LEVELING UP
I've reached the point in life where I don't feel the need to "level up"
anymore. I want to live a good life and to be the best version of myself -
but not to keep up with the Joneses or to be "on trend". I think the online
world has a way of making us feel like we're missing out, or that we're less
than we could be - there's always someone or something that's better than
us.
Here's a few things I've seen lately and I'm sharing some quotes from
Cottage Whimsy
who I found on Facebook - I love her thoughts and images)....
|
| via Cottage Whimsy |
ELEVATING YOUR LOOK
I don't have an Instagram account because I don't need to see carefully
curated photos of women my age wearing their Outfit Of The Day. I'm no
longer working, I don't go out anywhere flash, and I'm happy being my casual
relaxed self. I don't need to "elevate my look" by adding a designer jacket, or buying the expensive white shirt that
needs to be hand washed and ironed every time I wear it. I'm happy with the clothes in my
wardrobe and feeling comfortable. Fashion and makeup are fine, but they
shouldn't be the key to our self acceptance.
HOME AND LIFESTYLE TRENDS
We updated our bathroom recently to make it more suitable for the next 15
years or so. It was expensive and chaotic, but needed to be done. What I
didn't realize was how much bathroom info I'd be bombarded with by social
media (how does it know???) I have all these ads telling me I need to buy
expensive fittings, I've been told which direction is fashionable to lay our
tiles (we ignored that), and the look and features we "should" have to be up
to the moment.
We chose to go with what we could afford, what would function well for us,
and what was quietly tasteful. Trends come and go, but we'll have that
bathroom until we reach the downsizing stage of life.
UP AND TO THE RIGHT ON LIFE'S GRAPH
The other big noise that's everywhere is that
we always need to have "more"
- a bigger house, a newer car, the latest tech, new furniture, new clothes,
lots of travel, meals in nice restaurants, and so on and on. That might be
good for photos online, it might even be good if it makes you happy....but
it's not good if it makes you feel "less" or envious. What we're told we
need, and what we actually do need are often poles apart - finding the
balance helps to foster finding contentment.
LIVING A LIFE THAT RESONATES WITH YOUR VALUES
The key to living a good life is finding that sweet spot where you stop
competing and wishing for more, where
you realize that what you have is enough
- that's where contentment begins. If you haven't found that place yet
in Midlife, then maybe it's time to dial back on the noise and comparisons
that social media bring into our world, to remember that it's all smoke and
mirrors and that nothing is truly as it seems.
Highlight reels
from other people are just that - highlights - not their everyday
life.
It's good to cheer for others, to enjoy what they share, but to step back
and find peace in what you already have. If you're not content by the time
you reach your 60's, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate why and to make
some changes. I'm so grateful to live well within our means, to have enough
to do what we like, but to also be content to not do it all. I truly believe
that life is about being a good person, surrounding yourself with good
people, and doing your best to do good things. It's not about the gloss and
veneer we're sold online. You can't ever buy enough to make you happy - you
have to find that inside yourself.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Are you settled and happy? Or are you still wishing for more? Do you think
we should find a place to settle and be content? Or should we always be
seeking to be more?
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Hi Leanne, The “secondhand” comment reminds me how my daughters and I have a saying “we go shopping in each other’s closet” - one of many bonuses to having daughters (as you know.) We get criticism at times for keeping a 40 year old camper - yet, it still works well for us, and contains many memories.
ReplyDeleteI admire you and your husband for getting your bathroom updated - I don’t want to put our marriage through this challenge, although our house could do with updating. I extra love the quote about ‘… extraordinary … and ordinary.’ You also remind me about something else you and I have discussed in the past ‘you do you and I’ll do me’ which seems to be a thread in your posts - non judgemental, yet sharing your values. Thank you for sharing a multi-layered, positive post. 💕 Erica
Hi Erica - I always enjoy reading your comments - they're always full of little snippets of wisdom and encouragement. I would never want to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do with their life, but I really like unpacking the journey I'm on that revolves around simplicity and not getting caught up in the online noise - whether it's about buying, politics, click-bait, or whatever else gets thrown at us.
DeleteLife is short and I want to live it in a way that resonates with my heart. Sometimes I have to step up and be prepared to take on a challenge (that bathroom - the disruption is fading in my memory while the bathroom stays beautiful!) but, a lot of the time I can just quietly coast along while being grateful for the opportunity to do so. x
Well said, Leanne. This post says everything that Tim and I have been talking about since we returned to the states. I think the last 15 years of travel, taught us about what we need to truly be happy. It's certainly not about impressing people with the "stuff", that we acquire. We didn't buy a brand new car, or a brand new house, in a posh neighborhood. We are living in a place that is affordable for us, and we don't have to stress about whether we can afford the mortgage. We've never been happier, and I'm glad that you are too. ♥️
ReplyDeleteHi Christina - sometimes we need to step back from what's considered "normal" to be able to see that it's not the "normal" that feels right for us. I'm happy for anyone who buys a new iphone because it makes them happy, but I'm so relieved to not need that dopamine hit. "Enough" fits my world better than "more, more, more" does - and it's nice to know that I choose that attitude because it's a good fit, rather than because I have to. I'm looking forward to seeing some pics of your new place when you're properly settled in.
DeleteAnother inspiring post, Leanne. I no longer have an Instagram account either (but in my case this was more political protest than anything else). :D
ReplyDeleteHi Donna - it's interesting how our choices are influenced by different priorities - but they still amount to the same thing..... not being bombarded with thoughts, pictures, or ideas that are contrary to what's good for our mental and emotional health.
DeleteI love to shop 2ndhand and love that the younger generations are seeing it as a way to save the environment as well as costs.
ReplyDeleteI thrift for my taste, not on trend. A friend redid her kitchen a la Tuscany [albeit already outdated] because she liked it. She redid her bathrooms to her taste in tile, not what was on trend. Because WE have to live with our choices and what we like!
I say, be happy within yourself and let your spirit guide you in your choices and you will never go wrong!
I love Cottage Whimsy on FB, too! And for those who discarded their floral furniture/cottage decor, guess what? The younger ones are looking for it now, just as they did MidCentury Modern [MCM]! What is old becomes new again! Rejoice! :)
Hi Allison - I was re-introduced to thrift shopping by my daughter and daughter-in-law. I had no idea how popular those shops have become, but every time I score a top for a few dollars, or pick up another little bargain, I feel like I'm doing my bit for recycling and not adding to the clothing waste that's such a hidden horror in our world.
DeleteCottage Whimsy is just gorgeous - I asked if I could share some of her posts on here but haven't heard back. I do hope she sees it as a homage to her gentle posts. And the cottages she features are like little real-life fairy cottages - a bit too cluttered for me to live in, but pretty enough for me to admire when they pop up in my feed.
I've recently discovered Cottage Whimsy and what a treasure it is! I am absolutely with you about not needing to be out there, struggling to prove anything! Well past it. I've taken Instagram and Facebook off my phone and hardly visit either. Happy to read,watch a movie and write. Love and hugs.
ReplyDeleteHi Corinne - I was so pleased when I read your post this morning and saw that we were on a similar wavelength. I think this stage of life brings out the desire to either go for More or to appreciate Less. I'm well into the Less side of the graph these days - it just makes so much sense to me to live quietly and to not be trying to keep up. Also nice to meet another Cottage Whimsy fan. :) x
DeleteI love your attitude as always. The only thing I need is peace and quiet, relationships, health, and nature. We bought a small, rough house when we moved to Ireland and we're fixing it up bit by bit but we have no rush doing so. Some people work 200% to make their houses perfect as soon as possible, but we prioritise wellbeing, exercise/fitness, and being able to enjoy life, and we can do that also while our bathroom looks like s*** (although it does need to be redone soon!).
ReplyDeleteOh, all the tracking and surveillance on the internet! It's become really bad. I know about all those ads - I once had my ad blocker turned off and was looking to buy a new laptop. The next day the latest Macbook Pro was all over my browser wherever I went. And this was like 10 years ago! Since I always use blockers, I tend to forget how bad the ad situation is on the internet.
Hi Susanne - I don't have an ad blocker, but I also don't have an Alexa or Siri lurking in the background listening to everything I say..... despite that, I still see things appearing in my FB ads that were mentioned in passing or glimpsed on Google. The algorithms are scary things. I feel reluctant to click on anything even remotely interesting because I know my feed will just fill up with it. For some reason I'm getting socks on my FB ads - they must be running out of things to show me because I keep hiding their ads as fast as they appear :D
DeleteEnjoy your gently paced renovation - going full tilt is exhausting. 5 weeks of a bathroom reno nearly killed me - even when it wasn't me doing the work! I ended up with a nice dose of stress hives, and a strong conviction that I'll never do another big reno in this lifetime!
Hi Leanne - Now that I have finally retired, I am looking forward to doing many things that I always wanted to do but never found the time or energy for them. Some of them are as simple as reading a book or watching movie! I like to travel and see people and place. I will do that as well in the coming few years, when I will be able to do that.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I have no desires in life. I am very much approaching that 'state of contentment'. I have never fancied getting a bigger and better car or another house! Acutally, my first car lasted as long as 20 years!
Hi Pradeep - it's such a lovely time of life when you don't feel like you're constantly striving to get ahead. Stepping away from the workforce and the "upwardly mobile" people around us, gives us time to figure out what's important to us and to use our time and energy for that. I can already see you enjoying the extra time and space you now have.
DeleteHi Leanne, I love this post and relate to finding that 'sweet spot' where enough is enough and contentment flourishes. I agree that if you have reached 60 and still feel the need to 'impress' it's time to wake up. Malcolm and I have always lived below our means and continue to do so in retirement. Our expenditures are in alignment with our values, and we have never felt pressured to 'keep up' with anyone. We have become a bit more generous with ourselves in these later years but we are still mindful of expenses yet to come, expecially when declining health is concerned. We were both raised by parents who had a healthy respect for money, and were taught to stay out of debt, help others when we can, and save for the future.
ReplyDeleteHi Suzanne - I think the "start as you mean to go on" mantra fits well with living within your means. For those of us who were careful with our finances when we were younger, the restraint pays off in the second half of life. I'm so grateful that the hard work was worth it - and that we managed not to get caught up in the "more is more" mindset that so many fall prey to. It's nice to have more than enough to live on and a buffer for those future days when our health becomes more of an issue. Life really is very good isn't it?
DeleteHi Leanne,
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed your article and nodded along as I read it. I, too, am feeling contentment at the moment and enjoying 'being' rather than seeking more. I wasn't always this way, and I think a big part of it is that I seem to have more inner contentment than I can remember ever having. I love that you clearly and gently share your views without imposing them on others.
Hi Sue - thanks so much for your kind words. I remember hearing a speaker a while ago who said that 'be-ing' is great when you're older, but you need to do the 'do-ing' when you're younger to arrive at a place where you can then comfortably "be". It made me feel better about all those years of hard work that it took to get here - they were worth it and have paid off so much more than I ever expected. :)
DeleteVery interesting read Leanne, and I appreciate where you are coming from. I have, over the years, had some “comparisonitis” and it’s not something I am proud of but I am aware that I can go down that negative path at times. These days though, given recent health issues, I am just as likely to be finding gratitude every day. Thanks for sharing. Denyse x
ReplyDeleteHi Denyse - gratitude really is the key to living a contented life. Once you truly accept how fortunate you are to live a full and interesting life, you don't feel the need to compare as much, or to want to compete or prove yourself better. It's a good place to be in isn't it?
DeleteI love the way you describe contentment as “that sweet spot where you stop competing and wishing for more", and "when you realize that what you have is enough”. We have a giant rummage sale in our community once a year and I always look forward to contributing the fruits of my weekly declutter hour. My wardrobe is meager and comfortable with only a few zingy add-ons. Yes, I am content.
ReplyDeleteHi Judith - knowing you're content, knowing you're not just accumulating more and more for the sake of it, knowing that you've found your sweet spot - these are all such wonderful 'achievements' aren't they. I love that contentment is so much more satisfying than competing or comparing.
DeleteHi Leanne, we all have our own values and priorities as you point out. I like the saying 'you do you' as it says it well, everyone has their own ways of finding contentment and living their best life. We're lucky to have found that aren't we?
ReplyDeleteHi Deb - "you do you" is a favourite mantra of mine now days. I just can't be bothered getting bogged down with conversations that go nowhere with people who are on a different wavelength. If pushing to always be better than you are is important to them, then they are welcome to go for it.....meanwhile I'll be sitting here contentedly being grateful for the life I have :)
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