing the block but keeping the house big enough for return visits.
DECADE 4 ~ 2013 - 2023
This fourth decade has been all about recreating our life together in the
empty nest. We've bought "toys", gone on more expensive holidays, gained
two gorgeous granddaughters, changed careers, weathered the covid storm,
semi-retired, and stuck it out through thick and thin......only to
discover that we still really like each other, that we're great friends,
we respect our (many) differences, and enjoy our commonalities - and you
can't ask for much more than that.
AND INTO THE FUTURE
Who knows what the future holds - maybe a few more decades together, and
maybe not - nothing is written in stone. What I do know is that the quote
below pretty much sums up married life for me. No secret recipe - just two
people knowing each other well and loving each other through the multitude
of changes that come with living and loving for the long term.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Any wise words on sustaining a long term term relationship? Any thoughts
on feeling 35 and realizing you're actually a couple of decades out in
real terms?
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Congratulations on your 40th wedding anniversary, Leanne. I enjoyed reading a snapshot of your life's journey through marriage.. That Elizabeth Gilbert quote is excellent - I believe that it provides an excellent answer to your final question about sustaining a long term relationship. Great post!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - thanks and I'm glad you enjoyed the quote. I don't think long term marriages come with any one big secret, they come with two people doing their best to love each other through thick and thin :)
DeleteHi Leanne. Congratulations to you both, on your 40th wedding anniversary! Tim and I will celebrate our 40th in May. I feel like Tim and I really got to know each other when he retired. I think the traveling was really beneficial to us, in that we really grew together. When we were raising our family and working, we were just too busy. We've done a lot of healing, both individually and as a couple. Thank you for sharing this lovely post. xx Christina Daggett
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - we're nearly wedding twins! Congrats to you guys for May. I agree that we've certainly done a lot of reinventing and renegotiating since our kids left the nest. There was a particularly stressful time that we got through and things seem to have settled into a very nice "new normal" since then. I think kids distract you from the changes you're each going through and you need to re-find each other after they head off into their own lives. It's nice to have someone to grow old with.
DeleteHello Leanne, congratulations on your 40th wedding anniversary – I hope you have fun celebrating. What a lovely post and it was nice getting a glimpse of each decade. I do like the Elizabeth Gilbert quote.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elizabeth - I really liked the quote too - because sometimes we're not as loveable as we think we are, and to have someone who's prepared to ride the waves with us and still love us at the end is such a gift and blessing.
DeleteHappy Anniversary. I really liked your quick trip down memory lane.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much - I thought it would be a more fun approach than trying to share wisdom that doesn't necessarily apply to other people's marriages :)
DeleteCongratulations on your 40th wedding anniversary! Lovely to see all you have accomplished in those years. Wishing you plenty of joyful moments, serenity, health and all the best life has to offer. As you mentioned in your reply to retirementreflections 'Long term mariages come with two people doing their best to love each other through thick and thin. Thank you for sharing! xx
ReplyDeleteHi Yvonne - thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I hope you're doing okay and I also hope that my post didn't make you feel any sadder with the loss of your partner still being so fresh in your heart. I think memories are often a lovely legacy and help us through the tough times we all ultimately face. x
DeleteWhat a fun look back at each decade! Happy anniversary!
ReplyDeleteThanks Joanne - I always enjoy seeing other people's flashbacks and thought I'd share some snippets of my own to mark the occasion.
DeleteCongratulations, Leanne & Ross what an achievement. I admire those who found 'the one' first time and have built a strong and loving relationship. The photos are a great reminder of a rich life together. x
ReplyDeleteI think you've done really well the second time around Sue (and the first time still produced a lovely family who give you so much joy). It's also an achievement to stay on good terms with an ex-partner - especially for family harmony. Staying married saves a lot of those stresses, but (as you know) long term relationships still need to be worked on and nurtured regularly. x
DeleteCongratulations! 40 years is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sandy - it's pretty special to have arrived here :)
DeleteWow 40 years! Congratulations... I reckon the key is deciding that you still really like each other...
ReplyDeleteMe too Jo - I think it's sometimes harder to like someone than it is to love them. :)
DeleteCongratulations on 40 years of marriage, Leanne. It truly is impressive, considering how much we change over time, that you found a way to grow together. I can definitely relate to the feeling of being much younger than you actually are. I'm not bothered by age so much, as surprised by it on occasion!
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I'm exactly the same with age - and it surprises me when I see someone's child who was still about 10 in my head.....and they're talking about their university studies - when did 10 years disappear?! Still, I'm grateful to feel younger than I am, it would be hard to be feeling much older than 60!
DeleteWhat a lovely reflective post Leanne. I like the fact you said there's no secret recipe, it's just liking each other and working at staying together in the end. You've been through a lot and are obviously happy and settled and that's great to hear. Your photos all reminded me of the various stages we all go through. We've clocked up 43 years this year and I often wonder where the time has gone as I don't feel that much older!! Congratulations to you both.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - it's so strange to think that you've been with someone for twice as long as you've been without them. To have someone who's walked through so much of life with you and is still there to celebrate the milestones is a privilege I think we all often take for granted - which is why I wanted to pause and look back and be grateful with this post. :)
DeleteI think this sums up my expereince (different numbers) perfectly " most of the time I don't even feel like I'm 40 years old, let alone the idea of having been married for FOUR decades! " There's a lot of 'where did that time go, how is it possible?' kind of feeling, in a good way. IWhen I realise something was 20 or 30 years ago, I'll say to my husband "When did we get so old?" and he'll say "You might be old but I'm not" Ha! i guess it's the biggest sign of a happy marriage that the decades seem to have passed in an instant. I also really like that you broke the photos into decades. We do sort of live in different 'blocks' of life - the pre kids, primary, high school, all gone off...I need to think about this a bit more.Lovely post and happy anniversary
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - when I went back to grab pics from different decades (the first 3 decades were pre-mobile phones!) I realized how they fit around the life stages of our kids as well as our marriage. Family is such a big component of married life for us and I think it's part of the glue that holds you together through thick and thin. And YES to time flying by - I keep hearing friends mention something their "kids" are doing and it seems like only yesterday that they were in nappies or starting kindy!
DeleteWow, congratulations!! I think with all my marriages combined I still haven't hit the 40-year mark. PC and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage this July. That is a record for me!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I look back at what happened with the other guys, I think the biggest thing was I chose to ignore the big red flags that were waving in my face as I said I do. I would say Paul had some justified concerns about marrying me and I had some about marrying him but we have always talked things out. Without throwing things as we do. There's a lot to be said about communication.
Hi Leslie - hindsight's such a wonderful thing isn't it? I think we all go into marriage with high hopes and on the assumption that it will last forever - and then have a lot of hurdles to leap over - some we clear and some make us come a cropper. Each time we pick ourselves up and try again - you seem to be doing that really well this time around. I've been fortunate to still be running the race with the same guy I started it with all those years ago....
DeleteCongratulations on your wedding anniversary Leanne. I was married for 33 years and thought it was forever, but it wasn't. I do believe marriage is forever and it sounds to me that you and your partner have created a lovely life together. I think that's all we can hope for. I'm very happy now.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad things have worked out for you. That's why I didn't want to presume that I had all the answers and write my "40 Tips for a Great Marriage" post - because I really don't have any answers and there are no guarantees. I'm just grateful that we've weathered some rather scary storms and come through still liking each other - but I'm also aware that we never know what's around the corner.....
DeleteWhat a wonderful 'wrap' of 40 years here Leanne. Yes to understanding the challenges, and sentiments along the way. I loved the last one, where you are, as for us, each other's best friend and we LIKE our company but don't necessarily feel bound to be a 'couple' in all we do. Congratulations. Such a special set of memories you have shared. So good. Thank you for joining in this week’s link up for Wednesday’s Words and Pics. Next week I will be in ‘moving house’ mode, so no link up. All being well, the link up will be back on 8 March. Denyse.
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse, it's such a nice feeling knowing that you chose well so many years ago. I really like that we've grown into each other as time has gone along and are such good friends (despite our many differences). I'm grateful every day that I have such a good man to share my life with (and I know your feel the same way with your marriage).
Delete40 years is impressive, and you packed so much love in! Congratulations. We are heading close to 25 and looking forward to the next part of the adventure
ReplyDeleteHi Alex - yes it feels like such a long time, and sometimes it feels like just yesterday. Lots of water under the bridge but so good to have gone through it all with someone who still loves me. And 25 years is pretty great too.
DeleteMany congrats on 40 years! I enjoyed your snapshots of each decade. I didn’t get married until I was 52. But by then, I pretty much had figured out what I wanted in a partner - or really more importantly what I wouldn’t tolerate. My husband and I are coming up on 7 years, and we still feel like we are on our honeymoon. A good marriage is an amazing thing!
ReplyDeleteThat's a long time to wait for Mr Right - but obviously worth it! I think it's great that you found someone to spend the next 40 or so years with - that's just lovely.
DeleteI love the evolution of pictures. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shari - I thought it was a good way to summarize 4 decades in a not-too-long blog post :)
DeleteCongratulations!
ReplyDeleteHi Leanne, Congratulations on your 40th wedding anniversary! That's really impressive. I enjoyed your photos of each decade. Thank you for your weekend coffee share.
ReplyDeleteHi Natalie - thanks for the party and yes, it sometimes amazes me that so much time has passed and that I've been with one person for so long.
DeleteOh that's lovely Leanne. I certainly feel very sad (though mostly past that really sad feeling) about not having kids, but I think I feel sadder that I might live my life without ever falling in love or having anyone love me (in that romantic way). Happy anniversary!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I totally understand what you're saying - and the sadness that would creep in sometimes. Who knows what the future might hold? And in the meantime, you've made a pretty fabulous life for yourself and haven't had to compromise to accommodate someone else in the process. The reality can be quite different to what we imagine it will be.
DeleteCongratulations on 40 years! We just celebrated 31 last fall, and you're so right--I don't even feel like I should be 31 years old. The time goes by scarily fast. I love how you shared pictures by decade--what a lovely way to provide literal snapshots of your lives together.
ReplyDeleteHi Janet - 31 years is pretty awesome too. It's amazing to think how much time has passed and when I look back at those photos (particularly of our children) it seems like a lifetime has flashed by. Hopefully there'll be a few more decades to add to the memories as time goes forward.
DeleteCongrats on 40 years! I came here from another blog I follow and then saw this post and had to read it. What a great way to celebrate 40 years together! We're going on 32 and what works for us is that we let the other person be who they are. If that means he goes off to play his bass, that's okay. And if I want to join a singing group, that's okay too. And we still like each other too 💜 Love that Elizabeth Gilbert quote!
ReplyDeleteHi Toby - lovely to meet you and thanks for leaving me a comment. You're so right about accepting the other person and what makes them happy. My husband and I are very different, yet we have the same base that we've built on - and from there we let the other have space to be themselves (although that took a bit of negotiation to begin with!) I'm off to check out your blog now :)
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ReplyDeleteAwwww.....happy anniversary. I loved that walk down memory lane.
Congratulations! Happy 4 decades of marriage!
ReplyDelete