IT BEGAN WITH IMPERFECTION
Brene Brown wrote a fantastic book called "The Gifts Of Imperfection" that was an eye-opener for me, and I'll be forever grateful for the
lessons it taught me. I've learnt that it's okay not to be perfect, that
I can be my authentic self, allow myself to be vulnerable, and to embrace
this wonderful life I've grown into.
Along with the gifts of imperfection, I've realized that there have also
been several other gifts that Midlife has bestowed upon me, and I thought
I'd share a few of them here on the blog today....
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
This has been a big one for me - at first I thought I needed more self-confidence, but then I realized that it was
self-acceptance
that I needed to focus on. It means accepting both the good and the less fabulous parts of myself, it's about figuring out who I am deep down and
owning (and liking) that person. It doesn't stop me from trying to improve
and grow, but it takes away the striving and the comparisons. Midlife has given me the time and headspace to be able to accept who I am and to recognize areas that I want to develop and refine.
GRATITUDE
I can't think of any one gift that matters more than
gratitude, it colours everything else around it. The older I get, the more grateful
I am for the many blessings (big and small) in my life. Every morning during
my walk around the neighbourhood I give thanks for my family, my daily life,
my home, my friends, my security, and my general happiness. Life is never
perfect, but there are so many things to be thankful for - and the more you
look for them, the more you find.
CONTENTMENT
Sometimes I think I was born to be retired, but then I remember what I was
like in my 30's and 40's, and I wouldn't have known what to do with
so much spare time. I also spent those years working hard to make sure we
weren't going to be living under a bridge eating catfood in our old age. Now
I'm closer to that "old age" marker, I can see that things have worked out
well, and I can rest in the work that got me here. I love my home, I love my family and friends, I love my
life, and I love the choices that brought me to this point - I feel like there's
nothing major that I'm desperate to do, and all that adds up to being
very content.
PEACE
One of the most under-rated gifts of Midlife is a peaceful existence. It's
a lovely way to live when you're not striving or competing for your place in
the world. It doesn't stop us seeking new challenges, but there's the
knowledge that all's well in our world and life will flow calmly forward. I
don't miss conflict and trying to establish myself....those years are
necessary sometimes, but it's good to have them behind me and to be at peace
with myself and the world around me. If there's a problem, I'll deal with
it, but I also know when to let go and where
my boundaries
are.
EQUANIMITY
The final gift of Midlife for today is my Word Of The Year - Equanimity. It's that wonderful feeling of inner stability and the knowledge that I won't
be beaten by life's challenges. I've faced a lot of issues over the years
and learned from each of them. They were daunting at the time, but they
taught me that I can weather many a storm without ending up wrecked on the
shore. Problems still arise, but they have less impact on my wellbeing, on
who I am, and on my inner self. My soul feels more centred and grounded than
it did when I was younger - I feel like I'm at home within myself and that's
a wonderful place to be.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Has Midlife brought you any gifts? Are you more "you" now you're older? Do
you feel like you've settled into a good place, or are you still on a
journey of discovery?
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I could be flippant and say mid life has brought me back pain and aching joints, but it's my habit that have me there. As for the rest? I'm still exploring.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - it brought me a busted hip and an over-excited parathyroid......but it's also brought me a bunch of really good stuff too - I love how much more settled I am these days than I was when I was younger.... keep exploring :)
DeleteHaving crossed midlife and its crises into my sixties, I'm yet to acquire some of these virtues. Sometimes people like me struggle with it too long!
ReplyDeleteI was a late bloomer too - but we get there in the end if we're prepared to be grateful and positive and count our blessings :)
DeleteThat is a joyful and beautiful post where I see feel and see the inner contentment you are nurturing! Lovely Leanne, just lovely! Denyse
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - thank you for your kind words. I just feel like the second half of life was always given a pretty blah rap, but it has so much to offer us if we look for the good stuff. Contentment and peace top my list - there's nothing I long for or churn myself up over these days - and it's such a gift.
DeleteI am 71 and I see myself finally reaching the place of contentment with my life. I’m in a place now where life is good. Thank you for your wise words.
ReplyDeleteHi Claire - I think each generation takes longer to reach this point. I know that my mother-in-law never got there, but I also know that my daughter and daughter-in-law will get there a lot sooner than I did. I think arriving is the icing on the cake after all the hard work we put in...... 71 is certainly not too late to enjoy opening your gifts :)
DeleteHi Leanne - Your post captured the gifts of midlife that go unnoticed. Life has its ups and downs. Their acceptance and contentment have been my philosophy too. For me also midlife has been about letting go of struggling to be perfect. I am also becoming more creative I think.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - letting go of perfection was a huge one for me - just realizing that it's not the pinnacle to aim for was such a relief! I think I'm more creative these days too - maybe because I have more time to explore, and maybe because I'm not so judgemental of my efforts. Having a little bit of creativity in our lives is a really good thing.
DeleteA lovely contented post Leanne, I love this 'Life is never perfect, but there are so many things to be thankful for - and the more you look for them, the more you find.' as it's so true! I'm finding I'm more 'me' as I get older and I'm far more grateful for what I have these days. Well said!
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - I love how self-acceptance and embracing our authenticity is so integral to this stage of life. I think our 'kids' got there a lot quicker than we did, but it's never too late to be our true selves and to like that person. I'm so thankful for this stage of life and the contentment it's brought with it. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I'll be 50 this year and with many of the choices I've made and other circumstances in my life, I feel that I didn't really start actually living or even being ME until maybe 5 years ago. But better late than never? Before that I was working hard with something I thought I wanted to do but that didn't give me the life I wanted to live. Those times gave me a lot of good things but only to a certain point.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm still working on creating my "role" in the world and the person I want to be, but also enjoying the good things in life and I'm forever grateful for what I have. I read that book years ago and loved it - so many fantastic and useful insights there.
Hi Suzanne - I love that we're coming into our own at a time when we can still appreciate all that life has to offer. What I also love is that it takes so little to make me happy these days, I've finally tapped into being okay with who I am and I think that's where you're coming from too. It's so nice to not have to prove ourselves or push at things that don't feel like a good fit isn't it?
DeleteHow lovely to be reading your blog and feeling the contentment you experience. An actual move to a new home in the near future is not stirring up the anxiety that I would have had a few short years ago. These words of yours express why this is so." I feel like I'm at home within myself and that's a wonderful place to be.” Thank You
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - I think a move to a new home sounds exciting and challenging - I'm so glad you're not feeling anxious, but that would be taking away from all the good stuff that comes with a big move. I hope you share some of the journey with us and how it all works for you - maybe finding your home within yourself takes some of the pressure off moving your external home?
DeleteI definitely feel like the older I get the more my self confidence grows and the more me I am.
ReplyDeleteThat says it perfectly Jo - and I think each generation is finding it earlier than the generation before them - how cool is that?
DeleteLeanne, as I look back, I think my transition to contentment began a few years ago after a break-up with a friend. That situation prompted a lot of self-evaluation which led me to the realization that I needed to make my happiness and my authenticity a priority. No more bending over backwards to accommodate people I don't even like. It feels good to be free. I hope you are right about this new generation of young women. The world needs them.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - getting toxic people out of our lives really does open our eyes to what's important and what we bring to the table. I'm also refusing to allow that type of person to have space in my life - it's so much better when we're kind to ourselves and know what brings us joy, and what to avoid. And I definitely think our daughters are discovering a lot of this a couple of decades earlier than we did - and the generation in between are discovering it in their 40's (just ask Joanne above you :) )
DeleteHi Leann, what a wonderful post about the many positive developments in midlife. Thank you for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteHi Judi - I really like sharing the positives of this stage of life - there are so many when we turn off the age-ism and start seeing things through a more balanced lens. :)
DeleteHi Leanne, I'm still a work in progress and have times when I feel better about where I am in life and then seem to take a few steps back. I have been trying to choose my attitude, which I know you have written about, and I have found it does seem to help - thank you for writing about it.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth - I really do believe that looking for the little glimmers of joy each day, counting our blessings, and seeing how fortunate we are to be living the life we've been granted (in a safe place!) is enough to make me feel really settled - much more so than when I was striving so much in my younger years. Life will never be perfect, but there are a lot of perfect moments if we slow down a little and look for them. xx
DeleteHi Leanne there is certainly the gift of self awareness I think as we age. We accept who we are - flaws and all and are more inclined to know what we want and what is right for us based on our feelings rather than what others feel is right for us. Have a lovely week. x
ReplyDeleteHi Sue - I love how we get so much more sure of who we are and can tune out a lot of the background noise. I really want to be someone who celebrates others and feels celebrated by those I surround myself with. Life should be about cheering each other on while being grateful every day for all that we have in our own lives. :) x
DeleteSpot on! I've had people look at me in surprise when I tell them that the best years of my life have been after I reached fifty. They were tough years, but it was only then that I started to come into my own.
ReplyDeleteI'm exactly the same Corinne - the years before 50 were lived for everyone else - since then it's been about finding out who I am and what I want. It doesn't exclude others, but it finally includes me and my needs too :)
DeleteContentment - absolutely. Gratitude - every day. Self-acceptance - still a big work in progress! It's one of the reasons I contemplated Accept as my WOTY. I do like the me I've become, versus the critical, pessimistic workaholic I used to be. I'm just not quite to the level of self-acceptance and peace that you articulate. But I'm getting there.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I think we're always the most critical of ourselves and we see our flaws as much more than others perceive them to be. Knowing how far we've come, acknowledging that there's still more work to do, but being happy with the person we're becoming.....that pretty much sums up self-acceptance to me (so I guess you've ticked that box too) x
DeleteYes to all of these gifts, Leanne. Middle age has given me many of these same things. I might also add freedom or flexibility to the list. I am loving that aspect of retirement, freedom to choose where I spend my time, energy, and focus. Aging has its challenges, but it also has some pretty amazing benefits.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - it's funny that you mention Freedom and Flexibility - these were my two top values when I did a core value deep dive at the beginning of being retired. I realized that these were the two big pluses of retirement - not dancing to anyone's tune but my own is absolute joy. I'm so glad you're finding the same thing with yours.
DeleteLoved this and your list of gifts. I am past "midlife," but moving into my late sixties I am no longer the perfectionist I once was, and I am much less hard on myself. I think one of the greatest gifts of this age is the shift in perceptions and priorities. Sometimes I can only shake my head at the things I used to think were so important or the ways I worried I might disappoint someone. It's not that I don't care anymore, I'm just much clearer on what I really care about.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda - I'm quickly heading out of "midlife" too, but it's been a time of revelation for me in many areas (including the ones you mentioned too). I spent a lot of my earlier years worrying about so many things and trying so hard. It's been a wonderful gift to let a lot of that stuff go and to find peace in life and definitely being clearer about what's important and what's not.
DeleteHi, Leanne - This is an awesome post and so very true. Midlife can bring us wonderful gifts (many of them you articulately shared here). Viewing these gifts with gratitude and an open heart intensifies their brilliance!
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - I think Midlife has been very underrated - it's been such a wonderful time of life for me where I've found out so much more about myself and I feel like I'm finally tapping into the "real" me. So much gratitude comes with that :)
DeleteWhat a lovely post. I'm much more relaxed about who I am, which I guess took years to get there.
ReplyDeleteHi Lydia - I look at the younger generation and I think they figured some of this out earlier than I did (maybe not the IG crowd though!) I really appreciate finally feeling at home with who I am and not constantly striving to meet standards that I thought were important but were really just a result of my own insecurities. Life is good!
DeleteHi Leanne, Your post reminds me how women often like to live small and hide or suppress their brightest light. You also remind me how our wisdom is ‘hard-earned.’ You share your heartfelt words of a life filled with peace, gratitude, contentment…and I am nodding my head ‘yes’ along the way. Keep shining your light, Leanne. You always inspire. xx 💕 Erica
ReplyDeleteHi Erica - thank you for your lovely words. I really do want to shine a light and be a cheerleader for this stage of life. I wish I'd known all the gifts it would bring into my life before I arrived. I just feel so settled and at peace, something that eluded me for the first half of life where I was always trying to hard to be all things to all people. <3
Delete