THE 3RD THIRD OF LIFE
Recently I came across
a Facebook post
that mentioned the 3rd third of life, and I realized that I had just entered
this new phase. The concept assumes that we're going to live to around 90 -
which is about as far as I see myself getting to (if I'm lucky), so when I
hit 60 it meant that I entered this final third of my life. It felt a little
daunting, but also raised some interesting thoughts about what the
previous two thirds of my life had taught me, and where this last third is
leading.....
LESSONS FROM THE 1ST & 2ND THIRDS OF LIFE
I think we absorb a lot of life lessons by osmosis - we face challenges, we
overcome them, and we learn lessons and grow along the way. We develop resilience when we bounce back from hard knocks, and we refine our values as
our beliefs are put to the test. I'd like to think that there are positive
influences on our early lives too - wise mentors, faithful friends, those
with a strong moral code, kind strangers, and so many more. All these come
together to form who we are as we enter Midlife.
For me, 50 was a turning point.....it was around that time something inside
me woke up and realized that I was able to be the master (mistress?) of my own destiny.
I began to see that I didn't need to keep everyone happy, that I could ask
myself what was important to me and begin to follow those threads. There
were a lot of assumptions I'd made from my 1st and 2nd thirds of life that
began to unravel, and new ideas slowly took their place.
WHAT CHANGED IN THE LEAD-UP TO THE 3RD THIRD?
The biggest change for me has been the idea that I'm autonomous, that I'm
not defined by my roles in life. I used to see myself as a daughter, a wife,
a mother, an employee, a volunteer, a friend, and so many more
titles.....but they weren't "me", they were just pieces of me. As some of them were discarded
or reshaped (through an empty nest,
a toxic work environment, retirement, financial stability etc) I realized that I could just be "me"
and began the search for what that actually meant.
In the process I've discovered the importance of
boundaries, of being more
self-differentiated, letting go of
perfectionism,
saying "No"
when I need to, of being able to live a life that feels right to me -
rather than one that I assume others think I should be living. I've changed
significantly in the last ten years and I'm so glad I found this new "me",
I'm
softer
than I was, more forgiving, less stressed, and more able to go with the
flow. The me from the 2nd third of life would never recognize the me that's
entering the 3rd third.
WHAT DO I WANT TO DO OR BE IN THE 3RD THIRD?
The Facebook article I mentioned at the beginning of this post actually
asked the question:
And some of the answers included:
- Be in good health so I can enjoy being active.
- To live well, with joy and peace, freedom, love and kindness. To enjoy life as it comes. To give more time to family and friends .
- Less anxiety
- To keep learning, exercise frequently, and travel as much as possible. While embracing my family too
- Contentment
- What I’m doing now, life is good, it's your choice how to live your life.
- Peace
- Happily retired.
- Continued good health because if that goes, the rest is moot.
I think I would have listed a lot of these in the lead-up to 60 as well.
But, I'm also grateful that I've achieved quite a few of them already, and
that leaves me space to work on the areas that still have room for growth
and improvement.
EQUANIMITY IN THE 3RD THIRD OF LIFE
My Word of the Year for 2024 is Equanimity - it's a word that isn't used
much today and I feel like I need to put in a definition each time I mention
it. It basically comes down to an inner calmness and centredness that isn't
overly disturbed by what's going on around me. I think this is my answer to
the question above - I want the 3rd third of my life to be one of purposeful
serenity, where I know I have the inner resources to face life with grace
and the knowledge that I can deal with whatever arises.
I can see that reflected in the quote above - it's my absolute favourite - and in the answers above that included "peace, less anxiety,
contentment, choices". When we reach this age and stage, we know who we are
and what we bring to the table, we've faced life's hurdles and come out the
other side. I feel a lot less rattled by life's curve balls these days, (even the bigger ones that knock me over, don't keep me down for long) and
I think that's something that will continue to grow - maybe it's what the
getting of wisdom is all about? I'm quite intrigued with what the final
third of life is going to offer and I truly believe it may be the crest of
the hill.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I'm really leaning into this concept of the 3rd third of life, I like the
idea of becoming even more "me" as time goes on, and having enough left over
to be an encouragement to others. How do you see this next phase of life?
What would you like to be or do?
RELATED POSTS
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Hi Leanne, Reading your candid post helps me reflect on my past decades of life and in many ways, they feel like a blur. The busyness of going to school (as a young Mother) raising children, a full time career…yet, in retrospect, many lessons along the way. I appreciate who I am now. Overall, I am making choices on how I spend my days, and ultimately my life. Thank you as always, sharing your words of wisdom. xx Erica
ReplyDeleteHi Erica - I feel like those parenting years went past in a blur too - probably why I had so many roles, but not enough time to figure out how they all fit together! Now that I have the time and the energy, it's nice to be investing them into trying to become the best version of me - and to make this last third of life really count. :)
DeleteFor me now, my mantra is use it or lose it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely get that Jo - especially when it's so tempting to sit on my bottom, eat snacks, and read a book. Got to keep the body and brain active or I'll be in a rocking chair before I know it...
DeleteI like how you identified the 'pieces' of you in earlier years Leanne, I could relate to that! Lots to think about here and I'm happy you have achieved some of those lifestyle changes. We are all made up of so many bits and our life experiences adds another dimension. Here's to finding more of 'you'.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - it's like we wore an awful lot of hats during that time..... we still do, but they don't seem as heavy or as responsible. I like that life has become simpler and easier, and we get to build on all that hard work that laid the foundations back in the first two thirds.
DeleteLeanne , I am also entering my last 3rd of life and looking forward to retirement. Your posts are helping me to discover that I am not alone in having mixed emotions on getting there . I appreciate your insights. Karen
ReplyDeleteThank You
DeleteHi Karen - I'm so glad you're finding some insight from my ups and downs :) It's tricky navigating a whole new stage of life (especially for me when I wasn't prepared for it). What I'm coming to find is that this is such a deep and abiding time of life - it's when we get the time to really consider who we are and what we want. I know I want to be content, to live well, and to not compare my journey to others who are doing it differently. Life is so good - and retirement has made it even better - you're going to love it <3
DeleteI'm not sure why, but I like the sound of entering the 3rd third way better than being in the second half of life! It is very interesting for me to think of it as 3, especially as I got married at age 31. And like you, I am a very different person now than I was even just 10 years ago!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - it really resonated with me, probably because my 50's were spent in a degree of turmoil and self-doubt. So much happened and I learnt a lot of lessons. Looking at this as the 3rd stage means that those lessons get to be applied and the results get to be enjoyed in the years ahead - I really like that. I'm glad you found it helpful too.
DeleteBy these calculations I'm just barely 1/2 way through the 2nd stage of life (a really complicated way to say mid- 40's! LOL). I'm still very much mother, chauffer, wife, etc..
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - we all do the mum/wife/cook/chauffer thing and I think it's good to know that when you come out the other side, it's not the end....it's a new beginning of something different. You're in the busy phase that will eventually morph into something slower and more about 'you' - I'm here to say that it's a lovely place to end up.....enjoying the fruit of all that hard work :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I've not quite reached the 3rd stage of life and I am still at the stage of reflecting about the 1st stage and where I am in the 2nd stage. I do find your posts really helpful as you are putting into words some of the thoughts and feelings about life that I am going through. It is very encouraging to read how you navigated the years and that you are now living a happy and fulfilling life. I intend to continue working out who I am now so that I will have the life I want when I enter the 3rd stage.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - I did a LOT of work in my 50's to figure out who I was and what life actually looked like if it didn't revolve around everyone else. The impact on me from the toxic work situation was huge too, but taught me that I can weather a big storm and come back better. I like that we learn what we're capable of and what we'll accept or say 'no' to as we age. Now I know my boundaries better I'm more stable, but I know there's still more to learn about patience and kindness - I'll be a work in progress until I die (but maybe that's a good thing too?)
DeleteIt is a lovely way to describe life as it is unfolding for you now. I wonder if previous generations would have been so introspective as us…and shared their feelings and thoughts as we do. I suspect not! I am quite a few years “ahead” of you and can sometimes get caught in the inner narrative of how it is to age physically - what can’t be changed due to genetics and more but I can also bring myself back to the “now” as husband continues to remind me, and it sure is a great place to BE! Since retiring all of my labels and titles (other than my name, and relationships ones) I feel a greater sense of well being and inner peace. Wonderful to read about your revelations at this time of life..thank you for sharing! Denyse
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse, I'm sure previous generations were far less introspective - probably lived much shorter and less "well" lives, so they had less energy to devote to making this time of life count. Maybe they held onto some of their labels longer too? I think we need to redefine ourselves as we age when we lose those labels or we're at risk of losing our identity. Discovering who we are underneath it all might be the saving grace of living life with inner peace into our old age :)
DeleteI have less than 24 months to reach the 3rd of my life, Leanne. My '50s, like yours, have been life-changing - turning almost everything I held dear on its head! I want to look forward to what life brings my way, being less anxious and more courageous. Happy discoveries to both of us!
ReplyDeleteHi Corinne - I think there's a lot to be said for it never being too late to do the work on yourself to make you all you're capable of being. It's hard at the time to have your life upended, but the results are fantastic. I'm so much more in touch with who I am as a person and what I'm prepared to accept in my life these days. I discovered my boundaries and I'm doing my best to grow within them - you are too :)
DeleteHi, Leanne - We are definitely on the same page here with your thoughts on your 3rd third of life. Frequently people speak of personality changes in retirement. My answer has continuously been "I'm still me but without the restrictions that many of my roles previously caused. I'm still me but even moreso. I'm now me unplugged!"<3
ReplyDeleteI love "me un-plugged" Donna! It's SO true. No more allocating time to work and other commitments - that was essential for many years, but it's lovely to be free of it all and to be able to do what we like when we like. I'm grateful for retirement every single day! And looking at your holiday pics, you are too :)
DeleteHi Leanne at almost 67 I'm well into my 3rd of life although if I was a pessimist I would be reminded that my genes are fabulous. Mum passed at 63, Dad at 66 and my brother at 65. I don't dwell on these facts but try to get on living the best life for me, staying healthy, enjoying family, friends and experiences because you never know how long it will last. x
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - I think having that family history makes you appreciate your life and health even more. I know when I see doom and gloom happening in the rest of the world, it makes me beyond grateful for where I live - and I imagine it would be the same when you know how easily life can end, you appreciate every single day you're blessed with - and your verve inspires the rest of us too :)
DeleteThanks for sharing these thoughts, Leanne. Realizing I am also in my final third of life can be jarring at times. I start thinking about how fast time flies, and I get nervous about the future. That said, I love this period of my life. I am much less concerned with being a people pleaser, and my self-worth is no longer based on outside approval. I am also starting to accept that I have put in decades of hard work and am free to enjoy the results of that...meaning it's okay to just have fun and take joy in the small everyday things. I don't necessarily need to be accomplishing something all the time. Similar to what you said, I'm also more resilient than I was in my younger years. I know I can survive hard things, and for the most part I have accepted that everything in life is impermanent. Loss is inevitable. It can be sad, but it doesn't have to be devastating. Equanimity is the perfect word for what I hope for is this third third of life.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - you said it all so well. It feels strange to think that this is the "final" third of life and then we're no more.....but also to use that to remind ourselves to live it well. I often come back to the "life is short" thought these days and it's a shame to waste too much time on things that have no intrinsic value, or that don't grow us or bring us joy. The first two thirds of life were all about others, in this last third it finally feels okay to gift some extra time and energy to myself and what makes me happy - and that's a lovely thought indeed :)
Delete