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LETTING GO GIVES US SPACE
In a world where we surround ourselves with so much 'stuff', so many
commitments, so many people, and so much busyness, what would we gain if we
let some of the superfluous go? How much more peaceful would our lives be if
we released some of the excess and focused on what really matters? What
would you like more of, and what can you release to create room for
it?
Previously, letting go was an issue for me, now it's something quite
different....
TIGHT FISTS AND HOLDING ON
For most of my life I've held onto control very tightly, I'm a classic oldest child who feels safest when surrounded by order and met expectations.
I like having all my ducks in a row - and knowing exactly where those ducks
are heading. When control is so important, it means never taking risks,
never stepping outside of other people's expectations, never quitting (even if quitting makes sense), it means squashing into boxes that don't feel like a good fit, and it means always being on
guard and watching for unexpected events.
Living like that might be "normal" but it's not a normal I want to
participate in any longer. I've come to see that you can't make room in your
life for new ideas or new paths if you're clutching tightly to your chest
all those old ways of thinking and doing. How do you create space if you
don't push out some of the clutter?
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WHAT DO YOU NEED MORE OF IN YOUR LIFE?
As my life changes and settles into this 3rd third, I've discovered that I
want more peace, more pleasantness, more kindness, more gentleness, and to be
surrounded by good people who I care about, and who care about me. That's
what I want more of. And to get there, I need to release the parts of my
life that are no longer serving me.
I've found that I want a simple life, a life full of the things I choose to
place in it - to be free of old hurts, worries, stress, perfectionism, and
busyness. I want to have more "being" and less "doing" - to base my self-worth on who I am, not on what role I'm playing. I don't want a perfect
life, I don't want the Instagram reel....I want depth and wisdom, calmness
and distance from the clamour. I want head and heart space.....and to get
those things I need to open myself and let the old "me" go and allow the new
"me" freedom to rest in what comes to take up the vacated space.
WHAT CAN YOU RELEASE TO GAIN SPACE?
Since I left the working world behind I've noticed I've let go of a lot of
things that I didn't even know I was being held captive by. I breathe more
freely now because I'm not waking every morning to an alarm clock, I'm not
battling my way through traffic to get to work, I'm not constantly learning
new skills that only apply to my job, and I'm not responsible for anyone
other than myself. That's a big one for me - to not be constantly on alert
for all the boxes that needed to be ticked to make sure that those I'm
responsible for are safe and looked after. Now I only have myself and my
nearest and dearest to keep safe - and that's a shared responsibility - not
one that I carry alone.
I've also released all the labels that go with being in the workforce - I define myself differently now, and letting all that go has been scary, but
also liberating. Once I finally got my head around being "retired" it
brought with it such a sense of freedom and joy - totally unexpected,
completely out of my "norm", and such a blessing to embrace.
SIMPLICITY AND SPACE
Life is simpler now, there are a lot less balls to juggle now that I've
laid some of them aside. I love the emptiness in my calendar - the months
ahead have sporadic commitments, and then the days slowly fill with things I
love to do, people I love to see, and room to breathe in fully without the
weight of worry that used to always be with me.
I know that my life isn't for everyone, I know that some people need to
keep their lives carefully aligned, their calendars full, their worklives
busy, everything carefully orchestrated. I used to be that person, but now I
march to the beat of a different drum - in fact I'm not even sure if it's a
drumbeat - it's more of a guitar strum that I hear in my head these days.
Opening my tight fist, allowing myself the grace to change, choosing to be
more fluid with my time and energy - all of these have freed up space and
de-cluttered my very busy heart and mind. Life is so much easier now - maybe
I appreciate it more because I know what it was like to be so controlled,
I'm not sure.....but I do know that I'm loving the space and the grace I
have in my life these days.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you herding your ducks to keep them tidily in a row? Are you juggling a
multitude of balls, or have you left some of your ducks and balls behind and
found a new way of living? What have you let go to create positive space in
your life? I'd love to hear about it if you have something to share.
Some things have to end for better things to begin...
RELATED POSTS
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I can very much relate Leanne. I'd really like to make some changes in my life but still working out what I can / could let go of.
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - long time no hear. I do hope all's going well with your job and life and that the changes are going to be positive ones (and ones that have you blogging about them!) x
DeleteHi Leanne. What a beautiful post this is. Landed here for the first time. I sure will look up more of your posts. And I hope we all get to explore different versions of ourselves in our limited time here.
ReplyDeleteBest,
Arpita
https://arpitamisra.blogspot.com/
Hi Arpita - lovely to have you here and I hope you'll pop back for more. I'm off to visit your site and say hi over there too. I'm really enjoying sharing my journey and meeting new people with similar stories to share. :)
DeleteLovely sense of freedom in your writing, Leanne. I am still ticking off boxes, some of which I still cannot let go. But, I am betting better at it and sing "Que sera, sera" as i open that door to freedom.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - que sera sera is also something I chant every now and then when life gets ahead of me. I'm finally realizing that it's all about the journey and that you can't control everything, there are always curveballs here and there - and maybe that's where the growth and wisdom come from....
DeleteHi Leanne, I'm new to your sight. What did you do for health insurance when you retired before 65? That is what is holding me back. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi - I'm in Australia and our health insurance isn't paid for by our employer (unless we're in a huge corporation). When we reached 60 we decided to pay for private health cover - we budget for it, and figure it's worth the money to make sure we're not left high and dry. I don't know how much that would be elsewhere (here it's around $4,000 a year).
DeleteThank you!
DeleteI am not so much of a control freak. But I like things organised though once in a while a surprise is welcome. Letting things go is healthy approach to life. Definitely that leaves us not only more time but also fewer things to deal with.
ReplyDeleteHi Pradeep - I read an article by an Aussie living in India, and he was talking about the change in attitude he's had since living there - he says that more populated countries are better at sharing space and not being so entitled - maybe that's why it's easier for you to go with the flow? I'm working on it though!
DeleteAnothern great post Leanne and I understand a lot of the 'letting go' of what we THINK we are control of...which of course, is nothing but our own reactions and responses. I am MUCH better at all of this (oldest child syndrome!) than I used to be and it took the years of managing my emotions and thoughts during my cancer diagnosis, surgeries and treatments to understand "I can only control me"....and I still need reminders. I am glad to read how things are for you now. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - I'm noticing the differences in our adult children and their marriages - and the effect of two oldest children married to each vs two youngest children. There is definitely ingrained behaviours that show up - the need for control is quite different, and so is the ability to be flexible and let life take you where it wants to. I think we can learn to have a bit of both styles if we're open to changing our approach - and it often takes big life issues to wake us up to what it's time to let go of :) Nice to know we don't go through these things for nothing!
DeleteI had to think about this post for a bit. I realized that my life is much fuller now than when I was working. Then it was a singular & stressful focus on work. Now, I have my various exercise classes, my crafting, my book clubs, my garden clubs, taking care of my own garden, reading & blogging and so much more. So while I am juggling multiple balls, I am still in a much more positive space. I am learning to slow down and go with the flow more... but I am still a planner and still like to have a schedule. I have let go of the alarm clock, except once in a blue moon. I am trying to let go of "meeting expectations", but that's a work in progress. I wouldn't say my life is simpler now... but I would say it is much more satisfying!
ReplyDeleteHi Pat - I can definitely get on board with a satisfying life. I think you've let go of a lot since you retired - your life now is full of pleasant and engaging pastimes, less stress, more mindfulness, and you seem to be very happy and balanced. I think when we look back on who we were and see who we're becoming, there's so many things that have been left behind and replaced by more satisfying pastimes and that frees up our headspace and brings with it a lot of gratitude and peace.
DeleteLike Pat I had to think on this a tad. My alarm still goes off at 4.30 each morning as Grant still needs to leave for work just after 7 and the one thing I don't want to let go of is our morning walk. The biggest change I've had is letting go of the tummy dip when the phone rings or I open my emails in the morning - dreading what has happened in the day job since I was last logged in.
ReplyDeleteHi Jo - I think both of those things you've let go of would have freed up space that is now given over to much more rewarding uses of your headspace (and heart space). Setting an alarm for something that brings you pleasure is a lot different to setting an alarm to join the rat race every morning. I'm not a morning person, so letting go of that alarm button has brought me a great deal of joy. I'm still up and walking - just on my own timetable and not squeezing it in before going to work (and I love that!)
DeleteHi Leanne, you sound as if life is settling into a nice rhythm for you and that's great to hear. I like some things to be organised but no longer fill every hour of every day. I don't use an alarm and I know I can't control everything anymore although it is one thing I have trouble with, wanting to make things work out for everyone, I'm a classic fixer!
ReplyDeleteI'm a rescuer and a fixer too Deb - learning where it's a good trait, and where to let things be what they will be is something I'm still figuring out. I've finally learnt that we can't fix or save everyone.... Letting that go was very liberating. :)
DeleteAbsolutely love and agree with this post! I try and practice daily on letting go of things that don't serve a purpose in my life, and I definitely feel more peaceful every time! Thanks so much for sharing and I hope you have an amazing spring season!
ReplyDeletexoxo, Midori
https://www.midorilinea.com/blogs/midori-linea/my-daughters-turns-one-photoshoot
Hi Midori - thanks so much for stopping by - I popped over to see your little daughter and she's gorgeous! It's great that you've learnt to let go a lot earlier than I did - it will serve you well in the years ahead.
DeleteI just love this statement, Leanne: I've come to see that you can't make room in your life for new ideas or new paths if you're clutching tightly to your chest all those old ways of thinking and doing. I find I am still bouncing back and forth between a desire for more structure versus more freedom. Certainly, I will never go back to waking to an alarm clock every day and heading off to work. I do not miss that at all. Sometimes I have this sense of restlessness that I haven't quite found my retirement style yet. I am enjoying the discovery process though and the freedom to try things and set them aside without obligation to forge ahead.
ReplyDeleteHi Christie - I think it takes a while for us to realize we don't have to rush into anything new - we can try things, discard what doesn't fit, and gradually slide into a way of life that is a really good fit. I also like that it's not a "one size fits all" thing - it's different for each of us, and if we're in a positive headspace we can cheer each other on without feeling the need to justify or compare.....now that's really living!
Delete