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WHO ARE WE BECOMING?
Towards the end of each year, my mind turns towards what my Word of the
Year will be for the next year ahead. One word that comes up regularly is
"Becoming" - I've come close to using it several times, but it always gets pipped
at the post by something else. Despite that, it still holds a lot
of meaning for me because Midlife has been all about becoming my true
self.
I had no idea that the second half of life would be the beginning of putting away the old me, and replacing that way of thinking and doing, with a whole new mindset and approach - becoming more authentically "me". So what does "Becoming" look
like in this season of life? This quote I saw on Facebook recently really sums it up for me....
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| via: https://www.facebook.com/powerofwordz |
PEELING BACK THE LAYERS
A few years ago I wrote about shedding our shells and losing all the layers of ugliness that have been part of our coping mechanisms over the decades until we find what feels authentic. It's about shedding pride, false ambition, and the protective armour we've worn for too long.
We aren't in competition with anyone, we don't need to defend ourselves, we
can be openly and honestly our true selves - and yes, it's liberating indeed
to discover this freedom. Shedding hypocrisy and insincerity in our
relationships, no longer wearing masks; and only allowing people into our
life who accept us on our own terms and are equally honest and open.
BEING COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT
We need to learn to live with what can't be changed. The aging process
brings with it physical discomforts and losses. My body regularly reminds
me that it's in great shape for a 60 year old, but it's a far cry from my
20 year old self. There are the aches and pains as arthritis begins to set
in, there was
the hip replacement
18 months ago, a cough that lingers no matter what I try, and I'm just not
as quick as I used to be - physically and mentally.
But, that's okay..... I can live with a little discomfort, and it's
balanced by all that I'm becoming. I might not multi-task as well as I
used to, but I feel like I've grown in my discernment, in my ability to
know what's authentic and real. I don't put up with fools or bullies like
I used to, I'm not mean, I try to be kind, but I won't have disrespect or
pettiness in my world anymore. I know what's important and I'm okay with
letting go of people or things that don't fit who I'm becoming.
SEEING PERFECTION IN THE IMPERFECTION
Not everything can be perfect or tied with a bow. Brene Brown's
"Gifts of Imperfection"
taught me that
perfectionism is a trap and making it my gold standard is self-defeating and pointless.
Becoming "good enough" and choosing to allow myself and others to have
flaws has been a relief. It doesn't mean that I do life with a
half-baked, don't-try-very-hard approach, it doesn't mean I give up at
the first sign of difficulty or trouble; but it does mean that I know
where to draw the line and to be okay with that.
Imperfection can be beautiful in its own way, it allows for grace and
for forgiveness. It helps me recognize that none of us is perfect and
yet we still have deep, intrinsic value. It helps me to be less
judgemental of others, it reminds me that we're only human and it's okay
to not always have things work out the way I'd hoped. Life can deal us
some big surprises, and they can lead us down new paths that are often
more interesting and challenging than the easy way we'd have
chosen.
BECOMING TRULY MYSELF
The second half of life has taught me that I'm okay - that I'm doing my
best with the resources I have, that I'm growing and learning, and that
there's still more ahead. I like that "Becoming" is a continuing
process, that I'm not finished yet, that there's so much more ahead that
will shape me into becoming a wiser and better person.
Acceptance and choice both come into play - choosing to change what I
can, and accepting what can't be changed and dealing with it or
letting it go. I've changed a lot in the last decade, I hardly recognize the woman
who started this blog - she's come a long way.....but there's more life
and lessons ahead. Sometimes I wish that I've reached the point where
I've figured it all out, and that I've arrived at my pinnacle, but that
would make
the 3rd third of life
pretty boring. I'm okay with the idea that there's still a lot more to
come and that I'm only part-way through this journey of
"Becoming"....
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you in the process of becoming truly yourself? Have you noticed
changes in the second half of life? Do you feel that you're more "you"
now than you used to be?
RELATED POSTS
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Hi Leanne - It is extremely important to understand ourselves and accept who we are. That is the first step to becoming ourselves. If we try to be someone else, we are neither ourselves nor the other person. We can be more productive, and resourceful if we are true to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - you're so right, figuring out who we are and then working with our strengths and what is meaningful to us makes what we achieve so much more valuable and deepens and matures us in the process.
DeleteRather than shedding pride and ambition, I feel I'm gaining both. My word of the year is build and building a body of work I can be proud of is something I'm working towards. I have always struggled with feeling proud of my achievements and am trying to work towards as well. I feel more ambitious now than I have in years - but it's ambitious in a different way to what it used to be.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I really like that thought - I hadn't put it into that context before and it makes a lot of sense. I guess the journey can be about becoming the person you're proud of and achieving things that really matter to you. That actually really resonates with me - I think I'm prouder now of who I am than I ever was when I was doing so much more. Life teaches us so much doesn't it?
DeleteI thought retirement was the catalyst for becoming more of who I am since that is how I feel when I am alone without the influence of formal work & family demands. Maybe it's just this final 3rd stage of life I'm in? I am more interested in respecting myself than impressing anyone else. I like to say that I can Willie Nelson things offering no explanations or apologies in a respectful way. Like the 2 yr old little I babysit says when she has a mishap - I'm okay. You okay?
ReplyDeleteHi Mona - I love that and completely agree with you that retirement opens up a whole new way of living and viewing life as a whole. It's like we've been given a 'Get out of Jail Free' card and the world just opens up with new possibilities - and it's different for everyone. I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunity to dive deeper and to find who I am and that I'm happy for others to be themselves - that 2yr old said it perfectly. x
DeleteThank you so much for writing this: it is exactly where I am these days. It feels both good and uncomfortable, and occasionally lonely and like I'm a bit lost. But I'd so much rather work to lean into what I'm discovering and recovering about myself than assume or think that I need to stick to the old status quo.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone - this is a scary process - especially when others are on a different path or a different journey. I feel judged at times by those who think that being super busy is the key to a happy life, that working forever is the answer etc. I'm happy for those who want that, and find it hard to figure out why they wouldn't be happy for those of us who want a smaller, quieter life as we slide into this next phase. I keep bringing myself back to what feels right deep inside, what centres me, and what makes my heart happy - we can't ask for more than that can we? x
DeleteWhen I read, "Are you over 50 and wondering what's next" I had to laugh and I hope you will understand why. I am over 85 and wondering what's next. We are always, all of us, in the process of becoming, something I learned from Gordon Allport and his concept of functional autonomy, back when was a graduate student in psychology in the early 70's. Consider that life is a series of transitions as we learn, grow and change from one stage to another, day to day, year to year. For some commentary, have a look at a post I wrote on Substack, "This Version of Me" which is not the same now as it was then. And here's the kicker, We are the same and not the same.
ReplyDeleteThanks for those encouraging words - I'm now 62 and still happy to find that there's always a "what's next?" to keep me moving forward. What I love though is that I finally feel that I'm living a life that's authentically what I want - not what I had to do to keep all the balls in the air. This third third of life is such a joy - and I'm glad to see that at 85 it just keeps getting better and more interesting. Can you send me the link to your Substack post? :)
DeleteI love the idea of becoming. I know I still have so far to go but also know I've come so far already. I don't have it all figured out either, and once I do, it'll be time to "go home." Becoming is a beautiful thing, much like a work of art in process. I vaguely remember the Velveteen Rabbit mentioning becoming but cannot accurately quote it at the moment. Wonderful post.🥰
ReplyDeleteHi Dawna - I truly believe that this life (if we're living it well and growing and becoming deeper) is what prepares us for eternity. It's such a challenge to become who you truly are - not who the world thinks you should be, not a copy....but an authentic original who's happy in their own skin. And thanks for sharing my post and finding that Velveteen Rabbit quote - it was perfect. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, 'becoming' is a great word and has such meaning to this stage of our lives. I agree with you that I've also been changing in lots of ways and becoming m ore my true self in the process.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I think those of us in the next stage of life are really finding how enlightening it is - the next generation are figuring it out earlier than we did - but better late than never, and I'm so happy I've had the chance to discover all these new parts of myself.
DeleteYes, yes, and yes...in answer to your questions, Leanne. This post sums up very nicely some of the things I love most about this phase of life. My life is not perfect, but it is so imperfectly wonderful!
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - one of the lessons as I "become" is that perfection is very over rated. Finding joy in the imperfection and in being "good enough" has taken so much pressure off - and life is definitely imperfectly wonderful. x
Delete"I love that I have learned to make plans for tomorrow and be all in for today." Becoming, evolving, it's what we do when we stay present in the moment and stop explaining ourselves.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - you're so right about not explaining ourselves. I used to try so hard to get other people to understand my choices..... now I just get on with living them and allowing others to do the same. It's a very stress-free way to live and grow. :)
Delete